[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Looking for a high-pressure sprinkler system

I was going to offer to lend you a rottweiler to deal with your problem, but after what you said to Seth.....

I am sorry, I never realized dogs could be a solid investment. I am quite sure Mrs. Johnsons dogs are worth absolutely nothing though.

[BelieverInGod]

Re: Looking for a high-pressure sprinkler system

I was going to offer to lend you a rottweiler to deal with your problem, but after what you said to Seth.....

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Looking for a high-pressure sprinkler system

I tried to trap her several times already, but somehow she always seems to avoid the traps. Mostly by sending one of her dogs into it.

She is amazingly resilient. When her house burned down after the Alfred King BBQ it only took her a few weeks to get it rebuild again. Somehow almost everyone (Alfred King did nothing of course) who attended the BBQ helped rebuilding her house.

[James Dewitt]

Re: Looking for a high-pressure sprinkler system

No matter how many for sale signs I put in the lawn of Mrs. Johnson, she keeps removing them. So I thought it was time for a new approach. I got some timer delayed pressure sensitive landmines from Free Market Fred. So this time I didn't just put up the for sale sign, but I also surrounded the sign with the landmines.

Unfortunately Mrs. Johnson seems to have an almost unlimited supply of dogs. She just kept sending dogs to the sign until all landmines exploded and then removed the sign. I suppose the only upside to this is there will be less barking from now on.

What ever you do, DO NOT attempt to stone her car, she had me tossed in jail for it. I wonder if a camouflaged bear pit might work. If she falls in to it, fill in the pit.

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Looking for a high-pressure sprinkler system

No matter how many for sale signs I put in the lawn of Mrs. Johnson, she keeps removing them. So I thought it was time for a new approach. I got some timer delayed pressure sensitive landmines from Free Market Fred. So this time I didn't just put up the for sale sign, but I also surrounded the sign with the landmines.

Unfortunately Mrs. Johnson seems to have an almost unlimited supply of dogs. She just kept sending dogs to the sign until all landmines exploded and then removed the sign. I suppose the only upside to this is there will be less barking from now on.

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Looking for a high-pressure sprinkler system

You know she'll just get another one.

Good point, I just shot another one to make up for that.

[Nobar King]

Re: Looking for a high-pressure sprinkler system

I immediately shot one of Mrs. Johnson's dogs to make sure Jesus has a smile on his face again.

You know she'll just get another one.

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Looking for a high-pressure sprinkler system

Brother Nobar pointed me to this article: University Park man slain after dog urinates on lawn.

I think it is totally outrageous that this man gets into trouble for killing the owner of an annoying dog that should not have been alive in the first place. Just after reading this I immediately shot one of Mrs. Johnson's dogs to make sure Jesus has a smile on his face again.

[Brother Temperance]

Re: Looking for a high-pressure sprinkler system

High pressure water works wonders repelling undesirables. I remember being a lad of 15 and visiting my uncle down in Mississippi, and there was all these unruly negroes in the streets. Well, the cops and firemen wouldn't have any of that and washed them away with firehoses. They scattered like roaches.

My cousin was a firefighter at the time and he let me help him hold the hose. We got some old negress straight in the head and the pressure of it knocked her to the floor. I don't think she got up after that. Ah, fun memories!

Probably the first wash they'd had in weeks. I hope they were grateful.

What you need is one of these babies. Brother BJ and his boys in security have a couple and they just rave about them.

Have you ever had the privilege of getting to see them go out on a mass street baptism with one of those? Really fills your heart with joy for Jesus, that does.

[Free Market Fred]

Re: Looking for a high-pressure sprinkler system

Yes but I prefer water.

I almost lost my sprinkler system because some weird Kong Negro tried to visit me. He was of course blasted away but somehow the idiot could not handle a few drops of water and tried to force me to remove the sprinklers. Fortunately Landover's lawyers fixed this for me. Next time I will use the M203 Assault Rifles I bought from Brother Halleluyah Rob in a yard sale to handle this.

I commend you on your upgrade from non-lethal to lethal methods of crowd control. However, if a couple of little Christian kids cross your property line and you're feeling sort of tender-hearted and don't want to shoot them, consider another one of my company's fine products, the Freedom Water Cannon:


The "Welcome Wagon" at a recent G8 meeting

It's perfectly humane, and has withstood the test of time. During those G8 meetings they're always having in Euroweenieland, the Freedom Water Cannon is the preferred method of crowd control when the TV camera crews are around:


Did anyone bring the shampoo?

When the camera crews are gone, that's when the peace officers roll out the nightsticks, rubber bullets, and tasers (set to maximum voltage), as the Lord intended.


Peace Officers exercising their right to "free expression"

Personally, I think it's a little wimpy to use rubber bullets, but them liberals kick up a big fuss whenever we use hollow points.

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Looking for a high-pressure sprinkler system

Have you considered lasers?

Yes but I prefer water.

I almost lost my sprinkler system because some weird Kong Negro tried to visit me. He was of course blasted away but somehow the idiot could not handle a few drops of water and tried to force me to remove the sprinklers. Fortunately Landover's lawyers fixed this for me. Next time I will use the M203 Assault Rifles I bought from Brother Halleluyah Rob in a yard sale to handle this. I sold some of Mrs. Johnson's annoying cows to pay for them. I am sure Mr. Johnson would have agreed with me on this.

By the way Mrs. Johnson is very angry at me, just because I cut some of her redwoods for my fireplace. That wood is much tougher than one would expect, but it burns excellently. It seems that woman's main purpose in life is to whine.

A few days ago Free Market Fred took me on a short dynamite whale fishing trip. It was awesome! It seems fishing can be a man's sport after all!

[Nobar King]

Re: Looking for a high-pressure sprinkler system

Have you considered lasers?

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Looking for a high-pressure sprinkler system

Cranky, this fellow in Russia takes it to a whole new level! Russia farmer convicted of planting landmines in field
Alexander Skopintsev

This makes me sad. I know that fellow. I played correspondence chess with him many years ago. For someone who will go to hell, he is a reasonably bearable guy. I never had any theft myself. Maybe my shoot first ask questions later approach has something to do with that. Anyway, I have to figure out where they are keeping Alexander so I can send him a letter to let him know we are thinking about him. It must really suck to live in Russia.

[Buford T Scoggins]

Re: Looking for a high-pressure sprinkler system

Russia farmer convicted of planting landmines in field

A Russian farmer has been convicted of planting landmines around his field to ward off trespassers.

That's really upsetting, Brother James. The farmer was just exercising his second amendment rights, and now he's in prison. Well, that's what you'd expect in a communist country like Russia. Unfortunately, now that the USA has a Marxist president, I fear we may be heading down that path to a totalitarian society.

Oh, how I long for the days of President Bush! Back then, everyone was allowed to possess guns, grenades and landmines. That's why we had no terrorism back then. As soon as Obama got "elected" (by ACORN!), we've been besieged by homo underwear bombers.


Underwear bomber

[James Dewitt]

Re: Looking for a high-pressure sprinkler system

Cranky, this fellow in Russia takes it to a whole new level!

Russia farmer convicted of planting landmines in field



A Russian farmer has been convicted of planting landmines around his field to ward off trespassers.
Alexander Skopintsev, from the eastern region of Primorye near China's border, laid the three devices on his land after building them in his garage.
The 73-year-old had apparently been concerned about the frequent theft of potatoes from his farm.
He was arrested after an intruder set off one of the tripwire-style mines in August and was injured in the blast.
Skopintsev was convicted for the unlawful construction and storage of weapons and received a two-and-a-half year suspended sentence.
"Skopintsev testified that he had prepared the explosive devices to protect his garden against thieves," regional prosecutors said in a statement reported by RIA-Novosti news agency.



A few well placed land mines should do the trick.