Good, Clean Christian Jokes

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway next to a
priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red
lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn
coat pocket.

He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the
man turned to the priest and asked, "Say, Father, what causes
arthritis?"

The priest replies, "My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with
cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man,
sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a bath."

The drunk muttered in response, "Well, I'll be damned"
and returned to his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and
apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so
strong. How long have you had arthritis?"

The drunk answered, "I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here
that the Pope does."

[Andreas]

You really made me laugh, sister. Thank you!

Yours in Christ

[Talitha]

Joe had two problems in life. He was having another fight with the wife and he was struggling with coming to grips on accepting God.

One day as he was going through the Bible, he came upon this saying of Jesus:

Matthew 22:30
For in the resurrection they neither marry, nor are given in marriage, but are as the angels of God in heaven.

He turned to his wife who was sitting there with him and remembering their wedding vows "...until death do you part..." he loudly exclaimed: "Yes, there IS a God!"

Such Wisdom and wit.
PRAISE!

[Pastor Rune Enoe]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

A man went into a sex-shop to purchase an inflatable doll. The shopkeeper asks the man if he wants a male or female doll and the man answers that he prefers female dolls. Then the shopkeeper asks if the man would prefer the doll to be black or white, to which the man answers that he would like the doll to be white. Lastly the shopkeeper asks if the man would like the doll to be Muslim or Christian... Puzzled the man answers that he really can't imagine why that would matter, to which the shopkeeper replied: Well my good man, it does indeed make a difference, 'cause the Muslim dolls blow up themselves.

[Talitha]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

A man appeared before St. Peter at the pearly gates.

"Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asked.

"Well, I can think of one thing," the man offered. "Once, on a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of high-testosterone bikers, who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and most heavily-tattooed biker and smacked him on the head, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring and threw it on the ground." I yelled, "Now, back off biker boy or you'll answer to me!"

St. Peter was impressed. "When did this happen?"

"A couple of minutes ago."

[Hitoshi]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

knock knock. Who is there? is old lady. old lady who? I am make you yodel. ha ha. I am hope this is bring smile.

[Petal]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

once upon a times a drunkin hobo staggereds into a catlick church, an entereds a confesshunal booth. the priest sat an waiteds for the hobo to start confessin, but the hobo saids nothin. so the priest knockeds on the wall to get the hobo's attenshun, but the hobo real quiets, he not say a words . the preist knockeds again, this time real louds, an the hobo finally spoked, he saids "it ain't no use a-knockin, cuz there be no toilet papers on this side niether."


a liddle Joo boy come home from skool an tells his momma that he gots a part in the skool play. she ask "what be the part?" an he real prouds, he say "i be playin a Joo husbind" . his momma get real mads an she say "go back an tell that teecher that you wants a speakin part!"

[Brother Temperance]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

Why don't Irishers fornicate with negroes?

Because they're afraid their children will be too lazy to steal.

[Talitha]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

Question: What do you call a Negra GPS?

Answer: Uncle Tom-Tom

[Talitha]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

A Jew and a Muslim


A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was plodding through the
Afghanistan desert when he saw something far off in the distance.
Hoping to find water, he walked toward the object, only to find a
little old Jewish man at a small stand selling neckties.

The Taliban asked, "Do you have water?"

The Jewish man replied, "I have no water. Would you like to buy a
tie? They are only $5.

"The Arab shouted, "Idiot Jew! Israel should not exist! I do not
need an overpriced tie. I need water! I should kill you, but I must
find water first."

"OK," said the old Jew, "it does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie and that you hate me. I will show you that I am bigger than that. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a lovely restaurant. It has all the water you need. Shalom.

Muttering, the Arab staggered away over the hill. Several hours
later he staggered back.

"Your brother won't let me in without a tie."

[Glendora Christianson]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

I know some of you have already heard this, but here's my favorite clean joke:

Q What do you call a dog with no hind legs and a metal tail?

A Sparkey

[Father Maurice Lester]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

BibleThumpingBlonde steps onto a city bus one spring day and finds it full. With her obvious charms in full display, she walks up to this Catholic Priest and asks if she can have his seat, as she is pregnant. The good Padre relinquishes his place to her but cannot help notice how lithe and voluptuous she appears.

"Excuse me miss." Says the humble servant of Jesus

"How long have you been pregnant for?"

Sister Thumper smiles and says...




"A half hour or so."





Bless you my slow Children,
Father Mo

[Hushed_Agony]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

The Good Wife
A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come closer.
As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "I would like to propose a toast to you! Honey, you have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. And you know what?" "What dear?" She gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth. And her husband looked into her eyes and said, "I think you're bad luck."

[Deaner]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

A booster cable walks into a bar. The bartender says...

"I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her father cussed her. "Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old mum thru?

The girl, crying, replied, "Sniff, sniff.... dad... I became a prostitute...."

Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this family."

"OK, dad-- as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a savings certificate for $5 million. For me little brother, this gold Rolex and for ye daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside, plus a membership to the country club....(takes a breath).... and an invitation for ye all to spend New Years Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera, and...."

"Now what was it ye said ye had become?" says dad

Girl, crying again, "Sniff, sniff.... a prostitute dad! Sniff, sniff."

"Oh! Bejesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a 'Protestant'. Come here and give yer old man a hug!"