[handmaiden]

Re: Gone from Rahab to Religion! Seeking a TC Man

Sister Lycia-- my prayers are with you as you seek the Lord's Will regarding your matrimonial future.

Currently, I live in the idolatrously named state of Mary-land-- a high concentrate Catholic environment to boot. At one time, however, I lived in the blasphemously named Pennsylvania, where Quakers rampage against True Religion.

If the time comes where you need to travel to meet your intended, I offer my service as both chauffeur and chaperone.

Intense prayer is indicated now, but soon a righteous road trip will be required.

Count me in.


Motoristly yours,

Handmaiden

[Alvin]

Re: Gone from Rahab to Religion! Seeking a TC Man

Unfortunately sir, I am not quite sure I can go to Europe at this time due to certain mitigating factors which may have to do with certain outstanding warrants that I do not not have. As any of us repentant sinners know, sometimes our history follows us and likes to remind us why we have turned to God's good graces!

Amen - how you speak the truth, Sister! I keep being reminded of how fortunate I am to have found CHRIST when some rather muscular gentlemen from a russian collection agency show up at my door. I know of course that a pair of Jehova's Witnesses knocking at my door would be much more dangerous as they would try to tempt my soul instead of just losing my hands.

Matthew 18:8
Wherefore if thy hand or thy foot offend thee, cut them off, and cast [them] from thee: it is better for thee to enter into life halt or maimed, rather than having two hands or two feet to be cast into everlasting fire.
But it is still an unpleasant feeling to have the russians after me.

If you ever do find yourself in the states Mr. Alvin, I do have a lovely safehouse home that you would certainly be welcome to visit though.

Thank you for your kind offer, Miss Lycia.

If the russians don't let up I might have to consider getting an ocean between them and myself. Do you think it would be easier for me to illegally enter GOD's own United States from Mexico, Canada or swim from Cuba to the Conch republic and hope for asylum?

In Christ,

Alvin

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Gone from Rahab to Religion! Seeking a TC Man

Well, Butch, it looks like only you and I will be in Freehold for the Skype Date. How is Monday night for everybody?

I do have two of Widow Helen's "Jimmy D" meat pies in the refrigerator, or could run to the store and get some brats or something. Make it a real sausage fest, with good beer too!

[Lycia The Repentant]

Re: Gone from Rahab to Religion! Seeking a TC Man

Oh my Mr. Alvin! Please accept my apologies for ignoring your post. Indeed I was quite overwhelmed, though truthfully I was overwhelmed by various heathens and Godmockers making inappropriate comments to me. It was the stress of this that has caused me to take so long to respond to you, and not in any way intentional rudeness on my part.

Unfortunately sir, I am not quite sure I can go to Europe at this time due to certain mitigating factors which may have to do with certain outstanding warrants that I do not not have. As any of us repentant sinners know, sometimes our history follows us and likes to remind us why we have turned to God's good graces! I am sure you can understand why it would be unwise for me to take any flights at this time. Knowing me I'd probably end up getting confused and wandering into some sort of prison system.

If you ever do find yourself in the states Mr. Alvin, I do have a lovely safehouse home that you would certainly be welcome to visit though.

YIC,

Lycia

[Alvin]

Re: Gone from Rahab to Religion! Seeking a TC Man

{PM : Alvin, dude. I heard you say some nice things about me in the prior post. I like your sunglasses. Gives you a Sad Keanu pensive gaze that real men can appreciate.
...

{PM : Butch, Dude, thank you for your kind words - I can tell by the traces of your brassier that you are indeed a Real ManTM and I appreciate your abs. Perhaps we can trade sunglasses one day.}

Yes indeed - I thought perhaps you had been sent by the LORD to save Sister Lyca from her misery, before the booming Voice had told me to proposition her myself.

Deuteronomy 4:12
And the LORD spake unto you out of the midst of the fire: ye heard the voice of the words, but saw no similitude; only [ye heard] a voice.

With regard to joining Rev. Rodimer, Sister Phebe, Yourself and Sister Lycia to pray for the LORD's guidance on who Sister Lycia should submit herself to, I would be honored to join such a feast... Perhaps even the Godless Pastafarian Scum could be useful by providing catering. It is a testament to the LORD's love shining trough you that you would open your loving - and rather well sculpted - arms to invite another suitor. And yet, when I put your posting and PM together, I do get something of an odd vibe that I can't quite put my finger on...

Ya know, You and Sister Phebe ---Butch and Lycia--- Freddie on his own; in another room, but well provided for----maybe a few transient guest --- a donkey maybe?
...
{PM : ... Since the psycho lesbo has taken a hike, still room on the date for one more > Alvin? }

But the point seems moot anyway - as it appears that Sister Lycia has seen it fit to simply ignore my convoluted proposition to her, as well as my predicament with regards to traveling to the GOD's own United States as a lowly, Crusade-of-2003-evading Sinner from Old Europe.

Of course the LORD might just be testing my faith, or our humble Sister might have been overwhelmed by the LORD's glorious plan for us. Yay, she might even have overlooked my posting as her heart was hardened by her contemporary righteous smiting of the Atheist Scum Psychologist.

But I fear if she deems it fit in her own unfathomable wisdom (who among us exactly understands how the small minds of Womenfolk work?) to simply ignore my proposition, I will have to decline your generous invitation to join your praising and have to consider the possibility that the Voice that was commanding me might have been one of the dark Lords Lucifer, Baal or Bart instead.

Isaiah 14:12
How art thou fallen from heaven, O LUCIFER, son of the morning! [how] art thou cut down to the ground, which didst weaken the nations!

Jeremiah 19:5They have built also the high places of BAAL, to burn their sons with fire [for] burnt offerings unto BAAL, which I commanded not, nor spake [it], neither came [it] into my mind:

May I humbly ask all you True Christians here to include me in your prayers tonight and ask the LORD to strengthen me against the voices of Temptation? LORD, let me be your tool.

YIC,

Alvin

PS: Good call on asking for the outstanding warrants, Dude - I think she dodged that one a bit.

[Lycia The Repentant]

Re: Gone from Rahab to Religion! Seeking a TC Man

Yes Butch you may call me sister.

You got a car? Any outstanding warrants?

No car, as I live in the city. I also do not have any non-outstanding warrants which don't not exist.

Dear Lycia , I bid you a fond farewell and wish you the most pleasant dreams. Oh, oh, sorry I should have ask sooner --- are you into Biblical re-enactments on the first date?

Umm.... what parts of the Bible?

PS. I would strongly advise you to find out if Butch and "his mother" run a motel Lycra.

Listen Jo, I am sure Butch and his "mother" as you like to say are both very Norma l people. Now stop your tomfoolery.

[Jo Freddie]

Re: Gone from Rahab to Religion! Seeking a TC Man

PS. I would strongly advise you to find out if Butch and "his mother" run a motel Lycra.

[Jo Freddie]

Re: Gone from Rahab to Religion! Seeking a TC Man

Jo Freddie, while I am sure you made your commitment on international waters because you are a pirate and I am sure secular law forbids your union,

Not in international waters, Regent St, Sydney, NSW

how many times do I need to tell you I AM NOT INTERESTED.

I don't think it is me you need to convince Lycra.

I don't like pirates and I don't want to go to Hell with you!

A Pirate is not going to take you to Hell.

[Lycia The Repentant]

Re: Gone from Rahab to Religion! Seeking a TC Man

Will you kindly get it into your head that I am interested, I have a partner and we have made a legally binding commitment to each other. I am in the market for any other partners, especially one with such strong beliefs in their Lord and Savior.

EDITED TO SAVE SPACE AND AVOID BLASPHEMY

Jo Freddie, while I am sure you made your commitment on international waters because you are a pirate and I am sure secular law forbids your union, how many times do I need to tell you I AM NOT INTERESTED. I don't like pirates and I don't want to go to Hell with you!

[Jo Freddie]

Re: Gone from Rahab to Religion! Seeking a TC Man

Rev. Rodimer, I can honestly say I cannot think of anything more horrifying.

Not to mention I am sure you would all be quite horrified when he starts proposing to me.

Rodders makes a comment about Butch and (by the Noodle reference) I assume me, and you fixate on me!

Will you kindly get it into your head that I am NOT interested, I have a partner and we have made a legally binding commitment to each other. I am not in the market for any other partners, especially not one with such strong beliefs in their imaginary friends.

Seeing how Butch/his mother, have been talking you could be ideally suited to each other.

[Lycia The Repentant]

Re: Gone from Rahab to Religion! Seeking a TC Man

I like the cut of your jib, Butch . . . Though I'm not sure we want the sheep-fx8ker involved. He might flash his noodle at Sister Lycia!

Rev. Rodimer, I can honestly say I cannot think of anything more horrifying.

Not to mention I am sure you would all be quite horrified when he starts proposing to me.

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Gone from Rahab to Religion! Seeking a TC Man

I like the cut of your jib, Butch . . . Though I'm not sure we want the sheep-fx8ker involved. He might flash his noodle at Sister Lycia!

[Jo Freddie]

Re: Gone from Rahab to Religion! Seeking a TC Man

Butch, do you and your mother happen to run a motel by any chance?

[Butch Dickerson]

Re: Gone from Rahab to Religion! Seeking a TC Man

Dearest Sister Lycia,
May I be so bold as to call you "sister"? The very word evokes pleasant memories of long summer afternoons.
Late hazy days when Mom would dress me up as my own fantasy sister aannnnnnn, um ....where was I.

Oh, I think you would look real swell in that swimwear and Mom would like it too. (Bruce thinks it would look better on me).
You got a car? Any outstanding warrants?

Buddy Rev Rod.
Hey Rev-Bro, a chaperone is what we sure could use. Mom would love it, my counselors and psychiatrist would require it , AND, and, hey Rev-Bro could we do like a conference Skype?
Ya know, You and Sister Phebe ---Butch and Lycia--- Freddie on his own; in another room, but well provided for----maybe a few transient guest --- a donkey maybe?
Skype would be so cool, and do you know anything about the concept of a Church sponsored Pay Per View (I need some cash)?

Dear Lycia , I bid you a fond farewell and wish you the most pleasant dreams. Oh, oh, sorry I should have ask sooner --- are you into Biblical re-enactments on the first date?

{PM : Alvin, dude. I heard you say some nice things about me in the prior post. I like your sunglasses.
Gives you a Sad Keanu pensive gaze that real men can appreciate. Since the psycho lesbo has taken a hike, still room on the date for one more > Alvin?}

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Gone from Rahab to Religion! Seeking a TC Man

Well I would love to, Rev. Rodimer, but I don't know how I would get to Freehold.

I am also a little worried my swimsuit isn't modest enough. Do you think its alright Reverend?


Frankly, I'm a little worried I'd be showing off a little bit too much leg.

I'm sure it'd be fine in the hot tub, Sister! Nobody can see that far down in the bubbles.

Well, I suppose I could meet up with Butch and chaperone a Skype date for you two instead . . .