[James Hutchins]

Re: Greetings and salutations!

Mr. Hutchins, imagine how Jesus feels. He wrote an entire book for Miss Mrs Helen and was hung. He is frustrated; He wants unripe fruit. Maybe we could spruce ourselves up occasionally to make it special for Him again.

I've learned to never try and think about what Jesus feels. It would be incomprehensible for a mere man to understand His Divine Plan(tm). I do know we greatly disappoint Him and that is most of humanity goes straight to Hell.

God is not a fool. Try to fool Him once, that is it. A big red H stamped on your file jacket.

[Dr. Anthony J. Toole]

Re: Greetings and salutations!

I feel slighted.

Sorry, but while I am a strong backed man, I still have feelings and they've been hurt. I just hope., God Willing™, I am strong enough to not do something foolish.

Mr. Hutchins, imagine how Jesus feels. He wrote an entire book for Miss Mrs Helen and was hung. He is frustrated; He wants unripe fruit. Maybe we could spruce ourselves up occasionally to make it special for Him again.

[James Hutchins]

Re: Greetings and salutations!

I feel slighted.

Sorry, but while I am a strong backed man, I still have feelings and they've been hurt. I just hope., God Willing™, I am strong enough to not do something foolish.

[WWJDnow]

Re: Greetings and salutations!

Helen,

This is a truly inspiring story. It proves that Jesus will forgive even the vilest of sinners if they simply open their hearts to His Holy Word. Sometimes, when I find my evangelical fervor flagging, I re-read stories such as yours to remind myself that yes, we are slowly but surely winning the battle against sexual immorality of all kinds--sodomy, lesbianism, pornography, premarital sex, oral sex, masturbation, petting, sexual dice games, shoe fetishes, interracial sex, bikinis, birth control, and adultery--these will all soon be things of the past thanks to the efforts of the Holy Spirit, the evangelism of the Landover Baptist Church, the new conservative, pro-Trump majority on the US Supreme Court, and the willingness of ex-sinners like you to see the light. Bravo!

Which sex toys exactly did you destroy and, without getting too graphic in the details, how did you use them back in your days of lurid sexual perversion? I will add these devices and acts to my list of sexual deviancies that I ask our Father every day to remove from our American society.

[BrotherLarry]

Re: Greetings and salutations!

Greetings new worshipper! I was wondering if I might call you Dutchie. I think it’s cute but I won’t do it if it offends you. As I read your introduction my soul leapt in my soulholder for joy. Another flannel wearing bull dyke rescued from the pits of hell by our Jesus.

I am likely the straightest person here. I minister to those captured in the web of the homer agenda. I also can help if you need the location of your nearest gay bar so you can fellowship with other lost souls. I spend much of my time and money there, particularly on drag show nights. God is good all the time and He loves a good Dua Lipa song.

My Sister, if I may be of assistance to you as you journey with Jesus please reach out to me. I don’t know much about dykes but we will learn together in His Love.

In Him often,
BrotherLarry

[Dennis Lukes]

Re: Greetings and salutations!

I think the new PC term for Holland is "The Netherlands."

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: Greetings and salutations!

I myself used to own a few glow sticks

Do you also own a Bible? Here is a link to the original King James site where there's a handy search function.

https://www.kingjamesbibleonline.org

Galatians 5:19-21

Galatians is always encouraging. Soon when Jesus returns we'll be entering a new phase of His Plan for the whole universe! In order for as few as possible to be included, the forces of depravity are hard at it right now with the ludicrous lifestyle choices and postmodern world views (there's so many of them I lose track!) so that even God's reminder to Himself about deliverance from destruction is repurposed, much as those glow sticks have been repurposed from the manufacturers' intention.

Genesis 9:13-15 [God speaking] I do set my bow in the cloud, and it shall be for a token of a covenant between me and the earth. And it shall come to pass, when I bring a cloud over the earth, that the bow shall be seen in the cloud: and I will remember my covenant, which is between me and you and every living creature of all flesh; and the waters shall no more become a flood to destroy all flesh.

The first angel recorded spoke to Hagar, the property of Sarai whom she'd given to Abram as a present for whatever purpose which we don't need to dwell on here, the point being that Hagar ran off when Sarai got jealous. She said it was all Abram's fault Genesis 16:5 anyway he instructed Sarai to treat her property as she saw fit resulting in the wretch absconding. In the wilderness (all this was taking place in a desert) our lowly handmaid found a fountain. At the fountain there was an angel.

Genesis 16:8-9 [The angel speaking] Hagar, Sarai's maid, whence camest thou? and whither wilt thou go? And she said, I flee from the face of my mistress Sarai. And the angel of the LORD said unto her, Return to thy mistress, and submit thyself under her hands.

Sometimes it seems as though we are under duress in a secular world bent on persecuting Christians. The world is being attacked and part of that attack addresses God's reminder to Himself about destruction. Christians are encouraged to remain on-course during the difficult times, like Hagar, because persecution just like time itself won't last forever. That's what "forever" means. This message was also brought by an angel, asserting God's ownership of the rainbow as surely as He owns us. I wonder if it's the same angel?

Revelation 10:1, 5-6 And I saw another mighty angel come down from heaven, clothed with a cloud: and a rainbow was upon his head, and his face was as it were the sun, and his feet as pillars of fire . . . And the angel which I saw stand upon the sea and upon the earth lifted up his hand to heaven, and sware by him that liveth for ever and ever, who created heaven, and the things that therein are, and the earth, and the things that therein are, and the sea, and the things which are therein, that there should be time no longer

[Isabella White]

Re: Greetings and salutations!

I'd like to start off my introduction post by saying how grateful I am that there exists a community of real Christians that think just like me out there.

Well, well; we are just so pleased to have you with us, dear Miss Holland! To you, I do extend a most heartfelt , from our little part of the vast interwebs universe. Might I enquire as to how you found us, Dear?

Now, one may take notice of the fact that I have been married for only a year and ask why that is, and there's actually a reason for that - for, you see, until about 2 or 3 years ago, I was actually a demonic, woman-loving dyke. I slept around with numerous women and voted satanists like Crooked Hillary and Jerry Brown into power.

Dear Heaven above, help us! It sounds like you have had quite the background, with your cavorting and romping through the devil's icky playground — getting up to only Goodness knows what. I do hope that you won't mind my saying, Dear, but since you were a "dyke", and as your surname is Holland, don't you think it's high time that you changed your name, to symbolically break off from all association with sin and lasciviousness?

Galatians 5:19-21:
19 Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness,
20 Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies,
21 Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of .

August 2020 is when I made my full conversion. I burned all of my sex toys, broke up with the harlots I was dating at the time, quit my job, and made plans to move from Commiefornia to Mississippi. Shortly after moving, I met a nice, hard-working Christian man, and we fell in love and decided to get married!

My word; that's all very nice and re-assuring, and from the bottom of my heart, I so hope that you are managing to maintain a true commitment to decent domesticity. You will be encouraged by browsing through the many helpful and informative postings over at Auntie Flo's Prayer Shack for Women, where you will, most assuredly, meet other women who are proud to hold high the -stained banner of Righteousness. I am pleased to include the link to that forum for you, here:

https://www.landoverbaptist.net/forumdisplay.php?f=14

May bless you as you serve , forsaking all former acious, lezbean tendencies — for

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Re: Greetings and salutations!

My name is Miss Helen Holland, but you may call me Helen for short. I'm an unashamed Southern Baptist that has been married for over a year now

So what is your real, married name?

[Dr. Anthony J. Toole]

Re: Greetings and salutations!

My name is Miss Helen Holland, but you may call me Helen for short. I'm an unashamed Southern Baptist that has been married for over a year now

Helen for short, you know that God hates liars (amongst other things), don't you? Please help us understand why your husband lets you entitle yourself "Miss". At least it's better than the l*sbian "Ms" - I'm glad you've been converted. Did you enroll in corrective rape or some other approved therapy?

[James Hutchins]

Re: Greetings and salutations!

Hello, I hope that is not too forward.

[Mary Etheldreda]

Re: Greetings and salutations!

Welcome, Helen! I look forward to fellowshiping with another home educating Keeper-of-the-Home! I'd love to hear how you educate your little ones! How old are they? When were they potty trained? Blanket trained? Do they obey directs first time given? With a smile? It's hard work, but vastly worth it!

[Miss Helen Holland]

Re: Greetings and salutations!

Welcome to our forum, Helen. Your story is one many here at Landover Baptist can relate to, living in sin and then finding grace in the faith.

Would you mind sharing with us what church you attend?

Thanks for the warm welcome. As for what church I go to, I attend Bible Baptist Church in Gulfport, Mississippi.

[Miss Helen Holland]

Re: Greetings and salutations!

I've noticed a lot of people waving glow sticks around or linking them together as a necklace.

Is this something you were familiar with in your previous life? Are there hidden messages we need to look out for or warn family members about?

Yes, in fact. The entire reason for glow sticks' existence is to desensitize children and families to phallic imagery and to groom them into degenerate lifestyles.


I myself used to own a few glow sticks - they were in the pile of satanic toys that I burned after I saw the light.

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: Greetings and salutations!

Thank you for a thorough introduction, even if some of the details were confronting. I've noticed a lot of people waving glow sticks around or linking them together as a necklace.

Is this something you were familiar with in your previous life? Are there hidden messages we need to look out for or warn family members about?

Welcome to the forum.