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  • Jesus is Lord
    Devout seeker of the Truth™
    True Christian™
    • Sep 2006
    • 639

    #1

    Praise God! Jesus has seen fit to accept me as one of His own!

    All Glory to God! I am now a True Christian™! Jesus has smiled upon me this day!
    The Big-Bang: GOD spoke and, BANG, the universe was formed.
    Genesis 1:1 - In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth.
    sigpic
  • Glendora Christianson
    Spiritual Mother of LBC
    True Christian™
    • Sep 2006
    • 2329

    #2
    Re: Praise God! Jesus has seen fit to accept me as one of His own

    Originally posted by Jesus is Lord View Post
    All Glory to God! I am now a True Christian™! Jesus has smiled upon me this day!
    Congratulations on experiencing a sudden and profound spritual transformation, away from false religions and toward the one true religion that is Truly Saved!
    Jesus - gentle, dependable overnight relief.

    Comment

    • Jesus is Lord
      Devout seeker of the Truth™
      True Christian™
      • Sep 2006
      • 639

      #3
      Re: Praise God! Jesus has seen fit to accept me as one of His own

      Originally posted by Glendora Christianson View Post
      Congratulations on experiencing a sudden and profound spritual transformation, away from false religions and toward the one true religion that is Truly Saved!
      Thank you, Sister, for your kind words. Jesus has shown me the Light and the path to Rightousness that is Landover.

      Naturally I have just sent Him a large love offering in thanks.

      I am looking through the reality listings for Freehold right now so I can move from this hellhole and to His favorite town so I can be closer to him and can attend His Church.
      The Big-Bang: GOD spoke and, BANG, the universe was formed.
      Genesis 1:1 - In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth.
      sigpic

      Comment

      • Glendora Christianson
        Spiritual Mother of LBC
        True Christian™
        • Sep 2006
        • 2329

        #4
        Re: Praise God! Jesus has seen fit to accept me as one of His own

        Originally posted by Jesus is Lord View Post
        Thank you, Sister, for your kind words. Jesus has shown me the Light and the path to Rightousness that is Landover.

        Naturally I have just sent Him a large love offering in thanks.

        I am looking through the reality listings for Freehold right now so I can move from this hellhole and to His favorite town so I can be closer to him and can attend His Church.
        A very tricky homonym? But "reality" does exist in Freehold, starting in the low $500,000's for our gated patio home community.
        Jesus - gentle, dependable overnight relief.

        Comment

        • Jesus is Lord
          Devout seeker of the Truth™
          True Christian™
          • Sep 2006
          • 639

          #5
          Re: Praise God! Jesus has seen fit to accept me as one of His own

          Originally posted by Glendora Christianson View Post
          A very tricky homonym? But "reality" does exist in Freehold, starting in the low $500,000's for our gated patio home community.
          I am so sorry for the typo. I guess a few demons must still exist in my computer. I'll tithe some more right now to be safe.

          Only $500,000? Wow, that's a lot better than I thought. I am definitely going to have to tithe, pray, and think on this. Then I'll tithe and pray some more. I'll have to tithe at at least the Gold Level as Jesus deserves nothing less. Once I close on my current business deal I should be able to tithe at the Platinum Level.

          Praise HIM!
          The Big-Bang: GOD spoke and, BANG, the universe was formed.
          Genesis 1:1 - In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth.
          sigpic

          Comment

          • Talitha
            Deaconess
            Gracious, genteel, kind, tender, and warm True Christian™ Sister
            True Christian™
            • Apr 2026
            • 15118

            #6
            Re: Praise God! Jesus has seen fit to accept me as one of His own

            Originally posted by Jesus is Lord View Post
            Only $500,000? Wow, that's a lot better than I thought. I am definitely going to have to tithe, pray, and think on this. Then I'll tithe and pray some more. I'll have to tithe at at least the Gold Level as Jesus deserves nothing less. Once I close on my current business deal I should be able to tithe at the Platinum Level.

            Praise HIM!
            You'd better get in quickly Brother. There are only a few places left at the front of the Church reserved for Platinum Tither's.
            Just think, right at the front where Jesus© can see you.

            Congratulations on becoming one of our newest True Christians™.
            It's a tough road Brother but your Saviour® is guaranteed.

            Sister Talitha

            Markswoman, Circumcisionist, Platinum Tither.


            HE took the damsel by the hand, and said unto her, Talitha Cumi; which is,
            being interpreted, Damsel, I say unto thee, arise!...Mark 5:41



            Comment

            • Pastor Ezekiel
              Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
               
              • Sep 2006
              • 78556

              #7
              Re: Praise God! Jesus has seen fit to accept me as one of His own

              Well Praise Jesus and Glory! Welcome to True Christendom™, Brother JIL. I urge you to contact Marla Jennings, the best True Christian™ real estate agent around. She'll charm the socks right off you, and has snickerdoodles and long island-style iced tea at every estate she shows.

              Good luck brother!
              Who Will Jesus Damn?

              Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

              Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

              Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

              Comment

              • see_the_light
                True Christian™
                True Christian™
                • Nov 2006
                • 1386

                #8
                Re: Praise God! Jesus has seen fit to accept me as one of His own

                Originally posted by Jesus is Lord View Post
                All Glory to God! I am now a True Christian™! Jesus has smiled upon me this day!
                PRAISE THE LORD !

                Many are called but few are chosen, may HIS GRACE be with you at all times!

                Comment

                • Deaner
                  Christ's Love Messenger
                  True Christian™
                  • Sep 2006
                  • 5932

                  #9
                  Re: Praise God! Jesus has seen fit to accept me as one of His own

                  Originally posted by Jesus is Lord View Post
                  Only $500,000? Wow
                  Those are the town homes; approx. 450 sq. feet but they are comfortable and inside the wall. It's an honorable place to start.

                  Welcome to the warm embrace of Jesus™.

                  Dean

                  Comment

                  • Jesus is Lord
                    Devout seeker of the Truth™
                    True Christian™
                    • Sep 2006
                    • 639

                    #10
                    Re: Praise God! Jesus has seen fit to accept me as one of His own

                    Originally posted by Sister Talitha View Post
                    You'd better get in quickly Brother. There are only a few places left at the front of the Church reserved for Platinum Tither's.
                    Just think, right at the front where Jesus© can see you.
                    I'm working as fast as I can. It's the joos I've been forced to deal with delaying things. You know how they are about parting with their money, but with the Lord's help I should finish the deal very soon.

                    Originally posted by Sister Talitha View Post
                    Congratulations on becoming one of our newest True Christians™.
                    It's a tough road Brother but your Saviour® is guaranteed.
                    Thank you, Sister.

                    Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
                    Well Praise Jesus and Glory! Welcome to True Christendom™, Brother JIL. I urge you to contact Marla Jennings, the best True Christian™ real estate agent around. She'll charm the socks right off you, and has snickerdoodles and long island-style iced tea at every estate she shows.

                    Good luck brother!
                    Thank you, Pastor. I've done some looking and I really like the house at 1822 Deacon Boulevard.

                    I've just sent Jesus a love offering for good luck and am calling Sister Furman right now.

                    Originally posted by see_the_light View Post
                    PRAISE THE LORD !

                    Many are called but few are chosen, may HIS GRACE be with you at all times!
                    And with you, Brother! PRAISE HIM! PRAISE HIS HOLY NAME!

                    Originally posted by Deaner View Post
                    Those are the town homes; approx. 450 sq. feet but they are comfortable and inside the wall. It's an honorable place to start.

                    Welcome to the warm embrace of Jesus™.

                    Dean
                    Thank you, Brother.
                    The Big-Bang: GOD spoke and, BANG, the universe was formed.
                    Genesis 1:1 - In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth.
                    sigpic

                    Comment

                    • demoncrat
                      Deranged lieberal who hates Jesus
                      • Nov 2006
                      • 79

                      #11
                      Re: Praise God! Jesus has seen fit to accept me as one of His own

                      Yes, tithe so that Pastor Deacon Fred can take 5 vacations a year and Brother Harry Hardwick can pay his gambling debts while you live on Kraft Mac & Cheese.

                      Comment

                      • Daisy Mae Johnson
                        The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint
                        Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running
                        aka the Biblethumpin Blonde
                        True Christian™
                        • Sep 2006
                        • 15708

                        #12
                        Re: Praise God! Jesus has seen fit to accept me as one of His own

                        GLORY!!!!

                        Congrats Brother JIL!!!!

                        How does it feel to be Truly Saved®?

                        With Love, Sister Thumper
                        sigpic

                        Tweet me Here
                        My GODLY Bio Here

                        Comment

                        • OnYourKnees
                          On Extended Furlough
                          True Christian™
                          • Nov 2006
                          • 4729

                          #13
                          Re: Praise God! Jesus has seen fit to accept me as one of His own

                          JIL, I'm overcome with emotion upon reading that you are now a True Christian, and have tithed TWICE within the past day! GLORY!

                          I've no doubt Jesus is weeping tears of joy!

                          Comment

                          • see_the_light
                            True Christian™
                            True Christian™
                            • Nov 2006
                            • 1386

                            #14
                            Re: Praise God! Jesus has seen fit to accept me as one of His own

                            Originally posted by OnYourKnees View Post
                            JIL, I'm overcome with emotion upon reading that you are now a True Christian, and have tithed TWICE within the past day! GLORY!

                            I've no doubt Jesus is weeping tears of joy!
                            AMEN!

                            Comment

                            • Jesus is Lord
                              Devout seeker of the Truth™
                              True Christian™
                              • Sep 2006
                              • 639

                              #15
                              Re: Praise God! Jesus has seen fit to accept me as one of His own

                              Originally posted by BibleThumpinBlonde View Post
                              GLORY!!!!

                              Congrats Brother JIL!!!!

                              How does it feel to be Truly Saved®?

                              With Love, Sister Thumper
                              It feels wonderful knowing that my Salvation is now guaranteed.

                              Originally posted by OnYourKnees View Post
                              JIL, I'm overcome with emotion upon reading that you are now a True Christian, and have tithed TWICE within the past day! GLORY!

                              I've no doubt Jesus is weeping tears of joy!
                              PRAISE BE TO HIM! As a thank you for tithing twice to Our Lord this day I have tithed again. GLORY!
                              The Big-Bang: GOD spoke and, BANG, the universe was formed.
                              Genesis 1:1 - In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth.
                              sigpic

                              Comment

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