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Landover to the Rescue - Christian Help Forum A Christian Help Forum led by Sister Daisy Mae Johnson. Warning! Sometimes the Lord's advice is a hard pill to swallow.

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Old 07-18-2014, 08:56 AM
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Default How To Quit Peeing and Pooping In 7 Easy Steps!

How To Quit Peeing and Pooping In 7 Easy Steps!
A simple and effective guide by an ex-addict.



Introduction

Everyone knows the very successful STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION program created by Pastor Ezekiel himself! Unfortunately a lot of people are still practicing the filthy and disgusting habits of peeing and pooping. All those practicing these horrible acts clearly overlook one very important fact: GOD KNOWS AND SEES EVERYTHING! God is omnipresent (Psalm 139:7-12), all knowing (Psalm 139:2-6; Isaiah 40:13-14) so God knows and sees everything (Proverbs 15:3, Acts 1:24). So even if you are pooping in total isolation, clearly being afraid others will notice your filthy habit, God sees, hears and smells everything you are doing!

Common excuses by those addicted to peeing and pooping

"Everyone does it!"
As with all addictions, smoking, drinking, masturbating, voting for Obama, the most common excuse is "everyone does it". But this is simply not true! It's a lie! Many people have significantly improved their lives by stopping these filthy habits. They have more time for their family, they have more time for their Bible studies, they save lots of money and they no longer get depressed by the isolation that goes with peeing and pooping! Just imagine how much better your life would be without this filthy addiction!

"Isn't peeing and pooping healthy?"
Of course not! Why do you think it smells so horrible!? Poop is very unhealthy because it contains lots of dangerous viruses, bacteria, and parasites! It is a well known fact that poop causes 87.3% of all illness in America. Just imagine not getting sick any more for the rest of your life! And that is just one of the many benefits of stopping this disgusting habit!

"How can something that feels so good be so bad?"
We have all been there. That satisfying feeling you get when you are pooping. But let us think about exactly what is happening there. What the reason is this feeling is so enjoyable. Why precisely we get a kick out of relieving ourselves of poop. IT'S ANAL STIMULATION! Just let that sink in for a moment. The great feeling you get when you are pooping is exactly the same feeling you get from anal sex! The horrible sin of homosexuality (Leviticus 18:22, Leviticus 20:13, Romans 1:26-27) and being addicted to pooping IS THE SAME THING!

"I can control myself! I don't do it that often! I am not addicted!"
This is the lie that all addicts tell themselves. Everyone addicted to alcohol, drugs or porn deludes themselves into believing that they can stop at any moment. But like with all addictions, you are just lying to yourself! And this is very easy to prove. Just stop peeing and pooping for 3 days in a row. Just 3 days sounds easy enough right? Well it's not. Doing this will make you feel horrible. It will hurt a lot and your entire body will scream! These are clear signs of how addictive these habits really are!

The 7 Easy Steps

1. Admit you are powerless over peeing and pooping.
You cannot stop an addiction if you don't admit that you are addicted. If you don't realize that your life has become unmanageable. If you don't know in every fiber of your being that it is out of control. But, you reading these 7 steps is a good sign! Try finding ex-addicts, preferably people you already know well and talk about this with them. Prayer also helps a lot here. Just beg Jesus for guidance! (Matthew 21:22)

2. Make sure your family and friends are there to support you.
There is no way to sugarcoat this. Breaking out of the addiction cycle of doom is going to be HARD! You will need all the support you can get. You will have to talk about this with your closest friends and family so they understand and support you. Unfortunately there will always be a few friends or family members who refuse to support you. They might even try to talk you out of it! These people clearly don't have your best interest in mind so this would be a good moment to cut them out of your life.

3. Start eating 90% less and drinking 50% less.
Science has shown that there is a correlation between eating and pooping and also between drinking and peeing. So as a preparation for the steps to follow you need to reduce your intake. When you make sure the amount you drink is equal to the amount you sweat, you will no longer need to pee. 50% is just an indication here, it will take some experimenting to figure out what works best for you.

4. Choose an optimal moment to stop.
You need to make sure you can focus all your mental and physical energy into this. You need to make sure you have as few distractions as possible. So if you are in the middle of a project, complete it first. If you have a long lasting dispute with someone, solve it. Do a thorough self search to find everything that bothers you and eliminate it. A good way to achieve this might be combining it with a vacation so you can be certain you will have as little distractions as possible.

5. STOP!
You are ready to stop now. So just do it! Yes, it's really that simple. Just stop! Don't do that one last pee or that one last poo, but just stop! You are well prepared now so this is going to work! You are going to succeed!

6. Coping with the withdrawal symptoms.
The first 24 hours won't be that hard. Unfortunately in the days that follow the withdrawal symptoms will kick in HARD. At some point you might even feel like you are going to die in agony! The solution here is the 3 pee program: Painkillers, Prayer and the Peepee clamp! The painkillers will help you cope with the physical pain, the prayer will help with the mental pressure and the peepee clamp will prevent you from peeing while you sleep.

7. Enjoy the rest of your life!
You are free of your addiction now! You did it! You can now enjoy more happiness, more time with your family and friends, no longer have to feel guilty all the time and have more money to spend! Don't forget to share your fortune with others who have not yet rid themselves of these addictions. Show them how much better your life has become and help them achieve the same!
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Old 07-18-2014, 09:17 AM
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Default Re: How To Quit Peeing and Pooping In 7 Easy Steps!

I think this works!! I prayed and I haven't felt the need to poop for a couple of hours now. Shout Glory!
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Old 07-18-2014, 09:40 AM
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Default Re: How To Quit Peeing and Pooping In 7 Easy Steps!

Dear Brother,

Wonderful program! My offspring will be on this asap!

Quote:
3. Start eating 90% less and drinking 50% less.
Science has shown that there is a correlation between eating and pooping and also between drinking and peeing. So as a preparation for the steps to follow you need to reduce your intake. When you make sure the amount you drink is equal to the amount you sweat, you will no longer need to pee. 50% is just an indication here, it will take some experimenting to figure out what works best for you.
Could one consider modifying also the quality of food here!? I surmise the bulk of the disgusting fecal mass derives from FIBER. Satanic vegetarian material! Instead, this 10% that remains could be mostly or exclusively meat and animal fat? They are also absorbed almost totally reducing any stool mass significantly! What is your expert opinion?

Yours in Christ,

Elmer
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Old 07-18-2014, 11:28 AM
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Default Re: How To Quit Peeing and Pooping In 7 Easy Steps!

Quote:
The solution here is the 3 pee program: Painkillers, Prayer and the Peepee clamp! The painkillers will help you cope with the physical pain, the prayer will help with the mental pressure and the peepee clamp will prevent you from peeing while you sleep.
Might I remind you that pain killers are usually opiates. Opiates slows down the motility of your bowels to a point you are unable to poop without outside interventions. Increase the painkillers, stop the pooping through natural body functions! PTL!
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Old 07-18-2014, 12:34 PM
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Default Re: How To Quit Peeing and Pooping In 7 Easy Steps!

One thing I do to reduce my urine production is to spit a lot.
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Old 07-18-2014, 02:30 PM
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Default Re: How To Quit Peeing and Pooping In 7 Easy Steps!

Some people will say: I can't stop, I haven't hit rock bottom yet." This is a bad excuse. Start by hitting your bottom with a rock, if that's what you are thinking.

Remember: nothing changes if nothing changes. Just stopping without truly submitting to your Higher Power - the Baby Jesus - will just turn you into a dry pooper. You can only keep this up for so long, and then the floodgates will open. Believing is key. Believe, and your body will start to absorb your filth. To the point where you completely abstain and you no longer feel the urge.

Yes, your breath may start to have a hint of unpleasant odour, but since most True Christians will be in the same position, they will hardly notice.

Personally, I have been clean for 3 weeks now, and it feels like I'm reborn again, again.
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Old 07-18-2014, 03:11 PM
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Default Re: How To Quit Peeing and Pooping In 7 Easy Steps!

Oh, PRAISE GOD!

It does shame me somewhat to admit I have struggled with the scat addiction. I was doing it up to two or three times a day. It was getting to the point where my scat addiction was interfering with my work and taking away time with family and friends.

I would quietly slip into the bathroom and lock the door, ignoring the guilt and thinking only of the need for just one more hit. And then, I talked to Brother Cranky, and he helped me change my life!

I wish I could get back all that time spent in lonely isolation. I wish I could get back all that money spent on toilet paper, air freshener and sponges. Even though I cannot change the past, I have gotten my life back, and I am happier than ever! I am confident, socially active, and healthy!

Don't listen to poop pushers who tell you it is "natural" or "healthy!" I am living proof you can poop as little as once a week and be stronger than ever!

Pooping robs your body of crucial nutrients, damages your sphincter, and pollutes the air that you and your loved ones inhale.

Brother Cranky's 7 step program helped me go from pooper to super, and it can work for you, too!
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Old 07-18-2014, 04:15 PM
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Default Re: How To Quit Peeing and Pooping In 7 Easy Steps!

I'm confused, would not pooping simply make a person full of crap?


I mean, sure, it's gross, dirty, and creates a noxious odor that can peel paint off the walls... But there doesn't seem to be any specific biblical reference that I can find that says thou shalt not poop... Besides, why did God give us an anus if not to poop out of?
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Old 07-18-2014, 04:51 PM
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Default Re: How To Quit Peeing and Pooping In 7 Easy Steps!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Morndenkainen View Post
I'm confused, would not pooping simply make a person full of crap?


I mean, sure, it's gross, dirty, and creates a noxious odor that can peel paint off the walls... But there doesn't seem to be any specific biblical reference that I can find that says thou shalt not poop... Besides, why did God give us an anus if not to poop out of?
Why did God create wisdom teeth that have to be pulled out? Why did God create humans to require vitamin C but no way to synthesize vitamin C? Why did God create a nerve that runs from the brain to the larynx via the aortic arch, and not simply directly from the brain to the larynx? The point is, we simply cannot know why God created what He created, we can only know it is Perfect and worthy of Praise!

\0/
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Old 07-19-2014, 04:20 AM
Tyler the witch Tyler the witch is offline
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Default Re: How To Quit Peeing and Pooping In 7 Easy Steps!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mary Etheldreda View Post
Why did God create wisdom teeth that have to be pulled out? Why did God create humans to require vitamin C but no way to synthesize vitamin C? Why did God create a nerve that runs from the brain to the larynx via the aortic arch, and not simply directly from the brain to the larynx? The point is, we simply cannot know why God created what He created, we can only know it is Perfect and worthy of Praise!

\0/


Ok so now I'm really confused. Is pooping a good thing or no? God created us with the ability to poop so we could get it out of our system. Therefore it stands to reason that if we don't poop, we would then be shunning one of the gifts God gave us, and if God is the one who gave us the gift of poop, do we then praise poop as one of his gifts? Cause that seems wrong... I mean, really, where does poop come from anyways?


Is there someone on this forum who can offer better guidance? A man perhaps? I have a hard time understanding women.
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Old 07-19-2014, 04:08 PM
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Default Re: How To Quit Peeing and Pooping In 7 Easy Steps!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Morndenkainen View Post
Ok so now I'm really confused. Is pooping a good thing or no? God created us with the ability to poop so we could get it out of our system. Therefore it stands to reason that if we don't poop, we would then be shunning one of the gifts God gave us, and if God is the one who gave us the gift of poop, do we then praise poop as one of his gifts? Cause that seems wrong... I mean, really, where does poop come from anyways?


Is there someone on this forum who can offer better guidance? A man perhaps? I have a hard time understanding women.
It is a popular thing for wanton masturbators to say, "if GOD didn't want us to touch our genitals, he would not have made our arms so long."

What ridiculous logic! Just because GOD made us with the ABILITY to do something does not mean He intends us to do it. Has the thought crossed your mind that GOD may have only gave us bowels and a sphincter so that He could make Ezekiel and his camp cook with their own poop:

And thou shalt eat it as barley cakes, and thou shalt bake it with dung that cometh out of man, in their sight. -Ezekiel 4:12

Unless GOD asks you to prepare food using your own excrement, I think it is safe to say you have no business pooping, nor should you imply GOD intends for us to poop at will without first giving us instruction to do so.
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Old 07-19-2014, 04:22 PM
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Default Re: How To Quit Peeing and Pooping In 7 Easy Steps!

You will have to pardon me but how on earth can one live without using the bathroom!? You have to, if you don't you will surely die. There is no way round that. I worry my friends that you may endanger yourselves!
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Old 07-19-2014, 04:25 PM
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Default Re: How To Quit Peeing and Pooping In 7 Easy Steps!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Morndenkainen View Post
Ok so now I'm really confused. Is pooping a good thing or no? God created us with the ability to poop so we could get it out of our system. Therefore it stands to reason that if we don't poop, we would then be shunning one of the gifts God gave us, and if God is the one who gave us the gift of poop, do we then praise poop as one of his gifts? Cause that seems wrong... I mean, really, where does poop come from anyways?


Is there someone on this forum who can offer better guidance? A man perhaps? I have a hard time understanding women.
God created me with the ability to tie you up and sodomize you while I cut you apart with a hedge trimmer. Doesn't mean I shouldn't refrain from doing that. I am resolved never to do it, and nor shall I poop. It is dirty and I shall resist the impulse.
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Old 07-19-2014, 04:41 PM
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Default Re: How To Quit Peeing and Pooping In 7 Easy Steps!

I agree that people who can stop peeing and pooping should stop peeing and pooping, but I have been given a pass from Pastor Zeke due to a medical condition and a very resonalble donation.

So I don't wallow in sin I only pee and poop on Abortion clinics and the homes of suspected liberals and homosexuals. If one of these places isn't handy I simply go in one of my flinging buckets and save it for later. My father always said "keep the bad with the bad" and that's what I'm trying to do.
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Old 07-19-2014, 05:24 PM
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Default Re: How To Quit Peeing and Pooping In 7 Easy Steps!

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Originally Posted by Godfly View Post
So I don't wallow in sin I only pee and poop on Abortion clinics and the homes of suspected liberals and homosexuals. If one of these places isn't handy I simply go in one of my flinging buckets and save it for later. My father always said "keep the bad with the bad" and that's what I'm trying to do.
I would be cautious about pooping on a homosexual's property. They think you're flirting with them.
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  #16  
Old 07-19-2014, 08:02 PM
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Default Re: How To Quit Peeing and Pooping In 7 Easy Steps!

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Originally Posted by Bob4God View Post
I would be cautious about pooping on a homosexual's property. They think you're flirting with them.
I'm not sure if the gays even know what flirting is Brother. I have it on good authority that they just act on impulse and reflexes: see a rectum -> sodomize it. Rinse and repeat. Some guy named Skinny (sp?) has proven that beyond reasonable doubt.

Still, I agree with you that any contact with the gays can turn into a painful nightmare, so I would be careful where I would fling my True Christian poop.
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Old 07-19-2014, 08:22 PM
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Default Re: How To Quit Peeing and Pooping In 7 Easy Steps!

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Originally Posted by Bob4God View Post
I would be cautious about pooping on a homosexual's property. They think you're flirting with them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wide-Open View Post
I'm not sure if the gays even know what flirting is Brother. I have it on good authority that they just act on impulse and reflexes: see a rectum -> sodomize it. Rinse and repeat. Some guy named Skinny (sp?) has proven that beyond reasonable doubt.

Still, I agree with you that any contact with the gays can turn into a painful nightmare, so I would be careful where I would fling my True Christian poop.
Thanks for the words of caution brothers! I'll have my boy fling the buckets while I'm driving by at high speed!

On an unrelated note, does anyone know where Faith Machine has been parking his van?
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Old 07-19-2014, 09:54 PM
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Default Re: How To Quit Peeing and Pooping In 7 Easy Steps!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Morndenkainen View Post
Ok so now I'm really confused. Is pooping a good thing or no? God created us with the ability to poop so we could get it out of our system. Therefore it stands to reason that if we don't poop, we would then be shunning one of the gifts God gave us, and if God is the one who gave us the gift of poop, do we then praise poop as one of his gifts? Cause that seems wrong... I mean, really, where does poop come from anyways?
Where do you read in the Holy Bible that God created us with the ability and intent to poop? God created man and beast to live without fear of being eaten before the fall (Genesis 1:29–30). Obviously, carnivorous animals of today were all vegetarian originally.



God gave the warning in Genesis 2:16–17 that sin would be punishable by death, and so it was. This means the LORD miraculously and instantaneously changed the animals' entire digestive systems from that of vegetarian only to omnivorous or carnivorous systems, extracting nutrients from the death of other animals. Clearly man's digestive system was included in this miraculous and instantaneous physiological change, as our digestive system today is omnivorous.

I can only imagine the surprise and horror when suddenly Adam discovered he had a rectum, Eve had an anus. As they were compelled to eat from the dust of the ground (Genesis 3:14), so too were they compelled to poop upon it.

Because True Christians™ are born again, creatures of spirit not flesh (1 Peter 1:23; 2 Corinthians 5:17; John 3:6), we are no more tempted by poop than we are by sin (1st John 3:9). If you don't believe me, try and think of any True Christian™ sitting on the toilet. You can't. Pat Robertson? Can't imagine it. Jerry Falwell? No. George W. Bush? Can't be done.



Quote:
Originally Posted by Morndenkainen View Post
Is there someone on this forum who can offer better guidance? A man perhaps? I have a hard time understanding women.
Nonsense. You have a hard time understanding God's Holy Word because you are a sinner and Satan is your father (John 8:44).
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Old 07-19-2014, 11:28 PM
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Default Re: How To Quit Peeing and Pooping In 7 Easy Steps!

Sister Mary, what you say is so true. Might I add that the Bible states God made us in his own image( Genesis 1:27 ). I have never read of God needing to relieve himself in any way or nowhere in the New Testament is it written that Jesus removed himself, with the newspaper, to the nearest gents room. No moments of great thought, on a porcelain throne, is spoken of anywhere.
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Old 07-20-2014, 04:23 AM
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Default Re: How To Quit Peeing and Pooping In 7 Easy Steps!

I think there's an eighth step that's critical to success--turn your lower regions over to a higher power. After all, what is the point of getting to know Jesus if not to get His help dealing with the toughest problems we face in life? Well, that and Salvation, of course.

The Bible tells us that it is possible to succeed in this regimen:

Therefore, behold, I will bring evil upon the house of Jeroboam, and will cut off from Jeroboam him that pisseth against the wall, and him that is shut up and left in Israel, and will take away the remnant of the house of Jeroboam, as a man taketh away dung, till it be all gone. 1 Kings 14:10

Even better, with God's help, success is guaranteed:

He raiseth up the poor out of the dust, and lifteth the needy out of the dunghill.... Psalms 113:7

PRAISE HIM!
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