[BrotherLarry]

Re: Greetings.

Oh, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear. I have made an unconscionable mistake and I owe one of our guests an apology.

I addressed Catholicgoober as, "Catholic Chocolate-covered raisin person". Foolish me. What I pictured in my mind-- supplied by happy childhood memories-- is a candy known as "Raisinets". The candy known as "Goobers" is comprised of chocolate-covered peanuts.


I sincerely apologize for my incorrect usage. As a True Christian™ I am committed to supply accurate and complete information regarding the Bible. This high standard that I attempt to exemplify should-- ideally-- extend to any and all information, data, and feedback that I post here at LBC. Furthermore, my unfortunate lapse should not reflect upon the other members, staff and leadership of Landover Baptist Church. I assume full moral and legal responsibility for my misstatement.


May God have mercy upon my soul.

Most Precious Sister Handmaiden:


I think I speak for all of the Church when I say that while your confession was further proof of your desire to be perfect in the LORD (Matthew 5:48), it was not necessary. We know you are striving to fight a good fight and to keep the faith (2 Timothy 4:7) and your rewards will be great (Matthew 5:12).


In fact, I would almost guarantee Pastor will wipe the slate clean if you do without your ramen noodles one extra day and send an additional 10 percent tithe this week. If it will help, I will take the money from my trust fund to buy a case of noodles for you.


You will find that the disconnect notices and also future utility bills for the next three months have been taken care of. I am not mentioning this for any reward here on earth, for I would prefer that my deeds are done in private and in the closet. But it is important that I tell you this so you wouldn't budget for it. Why not buy some material and make new clothes with the excess?


Your friend in the Savior,
BrotherLarry

[refridgerator]

Re: Greetings.

And what, pray tell, is this supposed to mean?


Are you perhaps referring to the Second Coming of our Lord:


Matthew 24:3


“And as he sate vpon the mount of Oliues, the Disciples came vnto him priuately, saying, Tell vs, when shall these things be? And what shall be the signe of thy coming, and of the end of the world?”


There are many, many, many comings in The Holy Bible (KJV 1611), please be more specific when you make a comment.


Toodle pips for now my little nutty raison de guerre.


YIC
TT

I had to create a new account since the password of my old account was mysteriously changed. A sign from God, may be?

Your comment is kind of blasphemous, since you are expressing doubts concerning God new coming.

My religion teacher used to say:
"God's ways are inscrutable"

So please, stop being Descartes.

Thanks.

[Thomas Taylor]

Re: Greetings.

When someone suddenly comes, it's for something.

And what, pray tell, is this supposed to mean?


Are you perhaps referring to the Second Coming of our Lord:


Matthew 24:3


“And as he sate vpon the mount of Oliues, the Disciples came vnto him priuately, saying, Tell vs, when shall these things be? And what shall be the signe of thy coming, and of the end of the world?”


There are many, many, many comings in The Holy Bible (KJV 1611), please be more specific when you make a comment.


Toodle pips for now my little nutty raison de guerre.


YIC
TT

[handmaiden]

Re: Greetings.

Oh, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear. I have made an unconscionable mistake and I owe one of our guests an apology.

I addressed Catholicgoober as, "Catholic Chocolate-covered raisin person". Foolish me. What I pictured in my mind-- supplied by happy childhood memories-- is a candy known as "Raisinets". The candy known as "Goobers" is comprised of chocolate-covered peanuts.


I sincerely apologize for my incorrect usage. As a True Christian™ I am committed to supply accurate and complete information regarding the Bible. This high standard that I attempt to exemplify should-- ideally-- extend to any and all information, data, and feedback that I post here at LBC. Furthermore, my unfortunate lapse should not reflect upon the other members, staff and leadership of Landover Baptist Church. I assume full moral and legal responsibility for my misstatement.


May God have mercy upon my soul.

[handmaiden]

Re: Greetings.

Thank you, Brother Doctor Professor White for graciously defending my honor as a good, decent True Christian Lady(tm). (It says so, right under my name.)

Thanks as well to my ever supportive Sisters in Christ, Mrs. Joanna and Miss Basilissa.


I am certain that BrotherLarry-- who has ever been my stalwart-- would have made the effort to take issue with the insult leveled at my feminine, submissive nature, were it not for the massive herds of horses roaming the streets of New York City which require his continual gnathological skills. Isn't that so, BrotherLarry?


Now, if I may inquire, Mr. Catholic Chocolate-covered raisin person, what was wrong about my correction vis a vis the proper name of the last book of the Bible?


This is a Bible discussion forum. Shall I overlook all sorts of glaring errors regarding the most influential book ever published? Do you want me to let people assume that Eve ate an apple and that there were only three "wise men" who came to visit Jesus after His birth?


Perhaps I could sit back while others post things from the Gospel of Luke Skywalker and the Epistles written by the Apostle Paul of McCartney to the church in the city of Krypton on the shores of the Sea of Ariel.


I don't understand why an accurate assertion of factual information is an indication that I am stubborn. The plural form of the noun "mouse" is "mice", not "mouses". Is pointing that out to someone so very offensive as to constitute "unpolite" behavior?


The Bible tells us that Lot was extremely hospitable to his guests. He even offered a crowd of horny men the option of raping his two virgin daughters rather than expose his visitors to the fate of being sodomized by that crowd.


Before the potential sexual assault part of the evening, however, if one of his guests accidentally picked up the family chamber pot to use as a soup cauldron, I'm sure Lot would have warned the fellow that he was making a mistake.


In our efforts to guide a misinformed world about the Truth(tm) regarding the Bible, we first must establish what is actually written in its pages. There is no book of "relevations"included in the Christian scriptures even as there is no book of "Revelations". It is the book of Revelation, and that is all there is to the matter.


Oh, and the writer of Revelation was exiled to the island of Patmos, off the coast of Greece, not Pandora or Pendragon or whatever else people with a limited knowledge of the Bible might come up with. I know this because I have a copy of the Bible to hand. Turning its pages requires very little in the way of "erudition", just a simple commitment to accuracy.

[Alvin Moss]

Re: Greetings.

When someone suddenly comes, it's for something.

Yes, I expect it was by God's direction that you found this place. It would come as no surprise to me if we are in agreement on that. Sadly, I doubt we would agree on His purpose. It is clear that the Lord sends many here among us in an effort to help them to salvation. I suppose you may well be one of those the Lord, for some reason or another, has taken an interest in. Here you are; this is your chance and be aware that opportunity often knocks but once.


My guess is that you, in your papist arrogance, believe that you are here to bring us some kind of news. We are armed with the full armor of God and He has warned us of such as you. 1 John 4:1. We will not be deceived.

[BrotherLarry]

Re: Greetings.

Joshua 11:7
So Joshua and all the people of war with him came upon them suddenly by the waters of Merom, and attacked them.

This is a profound argument that you've presented, but I would like to counter with one that was shewn unto me by the unction of the Spirit of God: (1 Chronicles 1)


1 Adam, Sheth, Enosh,
2 Kenan, Mahalaleel, Jered,
3 Henoch, Methuselah, Lamech,
4 Noah, Shem, Ham, and Japheth.
5 The sons of Japheth; Gomer, and Magog, and Madai, and Javan, and Tubal, and Meshech, and Tiras.
6 And the sons of Gomer; Ashchenaz, and Riphath, and Togarmah.
7 And the sons of Javan; Elishah, and Tarshish, Kittim, and Dodanim.
8 The sons of Ham; Cush, and Mizraim, Put, and Canaan.
9 And the sons of Cush; Seba, and Havilah, and Sabta, and Raamah, and Sabtecha. And the sons of Raamah; Sheba, and Dedan.
10 And Cush begat Nimrod: he began to be mighty upon the earth.
11 And Mizraim begat Ludim, and Anamim, and Lehabim, and Naphtuhim,
12 And Pathrusim, and Casluhim, (of whom came the Philistines,) and Caphthorim.
13 And Canaan begat Zidon his firstborn, and Heth,
14 The Jebusite also, and the Amorite, and the Girgashite,
15 And the Hivite, and the Arkite, and the Sinite,
16 And the Arvadite, and the Zemarite, and the Hamathite.
17 The sons of Shem; Elam, and Asshur, and Arphaxad, and Lud, and Aram, and Uz, and Hul, and Gether, and Meshech.
18 And Arphaxad begat Shelah, and Shelah begat Eber.
19 And unto Eber were born two sons: the name of the one was Peleg; because in his days the earth was divided: and his brother's name was Joktan.
20 And Joktan begat Almodad, and Sheleph, and Hazarmaveth, and Jerah,
21 Hadoram also, and Uzal, and Diklah,
22 And Ebal, and Abimael, and Sheba,
23 And Ophir, and Havilah, and Jobab. All these were the sons of Joktan.
24 Shem, Arphaxad, Shelah,
25 Eber, Peleg, Reu,
26 Serug, Nahor, Terah,
27 Abram; the same is Abraham.
28 The sons of Abraham; Isaac, and Ishmael.
29 These are their generations: The firstborn of Ishmael, Nebaioth; then Kedar, and Adbeel, and Mibsam,
30 Mishma, and Dumah, Massa, Hadad, and Tema,
31 Jetur, Naphish, and Kedemah. These are the sons of Ishmael.
32 Now the sons of Keturah, Abraham's concubine: she bare Zimran, and Jokshan, and Medan, and Midian, and Ishbak, and Shuah. And the sons of Jokshan; Sheba, and Dedan.
33 And the sons of Midian; Ephah, and Epher, and Henoch, and Abida, and Eldaah. All these are the sons of Keturah.
34 And Abraham begat Isaac. The sons of Isaac; Esau and Israel.
35 The sons of Esau; Eliphaz, Reuel, and Jeush, and Jaalam, and Korah.
36 The sons of Eliphaz; Teman, and Omar, Zephi, and Gatam, Kenaz, and Timna, and Amalek.
37 The sons of Reuel; Nahath, Zerah, Shammah, and Mizzah.
38 And the sons of Seir; Lotan, and Shobal, and Zibeon, and Anah, and Dishon, and Ezar, and Dishan.
39 And the sons of Lotan; Hori, and Homam: and Timna was Lotan's sister.
40 The sons of Shobal; Alian, and Manahath, and Ebal, Shephi, and Onam. and the sons of Zibeon; Aiah, and Anah.
41 The sons of Anah; Dishon. And the sons of Dishon; Amram, and Eshban, and Ithran, and Cheran.
42 The sons of Ezer; Bilhan, and Zavan, and Jakan. The sons of Dishan; Uz, and Aran.


From this one can easily discern the error in your argument regarding Merom.

[Catholicbooger]

Re: Greetings.

And the point you are helplessly attempting to make this time is....?

When someone suddenly comes, it's for something.

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Re: Greetings.

Sir, if you read the thread carefully you'll notice that a gentleman called "handmaiden" affirms the book is called "revelation" and not "revelations" as our guest wrote.

And your problem with that was what, precisely? SISTER Handmaiden is quite correct. We are not interested in what it is or is not called in Greek, Albanian, Kiswahili or whatever native gibberish you speak in your family home. We use the King James Version, as you know perfectly well.


It has not escaped our notice, incidentally, that the so-called quote from Revelation was nothing of the kind. We are simply too polite to mention it.


As for "our" guest, you are in no position to write "our", as if to include yourself as one of us. Kindly engage your brain before writing such tosh.


(Sister Handmaiden, dear, please don't let these childish insults upset you. Some people don't seem to understand the meaning of the word "maiden", having presumably never met one.)

[Basilissa]

Re: Greetings.

Joshua 11:7
So Joshua and all the people of war with him came upon them suddenly by the waters of Merom, and attacked them.

And the point you are helplessly attempting to make this time is....?

[Catholicbooger]

Re: Greetings.

There are a great many comments that your comment could be directed at. Just because you know what you are thinking, don't think the rest of us do. You have made a number of comments on this godly site since your sudden and unannounced appearance. From those comments, it is clear that you are here as an arsonist, implacably set on causing discord. You are trying to tear down God's walls. We are believers in antidisestablishmentarianism here and not at all interested in your riotous and inflammatory ideas.

Joshua 11:7
So Joshua and all the people of war with him came upon them suddenly by the waters of Merom, and attacked them.

[Basilissa]

Re: Greetings.

Sir, if you read the thread carefully you'll notice that a gentleman called "handmaiden" affirms the book is called "revelation" and not "revelations" as our guest wrote.

1. It's Miss Handmaiden to you.

2. You cannot talk about "our guests" because there's nothing "our" between you and us.

3. That other Unsaved Trash (who, apparently, is your guest) called the book of Revelations "Relevation," as it was written to relieve rather than to reveal. Therefore, you are wasting your time trying to defend that particular person.

I hope that was helpful.

I will pray for your Salvation.

[Elmer G. White]

Re: Greetings.

Sir, if you read the thread carefully you'll notice that a gentleman called "handmaiden" affirms the book is called "revelation" and not "revelations" as our guest wrote.

Χαῖρε!

It is totally inappropriate to refer to Sister Handmaiden as a man. One day, very soon, when Jesus takes us up into the clouds (1 Thessalonians 4:17), gender will become less meaningful.

Galatians 3:28
There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus.

But not today, not here! Only in Christ, in Heaven. Where will you be on that day!?

Yours in Christ,

Elmer

[Alvin Moss]

Re: Greetings.

Sir, if you read the thread carefully you'll notice that a gentleman called "handmaiden" affirms the book is called "revelation" and not "revelations" as our guest wrote.

There are a great many comments that your comment could be directed at. Just because you know what you are thinking, don't think the rest of us do. You have made a number of comments on this godly site since your sudden and unannounced appearance. From those comments, it is clear that you are here as an arsonist, implacably set on causing discord. You are trying to tear down God's walls. We are believers in antidisestablishmentarianism here and not at all interested in your riotous and inflammatory ideas.

[Catholicbooger]

Re: Greetings.

To whom are you addressing your comment? I must point out to you that the more erudite you try to appear, the more ridiculous you seem. Your ignorance of God's holy word is shocking, even for a Roman.

Sir, if you read the thread carefully you'll notice that a gentleman called "handmaiden" affirms the book is called "revelation" and not "revelations" as our guest wrote.