Tweet
Equip your Baptist family with the latest Wiccan hunting, trapping and holding technology from world renowned Wiccan Hunter, Brother Hodge! 100% Tithe Back Guarantee!
A MUST HAVE FOR ANY WICCA-TENDING BAPTIST HOUSEWIFE!
Patsy's Wiccan Purification Pouch™ contains every tool a Godly Christian woman needs to tend a kept Wiccan outdoors or indoors while their husband is out providing for the family! Includes the new "Poop-Cloth" as seen TBN! Also: 2 mace pockets, a scented scripture mat, complimentary tongue pruners, a pair of witch gloves and the standard items from last year's popular model!
Our Pastor Explains Why Wiccan Hunting is Important to the Lord Jesus:
"We don't condone killing anyone!" says Landover Baptist Pastor, Deacon Fred. "Let's make that perfectly clear! We're followers of Jesus and the New Testament - and as such, we're under the New Covenant - that means we follow Christ, who fancied torturing folks instead of simply killing them, like his Father, God did in the Old Testament. The old law does not pass away - Jesus makes that clear! He just wants us to take a more creative approach, and goodness gracious me, Brother Hodge and his lovely wife, Patsy do just that! .
Christians who are not familiar with the Holy Bible (all denominations except for Baptist) should understand that Brother Hodge simply provides a service to his fellow Christians who are called to obey the Word of God and do the Lord's will. It never ceases to amaze me though... all the horrible things the Wiccans get away with! They steal our little children and brainwash them into joining their covens! How many Christian families have lost a child to these tree-dwelling nin-com-poops? How these disgusting, hateful little perverts ever recived a 501©, I'll never understand! Their men-folk, and even their lady folk! think nothing of squatting their morbid, obese rumps down in public and defecating on private property! They even poop on the side-walks, right in front of fancy church-goers on a Sunday morning - and then run off into the woods, giggling that they just got away with persecuting us!"
Pastor Deacon Fred explains, "Wiccans continue to use the woods that surround the Landover Baptist Church Community (PRIVATE PROPERTY!) as their haunting grounds -building their so-called, "tree-dwellings" and running naked through the night, cackling their demonic songs around dangerous camp-fires that fail every county ordinance! Thank the Lord it's still legal to unload a round of buckshot into rear-end of a trespasser in the USA! And we can still honor the Lord Jesus Christ (who came up with that nifty idea of "torturing folks" instead of just 'killing folks' like his Daddy did). We might not be as creative as Jesus Christ is - because he can torture people forever and keep them alive inside a burning furnace, or even a Lake full of fire - all we can do to respect Christ's wishes, and hope that He looks down upon us with tears of delight is to make a Wiccan's life as miserable as humanly possible while they reside on Earth! Jesus can have his own fun with them after they pass into His playful hands. Shout Glory!"
Brother Hodge has the tools every Christian family needs to enjoy a fun-filled night of True Christian™ Wiccan hunting! They make perfect birthday or Christmas presents!
"Sadly, since the Federal Government makes it impossible for Christians to follow God's word completely without ending up in jail (depending on which Judge you get in Freehold, County) we are forced to improvise in order to continue pleasing the Lord Jesus Christ and his Father, God." - Brother Hodge
Rated #4 Family Owned Christian Business in America - Fundamentalist Journal (2009)
