[JennyD]

Re: Praise Jesus! My new album is almost here!

One question about that album, Mr. Crossburn:

Would it be OK if I made an edited version to be sold at FYE and Wal-Mart?

That's the only way it would sell at Wal-Mart...

Disgusting! Trying to pirate a True Christian(tm)'s music so you can profit and give money to your Pedophile Pope!

[Offcr. Albert Martin]

Re: Praise Jesus! My new album is almost here!

Disgusting! Trying to pirate a True Christian(tm)'s music so you can profit and give money to your Pedophile Pope!

I notice you didn't question the PA sticker I put on the album...

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Praise Jesus! My new album is almost here!

I think I might invite my brother (who's NOT locked up) with me so we can record our own album!

More info in a future thread!

I want to remind you that it is a federal offence to aide and abet a wanted pedophile. And any True Christian™ would turn you in in a New York second, papist.

Anyway, what would you call yourselves? The rapping mary worshipers?

One question about that album, Mr. Crossburn:
Would it be OK if I made an edited version to be sold at FYE and Wal-Mart?

That's the only way it would sell at Wal-Mart...

You want to edit Brother Crossburn's CD just like you papist dogs edited the Holy Word of God. You idolaters just never learn, do you.

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: Praise Jesus! My new album is almost here!

~~~ swoon~~~



No Homos (In Heaven) is one of my favorite songs! I could play it over and over.

The harmony sends chills up my spine.

You are so talented Brother Crossburn!

Lve, Sister Thumper

[Sister Noddy]

Re: Praise Jesus! My new album is almost here!

~~~ swoon~~~

You are so talented Brother Crossburn!

Lve, Sister Thumper

Gosh you can say that again, Sister!

He's more than just talented, he's a dreamboat!

(noddy hoping son-in-law isn't reading this post, son-in-law might take noddy's computer away for flirting!)

[Offcr. Albert Martin]

Re: Praise Jesus! My new album is almost here!

So, it's been a month; what's the status of the album?

Did it get pushed back? (If so, I'll have a HUGE belly laugh)

[SUV]

Re: Praise Jesus! My new album is almost here!

Mr Crossburn I am so honored to meet you!

Truly, you are Landover Baptist's own answer to Kinky Friedman (and the Texas Jewboys).

You also remind me of that nice Charlie Haggers from the old Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman TV show, shown here with Country-singing wife, Loretta. Glory!

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Praise Jesus! My new album is almost here!

So, it's been a month; what's the status of the album?

Did it get pushed back? (If so, I'll have a HUGE belly laugh)

Well, you DO have a huge belly. The DOF passed us a copy of your latest fitness report. Too many stops at Dunkin Donuts between writing out those parking tickets, eh Rita?

[Eugene Hackwith]

Re: Praise Jesus! My new album is almost here!

Now this is some Christian music I could actually listen to! Is it only going to be on compact disc? I only have a cassette player in my truck...

[Roper Crossburn]

Re: Praise Jesus! My new album is almost here!

Jesus Is Gonna Kill You! ((C)2008 Landover Baptist Records) is due for release on April 15 just as I announced, you shirt-lifting vampire. My concert schedule for the next few months will also be posted on that date.

Brother Hackwith, because this is a regional release (we've yet to find a nationwide record company that isn't run by Jew faggots) we can afford to cater to local interests a bit. See, most people in Freehold County are in the same position as you. So yes, I'm happy to say that there will be plenty of cassettes and vinyl records produced in addition to compact discs!

SUV, I've been on this Earth fifty-four years and I still blush when I get a compliment from a beautiful woman. The honor's all mine.

With Christ as my compass,

[Eugene Hackwith]

Re: Praise Jesus! My new album is almost here!

Praise the Lord! And only 2 more days until it's released. It's been a long, long time since I've found music that I can tolerate. I can't wait!

[Pastor Isaac Peters]

Re: Praise Jesus! My new album is almost here!

So, it's been a month; what's the status of the album?

Did it get pushed back? (If so, I'll have a HUGE belly laugh)

I thought you'd want it to be pushed back. That way, you'd have more time to save up your sofa-cushion change, so that this time, your PayPal payment wouldn't be declined.

[revrggreen]

Re: Praise Jesus! My new album is almost here!

2. Osamabamarama (with Johnny Rebel) (5:12)

Brother Crossburn, I noticed you perform a song on your bonus disk with 'Johnny Rebel'. I only mention it, as my wife is a huge fan of their musics. She often plays their soothing melodies while doing her Godly chores.

You couldn't possibly arrange for them to sign a copy, could you? I mean, as well as signing it yourself. My good lady wife would be most grateful. Glory!

[SUV]

Re: Praise Jesus! My new album is almost here!

SUV, I've been on this Earth fifty-four years and I still blush when I get a compliment from a beautiful woman. The honor's all mine.

With Christ as my compass,

Pastor! Can we keep him, can we keep him, I say, can we keep him?!

[Roper Crossburn]

Re: Praise Jesus! My new album is almost here!

Glory to God Almighty! The April 15 release of Jesus Is Gonna Kill You!(©2008 Landover Baptist Records) was a spectacular success.


At the autograph table.

I saw many familiar faces—and some new ones, all lit from within by the light of Christ™—at the signing party this Tuesday. It was a truly glorious occasion. Not only did Ted sell more records and Bibles than on any other day since his store's opening, but my new album became the fastest-selling release in the history of Freehold County! I couldn't have done it without Jesus... or the support of my loyal fans.


My gorgeous wife and songwriting partner, Mrs. Rosalie Wagner Crossburn.

For those who missed it, I also made an exciting and unexpected announcement: on November 3, 2008, I will be releasing a special all-covers EP through Landover Baptist Records. This disc, titled Nuthin' But A Jesus Thang (©2008 Landover Baptist Records) will be available throughout Freehold. As if that wasn't enough, I even gave an impromptu live performance of one of the songs from the upcoming release, a cover version of John Lennon's Imagine. The slightly modified lyrics are reprinted below.

Imagine you're in Heaven
It's easy if you tithe
Earth and Hell below us
Above us only Christ
Imagine all the sinners
Writhing in the fire...

Imagine there's no Muslims
It isn't hard to do
No sodomites or bulldykes
No atheists or Jews
Imagine all God's chosen
Living for eternity...

You may see I'm a Christian
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll accept Jesus
And the world will be as one

Imagine endless riches
I wonder if you can
Gas costs a buck a gallon
Every wife obeys her man
Imagine all Saved people
Laughing at the world...

You may see I'm a Christian
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll accept Jesus
And the world will live as one

In addition to this and the "rump-shakin'" title track, Nuthin' But A Jesus Thang (©2008 Landover Baptist Records) will include such future radio mainstays as Pastor Of Puppets, Should I Pray Or Should I Go (To Hell), and other Christian-themed pop country cover versions of the hot songs that all the kids are listening to. Available for only $8.99, this special release is sure to have heads nodding and voices raised in prayer all across the United States of Jesusland™.

Bathed in His blood,