[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: The Future is Soon!

Thank you for those kind words Pastor Ezekiel, but I knew there would be those who would doubt me. And who wouldn't doubt a story as FANTASTIC as mine?

You see, in The Future! something has gone horribly wrong with God's Plan. All peoples of the world (even the bad ones like Muslims, Hindus, Jews, Scientologists, Immigrants, Emigrants, Artists, Fornicators, Fiveicators (they're relatively new), Communists, Fascists, Multiculturalists, Muralists, ALL OF THEM!!!) live together in PEACE!

Okay, now I KNOW you're lying.

Show me where it says any of that communist nonsense in the Holy Bible.

[Sledge Riprock]

Re: The Future is Soon!

Thank you for those kind words Pastor Ezekiel, but I knew there would be those who would doubt me. And who wouldn't doubt a story as FANTASTIC as mine? No, this was expected by our entire underground organization, the Dedicated Intrepid Christian Knights. I was chosen by God (and a short straw) to be the one to make the harrowing, one-way journey back through time to help save Christianity, The US of A, and to help usher in the End Time, so we can all get off this rock and up into The Kingdom of Heaven, pronto.

You see, in The Future! something has gone horribly wrong with God's Plan. All peoples of the world (even the bad ones like Muslims, Hindus, Jews, Scientologists, Immigrants, Emigrants, Artists, Fornicators, Fiveicators (they're relatively new), Communists, Fascists, Multiculturalists, Muralists, ALL OF THEM!!!) live together in PEACE! And with the Heretical (scientific) advances made in many fields, Global Warming has been halted and even REVERSED! That has brought sea levels DOWN, creating more land in low lying areas. Which means in places like Bangladesh, you guessed it, MORE folks from the list above! In the former Greatest Country Ever™, there is now more land on both coasts. So those former hotbeds of Secular Humanism are now even more Seculary and more Humanismy. It seems likely that this derailing of God's Plan has somehow postponed the Apocalypse and thus the Rapture.

I don't pretend to have all the answers. I'm just a simple hard drinking, womanizing, Christian Rocket Pilot sent through time (nude initially, like in Terminator. It was very embarassing to be forced to reveal my shame in The Future! as well as to arrive in your time so very shamefully) to do the best I can. I guess I should have written some facts down on my shameful nudity with a Sharpie (we still have Sharpies in the Future!) so I could prove myself those that have very reasonable doubts. But like I said, I'm just here to help

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: The Future is Soon!

The Yankees if I remember correctly.

WRONG

Now now sister. Let's give the boy a chance. I for one find his story quite compelling. He's bringing us God's Truth, only from the pre-Rapture future.

[VictoryOS]

Re: The Future is Soon!

The Yankees if I remember correctly.

WRONG

[Bob4God]

Re: The Future is Soon!

Who wins this year's World Series and the 2009 Kentucky Derby?

The Yankees if I remember correctly. They win most of the World Series from now on, especially after the Steinbrenner family buys MLB outright.

As for The 2009 Derby, put your money on Buffalo Shot.

GWB doesnt need your help to bring on the Apocalypse. He's doing well enough on his own thankyou very much. Vote McCain.
BTW, Sludge, who will win the Election?

If only Saint George the Afflicted, as he is known in The Future!, could have remained President for Life, as was the plan of Saint Dick the Angry and Saint Carl the Devious, I would not have needed to return to your time. As for the next election, that is one of the reasons I'm here. This is a time of Temporal Flux (like on Star Trek), where two futures are possible. It is up to us.

I like how you leave yourself plenty of room to back up and say "No I didn't PROMISE it would happen like this" if things don't turn out as you guessed.

Although if you are from the future, I sure would like to know what becomes of me. Why don't you look up good old Bob4God in the Landover record books and news paper archives and tell me what happens to myself, especially if it involves some nonsense about Wiccans and lawsuits over 'emotional distress.'

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: The Future is Soon!

Who wins this year's World Series and the 2009 Kentucky Derby?

The Yankees if I remember correctly. They win most of the World Series from now on, especially after the Steinbrenner family buys MLB outright.

As for The 2009 Derby, put your money on Buffalo Shot.

[...]As for the next election, that is one of the reasons I'm here. This is a time of Temporal Flux (like on Star Trek), where two futures are possible. It is up to us.

Look! You’re about as much use as a coal powered frog-violin. You say we have a choice at this point yet say to back the Yankees: A Bathfire has never backed a Yankee since that unfortunate incident in 1865! And B*****o Sh*t (a) isn’t running and (b) is certainly not a subject for these boards, which are open to the full gaze of The Ladies of Landover which is more than a B*****o Sh*t should be!

A choice!???!!! A choice!???!!! We’ve always had a choice!!!! Follow Jesus or be Damned!

Are you one of them Conehead people from the future? If so, you can clear off back whence you came, we have enough trouble with nigras and mexican’ts around here without your lot. You’re not catlix are you? Anyhoo, I reckon that you’ll be after our pies, women and jobs… er… what are your hourly rates for general labor?

[Nobar King]

Re: The Future is Soon!

A guess of that magnitude would be spectacular. Maybe we should hold a pool?

[Sledge Riprock]

Re: The Future is Soon!

Who wins this year's World Series and the 2009 Kentucky Derby?

The Yankees if I remember correctly. They win most of the World Series from now on, especially after the Steinbrenner family buys MLB outright.

As for The 2009 Derby, put your money on Buffalo Shot.

GWB doesnt need your help to bring on the Apocalypse. He's doing well enough on his own thankyou very much. Vote McCain.
BTW, Sludge, who will win the Election?

If only Saint George the Afflicted, as he is known in The Future!, could have remained President for Life, as was the plan of Saint Dick the Angry and Saint Carl the Devious, I would not have needed to return to your time. As for the next election, that is one of the reasons I'm here. This is a time of Temporal Flux (like on Star Trek), where two futures are possible. It is up to us.

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: The Future is Soon!

Who wins this year's World Series and the 2009 Kentucky Derby?

Godly point Brother EB. It sounds to me like someone has been playing with their rocket too much.

[Brother Guy Bayard]

Re: The Future is Soon!

I assume a democrat is president in the future.

It's far worse than that. In The Future! there is only one government, the U.N. The Greatest Country Ever™ has been reduced to the lapdog of the New World Order. In The Future! the U.S. unable to bomb non-christian Heathens, due to world peace and global disarmament. It's AWFUL!!!




This is total bullshit. There will be no future he describes after THE RAPTURE.

Unless we work together, the will be no RAPTURE! Don't you see, that's why I'm here. Unless we, as Christians work together to bring on the Apocalypse, there cannot be a RAPTURE.

GWB doesnt need your help to bring on the Apocalypse. He's doing well enough on his own thankyou very much. Vote McCain.
BTW, Sludge, who will win the Election?

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: The Future is Soon!

Who wins this year's World Series and the 2009 Kentucky Derby?

[Sledge Riprock]

Re: The Future is Soon!

I assume a democrat is president in the future.

It's far worse than that. In The Future! there is only one government, the U.N. The Greatest Country Ever™ has been reduced to the lapdog of the New World Order. In The Future! the U.S. unable to bomb non-christian Heathens, due to world peace and global disarmament. It's AWFUL!!!




This is total bullshit. There will be no future he describes after THE RAPTURE.

Unless we work together, the will be no RAPTURE! Don't you see, that's why I'm here. Unless we, as Christians work together to bring on the Apocalypse, there cannot be a RAPTURE.

[Brother Guy Bayard]

Re: The Future is Soon!

This is total bullshit. There will be no future he describes after THE RAPTURE.
This Sludge DipCock is a fraud.

[Roberta]

Re: The Future is Soon!

A place where Godlessness, Heatheness, and Humanismness are rampant.

Watts, Harlem or Rwanda?

[Bob4God]

Re: The Future is Soon!

I assume a democrat is president in the future.