Time to Nuke Panama!

[Free Market Fred]

Hello Fellow True Christians! I just got back from a business trip to Panama, a pissant beaner country that has recently been in the news because of these so-called Panama Papers.

I had a few loose ends to tie up, transferring some of my company's assets to safer havens, especially those nations that don't have extradition treaties with the USA.

It's a long flight from my home in Hong Kong to Panama, so we parked the Learjet for an overnight rest stop in Manila, which was a good opportunity for me to pay a visit to a local women's shelter where I do volunteer charitable missionary work.


Women's shelter in Manila


Grateful recipient of my charitable donation

The shelter, by the way, has been frequently visited by numerous prominent Republican politicians who - like me - do all we can to financially support young women in need. Occasionally young boys too, though I'm not into that.

Anyway, I just want to say that Panama is obviously turning communist and is no longer a trustworthy ally of the USA. I see no reason why we shouldn't nuke that pissant beaner country back to the stone age! Personally, I thought it was a much better place back in the old days when General Noriega was in charge, but Bush the Elder wanted to make a big show out of his War on Drugs, which is fine, but he should have bombed the marijuana fields in British Columbia and left our friends in the Taco Belt alone. Well, hindsight is always 100%, as they say.

[Dr. Anthony J. Toole]

Re: Time to Nuke Panama!

Great call, Fred. Once Panama is a giant hole in the earth we can fill it with sea water and bill the Chinese for letting them send their ships through.

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Time to Nuke Panama!

I have no idea where this "Panama" is so I am certain it won't be missed.

It's a disgrace that innocent American billionaires like Igor Olenicoff get false accusations based on those Panama papers. I am certain it is all fabricated by Hillary Clinton as a diversion for her e-mail disaster.

Let us instead focus on what is really important here, Hillary Clinton's e-mails!

Proverbs 11:9 - An hypocrite with [his] mouth destroyeth his neighbour: but through knowledge shall the just be delivered.

[WilliamJenningsBryan]

Re: Time to Nuke Panama!

Those numbered Swiss bank accounts used to be a good place to put funds away from the watchful eyes of the corrupt tax authorities, and the Gnomes of Zürich were good at keeping secrets - until someone threatened to out them all as being gay.

All it takes is some LIEberal do-gooder socialist that thinks that someone is not contributing their "fair share" at supporting the welfare state that you get this kind of "scandal". They're always the first ones to say "you didn't build that" Those beaner countries are all socialist anyway - which is why Trump wants to keep them out.

[Levi Jones]

Re: Time to Nuke Panama!

I have no idea where this "Panama" is so I am certain it won't be missed.

It's the really skinny part of Mexico, blessed brother.

YIC

[Free Market Fred]

Re: Time to Nuke Panama!

I have no idea where this "Panama" is so I am certain it won't be missed.

It's the really skinny part of Mexico, blessed brother.

Yes Brothers, this is a province of Mexico that our awesome military once conquered and annexed, so that we could build our canal. Of course, it was a mutually beneficial relationship, with lots of foreign investment flowing south of the border creating good jobs for the local beaner population.


Major American investment in Tijuana, capital of Panama


Duty-free shopping brings tourist boom to Panama


Most successful joint-venture in the Canal Zone

Everything was going along just fine in our Panama colony until, in 1979, traitor-President Jimmy Carter decided to give our canal back to the Panaminians. The commies must have had a good laugh about that!


Panamite president and vice-president celebrating
after negotiating with weak-kneed Jimmy Carter.

Godly Ronald Reagan took office in January 1981, and just months later our black ops people took out commie President Omar Tortillas. We soon installed our good friend Noriega as president - personally, I loved his slogan:



Unfortunately, things didn't work out with him, as you know. He was useful, but a bit too much of a loose cannon. Anyway, the good news is that we signed a free-trade agreement with Panama in 2012. There was some hysterical criticism from Demoncrats like Bernie "the-socialist" Sanders, claiming that Panama would become a money-laundering center. Of course, that was a ridiculous idea, since my company personally contracted with the US government to set up a supervisory bank-auditing center to prevent any shady dealings. It was a well-funded and sophisticated operation, and I'm proud to say that nothing went on in that pissant country that we didn't know about.


Bank Auditing Center in Panama, a public-private partnership run by my company

Just like when the Uranus Corporation was responsible for auditing Wall Street hedge funds and investment banks in 2008, we kept everything above-board and honest. Unfortunately, there were a few bad apples that escaped our notice, but hey, it's easy to overlook the misdeeds of miniscule companies that no one ever heard of, like Merril-Lynch, Goldman-Sachs, and Bank of America. I mean, we can't be everywhere, all the time, and besides, who (except liberals) want Big Government intruding into our lives.

Anyway, nobody would have been the wiser about our money-laundering operation in in Panama until some corrupt government official starting sending info to Wikileaks, and that's when the trouble began. Had Panama been under the control of an American viceroy like we had in Iraq during the golden Bush regime, I doubt there would have been a problem. This just goes to show that joint-ventures should never hire locals. You can't trust a beaner not to spill the beans, especially once they've got some tequila in them!

But getting back to the main subject of this thread, I think it's time we re-instituted Operation Plowshare. This was a project intended to widen the Panama Canal, and I think a good case could be made right now for making it about 200 miles wide.