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  • Pastor Ezekiel
    Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
     
    • Sep 2006
    • 78552
    #1

    Happy Birthday Brother Hatchet!

    Praise Jesus! Brother Hatchet has reached a milestone, and everyone at LBC wants to wish him a very happy birthday. He turns 75 years young today, and I know his devoted wife and his devoted children and grandchildren will all be throwing him a grand celebration.

    As is our custom at God's favorite church, we will be expecting a special "love offering" of $75,000 from each of his family members to thank Jesus for not killing Brother Hatchet yet. Glory!!
    Who Will Jesus Damn?

    Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

    Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

    Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
    Tags: None
    • eliot mayfield
      God Squad
      True Christian™
      • Sep 2006
      • 9324
      #2
      Re: Happy Birthday Brother Hatchet!

      You don't know about the party? Sister Thumper said something about you oops, never mind.
      Matthew:
      5:17 Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.
      5:18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled
      10:21 And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.
      10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.


      sigpic

        Comment

        • Daisy Mae Johnson
          The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint
          Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running
          aka the Biblethumpin Blonde
          True Christian™
          • Sep 2006
          • 15708
          #3
          Re: Happy Birthday Brother Hatchet!

          Happy Birthday Brother Hatchet!!!!

          sigpic

          Tweet me Here
          My GODLY Bio Here

            Comment

            • Juliette
              True Christian™
              True Christian™
              • Jan 2008
              • 705
              #4
              Re: Happy Birthday Brother Hatchet!

              Happy Birthday Mr Hatchet!!!

              May the Lord allow you many more years.


                Comment

                • Hitoshi
                  Professor of Engrish
                   
                  • Sep 2006
                  • 446
                  #5
                  Re: Happy Birthday Brother Hatchet!

                  happy birthday to you!

                  sorry I am not have present for you I am only have present for the ladies
                  Attached Files

                    Comment

                    • SUV
                      True Christian™ Princess
                      The Driving Force behind RA12
                      Have at it, anytime!
                      • Sep 2006
                      • 11027
                      #6
                      Re: Happy Birthday Brother Hatchet!

                      Glorious-Victorious birthday to you, Godly Brother Hatchet!!!!!

                      So sad that this thread had to be RUINED by that unHoly little Nip-on-knees who posted above me

                        Comment

                        • Cheshire
                          True Christian™
                          True Christian™
                          • Jan 2008
                          • 213
                          #7
                          Re: Happy Birthday Brother Hatchet!

                          Originally posted by Hitoshi View Post
                          happy birthday to you!

                          sorry I am not have present for you I am only have present for the ladies

                          hitoshi! Get your disgusting chocolate smeared photoshopped chink body OUT of Brother Hatchets birthday party!
                          Repent, or be tortured in nasty ways with sharp, pointy things!

                            Comment

                            • Old Man Hatchet
                              Super Moderator
                              Beloved Church Elder
                              World's Greatest Father and Grandfather
                              True Christian™
                              • Sep 2006
                              • 2084
                              #8
                              Re: Happy Birthday Brother Hatchet!

                              Thank you to all for your birthday wishes! It is a privilege to have kind-hearted, supportive True Christian™ friends like you.

                              Hitoshi, you buck-toothed perversion of nature, one more disrespectful post and you WILL be banned. That's not an empty threat.

                                Comment

                                • Roberta
                                  Anti La Leche League Organizer
                                  True Christian™
                                  • Jan 2008
                                  • 1817
                                  #9
                                  Re: Happy Birthday Brother Hatchet!

                                  This little gook wanted me to go on a date. It looks like he smeared himself with fecal matter.

                                  Skat is a nasty and malodorous fetish, Hiroshi. You will probably be impossible to cleanse.
                                  Come climb my mountains.

                                    Comment

                                    • Wide-Open
                                      Director of European Evangelical Outreach
                                      A Shining Example of Christ's Love
                                      Quite possibly the only decent, heterosexual human being in the whole of Europe
                                      True Christian™
                                      • Nov 2007
                                      • 18449
                                      #10
                                      Re: Happy Birthday Brother Hatchet!

                                      Originally posted by Roberta View Post
                                      Skat is a nasty and malodorous fetish
                                      Whilst I agree that it doesn't sound very musical and True Christian-like, I wouldn't call it a fetish though.

                                      Happy Birthday Brother Hatchet, even if it is a day late!
                                      Psalm 81:10:
                                      I am the LORD thy God, which brought thee out of the land of Egypt:
                                      open thy mouth wide, and I will fill it.

                                        Comment

                                        • Brother Temperance
                                          Senior Usher
                                          True Christian™ missionary to the Unsaved Kingdom
                                          A very nice young man
                                          True Christian™
                                          • Sep 2006
                                          • 15621
                                          #11
                                          Re: Happy Birthday Brother Hatchet!

                                          Hallelujah! I'm amazed, yet on balance probably slightly glad, that the Lord hasn't called you home to Glory yet. Let's hope that this'll be the year, eh?
                                          O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.



                                          God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.

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