Gay diversions or repellents

[Jean Poole]

As we all know, sodomites seem to flock around everywhere. We have had some problems with a Gayboy stalking our family going on about the "general erections" before.

I thought it would be a good idea to share our thoughts about repelling gays. My son came up with the following one:

1. Get some shiny foil and put it on the end of a big stick. Homers are fascinated by anything shiny. Then slowly "lead" the Gay out of your space, preferably into your Church's Ex-gay Facility. Then, put on some industrial strength gloves and a mask, and burn both the stick and foil! If the Homer for some reason becomes interested in you, you can whack them on the head with the stick!

Top Tip: Homers react to running and standing still. To keep their attention on the foil, walk slowly and calmly.

So, everyone, what ideas have you got for diverting or repelling sodomites?

[Bob4God]

Re: Gay diversions or repellents

Don't forget that homos love rainbows. Yes, it's true that they adopted the rainbow as their symbol in order to spit in GOD's face and mock His promise never to destroy the earth again*, but we can at least use them to protect ourselves from their viscious predatory behavior.

Carry a few rainbow ornaments in your pocket at all times. If you see somebody who is a homer, or might be a homer, take out a rainbow and hurl it at them while screaming "HERE, TAKE THE RAINBOW BUT SPARE MY FAMILY!" This should buy you enough time to escape.



*applicable to global flooding only

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Gay diversions or repellents

I've heard about this new product "Swish B Gone" but I haven't tried it yet.

[Nobar King]

Re: Gay diversions or repellents

Get rid of your windchimes.

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: Gay diversions or repellents

WARNING: This trick only works for men.

Glue some feathers on a paper plate. Let dry.
Glue small Christmas bells on the plate as well.
Punch small holes on either side of the plate.
Run string through each hole.
Tie the plate around your waist to where the plate hangs down over your fanny.

Put on a brightly colored feather boa around your neck.

Run with arms a flailing in the air while giggling wildly.

This will certainly attract homers. You can now beat the tar out of them of lead them to the ex-gay ministry.

What an excellent thread idea Sister!

[Virginia Day Templeton]

Re: Gay diversions or repellents

Get rid of your windchimes.

Actually, Sister Jean fired her Negro housekeepers last Saturday.

[Jean Poole]

Re: Gay diversions or repellents

Actually, Sister Jean fired her Negro housekeepers last Saturday.

Indeed I did. They kept trying to steal. I got some Irish instead, they were going cheap. But now my husband's rubbing alcohol keeps disappearing.

[Pastor Isaac Peters]

Re: Gay diversions or repellents

Once, I noticed that my daughter's betrothed had a stack of CD's in his Mini Cooper by a dzhooess entertaineress by the name of Barbara Streisenmann or some such. When I asked about them, he said that the sound of her voice was irresistible to homers and that by driving down the street playing her music loudly, he could lure them out of their beauty salons and florist shops and to the nearest Christian counseling center for reparative electroshock therapy.

[Osambo 08]

Re: Gay diversions or repellents

I don't have any homosexual friends but,although they have twisted minds, it doesn't discount the fact that they are very cordial and affectionate.I think we should leave them alone and cease being so judgmental.In any case,we all have flaws,even God-fearing Christians aren't perfect.God will decide on their outcome when the time is right.

[Glendora Christianson]

Re: Gay diversions or repellents

1. I like to turn up my AM radio talk shows. Just make sure you aren't listening to Randi Rhodes, besides being a communist, for some reason homers flock to her.

2. Nascar anything will bore homers to death. If you are lucky, the homer will retreat to his sewing room and make you a new set of kitchen curtains.

3. If your husband is back from a hunting trip, slice open the belly of whatever he killed and I'll bet, just as the guts roll out, the homer will be running away in horror.

4. Although this is a bit unconventional, putting up enlarged pictures of Britney Spears' shaved cooter will scare the daylights out of most homers. Just make sure you don't glance at the pictures after eating.

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: Gay diversions or repellents

You know...I've forgottten how well blaring at the top of sound Liza Minnelli show tunes (oro any other show tune) works.

Those sillly little faggots will line up like show girls straight to the FIRERY depths of HELL!!!!!



You hear that GINA GERSHAW!

[Capt. Aaron Portway]

Re: Gay diversions or repellents

You know...I've forgottten how well blaring at the top of sound Liza Minnelli show tunes (ro any torh show tune) works.

Those sillly little faggots will line up like show girls straight to the FIRERY depths of HELL!!!!!



You hear that GINA GERSHAW!

Cher works too for queers, and The Indigo Girls and Melissa Etheridge draws the carpet-munchers like flies!

[Good Christian Woman]

Re: Gay diversions or repellents

Leave Skittles outside of your property. The Homers will be distracted by the rainbow, and they'll have to pick up every single one before entering.

[Abner Leopold]

Re: Gay diversions or repellents

Here's what worked for me. I had a yard sale to lure out those who live near me. Before the yardsale I went to the goodwill & bought some of the most queer looking items I could find, & displayed them right up front, for bait. I mounted my gun rack in the front Windows, I already had a few"Keep Out" & signs that I had slightly modified by adding the words " Faggots, Gays, & Queers". I also have many signs that read "This Home Protected by Jesus Christ". Before the yard sale I just added about 25 more of the beware signs around the front of my house & yard etc.. People came & took the bait, some complimented me on the signs, & then there were those who just got squeemish looking and left in a hurry. In the end now I know who all the homers are in my neighborhood, because now some of them who used to walk & or drive past, nowadays they go the opposite way. Also some of those who used to wave, now won't even look in my general direction. I did have some pamphlets that I printed up with church service times & messages to inform the gays that its not too late for them & offered de-faggoting services. To try to help them change their eternal destiny & help them. But, in the end, it was a success. I need to invest in a billboard or some digital signage for my property. Because when you add up all the "Keep Out Gays" & other various Keep Out signs for, Jews, Catholics, ,& negros, I'm running out of places to put them all. I used to mow my front lawn with a riding mower, now I have to use my weed eater only, because of all the different signs.

[Judas!]

Re: Gay diversions or repellents

...Did you ever think to calmly talk to the boy who is bothering you and explain he is making you feel uncomfortable when he hangs around you and your family.

But since I do have inside information about homoqueers, I'll contribute to this stupid discussion.

To repel a gay man.
Start reciting the vagina monologues, he will run screaming
Hang a sign above your house saying "the nas car club" No gay man will be interested and will spread the word to stay away.
On the way up your driveway paint a yellow path that shoots off the main path but goes in a circle, every gay has seen wizard of Oz and will feel compelled to "follow the yellow brick road."
hang sex dolls outside your house.
hire a hot female security guard.

Gay men isn't my area of expertise but here are some lesbian repellents...

Place a sign above your house saying "gay bar" No intrest
Have a sign saying"lady GaGa concert, 20 miles away from here." They will pack up their girlfriends and leave.
Hire a hot male security guard
Dig a moat around your house, lesbians can't cross water, especially flowing water.
hang a cross over the front door, it burns us.

But really, we're no different to you straight people, trust me, I'm lesbian so i'd know