[Basilissa]

Re: Hello, it's good to see you

I make my own mustard, and produce my own vinegar essence to brine the seed in.

Oh, you poor thing, you don't have a wife who would do ll the kitchen stuff for you?!

[Isabella White]

Re: Hello, it's good to see you

Hello Mrs. White, I appreciate your concern, yes calisthenics seem to be used in a broader scope to encompass heinously suggestive homoerotic activity. Perhaps I choose the word poorly. The exercises at our youth community consist of push-ups, sit ups, breaking cement blocks, cobra battles, round robin capture the flag, and more.

They also don't wear scantily clad bikinis, thus inadvertently sexualizing minors, no ma'am. Work-out uniforms appear more like this:

Dear Mr. Hucker: Thank you so much for your assurance that your church athletics situation is not quite as I had feared. It is comforting to know that you are doing your best to keep Satan away from inviting people to leer at persons enjoying a bit of exercise. Now, I do have another concern, though, and it's based on the photo that you have provided of the young boy in his uniform. It's not that I'm being unnecessarily neurotic, or anything like that, but, dear Heaven above! That young boy is "perfect pickings" for passing-by homersexualists and their perverted fantasy situations. As you shall see in the photo that I am attaching, that boy's uniform is only but a couple of steps away from the situation in the picture. I do hope that you can give this some serious consideration before calamity strikes. Thank you for your understanding, Dear.

Yes, Sister, I did wonder. I don't know what calisthenics is/are, but the word has the ring of Greek Practices. I am glad that Mr Hucker has cleared this up, if only to some extent. The combination of that with the hat, as worn by the small boy with his hands so daintily on his hips, is worrying.

And I do thank you, dear Sister Joanna, for pointing out the situation with the boy in Mr. Hucker's photo. Yes, the way he is posed, with his hands on his hips, and wearing that "G.I. Joe" costume is very suspicious. This is, doubtless, just another of the devil's tricks to get curious children interested in various "dress up" situations. If this trend continues, why, we can expect only much worse situations, as you shall see below.

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: Hello, it's good to see you

[ATTACH]28665[/ATTACH]

Thank you for the illustration. I'm not sure what size angels are but we do know he that talked with John was an angel because God tells us so in verse nine.

Revelation 21:9a, 15-16 And there came unto me one of the seven angels which had the seven vials full of the seven last plagues, and talked with me………And he that talked with me had a golden reed to measure the city, and the gates thereof, and the wall thereof. And the city lieth foursquare, and the length is as large as the breadth: and he measured the city with the reed, twelve thousand furlongs. The length and the breadth and the height of it are equal.


12 inches...1 foot
.3 feet.....1 yard
22 yards....1 chain
10 chains...1 furlong
.8 furlongs 1 mile

Twelve thousand furlongs would therefore be fifteen hundred miles. According to my atlas Iran is quite a small country. From just beyond Lake Urmia (near Tabriz on the map) to Sirkān (over on the right by the Pakistan border) is only 1180 miles give or take 80 miles so if you wandered around on your camel a bit you could probably get it up to twelve hundred. The other way it's even less. Bandar Abbas is near that little island thing to the right of Shiraz; measuring up diagonally to Golestan National Park on the Turkmenistan border just about makes 650 miles. That's about it. The square shows the footprint of a twelve thousand furlong (square) city.



I would be interested in the weight of such a structure (it's also 1,500 miles high) particularly as regards the foundations. But wherever it's located it's going to encroach on more countries than just Iran.

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Re: Hello, it's good to see you

Perhaps I should not comment on a matter that pertains to leadership at your church, but are you entirely sure that a calisthenics class is appropriate for an environment that presents the Gospel of the ?

Yes, Sister, I did wonder. I don't know what calisthenics is/are, but the word has the ring of Greek Practices. I am glad that Mr Hucker has cleared this up, if only to some extent. The combination of that with the hat, as worn by the small boy with his hands so daintily on his hips, is worrying.

[upchucker67]

Re: Hello, it's good to see you

Hello Mrs. White, I appreciate your concern, yes calisthenics seem to be used in a broader scope to encompass heinously suggestive homoerotic activity. Perhaps I choose the word poorly. The exercises at our youth community consist of push-ups, sit ups, breaking cement blocks, cobra battles, round robin capture the flag, and more.

They also don't wear scantily clad bikinis, thus inadvertently sexualizing minors, no ma'am. Work-out uniforms appear more like this:

[Isabella White]

Re: Hello, it's good to see you

Thank you both. You are living proof that Christian women are the most radiant in existence, both inside and out. Ms. Lytton-Vasey, sadly that satanic Google Images has yet to take down old photos of our beloved church's gymnasium. Ever since I assumed head of the youth, basketball has ceased, and has been replaced by calisthenics, with a state-of-the-art obstacle course. This helps winnow out the weaklings and fat-bodies from the fit.

Oh, you are most definitely so very welcome, dear Mr. Hucker, and I do thank you for your kind words to our Sister Basilissa and myself. I do hope that won't mind my commenting on your message to dear Sister Joanna, though. Perhaps I should not comment on a matter that pertains to leadership at your church, but are you entirely sure that a calisthenics class is appropriate for an environment that presents the Gospel of the ? Goodness, I can imagine how the devil might take advantage of a situation where there are bodies that are twisting and straining, and all whist being scantily attired. I'm sure you know how Satan loves to whisper in the innocent ears of those who would, otherwise, never be led to such lascivious temptations. And, if the situation is anything like what's shown in the videos below, I can only think of how immoral the situation could become. I do hope that you will understand my concern, Dear, as it is based only on the highest standards of decency for the followers of .

[upchucker67]

Re: Hello, it's good to see you

I do so look forward to reading more of your delightful postings, and I wish you the blessings of Almighty as you fellowship with us, here at .

The clue is right there in the name.


Hello Mr Hucker and welcome to LBC. I have to agree with Brother Gonzalez that you seem vaguely familiar, although I have never been to Milton, PA. Tell me, is there worship at the First Baptist Church or has it been entirely given over to basketball?

Thank you both. You are living proof that Christian women are the most radiant in existence, both inside and out. Ms. Lytton-Vasey, sadly that satanic Google Images has yet to take down old photos of our beloved church's gymnasium. Ever since I assumed head of the youth, basketball has ceased, and has been replaced by calisthenics, with a state-of-the-art obstacle course. This helps winnow out the weaklings and fat-bodies from the fit.

We are thirsty for your testimony. Do tell us more.

I have much to tell, sir, but at risk of inflicting ennui, I will single out one story, I'd like to elaborate more and what we do those disgusting fat kids who end up somehow in our beloved church. After their failure to comply to demands of my obstacle course, I enforce a strict mode of discipline upon them.

Nahum 3:6

And I will cast abominable filth upon thee, and make thee vile, and will set thee as a gazingstock.

They are taken by the ear outside, as I throw them into the dirt, in the rain, and they are forced to be pelted with muck by their scornful peers.

Genesis 3:14

And the LORD God said unto the serpent, Because thou hast done this, thou art cursed above all cattle, and above every beast of the field; upon thy belly shalt thou go, and dust shalt thou eat all the days of thy life:

Yes, I force them to eat dirt. Some parents have called me harsh, and one boy supposed died; As a youth leader, I am not out to be liked. The road to salvation is hard, not all boys have the stomach for it, sufficed to say.

[upchucker67]

Re: Hello, it's good to see you

Hello and to our friendly forum, Phil!
I understand it's an analogy, but an analogy must ultimately make some sense, so let me ask you:

Do you take your mustard straight up, by the spoonful (as you should do with Jesus' Holy Words)? Or do you dilute it by spreading it on bread or hard boiled eggs or something else (as most churches do with Jesus' Holy Words)?

I make my own mustard, and produce my own vinegar essence to brine the seed in. I admit, I like to sample my own by-product.

I am unsure why would anyone here require your theological services, dear?

However, when you are ready to truly accept Jesus into your heart, Landover Baptist Church will be more than happy to extend our theological services unto you.

You may be right, my dear. It can be tricky to know the ocean when you've been contained in a pond, and I fear I've selling the "pond" for the past 15 years. In fact, I'm on the brink of putting my business on hiatus until I can inject strong Landover qualities into the practice, though without of course, selling your secrets, just merely to be inspired by so I may provide as authenticated a service as possible.

[upchucker67]

Re: Hello, it's good to see you

Hello, welcome to the forum. I'm glad to see you use the KJV as there are so many dubious "translations" coming out all the time with important verses missing and weird interpretations applied to words that seem self explanatory to me. Soon there will be the SJW version with footnotes for anyone "in transition" suggesting the exact opposite for meanings of words like "abomination" or "idol" and strong encouragement to contradict God at every opportunity.

I've been reading John's Gospel today and his Epistles which are always encouraging. Thank you for posting them. God has some classy architecture wailing for us built using the best materials.

Revelation 21:16-21 The city lieth foursquare, and the length is as large as the breadth: and he measured the city with the reed, twelve thousand furlongs. The length and the breadth and the height of it are equal. And he measured the wall thereof, an hundred and forty and four cubits, according to the measure of a man, that is, of the angel. And the building of the wall of it was of jasper: and the city was pure gold, like unto clear glass. And the foundations of the wall of the city were garnished with all manner of precious stones. The first foundation was jasper; the second, sapphire; the third, a chalcedony; the fourth, an emerald; the fifth, sardonyx; the sixth, sardius; the seventh, chrysolite; the eighth, beryl; the ninth, a topaz; the tenth, a chrysoprasus; the eleventh, a jacinth; the twelfth, an amethyst. And the twelve gates were twelve pearls; every several gate was of one pearl: and the street of the city was pure gold, as it were transparent glass.

Hallelujah!

The best materials indeed, madam.


An architectural pal of mind drew this schematic, to visualize what he predicts will be a upsurge of Biblical Revival. We are considering how to best utilize this incredible conglomerate of precious metals with semi-precious gems. One pitch was to coat the US side of Trump's wall as such, or...perhaps more daring, to recreate the entire city in the space currently occupied by Iran, once Trump completed his campaign to bring freedom to the region.

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Re: Hello, it's good to see you

... deviled eggs ...

The clue is right there in the name.


Hello Mr Hucker and welcome to LBC. I have to agree with Brother Gonzalez that you seem vaguely familiar, although I have never been to Milton, PA. Tell me, is there worship at the First Baptist Church or has it been entirely given over to basketball?

[Alvin Moss]

Re: Hello, it's good to see you

Do you take your mustard... hard boiled eggs

Sister, I agree that deviled eggs and egg salad are a most egregious misuse of both eggs and mustard and they should never be used together in any form.

[Basilissa]

Re: Hello, it's good to see you

Hello and to our friendly forum, Phil!

And suddenly, it all makes sense. There's a bottle of mustard waiting for you. (Matthew 13:31–32) There's Jesus.

I understand it's an analogy, but an analogy must ultimately make some sense, so let me ask you:

Do you take your mustard straight up, by the spoonful (as you should do with Jesus' Holy Words)? Or do you dilute it by spreading it on bread or hard boiled eggs or something else (as most churches do with Jesus' Holy Words)?

Thank you for reading my introduction, I look forward to fellowshipping, and please if you require any theological services and would like to learn more, send me an message and I'd be happy to shoot you a quote.

I am unsure why would anyone here require your theological services, dear?

However, when you are ready to truly accept Jesus into your heart, Landover Baptist Church will be more than happy to extend our theological services unto you.

[Alvin Moss]

Re: Hello, it's good to see you

Welcome, Phil. If it's Jesus you yearn for, you have come to the right place. We are friendly here, rarely taking offence and ever since the unfortunate incident involving the two poodles, we have striven to be understanding of individual peculiarities as long as they are not offensive to God. I admit that I am not receptive to peculiarities of any kind, but Pastor Ezekiel, who is a kind man and a mighty theologian, is more forgiving in nature and it is to him that we look to for leadership in these matters. I thank God every day for his wise and thoughtful leadership.


We are thirsty for your testimony. Do tell us more.


God Bless!

[Isabella White]

Re: Hello, it's good to see you

Dear Mr. Hucker: May I extend to you a very warm and gracious We are pleased that you have made your way, finally, to . I know how complicated these interwebs things can be, so that is most likely why it has taken you a while to find us, but -- praise -- you are here now.

In case you have not yet had a chance to visit other areas of our blessed site, please, do feel free to make your way around to the other forums. There, I am sure that you will find that our glorious site is chock-full of information that is relevant to every follower of the .

I do so look forward to reading more of your delightful postings, and I wish you the blessings of Almighty as you fellowship with us, here at .

[Brother Gonzalez]

Re: Hello, it's good to see you

Hi Phil, nice to e-meet you. I sense I know you from before, but that is kind of impossible since I have never been in the States and you have never been in this forum before. Right? And I don´t go to other internet forums or other Baptist Churches.

I hope you stay in the same spirit of your first post, because it was really inspiring. Sadly, many people has come in the recent years disguised as Christians. Even people with enough IQ to follow the introduction rules; they start as good Christians only to mock us in the following posts.



But I digress! Welcome and enjoy your stay!