[Mistress Cookie]

Re: Is there a Cliff Notes version of The Bible?

Thank you for your wise words of concern and warning, Pastor. Yey, we must be ever vigilant.

I do understand that my dear Daryl died unsaved, as he was an unrepentant pantycoastal, yet I am not sure about the homer part, seeing as he was always quite vigorous in his worship of the female body (especially mine) (blush) and so very popular with our lady followers.

I hope I myself have escaped the fiery pits of hell by becoming a member of the Landover Baptist Church. Only time will tell.

PS: I'm sorry I've not been on the board for the last two weeks...but Daryl's flock has become increasingly violent about the return of "gifts" they gave to our church, etc., and I have been forced into hiding...

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: Is there a Cliff Notes version of The Bible?

Daryl was most likely a homer and you are sliding straight into HELL. There IS a cliff notes version of the Bible. It's the Ten Commandments which the Catlicks have distorted because they are no better than Wickedans.

You had better get your insurance settlement straightened out and sent it to us,
AND I MEAN NOW!

[Mistress Cookie]

Re: Is there a Cliff Notes version of The Bible?

I look relieved in that newspaper photo because the funeral and reception were at last over, and I'd cooked for about 300 people, sewn my own widow's weeds by hand, and arranged many many urns of flowers. The late Reverend's tent revivals were popular, and it seemed the entire flock descended upon our home that day, some even demanding the return of "gifts" they had given "the church". It's all still being sorted out.

Thank you for the goodly concern you've shown a woman alone.

[Don Bozo el Guapo]

Re: Is there a Cliff Notes version of The Bible?

<< Do feel free to explain how "one to another," when correctly interpreted, means "only to a devil in a black dress." >>

I do hope you're not criticizing the adornment shown in my avatar. Ordinarily, I do not wear black dresses before sundown. Yet this was at my Dear Daryl's funeral. I was weak.

In your avatar you also look relieved with a hint of a smile. Contempating the reading of the will perhaps? Or just had a good BM?

[Mistress Cookie]

Re: Is there a Cliff Notes version of The Bible?

Thank you. I think. It does not appear to be safe to be Catholic at this site! I shall throw no stones at you, as I am just beginning my study of The Landrover Way, but I urge you to be wary of those who profess friendship here. From what I can see...well, you have observed this yourself. Go with God.

[Father Thomas Martin]

Re: Is there a Cliff Notes version of The Bible?

<< Do feel free to explain how "one to another," when correctly interpreted, means "only to a devil in a black dress." >>

I do hope you're not criticizing the adornment shown in my avatar. Ordinarily, I do not wear black dresses before sundown. Yet this was at my Dear Daryl's funeral. I was weak.

No, they're not talking about you. They're using personal attacks at me (they call my cassock a "dress")

Although you look like the perfect Catholic housewife in my opinion!

[Mistress Cookie]

Re: Is there a Cliff Notes version of The Bible?

<< Do feel free to explain how "one to another," when correctly interpreted, means "only to a devil in a black dress." >>

I do hope you're not criticizing the adornment shown in my avatar. Ordinarily, I do not wear black dresses before sundown. Yet this was at my Dear Daryl's funeral. I was weak.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Is there a Cliff Notes version of The Bible?

Sorry...Only a Catholic priest like me can administer the Sacrament of Reconciliation!

Stop trying to usurp my position, heretic klansman.

The only "position" you have here is hellbound papist dog. Shut your yap, mary worshiper. Don't you have a bailbond hearing to attend?

[Pastor Isaac Peters]

Re: Is there a Cliff Notes version of The Bible?

Sorry...Only a Catholic priest like me can administer the Sacrament of Reconciliation!

Really? Look at what I found in the last place you'd look, namely, the Bible:

James 5:16: Confess [your] faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.

Do feel free to explain how "one to another," when correctly interpreted, means "only to a devil in a black dress."

[Mistress Cookie]

Re: Is there a Cliff Notes version of The Bible?

There is much that happened, both in the orphanage and on the road, that were True Tests. I have tried to block those memories out. The past is gone, and the Good Lord willing, the Landrover Baptists shall be the rock 'pon which I now build.

[Father Thomas Martin]

Re: Is there a Cliff Notes version of The Bible?

What disgusting perverted sins have you wallowed in?

Sorry...Only a Catholic priest like me can administer the Sacrament of Reconciliation!

Stop trying to usurp my position, heretic klansman.

[Mistress Cookie]

Re: Is there a Cliff Notes version of The Bible?

Good Lord! And lo, my avitar did magically appear! Praise and Braise!

<< So then you come from snake-handling Pentecostals? >>

It was my practice to let my husband deal with such details. He spoke of The Lord a lot. I primarily passed the basket at his tent revivals, sewed our robes, cooked for the needy, and milked the snakes so no one died in the evening handling ceremonies, should one strike down the wicked.

I shall begin afresh with the Bible in a Year series. But must I wait until the thread gets to the beginning of The Book again? Or do I start now....?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Is there a Cliff Notes version of The Bible?

So then you come from snake-handling Pentecostals?

Disgusting. They're like carnival workers or something. And cram full of false doctrine. They worship satan directly I've heard. Do you speak in tongues too?

Take a look at THIS thread.

I urge you to start reading that Bible in a Year thread, as well as everything else on this Godly forum. We are True Christians™ and as such, we follow the one true Bible word for word. Our beliefs can be found HERE.


Unless you accept Jesus as your Savior&#169; and renounce your false Christian ways, you'll be spending eternity in the same lake of fire that your late husband is flopping around in as we speak.

[Mistress Cookie]

Re: Is there a Cliff Notes version of The Bible?

I see I am victim of the damnable sin of Overeagerness, of Greed for Immediate Pleasure, as I tried to steamroll the above "PS" through without waiting for Your reply, first. Now it is drifting there..."A PS to what?" some may wonder.

But as to me: I was raised in a simple southern orphanage, left there by parents who promised the Sisters they'd return for me. Rumor has it they were actors and/or acrobats. (The notes in the ledger are blurry.) I was trained in sewing and cookery, and finally adopted by the Reverend Daryl Crawford and his sister Rose at age 14. I traveled with them, assisting with their popular tent revivals where I was trained in the Art of Hypnosis and Snake Handling. This later activity also necessitated a study of medicine, particularly the healing properties of nearby herbs and weeds.

After Daryl took me for his wife, Sister Rose felt a schism and went her own way, taking half our flock with her. Daryl eventually succumbed to debauchery and then, after many warnings and signs of warnings, fell ill with a mysterious pestilence. No matter how much of my special herbal teas I infused him with, he but withered more.

Daryl was but recently Called Back to Our Maker, and I was surprised to discover that our Worldly property and holdings to be under the control of his brother, who I'd never met (let alone received a wedding gift from). This "man" claims to be an attorney. I have told him that God Himself is our judge and we are all but supplicants in His court...but my brother-in-law and the probate court sees things differently.

I am exhausted, recalling these Dark Memories.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Is there a Cliff Notes version of The Bible?

PS: And I would, of course, tithe appropriately. (Or I should say, in my best interpretation thereof...as only He can judge what is Appropriate, and No.)

It seems that you have a profile photo but no avatar. Better pray harder and try again lady.