[DeweyClutter]

Re: I'm probably going to hell

You? Probably going to hell?

Balderdash and hooey!

Brother Whitlock, you sound like a saved man, the only type of man worth knowing.

You want to be saved? All you have to do is get on your knees for Jesus, obey his orders, and keep him satisifed, and your getting a one way ticket to heaven!

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: I'm probably going to hell

I will continue to read and obey the holy scriptures through out my life.

You seem to be the right kind of person. Welcome to God's favorite forum!

the one and only true church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster

Don't be silly. If spaghetti is flying then this is because people are throwing it at you because you cannot cook.

[Alvin Moss]

Re: I'm probably going to hell

God bless you and keep you, Brother. Many people don't realize that Jesus was the first American, long before there was even an America, or anyone else who spoke American.

[Hank Whitlock]

Re: I'm probably going to hell

Thanks for letting me introduced myself and getting to know you guys better. I totally understand about being wary of newcomers in Landover Baptist church. I think it's awesome you guys care so much about protecting God's favorite people from sinners and heathens. I will continue to read and obey the holy scriptures through out my life. I will most definitely keep reading and posting on these forums. ~Hank Whitlock

[Alvin Moss]

Re: I'm probably going to hell

Alvin, moving out of the state of Colorado or at least Denver area are my intentions. Is there any chance that I might be able to move to freehold Iowa and become a member of God's favorite church. From reading the forums I understand you don't just let anybody join your church? If joining Landover is out of the possibility would you please inform me about some truth speaking churches that I could attend and visit?

You will have to consult with Pastor Ezekiel about any moving to Freehold. The town of Freehold is only open to True Christians and you are not of that category at this time. Also, substantial monies are required to cover the many expenses associated with residing in Freehold. The Security Ministry alone consumes several millions of dollars annually and that is only a small part of the budget.

Any Baptist Church whose congregation follows the full and true word of God, as revealed in the scriptures, will do just fine. Sadly, they are but few.

[Brother Harold Porter]

Re: I'm probably going to hell

Is there any chance that I might be able to move to freehold Iowa and become a member of God's favorite church. From reading the forums I understand you don't just let anybody join your church? If joining Landover is out of the possibility would you please inform me about some truth speaking churches that I could attend and visit?

In short, no. There is no chance. Now, if several years down the road, you are still consistently testifying for Jesus, and quoting His words, perhaps.

There are no other "truth-speaking churches".

Will you begin posting for Him? Forget your selfish concerns? Make it about God, rather than Hank?

In Christ

[Levi Jones]

Re: I'm probably going to hell

Alvin, moving out of the state of Colorado or at least Denver area are my intentions. Is there any chance that I might be able to move to freehold Iowa and become a member of God's favorite church. From reading the forums I understand you don't just let anybody join your church? If joining Landover is out of the possibility would you please inform me about some truth speaking churches that I could attend and visit?

Getting to attend Landover Baptist is like winning the lottery, season tickets to the Green Bay Packers or getting into heaven. It isn't just asking.

Matthew 7:13-14
13 Enter ye in at the strait gate: for wide is the gate, and broad is the way, that leadeth to destruction, and many there be which go in thereat:
14 Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it.

It's hard work and dedication to quoting the Bible or being very interesting and well spoken. It helps more to be both.

[Hank Whitlock]

Re: I'm probably going to hell

Most of the people in Colorado, especially in the Denver/Colorado Springs area, are in a confused state, due primarily to the marijuana smoke that is now clouding the skies. As a result, crime is rampant in the streets and false doctrines have invaded even the Christian churches. Burning the stores selling these noxious products will only make things worse. I advise you to leave the immediate area of the marijuana smoke at your earliest convenience. Then, out in the hinterlands, far from the drug smoke, you can devise a plan to destroy the Devil's people who have taken control of your state.

Alvin, moving out of the state of Colorado or at least Denver area are my intentions. Is there any chance that I might be able to move to freehold Iowa and become a member of God's favorite church. From reading the forums I understand you don't just let anybody join your church? If joining Landover is out of the possibility would you please inform me about some truth speaking churches that I could attend and visit?

[1liesalot]

Re: I'm probably going to hell

I am not saved. I would do well to remember that before I keep accusing the people of the Lord of being pirates.

[Hank Whitlock]

Re: I'm probably going to hell

I peed into a lake of macaroni cheese with cauliflower.

Did you hijack my introduction forum that I started? Maybe you and your paganism potty mouth should move along!

[Basilissa]

Re: I'm probably going to hell

I am essense of hamster vomit and that is what my one solitary brain cell was made of before it died of lonliness. Surely I am a eunuch. Here is what the lord our God thinks of eunuchs. It is from Deuteronomy 23:1.

“He that is wounded in the stones or hath his private member cut off shall not enter into the congregation of the Lord.

Oh, my poor dear!

Well I guess that means I can stop praying for you with a clean conscience.

Enjoy your ride to , sweetie!

[1liesalot]

Re: I'm probably going to hell

Young Retarded Lady. I am having trouble blaming you entirely for your spastic like comments when it is proving more obvious with every word you type that your Mother chose to have Down Syndrome before your birth.
What obsesses a Woman to become Down Syndrome is a mystery, yet after giving birth to a mockery like you I would assume the choice to do so would be inevitably obvious regardless.
Please tell me how many times she dropped you on your head when distracted with the urge to lick a window rather than hold you correctly. Was it over a 100 or under 500? I suppose I could also assume you lived in a glass house.

Gods speed with your reply.

Brother BAW.

I am essense of hamster vomit and that is what my one solitary brain cell was made of before it died of lonliness. Surely I am a eunuch. Here is what the lord our God thinks of eunuchs. It is from Deuteronomy 23:1.

“He that is wounded in the stones or hath his private member cut off shall not enter into the congregation of the Lord.

[Dr Laurence Niles]

Re: I'm probably going to hell

I peed into a lake of macaroni cheese with cauliflower.

Why are you being so mean? This is a Christian forum and yet you seem to only want to ride rough shod over our most cherished beliefs: good people have treated you with only respect and decorum.

You may not be bathed in the Blood of Christ but is that any reason to be so hateful?

I'm praying for you.

YIC

[Back against wall]

Re: I'm probably going to hell

I peed into a lake of macaroni cheese with cauliflower.

Young Retarded Lady. I am having trouble blaming you entirely for your spastic like comments when it is proving more obvious with every word you type that your Mother chose to have Down Syndrome before your birth.
What obsesses a Woman to become Down Syndrome is a mystery, yet after giving birth to a mockery like you I would assume the choice to do so would be inevitably obvious regardless.
Please tell me how many times she dropped you on your head when distracted with the urge to lick a window rather than hold you correctly. Was it over a 100 or under 500? I suppose I could also assume you lived in a glass house.

Gods speed with your reply.

Brother BAW.

[1liesalot]

Re: I'm probably going to hell

You do realise that the Pasta god is nothing but a demonic spirit and not a god at all. Jesus will soon put paid to all of it's tomfoolery.

Mark 3:11 - And unclean spirits, when they saw him, fell down before him, and cried, saying, Thou art the Son of God.

YIC

I peed into a lake of macaroni cheese with cauliflower.