[andreas.karlssson]

Re: I've Got a Witch Problem, Brothers!

Exodus 22:18
Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live.

Didn't know that you think some witches are women of God??

You wouldn't get within 20 miles of Freehold, pal.

And who would stop me? You? If I where to go there it would obviously be to kill you, and if you where for real you would embrace death. At least thats what you all say that other should do etc so But then again it's easy to talk big, it's harder to actually embrace death, guess you guys are to wimpy to go to "heaven"

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: I've Got a Witch Problem, Brothers!

Yes but that makes him a murderer and as God says, you shall not kill! And if she is a woman of God I'd say he wouldn't be very pleased with the pastor breaking God's commandments by killing one of Gods gals?

Exodus 22:18
Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live.

And on a sidenote, as I'm not going to heaven anyways, I assume it's okay if I come and kill you all in the coming days?

You wouldn't get within 20 miles of Freehold, pal.

[Proud Faroese]

Re: I've Got a Witch Problem, Brothers!

Yes but that makes him a murderer and as God says, you shall not kill! And if she is a woman of God I'd say he wouldn't be very pleased with the pastor breaking God's commandments by killing one of Gods gals?

And on a sidenote, as I'm not going to heaven anyways, I assume it's okay if I come and kill you all in the coming days?

Come and get us! Do you seriously think you have a chance against over 30 000 armed Christians?

[andreas.karlssson]

Re: I've Got a Witch Problem, Brothers!

Amen, Pastor! Trust in Christ first, ask heathens questions later, I always say. Besides, better safe than sorry. If she's not really a witch, and she really is a woman of God, then you'll be doing her a favor by sending her into the waiting arms of the Lord God early! Heck, it ought to be the happiest day of her life!

Of course, any protests on her part for such benevolent, pure treatment should be treated as an ironclad case for her being a filthy witch. Hell, you don't even have to prod her with hot irons to check, although it's probably safe to do it just in case.

Yes but that makes him a murderer and as God says, you shall not kill! And if she is a woman of God I'd say he wouldn't be very pleased with the pastor breaking God's commandments by killing one of Gods gals?

And on a sidenote, as I'm not going to heaven anyways, I assume it's okay if I come and kill you all in the coming days?

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: I've Got a Witch Problem, Brothers!

Is that sister Mary's husband, the ex-kike?

Remind me to send them a gift basket of bacon once this ugly episode is over with.

Ex-Heb, Ex-Gay. The good Lord did a lot of work on Joe. You should see Joe with Security Officer Ted, the ex-gay ex-Mormon. They both send a lot of time on Bible study and work great as a team when we have to detain trouble makers like this Gilbert lady.

That reminds me Pastor, you ask Sister Mary to stop calling the Guard Shack every five minutes on Joe's Bible study nights?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: I've Got a Witch Problem, Brothers!

Well so far Joe has Gilbert screaming for Jesus to save her. So I am sure she will break soon. I swear I have never heard a human scream like Gilbert has, I guess its the demon in her. She's so load she's quite, if you know what I mean Pastor.

As for Joe, wow, that ex-Jew boy certainly can swing a baton. He's been screaming "disgusting, bloated slut. Ruined everything good in life" at Gilbert for hours now. The Good Lord put a lot of nerd rage in that one.

Is that sister Mary's husband, the ex-kike?

Remind me to send them a gift basket of bacon once this ugly episode is over with.

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: I've Got a Witch Problem, Brothers!

Excellent. I want names from her before we send her to her just reward.

Well so far Joe has Gilbert screaming for Jesus to save her. So I am sure she will break soon. I swear I have never heard a human scream like Gilbert has, I guess its the demon in her. She's so load she's quite, if you know what I mean Pastor.

As for Joe, wow, that ex-Jew boy certainly can swing a baton. He's been screaming "disgusting, bloated slut. Ruined everything good in life" at Gilbert for hours now. The Good Lord put a lot of nerd rage in that one.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: I've Got a Witch Problem, Brothers!

We should have a full statement from Glibert soon.

Excellent. I want names from her before we send her to her just reward.

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: I've Got a Witch Problem, Brothers!

Tonight, I'm ordering Bobby Joe and his boys in security to drag that old crone from her bed pay a visit to the widow Gilbert's house and make an inquistion as to her whereabouts during the middle parts of August and examine her rooms for any evidence of witchsign. Further, I have ordered that she be compelled to betray any and all members of her coven, so that we might find them before any more mischief can be forced upon our fair town.

You certainly have an eye for witches Pastor. We all thought Gilbert was just some old lady until you pointed her out. Most of the security officers didn't have the heart guts to do a proper search Glibert, her being old and all, but Officer Jo Whitford was on FIRE for Jesus! Old Jo screamed at Gilbert "You just like my lying, lesbian slut of a wife, I will show you what Jesus does to whores like you!" and he went to town on her with his baton. It was both inspiring and terrifying Pastor.

We should have a full statement from Glibert soon.

[Dan U. Holier]

Re: I've Got a Witch Problem, Brothers!

Is there a lake in Freehold where the residents could round up all the cats and drown them like Jesus would have?

I’m not sure, but from what I heard there’s at least one – due to His providence – highly toxic pound; it would do great for that purpose.

A wise thought, brother; whenever I face a situation which is not specifically addressed by the Holy Bible or I incidentally don’t have its copy at hand (it happens ), I try to figure out what would Jesus do in such case and do the best approximation to that.

YiC, DUH

[Jack O'fagan]

Re: I've Got a Witch Problem, Brothers!

That's an empirically proven fact: these demon possessed creatures are speaking in tongues:

It is such a shame that Jesus isn't here with us now to drown these creatures, He was great at drowning possessed animals,


Mark 5:11 Now there was there nigh unto the mountains a great herd of swine feeding. 12And all the devils besought him, saying, Send us into the swine, that we may enter into them.
13And forthwith Jesus gave them leave. And the unclean spirits went out, and entered into the swine: and the herd ran violently down a steep place into the sea, they were about two thousand and were choked in the sea.

Is there a lake in Freehold where the residents could round up all the cats and drown them like Jesus would have?

YIC

Jack

[Henry Poppendorfer]

Re: I've Got a Witch Problem, Brothers!

Demonic possession is NO LAUGHING MATTER. Those poor cats, clearly they have been used as nothing more than mortal fetters for demons of twisted perversion. It really is a shame cats have no souls of their own. Well, it would be, but that's the way Jesus intended it, so now that I think about it, it really isn't a shame at all, is it?

[Dan U. Holier]

Re: I've Got a Witch Problem, Brothers!

...In fact she eagerly informed me that she had on several occasions heard a gaggle of cats out in the dooryard speaking together in human voices!

That's an empirically proven fact: these demon possessed creatures are speaking in tongues:

Yeah, some kind of fake audince is like lughing in the background; I find absolutely no reason for that at all!

YiC, DUH

[Jack O'fagan]

Re: I've Got a Witch Problem, Brothers!

Brother Ezekiel, I hope tonight goes well, I just wish I could be there to see the look on the old lady's face. It is wonderful to know that you are following instructions directly from Jesus,

John 15:6 If a man abide not in me, he is cast forth as a branch, and is withered; and men gather them, and cast them into the fire, and they are burned.

Glory!

It also warms my heart to know that Jesus will make sure that the dead old sisters Francis and Emily will burn as well,

Revelation 21:8 But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.

And to make sure the jobs done properly Jesus will be overseeing it,

Revelation 14:10 'and he shall be tormented with fire and brimstone in the presence of the holy angels, and in the presence of the Lamb: 11And the smoke of their torment ascendeth up for ever and ever'

A job well done

YIC


Jack

[Henry Poppendorfer]

Re: I've Got a Witch Problem, Brothers!

Amen, Pastor! Trust in Christ first, ask heathens questions later, I always say. Besides, better safe than sorry. If she's not really a witch, and she really is a woman of God, then you'll be doing her a favor by sending her into the waiting arms of the Lord God early! Heck, it ought to be the happiest day of her life!

Of course, any protests on her part for such benevolent, pure treatment should be treated as an ironclad case for her being a filthy witch. Hell, you don't even have to prod her with hot irons to check, although it's probably safe to do it just in case.