[MitzaLizalor]

Re: SANTA WILL DELIVER - THE 2021 CHRISTMAS WISH LIST

The generator will be lovely, in a Cornflower Blue too – which is always so restful. I can attach a small water wheel where the handle is now; that will be better for the environment. Some people are so greedy aren't they. If I'd known lists were possible I would have included a floral clock. They don't have the flowers in, it's just the clock mechanism. I'm not sure whether they come with hands, probably you just make them up using window boxes. About twenty feet across should would have been big enough.

[Santa Claus]

Re: SANTA WILL DELIVER - THE 2021 CHRISTMAS WISH LIST

Dear Santa,

This Christmas, I would like a Rolex and a LeBaron for my boyfriend, a new kitchen set complete with an Alaskan salmon deboner with a Damascus steel blade, as well as a new mandolin and juicer with depulping attachments, the entire collection of Freaks & Geeks, a make-up set complete with alabaster foundation and violet highlighters, plus and antiperspirant, a waxing kit and some nicker elastic and amyl nitrate, thank you!

Ho-ho-holy crappity crap Jennie-lass. Aren't you a bit greedy?! But, as always. I'll deliver and - as always - it is based not only on your wishes but on your needs. First, your boytoy will have to ask for those thingies himself. If you can't afford to buy them to him yourself, I suggest (and this tip is one of the gifts I deliver) that he goes into gansta rap: Big Money There! Been there, done that. In fact, done almost everything during my existence of several millennia. I used to be a woman called Sheila for a few decades, you didn't know that, did you? So the Rolex and the the vehicle are out but gansta rap may bring them back, we'll have to see.

Next: A mandolin is OK. This one is made of the best genuine plastics:


All the other stuff can be dealt with collectively, as I am quite experienced and always utterly witty, a jolly old but forever young fellow with lots of dough to spare. My elves found another post of yours that provided me with a good solution:

Italy is full of ostentatious estates that have long been abandoned by their former occupants during the Mussilini regime, leaving behind their belongings. The crumbling wood and moulding wallpaper obscure what was once a craze to live like royalty in a bygone era. Wouldn't it be great to refurbish one of these homes and live tax-free like a princess?

In fact, it is Mussolini that you're probably referring to. AND I CAN DELIVER! Did you know that they sell houses for 1 € in Italy. You can renovate a property to me your own mansion, you can live like royalty, have the new kitchen and the libertarian European drug laws will give you the opportunity to have your own lab to try out recipies in the basement. I've chosen this nice house for you!



In rhyme:
To please my friend Jen, so cute and teeny
I'll deliver goodies from her pal Mussolini
Into a mansion you can make this house
It has no vermin, just one breeding house mouse
I deliver, I'm Santa not any genie!

Howdiddly hoe my ho!

[Santa Claus]

Re: SANTA WILL DELIVER - THE 2021 CHRISTMAS WISH LIST

Thank you for your kindness last year. Now that communists (or Zimbabwe) have taken over the electricity supply, would it be possible to get a generator? Due to safety regulations, most generators seem to be plastic – mostly plastic. There are some nice blue ones I've seen but coral or a medium Spring green would be fine. Thanking you in anticipation. Mitza.

desirable
a nice blue
sky blue
powder blue
light coral
pale green
a nice Spring green
light green

UNdesirable
red
chartreuse
black
khaki

Howdy-How! Mitza ! You never liked ma garde-robe, did you? Always those stylish inoffensive blues and corals and always opposed to the yule red. But this time I can deliver. I can also guarantee that the generator I've chosen for you to play with has many parts of genuine plastic, AND it is of a nice blue color that will fade into midmorning sky blue when exposed to actual skies.



As you can see, this is a manually-operated generator, so you'll need no electricity to run it to produce electricity! Wonderful. I thought that it would be useless to have a generator that ran on imported energy to produce energy. No sweat!

In rhyme:
She used to have arms so useless and frail
But brains allover, 'cause she was Mitza
No more will her complexion be skinny and pale
She'll be strong enough to bake a pizza
(But we'll hold the pizza for my next customer below who will translocate into Italy)

On second thought, I'll also a deliver (alas, no plastic versions) a billy for you to boil your catch by the bonging billas (whatever they be).

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: SANTA WILL DELIVER - THE 2021 CHRISTMAS WISH LIST

Thank you for your kindness last year. Now that communists (or Zimbabwe) have taken over the electricity supply, would it be possible to get a generator? Due to safety regulations, most generators seem to be plastic – mostly plastic. There are some nice blue ones I've seen but coral or a medium Spring green would be fine. Thanking you in anticipation. Mitza.

desirable
a nice blue
sky blue
powder blue
light coral
pale green
a nice Spring green
light green

UNdesirable
red
chartreuse
black
khaki

[Santa Claus]

Re: SANTA WILL DELIVER - THE 2021 CHRISTMAS WISH LIST

Of course I don't wanna anything from Santa the Satan but I'm asking for a friend. He's a very handsome youthful pastor going round the world saving suffering souls but he's got no private jet. He needs an Airbus A320 something of that caliber asap to keep on saving them souls. He also goes overseas to recruit suffering neglected boys as his assistants and can't travel tourist or business class. His congregation is useless and the tithes are dwindling. While I hate your guts demon Santa, perhaps you'll help my friend in need.

YIC, Zeke

Hoy! Zekey-boy!
You sure you don't need anything for yourself?! Your household has sent a flood of wishes, mostly your young servants asking for tissues, surgical sutures, local anesthetics (which I can deliver), and invisibility cloaks (can't, sorry). OK. Let's consider your friend. You have been so nice that if you had asked for the jet yourself I would certainly have delivered it but I am not at all certain about your friend. Anonymous? No identification? How could I know if he's been nice or naughty? The elves were unable to tell. So he'll get a flying bus alright but I think it's best if he settle for a more practical (and much more affordable) version. You see, a jet will not fly without fuel, a crew, maintenance, ground personnel etc. and that is expensive. This bus will probably not fly at all so it's much more economical to operate. Ho. Ask your little friend to meet me at the Bangkok mall on December 13th and wear a pink carnation so I can recognize him when he sits on me olde yet goode lap. HO!



And in rhyme:
My oh my, my little lad Flint!
Does your breath still smell like freshest mint?
Why oh why do you still long to fly
When you'll only crash and burn and die?

[Santa Claus]

Re: SANTA WILL DELIVER - THE 2021 CHRISTMAS WISH LIST

We're constantly urged to shop at "black-owned" and "woman-owned" businesses (because they would naturally go bankrupt if they weren't propped up by SJWs). Why not "Jew-owned" businesses? It's almost like they're hiding something...

Is this some kind of a request for gifts? Beats me... Ho?

Disney is owned by the Jews?! Oh, dear! Old Walt must be melting away at that news.

Dear Handy, Mr. Disney is dead. He was buried years ago. He can't be melting. I'd give you wits and reason if it were within my deliverances.

This is probably a good time to start building more for-profit prisons and youth detention facilities. Remember the parable of the talents.

Hmm.. OK. The Lego maximum security prison is available and I can deliver it. And it is made of genuine plastic!

If Walt Disney is melting,...

As said, he is dead and buried. In rhyme:
Disney is gone, and so is Mickey
And we've only left with a Donald the duck
No trace of him, not even a hickey
But there are toys so I don't give a moment of my previous time contemplating this issue

Please, make your requests more specific in the future.

[Santa Claus]

Re: SANTA WILL DELIVER - THE 2021 CHRISTMAS WISH LIST

Dear Santa,
I'd like peace and goodwill towards men.
YIC
JH
J/K
I'd like you to thank Jesus for giving you eternal life. You will probably give me what you gave me last year. Squat.

Jamie . Always trying to be witty but always managing to be adorable! First, as said previously, on many many occasions, states of mind cannot be delivered. However, some items that I DO deliver can give you peace of mind and goodwill towards women! How nice is that! Behold the Sears 1984 vintage ladies' underwear catalogue that you used to browse during your formative years.



In addition, you'll get the subscription of the Incel magazine for men JUST LIKE YOU!



In rhyme:

You won't need your hairy bears
No need to lower your moral tone
Now you can enjoy the mighty Sears
And it'll be nicer to be alone!

As for the immortality stuff, it was actually I who gave it to Jesus all those years ago but there was a catch - he was supposed to stay away from trouble and as he started to mingle with the gang of twelve I had to revoke the privilege and y'all know what happened then. Anyways, have a nice Christmas with the catalogue and see ya!

[Santa Claus]

Re: SANTA WILL DELIVER - THE 2021 CHRISTMAS WISH LIST

I want Donald Trump's Supreme Court to outlaw Abortion.

Cranky-boy! It's going to be the umpteenth time we'll meet. You were one of the cutest lads I knew. You came to the post-war mall holding hands with your favorite priest of that year and jumped right from his lap unto mine! So cute, sometimes innocent. Anyway, enough of memory lane. I didn't know if Mr. Trump held court but after a long and winding Internet search (the brand-width here at the North Pole is dismal) I discovered that, indeed, he does!



However, as I explained earlier, I do not deliver states of mind and opinions belong to those, so whatever this court decides upon abortion of the Presidential Ticket 2024 is up to them. In the mean time, I'll be delivering to you one of the things that you've mentioned so many times in the past: a genuine cardboard replica of Greta Thunberg's portrait! Nice!



And, in rhyme:
I know, your face may seem quite Cranky
Pee comes slow and your (censored) parts no longer grow
But you still enjoy some hanky-panky
When you hear the sound of ho-ho-ho!
(not one of my bestest poems, I confess)

Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho!

[Santa Claus]

Re: SANTA WILL DELIVER - THE 2021 CHRISTMAS WISH LIST

Dear Santa,

This last year or two I noticed I've been drinking a lot more especially over the holidays. Do you have anything to help with that?

Yours truly,
Dr. Toole

Ho, Tony-boy! Still strolling the streets listening to Kire Te Kanawa and realizing her voice range by demanding a racket (not tennis)? Can deliver! In fact, can deliver not ONE but TWO great items, of which the first one is in genuine plastic! A pacifier depicting your second-favorite supernatural being, a calm former President Trump.



If you don't remove it from your mouth, and why should you, you cannot drink too much. Second, I'll deliver a healthy dose of vasopressin nasal spray to help your constant bet-wetting in case you remove the pacifier and consume liquids in excess. Isn't this GREAT!



In rhyme (obviously):
Oh say can you see
In the Christmas day light?
No puddle of pee
will stain your day nice and bright!

See your chimney soon! Ho for now!

[Santa Claus]

Re: SANTA WILL DELIVER - THE 2021 CHRISTMAS WISH LIST

As I'm perfectly sure you are aware, Tesco is a Joo supermarket. We don't eat Mazel Tovs, whatever they are, in this house!

Oh-ho... You're a tough chick this year, aren't you? Well, so happy that you are enjoying the prospect of the Hire-a-Priest. However, your demands are on the verge of becoming naughty, but I'll indulge and send you one Aldi £5 Orange Voucher, the same as last year and the year before that and before that etc. With the day off it's gonna be your bestest Christmas EVER! In rhyme:
Who needs a Heavenly lift
with an Aldi supermarket gift?
So easy to keep you stocked with lard
by using this brilliant Christmas card!

Ho!

[Dennis Lukes]

Re: SANTA WILL DELIVER - THE 2021 CHRISTMAS WISH LIST

Disney is owned by the Jews?! Oh, dear! Old Walt must be melting away at that news.

If Walt Disney is melting, it's because of the magma in Hell. Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, Bambi, Mary Poppins, his studio put out all kinds of horrid filth long before Christ-killers like Michael Eisner and Bob Iger got their ratlike claws into it. For the record, Disney, Howard Hughes's RKO, and United Artists were the only gentile-owned major Hollywood studios. Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer, Paramount, Warner Bros., 20th Century Fox, Universal, and Columbia were all founded and remain to this day owned and run by Jews.

[James Hutchins]

Re: SANTA WILL DELIVER - THE 2021 CHRISTMAS WISH LIST

Dear Santa,
I'd like peace and goodwill towards men.
YIC
JH
















J/K
I'd like you to thank Jesus for giving you eternal life. You will probably give me what you gave me last year. Squat.

[handmaiden]

Re: SANTA WILL DELIVER - THE 2021 CHRISTMAS WISH LIST

I want Donald Trump's Supreme Court to outlaw Abortion.

A great first step, Brother Cranky. The problem is that it won't end abortions, just make them more difficult to get and more dangerous.

Of course, the danger is important, but the trick will be to find a way to save the innocent babies while properly punishing the mother. Making her raise a child she doesn't want sounds good, on the surface. But there is no guarantee that she'll raise the child right and we might not get the best-behaved citizens out of the deal.

This is probably a good time to start building more for-profit prisons and youth detention facilities. Remember the parable of the talents.

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: SANTA WILL DELIVER - THE 2021 CHRISTMAS WISH LIST

I want Donald Trump's Supreme Court to outlaw Abortion.

[handmaiden]

Re: SANTA WILL DELIVER - THE 2021 CHRISTMAS WISH LIST

Disney is owned by the Jews?! Oh, dear! Old Walt must be melting away at that news.