[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Advice needed: What is the fastest way to get Covid-19?

I am home again and I feel horrible. How can I be sure this is Covid-19 and not something else?

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: Advice needed: What is the fastest way to get Covid-19?

Originally Posted by Basilissa

Mark 8:23-24
23 And he took the blind man by the hand, and led him out of the town; and when he had spit on his eyes, and put his hands upon him, he asked him if he saw ought.
24 And he looked up, and said, I see men as trees, walking.

A wonderful example of Christ's healing power, not only of blindness but plague and demons too.

Philosophical Transactions (1683-1775), Volume 35, Page 449
Mr. Will. Chesselden, F. R. S., St. Thomas's Hospital, London.

[ATTACH]29547[/ATTACH]

Note in particular at the beginning of paragraph 2: At first the things he saw he thought extremely large. - almost as if the men he saw walking were the size of trees. The young man had his vision restored after a lifetime of blindness and what did he see? Exactly what we already knew he'd see because it's recorded in The Bible.

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Advice needed: What is the fastest way to get Covid-19?

Do you mean Brother Larry?

No, I haven't heard from him for a while. Perhaps he was lucky enough to die from Covid-19 and go to Heaven. I visited my friend in the Buffalo Center for Rehabilitation and Nursing which, to my surprise, didn't serve any buffalo wings. They should change the name. My friend kept complaining about how horrible it's there an how he wished Jesus would take him. I hugged and kissed as many people as possible so I am certain Jesus will now finally bless me with Covid-19!

[Uncle Rutherford]

Re: Advice needed: What is the fastest way to get Covid-19?

Unfortunately it seems Donald Trump was no longer contagious. So our manly kiss didn't give me Covid-19. I hope my visit to my old New York friend will be more successful.

Do you mean Brother Larry? He’s the one who introduced me to Freehold when I was visiting upstate New York to help local police departments determine which predominantly black neighborhoods had gangs in them (spoiler alert: all of them dangit). He is a nice NICE fellow. Does he have COVID?

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Advice needed: What is the fastest way to get Covid-19?

I admit I am envious at how you were blessed.

Unfortunately it seems Donald Trump was no longer contagious. So our manly kiss didn't give me Covid-19. I hope my visit to my old New York friend will be more successful.

[Uncle Rutherford]

Re: Advice needed: What is the fastest way to get Covid-19?

Sorry for double posting but Brother Cranky, you should check to see if you can bill medical insurance companies as well for those hugs too after properly researching if you’re blessed with the vaccine against COVID!

[Uncle Rutherford]

Re: Advice needed: What is the fastest way to get Covid-19?

I appreciate the sentiment but the answer has to be no.

Understandable. From a business standpoint you could start selling the hugs and kisses in Freehold to protect your fellow upstanding White Christian folk though. I admit I am envious at how you were blessed.

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Advice needed: What is the fastest way to get Covid-19?

In exchange for a hefty donation to the land of Freehold, could I buy a hug so that some of its greatness may rub off of me? I’ll be sure to say “no homer” so that it isn’t against God.

I appreciate the sentiment but the answer has to be no.

[Uncle Rutherford]

Re: Advice needed: What is the fastest way to get Covid-19?

I got kissed by Donald Trump!!!

As we all know Donald Trump is about keeping promises and he kept his "I'll kiss the guys and the beautiful women and the -- everybody. I'll just give everybody a big, fat kiss" promise with me! It was not gay at all. A real wet and manly kiss on the lips!

That is a great idea! I have an old friend, whose horrible children put him there, I can visit. His children don't even bother to visit lately, it's really awful. I'll comfort my friend by assuring him his children will all burn in Hell for all eternity! It's partly his fault though because he didn't hit his children enough. (Proverbs 23:13-14)

I an certain I will be blessed with Covid-19 real soon now!

In exchange for a hefty donation to the land of Freehold, could I buy a hug so that some of its greatness may rub off of me? I’ll be sure to say “no homer” so that it isn’t against God.

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Advice needed: What is the fastest way to get Covid-19?

I got kissed by Donald Trump!!!

As we all know Donald Trump is about keeping promises and he kept his "I'll kiss the guys and the beautiful women and the -- everybody. I'll just give everybody a big, fat kiss" promise with me! It was not gay at all. A real wet and manly kiss on the lips!

My understanding is that the best way to contract the "Rona" is to check yourself in to one of New York Governor Andrew Cuomo's nursing homes.

That is a great idea! I have an old friend, whose horrible children put him there, I can visit. His children don't even bother to visit lately, it's really awful. I'll comfort my friend by assuring him his children will all burn in Hell for all eternity! It's partly his fault though because he didn't hit his children enough. (Proverbs 23:13-14)

I an certain I will be blessed with Covid-19 real soon now!

[WilliamJenningsBryan]

Re: Advice needed: What is the fastest way to get Covid-19?

My understanding is that the best way to contract the "Rona" is to check yourself in to one of New York Governor Andrew Cuomo's nursing homes.

People are leaving New York so fast that Jesus has reportedly parted the waters of the Hudson, so rents should be real cheap now.

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Advice needed: What is the fastest way to get Covid-19?

Donald Trump is almost here in Florida! I cannot wait to get blessed with Covid-19!

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Re: Advice needed: What is the fastest way to get Covid-19?

Isn't DNA in the human spit? That means rather than drawing blood and looking for antibodies or whatever, Trump can now heal the sick by spitting at them - just like Jesus!

Mark 8:23-24
23 And he took the blind man by the hand, and led him out of the town; and when he had spit on his eyes, and put his hands upon him, he asked him if he saw ought.
24 And he looked up, and said, I see men as trees, walking.

Those verses have always worried me, Sister. If the blind man saw walking trees instead of actual men ... well, that wasn't ideal, was it? But perhaps something has been lost in translation.

I do agree, though, that the President should be looking at sharing his own precious bodily fluids with selected Real Americans™ in the interests of True Christian™ scientific studies.

[Basilissa]

Re: Advice needed: What is the fastest way to get Covid-19?

I can see it now. Much like the modern day prophet Peter Popoff, Donald J Trump who we all know is God’s best businessman aside from Jesus, will start marketing “Trump DNA”. Let Trump’s DNA slide right into your insides and his godliness will surely bless you with a fool proof vaccine against COVID-19 as told in Isiah 41:10! Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.

Isn't DNA in the human spit? That means rather than drawing blood and looking for antibodies or whatever, Trump can now heal the sick by spitting at them - just like Jesus!

Mark 8:23-24
23 And he took the blind man by the hand, and led him out of the town; and when he had spit on his eyes, and put his hands upon him, he asked him if he saw ought.
24 And he looked up, and said, I see men as trees, walking.

[Uncle Rutherford]

Re: Advice needed: What is the fastest way to get Covid-19?

I can see it now. Much like the modern day prophet Peter Popoff, Donald J Trump who we all know is God’s best businessman aside from Jesus, will start marketing “Trump DNA”. Let Trump’s DNA slide right into your insides and his godliness will surely bless you with a fool proof vaccine against COVID-19 as told in Isiah 41:10! Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.