WITCH HUNT 2006 Please Read!

[Glendora Christianson]

October is the High-Season for witch hunting and we have some important guidelines to discuss. Please print a copy of this bulletin to keep in the field.

SCHEDULE OF EVENTS

Oct 1-10 Archery and Muzzleloading combined event. NO LIMIT but you still need to provide genitals for proof of sex.

CONTEST: Fattest Witch, Ugliest Witch, Fattest&Ugliest Witch.

Oct 11-21 Rifle and Handguns, including automatic weapons and hand-thrown explosive devices. NO LIMIT but (if you can find them) please provide genitals for proof of sex.

CONTEST: Same as above.

Oct 22-31 ANYTHING GOES! All weapons and methods, NO LIMIT, NO RULES!

CONTEST: Most Creative Kill, Funniest Kill, Best Kill Photo.

PLEASE POST YOUR QUESTIONS/COMMENTS AND CONTEST ENTRIES ON THIS THREAD.

[MoonFlower]

Re: WITCH HUNT 2006 Please Read!



But...but...what about me?? Am I gonna be hunted as well??

Trembling in fear,
Moon

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: WITCH HUNT 2006 Please Read!

Couple of notes.

No dipping the arrow tips into curare or rubbing them on those little blue frogs. The wiccan has to come down without any outside help, but you can shoot more than once if the first shot doesn't drop her.

Last year we didn't allow red dots or holosights on autoloader pistols. This year they are allowed.

As before, no restrictions on weapons. If you have a class 3 weapon you can use it.

Also a correction. There was some....disorder... last year when some unnamed hunters brought in pig ears and claimed them as female genitals. I'm afraid this time you must bring back at least a torso if you want to claim a female wiccan, and it must have at least one SATANIC tattoo still attached.

We are still living down the rumor that some fellows stopped a Greyhound bus outside of Des Moines and proceeded to castrate all the males on it. THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN! Hunt responsibly! No buses!!!!

Thanks for your cooperation. Good hunting!

[Witch Hammer]

Re: WITCH HUNT 2006 Please Read!

This is very exciting news! I can't wait to bag a witch or two! Are there any entrance fees?

I don't have the heart to kill poor moonflower, in spite of her wanton wickedness. I feel an affection for her such as a master might feel toward a sexy loyal negro...if I were to take her down with a tranq dart and bring back photo evidence of her gender, does that still count?

Yours in Christ,
Witch Hammer

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: WITCH HUNT 2006 Please Read!

But...but...what about me?? Am I gonna be hunted as well??
Trembling in fear,
Moon

I'll cut you a deal. You bring enough wickers and warlocks out to the edge of the forest to make sure everyone gets a prize and I'll give you a pass. But you have to show it to a hunter BEFORE he shoots you or........

[Glendora Christianson]

Re: WITCH HUNT 2006 Please Read!

This is very exciting news! I can't wait to bag a witch or two! Are there any entrance fees?

I don't have the heart to kill poor moonflower, in spite of her wanton wickedness.
Yours in Christ,
Witch Hammer

No Entry Fee for tithing members.

Moonflower draws in the wiccers from all around Iowa. With the high price of mooslum go-juice, we had better let the sleeping witch lie.

[Dr. Ernest C. Ville, D.C.S.]

Re: WITCH HUNT 2006 Please Read!

What is the status on using traps? I've spent a good amount of time assembling my traps and hunting down cute little plants that these hippies like to call "Mary Jane" to use as bait -- can I still use them? Is there a prize for bringing in *live* witches (for the pastors to attempt to torture exorcize), or shall I prevent any trouble and merely kill them on the spot?

[MoonFlower]

Re: WITCH HUNT 2006 Please Read!

I'll cut you a deal. You bring enough wickers and warlocks out to the edge of the forest to make sure everyone gets a prize and I'll give you a pass. But you have to show it to a hunter BEFORE he shoots you or........

DEAL! I'm in! So far, I really wanna get this crazy biatch and her pack out of my forrest! I saw her the other day and we had a bit of a cat fight (I won... ), but the blood all over her and the rest of the pack gave me the creeps...especially since my honey bunney Mike is camping out in the woods. Here are the pics I have of them so far:



If you'll let me, I'll be more than happy to strap on a couple of Rambo-style guns and join you all. I'm sure Mike would really like that.

Moon

PS - In case you haven't noticed, Moon's a bit territorial whn it comes to her forrest.

[Rachael Van Helsing]

Re: WITCH HUNT 2006 Please Read!

Heh. Good luck catching Lilith or I. At the very least you'd lose a finger in the process, and still come nowhere near catching us.

[Witch Hammer]

Re: WITCH HUNT 2006 Please Read!

Heh. Good luck catching Lilith or me. At the very least you'd lose a finger in the process, and still come nowhere near catching us.

That's why Jesus invented Carpet Bombing.

Never underestemate the arsenal of the modern witch hunter!

[Rachael Van Helsing]

Re: WITCH HUNT 2006 Please Read!

Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing
Heh. Good luck catching Lilith or (me. Should be I not me! I used the correct wording here. You, child, did not.) At the very least you'd lose a finger in the process, and still come nowhere near catching us. old
That's why Jesus invented Carpet Bombing.
Never underestemate (should be underestimate!) the arsenal of the modern witch hunter!

Maybe once you master spelling and grammar, I might be less inclined to underestimate you. old

[Dr. Ernest C. Ville, D.C.S.]

Re: WITCH HUNT 2006 Please Read!

Never misunderestimate your enemies. As the Godly President stated:

They misunderestimated me

Such eloquence -- someday I predict that Mr. Bush will be quoted with the same reverence as Yogi Berra and Sir William Wordsworth.

[Rachael Van Helsing]

Re: WITCH HUNT 2006 Please Read!

ARGH!!!!
Is one of the characteristics of younger TC(tm)s (or potential TC(tm)s the inability to use proper diction????

[SalvationSeeker]

Re: WITCH HUNT 2006 Please Read!

Praise Jesus!

I will certainly try to grace this Godly event.
I've tried to arrange witch hunts myself but almost all of my appliances for permission have been rejected.
I've only been allown to hunt in Russia so far (thank Jesus they have such weak sickular laws), and to even arrange that costed ALOT of money.

Now, what about collateral damage?
Is the loss of this entire forest you're mentioning, acceptable?
Including any of its inhabitants.
(Might want to warn brother Mike to get out of there before the hunt begins though.)

Because I have a flamethrower and I would like to use it during this hunt.
I would also like to know if the use of thermite, mustard gas, and anti-personel mines is allowed?

Also, what's the entry fee?

[Glendora Christianson]

Re: WITCH HUNT 2006 Please Read!

Maybe once you master spelling and grammar, I might be less inclined to underestimate you. old

Miss Von Hellseeker, it seems you have announced your witchdom on this thread. I seem to recall last year our pastors ruled that an Apache helicopter is allowed during archery season. I guess Apache is sort of an indian word, just like bow and arrow? Anyway, I think our pastors will be quite liberal (forgive me Jesus) just this one time.