[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Honeymoon Farts - We Need to Talk...

I think the essence of a True Christian™ is to be modest, and generally socially considerate. Some things you know are right, and where there is doubt, look to the Unsaved Trash™. If they are doing it – it is wrong.

Silence is the correct way of proceeding in the presence of flatulence is Am:5:13: Therefore the prudent shall keep silence in that time; for it is an evil time.

And was it not Amos himself who said, Am:5:21[…], and I will not smell in your solemn assemblies.

If there is a noise to be made, The Lord of Hosts will do it: 1Th:4:16: For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trump of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first: - and the even the dead will be aware of it.

I attach a picture of Unsaved Trash hurrying to his newly wed wife – I believe most will see why breaking wind is not big or clever:

[Justina Thyme]

Re: Honeymoon Farts - We Need to Talk...

We are far too tolerant of women around here.
Try clicking on the word "Beano" in the Great pastor's post.

I followed your instructions, Brother Eliot, and I want to assure you that I have never laid eyes on this product before, much less left it on Pastor Ezekiel's anyone's property for them to find. Never. I swear.

[Sister Rebecca]

Re: Honeymoon Farts - We Need to Talk...

My dear Tom told me once that semen is a good cure for flattulence. Better than spilling it at least. I don't know whether or not it works, but we have tried numerous times. He says it works. I always trust what he says.

[SUV]

Re: Honeymoon Farts - We Need to Talk...

I think the Mens fart a whole lot more than we do, Mother Glynndie - and show off about it, too!!!

Rumor has it that the idyllic 32-day Marriage of Ernest Borgnine and Ethel Merman
broke up due to his propensity for sticking her head under the covers to give her a "Dutch Oven"

[eliot mayfield]

Re: Honeymoon Farts - We Need to Talk...

"Beano"? What is this "Beano" of which you speak? I've never heard of "Beano." What is the purpose of this "Beano"?

We are far too tolerant of women around here.
Try clicking on the word "Beano" in the Great pastor's post.

[Justina Thyme]

Re: Honeymoon Farts - We Need to Talk...

"Beano"? What is this "Beano" of which you speak? I've never heard of "Beano." What is the purpose of this "Beano"?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Honeymoon Farts - We Need to Talk...

Wait a second....Is this why I keep finding bottles of "Beano" on my doorstep, in the collection plate, and on my car?

[Nobar King]

Re: Honeymoon Farts - We Need to Talk...

Pineapples are acidic, and I think that is a counter-fart agent.

[Wide-Open]

Re: Honeymoon Farts - We Need to Talk...

I guess there are some advantages to being a widower.

Genesis 22:5
And Abraham said unto his young men, Abide ye here with the ass; and I and the lad will go yonder and worship, and come again to you.

[Rev. Carlton Green]

Re: Honeymoon Farts - We Need to Talk...

Looks awfully like one of those "pineapple" things that grace the outdoor balustrades of my mansion.

[Talitha]

Re: Honeymoon Farts - We Need to Talk...

Keep it plugged up with a Cork.
You can then go discreetly into the Bathroom to release it in it's proper place.
I happened upon this handy little gizmo a few years back. It suites the purpose well, although I've absolutely no idea what it really is.

[eliot mayfield]

Re: Honeymoon Farts - We Need to Talk...

Now you women quit blaming the men. We know you really does it!
Men, maybe it's time to quit being gentlemen and taking the blame.

[Rev. Carlton Green]

Re: Honeymoon Farts - We Need to Talk...

A good TC wife should WORSHIP her man's flatulence! That's some Godly poot coming out of her man's sphincter and it's the wife's duty to inhale in a great, BIG whiff the moment she detects that delightful odor.

There's nothing to complain about. I let out great, big, juicy man farts all the time. There nothing at all bad about the smell. In fact, Creation Scientists have proven that WOMEN LOVE IT!! Last time I ripped a big one, Sister SUV practically fainted out of ecstasy when she passed by!!!


There's nothing like a great big "whodunnit" to keep the wife in her proper place!

[Nobar King]

Re: Honeymoon Farts - We Need to Talk...

Lol, maybe not eat much? A woman should be drinking more tea, anyway.

[Glendora Christianson]

Re: Honeymoon Farts - We Need to Talk...

let me just say that I HAVE NEVER PASSSED air infront of Zeke since we got engaged back in 2005, but sadly, he is not discrete in some bodily functions.

Thanks to Elmer's Coon Dog, I have never passed gas in my 25 years of marriage. I do wonder if we should stop buying Old Roy dog food from Walmarts.

PS I keep a body pillow between Elmer and I so I can block his barn burners.