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Peter's Sunday Best
Written by JESUS CHRIST & Bob Fore
Written by JESUS CHRIST & Bob Fore
9-year-old Peter was the son of wealthy True Christian Republican parents.
His father was a wealthy independent businessman blessed by GOD, and his mother stayed at home to home-school him.
Peter and his parents lived out in the country, far away from the evil secular influences of atheists and liberals and wily women who would try to seduce young, unsuspecting boys like Peter.
Peter always looked forward to going to church because he would be able to be around kids his own age, and what fun they had!
They played together every chance they got. Before Sunday school class, the ten minutes they had after Sunday school class before the sermon, after the sermon while potluck was being prepared, after potluck while the food was being cleaned up, and during what precious time they had while their parents stayed to discuss GODly things with the other adults.
Peter and his friends would climb the big oak tree on the front lawn of the church, they would play hide and seek on the back lawn, and they could have all sorts of fun in the unoccupied Sunday school class rooms, with all the toys and games found in the cabinets.
What an utter embarrassment Peter was to his parents at church!
No matter what items his parents threatened to beat him with, Peter would not mind their instructions for him to sit quietly and reverently in church.
Peter's parents couldn't understand why their son was so rebellious.
Finally, father and mother had been embarrassed quite enough by their nine-year-old son's rambunctious behavior, and decided if it happened again, they would take action.
On the way to church one rainy Sunday, father glared intensely at his son from the rear-view mirror and lectured, "If you don't learn how to behave like a proper True Christian boy should, I am going to thrash you within an inch of your life!"
I'm not sure what it was that affected Peter. Maybe it was the look in his father's eyes, or the threats of retaliation, but that morning Peter was a good boy. He sat attentively in Sunday school and learned about Noah's children seeing him sprawled out naked in his tent.
Instead of playing games before the sermon, Peter went with his parents straight to the sanctuary and sat quietly between father and mother, instead of with his friends.
After the sermon, Peter sat quietly at one of the long tables in the fellowship hall watching his friends climb the tree on the front lawn.
He tried to ignore them, but he couldn't shut out the laughter. Peter glanced towards the kitchen, where mother was busily helping the other ladies with potluck.
Peter looked across the fellowship hall and saw father telling a group of men all about his new garden tiller.
Surely they wouldn't notice if he slipped out the door to go play with his friends. After all, this was his only chance during the week to play with other kids!
Peter gave in to the devil's whisperings and sneaked outside to play.
He climbed the trees, he played hide and seek, he played tag, and even played ghost in the graveyard on church property!
Peter was having such a fun time he didn't notice how dirty his best Sunday clothes were becoming from running through puddles and climbing wet trees.
It wasn't long before potluck would be served and Peter realized he should go back in and sit down.
He slipped in through the backdoor, and sat down in his seat. It wasn't long before dinner was served, and the entire church congregation formed a circle to hold hands and pray.
Peter found himself between Mr. and Mrs. Burd, a most respected older couple in the church.
Right before heads were to be bowed to pray, Mr. Burd asked, "Peter, what happened to you?"
Peter looked down sheepishly at his ruined Sunday clothes.
On the other side of the prayer circle he saw his father and mother's furious faces.
"PETER!" screamed father, "YOU DISOBEDIENT LITTLE DEVIL!"
Father broke out of the circle and ran straight for Peter. He grabbed the boy by the collar of the shirt and yanked him over to the table where father quickly clutched a wooden spoon and began whipping Peter about the backside.
"YOU HAVE DESTROYED YOUR PARENTS REPUTATION, AND EMBARRASSED THE ENTIRE CHURCH! HOW DO YOU THINK IT MAKES ME FEEL TO HAVE PEOPLE COME INTO MY STORE AND KNOW THAT YOU ARE MY SON?"
Father continued whipping the boy while the entire congregation looked on approvingly.
"DO YOU THINK JESUS RAN AROUND LIKE A SAVAGE? YOU LIKE TO GET DIRTY HUH?! YOU LIKE TO RUIN THE EXPENSIVE SUNDAY CLOTHES I WORKED SO HARD TO BUY YOU?!"
Father grabbed a handful of mashed potatoes and rubbed them all over Peter's face. He also grabbed a dish of hot gravy and poured it over Peter's head.
Peter was crying hysterically now, his tears cutting trails through the mashed potatoes and gravy adorning his face.
"YOU CRYING HOMOSEXUAL FAGGOT!"
Father dragged Peter across the room and threw him out of the door.
"YOU WORTHLESS SACK OF DEMON-POSSESSED TRASH! YOU ARE THE SON OF YOUR FATHER, SATAN!"
Father locked the door and turned his head to look away from his ex-son, who was standing on the lawn sobbing.
Father apologized that his son had caused such a ruckus, and lead the church in a blessing of the food. Father asked that GOD would save his son from Lucifer's icy clutches.
It began to rain just as the church sat down to a warm potluck, and little Peter could only gaze in through the window, from a face stained with tears and rain. Oh what heartache Peter's disobedience had brought his entire family, church and town!
Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee. -Exodus 20:12
Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. -Proverbs 23:13
My son, hear the instruction of thy father, and forsake not the law of thy mother: -Proverbs 1:8
18If a man have a stubborn and rebellious son, which will not obey the voice of his father, or the voice of his mother, and that, when they have chastened him, will not hearken unto them:
19Then shall his father and his mother lay hold on him, and bring him out unto the elders of his city, and unto the gate of his place;
20And they shall say unto the elders of his city, This our son is stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton, and a drunkard.
21And all the men of his city shall stone him with stones, that he die: so shalt thou put evil away from among you; and all Israel shall hear, and fear. -Deuteronomy 21:18-21
Genesis 1:1 In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth
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