Let's ban Easter.

[Jim Farmer]

No, not the celebration of Christ's temporary death and resurrection. The word 'Easter'.
Pagans have for too long attempted to take away our Christian heritage and celebrations. Probably for 2500 years or more. They try to steal our children by associating eggs and rabbits with His death and resurrection. As we all know, eggs and rabbits are to do with pagan fertility rites. And in that sense no True Christian(tm) will have anything to do with these pagan symbols.

But what's wrong with the word 'Easter'? I hear you say.
'Easter' is a variation of Eostre, Estre, Estara, Eastre, Ostara etc which are all variations of the name of a pagan fertility goddess, which for ease of discussion we can call 'Eostre'. Now anyone with a medical background, and indeed even a dumb woman will immediately see the connection of that word with 'eostrogen' - a female hormone. So this isn't something I made up - the word 'Easter' truly is all about female fertility. Can you really think of anything more loathsome to discuss? If a woman isn't fertile, she's probably a witch, or at least a lezbean, and most certainly destined for Hell. How can she be saved in child-bearing if she's infertile?

It's been so long since the pagans have been trying to subvert our celebration that it was even known as 'Easter' in the time of King James of England! My suggestion, is that we from now hence, call it Paschal.
What do others think?

[Witch Hammer]

Re: Let's ban Easter.

A fertile female with wide, childbearing hips is the only female worth her salt, in God's eyes, but I agree that that fact needn't darken our celebration of the revenant Christ. Jesus is about Power, Glory & Manliness!

Maybe we could call it "Fleeceter"...the Bible does use the wooly ruminant motif in reference to the Savior.

John 1:29
Revelation 1:14

[Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson]

Re: Let's ban Easter.

I'm all in favor of it. Even I understand what Mr. Farmer said, and I'm a woman!

[Witch Hammer]

Re: Let's ban Easter.

. Even I understand what Mr. Farmer said, and I'm a woman!

God's ways are mysterious!

[James Hutchins]

Re: Let's ban Easter.

As much as the entire Hutchins family has a three day celebration of the resurrection of Christ, It still breaks my heart knowing the joos had to kill Jesus. I suspect it is a conspiracy by those heebs to make money off of Christians and poke fun at Christ on the cross.

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Re: Let's ban Easter.

I entirely support you in principle, Brother Jim, but the idea of calling it Paschal worries me. Before my marriage I had a hairdresser of that name - he spelled it Pascal. Although he was excellent at his job, I eventually realized that not only was he of the gaymosexual persuasion (not unexpected in his line of work, but nonetheless unacceptable), he was also French!

So I cannot hear that particular word without suffering flashbacks. I know this is weak of me, but I beg you to think of an alternative name.

YiC
Joanna

[Jim Farmer]

Re: Let's ban Easter.

Yes, I'm not happy with the name, either. To me it sounds jooish or yiddish and as it was the yids who killed Jesus, the Holy period should have nothing to do with them.

[James Hutchins]

Re: Let's ban Easter.

Yes, I'm not happy with the name, either. To me it sounds jooish or yiddish and as it was the yids who killed Jesus, the Holy period should have nothing to do with them.

Isn't it typical for them to glom on to other peoples things?

[Des]

Re: Let's ban Easter.

Rabbits? Eggs? This is a day celebrating Jesus' Resurrection after three days of inconvenience. A day like that deserves filet mignon!

[FranklinAndPearl]

Re: Let's ban Easter.

Hi all! Pearl here!

I'm afraid these (very) old eyes saw 'Esther' instead of 'easter', on the first read!

I was quite confused as to why a witch hunt was erected for poor Esther of these forums, til good ole Franklin stepped in to correct me. After a swift backhand, Franklin assured me that we were trying to ban the devil holiday, instead of banning Esther on these forums.

Sister Esther, I apologize for my mistake! As a fellow woman, I am sure you are quite familiar with mistakes.

Walking with Christ,

Pearl

[Jim Farmer]

Re: Let's ban Easter.

No Pearl dear. I'm not suggesting that the holiday should be banned. Just that the name of the holiday should be changed. I thought I'd made it clear, especially when even Mrs Johnson understood it, but I obviously overestimated your intelligence and comprehension skills. Next time Pearl, I'll try to make it simpler for you.

[FranklinAndPearl]

Re: Let's ban Easter.

Next time Pearl, I'll try to make it simpler for you.

Although I am in great gratitude to you, I do not believe you could make it any more simple. It is my own fault for being a mere woman. Let us just celebrate the fact that the Almighty LORD stepped in soon enough for me to respond with my misunderstanding, before I asked to burn Sister Esther at the stake for being a witch. Praise the LORD for intervening my stupidity, and for saving Sister Esther! AMEN!

Walking with Christ,

Pearl

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Let's ban Easter.

My wife always makes huge amounts of bacon and eggs in the morning. After the doctor said I have "high cholesterol" (I could not find it in the Bible so no idea what that means) she even increased my daily portion. The woman clearly loves me almost as much as she loves Jesus.

Would banning Easter mean I would have to replace my eggs with more bacon?

[Elmer G. White]

Re: Let's ban Easter.

My wife always makes huge amounts of bacon and eggs in the morning. After the doctor said I have "high cholesterol" (I could not find it in the Bible so no idea what that means) she even increased my daily portion. The woman clearly loves me almost as much as she loves Jesus.

Would banning Easter mean I would have to replace my eggs with more bacon?

Brother Cranky,

Your question is eligible to be answered with Creation Science. The answer is Yes. "Coal sterol" is only a glorified name for "fat" (lard, butter, tallow). It is what God has promised for His most pious followers. This means you, obviously.

Genesis 45:18
And take your father and your households, and come unto me: and I will give you the good of the land of Egypt, and ye shall eat the fat of the land.

You shall eat it in some form and I surmise bacon is as acceptable as anything. It might also hasten you entry into Heaven in the very near future. A win-win situation (as often when it comes to Jesus).


Yours in Christ,

Elmer

[Esther B.]

Re: Let's ban Easter.

Hi all! Pearl here!

I'm afraid these (very) old eyes saw 'Esther' instead of 'easter', on the first read!

I was quite confused as to why a witch hunt was erected for poor Esther of these forums, til good ole Franklin stepped in to correct me. After a swift backhand, Franklin assured me that we were trying to ban the devil holiday, instead of banning Esther on these forums.

Sister Esther, I apologize for my mistake! As a fellow woman, I am sure you are quite familiar with mistakes.

Walking with Christ,

Pearl

Thank you for your concern, Sister Pearl! If anyone on this site wanted me banned, I'm sure it would have been suggested privately, and if the ban were to happen, it would be as swift as God's judgement.

All is forgiven. Matthew 18: 21-22