[Dennis Lukes]

Re: Hi, I'm Amelia

Yay! Saved by a technicality!

What Roland is saying, and for reasons I can't fathom since it's a complete non sequiter that literally no one had brought up earlier in this thread, is that there may be a technicality exempting women from the one unforgivable sin: blaspheming the Holy Spirit. All this means is that (possibly, as this has not been verified by LBC theologians) you might not be able to irrevocably damn yourself while still alive. This does not mean that you are magically saved.

Does that mean you're saying that even if I don't mention my exact concerns here, the pastors here will be informed by God?

Pastor Zeke is indeed in close contact with Jesus on the regular. Whether that has any positive bearing on any individual member here is directly correlated with their tithing status.

[Elmer G. White]

Re: Hi, I'm Amelia

I just noticed something, the verse says "she shall be saved in childbearing". Knowing that childbearing can result in death, I suppose it could also imply that God keeps us safe while bearing a child rather than it being a salvation requirement. I mean they didn't exactly have state-of-the-art medical equipment back in the day and death through childbearing was quite common. Kinda makes more sense that way since it says "in" rather than "by"

1 Timothy 6:20
O Timothy, keep that which is committed to thy trust, avoiding profane and vain babblings, and oppositions of science falsely so called:

I am afraid that you are on the verge of succumbing to vain babblings about prepositions. However, this can be easily solved. We can look into the vernacular of ancient Grease, the language God used in expectation of the American tongue. He used it to transmit His will unto the peoples of the ancient world. Here's the verse 1 Timothy 2:15 in that linguistic nightmare, as follows:

I Timothy 2:15
σωθήσεται δὲ διὰ τῆς τεκνογονίας, ἐὰν μείνωσιν ἐν πίστει καὶ ἀγάπῃ καὶ ἁγιασμῷ μετὰ σωφροσύνης.

The important part is obviously σωθήσεται δὲ διὰ τῆς τεκνογονίας, of which σωθήσεται is 3rd person singular of future indicative passive voice, "(s)he/it will be saved", δὲ is just a conjunction (however), then comes the important preposition διὰ, which means "through". The remaining part τῆς τεκνογονίας is just the definite article followed by the feminine singular genitive of the word "childbearing". Putting aside your attempts to make this an escape clause for you, it clearly means that unless a woman gives birth, the sins of the Fall from Grace (as stated in the previous verse, see also Genesis 3:6 for reference) are just too enormous to let her enter Heaven. Barren women are most probably either those who failed to Pray (Matthew 21:22) or were sinners who God does not listen to anyway (John 9:31). If you wish to be Saved®, you need to start begetting. One way to gain a husband is nicely depicted in Deuteronomy 22:28-30 - it will also lead to permanent financial security as a divorce is impossible! Glory to Jesus for that!

On a related note, I'd like to inquire about your name, Amelia. As we all know, it is also the name of a congenital deformaation, the absence of one or more limbs! This is obviously quite bad as it indicates that some of your ancestors (3-4 generations with regular sins as in Exodus 20:5, but up to ten generations in cases of a bastard in the bloodline, as in Deuteronomy 23:2) defied God! Did you use to live in Ashdod!? I am only asking, of course. Do you have any idea of the sins they committed to make you so horribly disfigured?


Yours in Christ,

Elmer

[Amelia30]

Re: Hi, I'm Amelia

We understand that you may not feel comfortable discussing your lady problems, but if you don't get married and bear at least one child, you will go to Hell. It's all there in 1 Timothy 2:15. We're trying to save you from that fate, as we attempt to save all sinners through our proselytizing and evangelizing.

I just noticed something, the verse says "she shall be saved in childbearing". Knowing that childbearing can result in death, I suppose it could also imply that God keeps us safe while bearing a child rather than it being a salvation requirement. I mean they didn't exactly have state-of-the-art medical equipment back in the day and death through childbearing was quite common. Kinda makes more sense that way since it says "in" rather than "by"

I did find a loophole that might safe you from any brimstone. In Matthew 12:31-32 Jesus talks about men. You should not be afflicted then, and yes, I did assume your gender.

Unfortunately, here I can not tell you where to find all those cute pirate hamsters

Yay! Saved by a technicality!

I found the Pirate hamsters but they were sold out.

Random fact: Spaghetti is indeed one of the greatest edible inventions on this planet

God sees all. He keeps our Pastors well informed.

Does that mean you're saying that even if I don't mention my exact concerns here, the pastors here will be informed by God?

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Re: Hi, I'm Amelia

Personal concerns that I'd rather not share nor discuss on a public domain like this.

Things that you'd rather not discuss on a public forum are probably best not mentioned at all, in my opinion.

[James Hutchins]

Re: Hi, I'm Amelia

Personal concerns that I'd rather not share nor discuss on a public domain like this.

God sees all. He keeps our Pastors well informed.

This is not a public domain, it is the Divine Property of LBC. As you already know, you can not just walk through the doors, you must past a series of test to ensure you might be worthy of Gods Everlasting Love©.

Then the DOF does a thorough background check, interviewing your known associates, neighbors, employers, co-workers. It is only a matter of time before the Truth® comes out. From my experience, it is better to willing come clean right from the start Vs. having the facts be dug up. I know Bobby-Joe and the boys do not like having to dig up the dirt and instead much prefer to just verify.

[Roland]

Re: Hi, I'm Amelia

A question though, If I were to post a thread in the Introduction Forum that belonged in another forum, is there a chance it would be moved if it were good enough?

You can just copy-paste them in that thread if you feel so inclined I guess.

I did find a loophole that might safe you from any brimstone. In Matthew 12:31-32 Jesus talks about men. You should not be afflicted then, and yes, I did assume your gender.

Unfortunately, here I can not tell you where to find all those cute pirate hamsters

[Dennis Lukes]

Re: Hi, I'm Amelia

We understand that you may not feel comfortable discussing your lady problems, but if you don't get married and bear at least one child, you will go to Hell. It's all there in 1 Timothy 2:15. We're trying to save you from that fate, as we attempt to save all sinners through our proselytizing and evangelizing.

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

Re: Hi, I'm Amelia

If I were to post a thread in the Introduction Forum that belonged in another forum, is there a chance it would be moved if it were good enough?

I will not only do that, I will eat my fourth-of-July hat while doing it. And it's a sturdy hat: the Chinese are really building things tough these days.

[Amelia30]

Re: Hi, I'm Amelia

Hmm, we have a ladies' forum for discussions of a vaginatory nature. Please be advised that as your security clearance is currently Unsaved Trash, you cannot start your own thread but you are able to comment in relevant preexisting threads.

I hope this helps.

I'm not sure if it can be called that but thank you Much appreciated.

A question though, If I were to post a thread in the Introduction Forum that belonged in another forum, is there a chance it would be moved if it were good enough?

[Dennis Lukes]

Re: Hi, I'm Amelia

Personal concerns that I'd rather not share nor discuss on a public domain like this.

Hmm, we have a ladies' forum for discussions of a vaginatory nature. Please be advised that as your security clearance is currently Unsaved Trash, you cannot start your own thread but you are able to comment in relevant preexisting threads.


I hope this helps.

[Amelia30]

Re: Hi, I'm Amelia

Sort out? You are a female, what could you possibly have to sort out? Right foot, left foot, breath in , breath out. Make yourself presentable and stay quiet. Pray silently.

Personal concerns that I'd rather not share nor discuss on a public domain like this.

[James Hutchins]

Re: Hi, I'm Amelia

Greetings good sir I'm not exactly in the market atm. Got a few things I need to sort out first.

...

Sort out? You are a female, what could you possibly have to sort out? Right foot, left foot, breath in , breath out. Make yourself presentable and stay quiet. Pray silently.

[Amelia30]

Re: Hi, I'm Amelia

There are some examples here:

https://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=26949

Thank you

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: Hi, I'm Amelia

There are some examples here:

https://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=26949

[Amelia30]

Re: Hi, I'm Amelia

You just did. Comparing the Holy Ghost to a shot with a 40% ABV seems funny but now you are destined for a bath in hot sulfur

But at least there will be booze.

Is that a pirate mouse?!? I want one!! That's so cute!! Sorry, I like plushies.

Wouldn't the shot catch fire or something? I'm pretty sure Alchohol is flammable.


Joking aside, the blasphemy question was a serious question.