2015 Witch Hunt!

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Guess what TIME it is!

Yes, Folks it's that time of year again!

I'm sure you all remember the rules, but I'll list them again for the new folks.

1. To prove a kill you must submit genitals, teeth, ears or fingers or toes to the Pastors if you cannot bring in the entire body.

2. Severely maiming will get you points, but it's not as good as a kill.

You will need a permit, they are now available in the Church Lobby. The cost is $29.99. If you are not able to afford the cost of a Witch Hunting Permit, please fill out a "Hardship" Form available from a Pastor and a permit will be provided for you free of charge.

Winners will receive the coveted 2015 Witch Hunt Award, dinner for 4 at the Olive Garden, a gun of his/her choice from Bob4God's Gun World and a leather bound, over-sized KJV1611 Bible.

Now get out there and get us some witches!

Be GODLY, be good and most importantly HAVE FUN!

Post your results here!

[Alvin Moss]

Re: 2015 Witch Hunt!

God must be watching us tonight, Sister. I just asked about the hunt on another thread five minutes ago! Shout Glory!

[Elmer G. White]

Re: 2015 Witch Hunt!

Now, we know that witches are capable of doing transmogrifation. I was patrolling the dark streets with my eldest, Mark, and my most reliable Winchester 1897 and I came across four of these repulsive magical creatures. I shot somewhat aimlessly but Jesus guided my hands and I can proudly present the bagged catch! It was inevitable that the dying witches would try to change into unclean animals.

Leviticus 11:19
And the stork, the heron after her kind, and the lapwing, and the bat.

#1


#2


#3
Unfortunately the lapwing witch got away.

...and #4.



Yours in Christ,

Elmer

[Fred Hall]

Re: 2015 Witch Hunt!

Oh boy oh boy! I was waiting for this! I'm going to purchase my permit right away. I know a good hiding place for witches, which they call a "kingdom hall". I hope to be one of the front runners this year.

[Back against wall]

Re: 2015 Witch Hunt!

I would really appreciate an invitation to fly over for this. I have my water blast guns at the ready. Nothing like watching a witch melt.

[Paul Tarzan]

Re: 2015 Witch Hunt!

What part of "THOU SHALT NOT KILL" don't you understand...it looks like Churchianity folk are willing to disregard ANY part of the Lord's word to fit their hateful agenda.

[Mary Etheldreda]

Re: 2015 Witch Hunt!

What part of "THOU SHALT NOT KILL" don't you understand...it looks like Churchianity folk are willing to disregard ANY part of the Lord's word to fit their hateful agenda.

Don't be silly. The LORD has commanded that witches ought not live. As He uses mankind as instruments of His Divine Will, can we really do no less than to obey a few simple commands? Considering His Amazing Gift of Redemption to us, via the violent and horrifying sacrifice of His Only Son, can we really say "no" to such a request? It would be the utmost in hubris to accept and benefit from His Perfect Wisdom, but then decide we don't agree with this little detail or that one.

[Paul Tarzan]

Re: 2015 Witch Hunt!

Don't be silly. The LORD has commanded that witches ought not live. As He uses mankind as instruments of His Divine Will, can we really do no less than to obey a few simple commands? Considering His Amazing Gift of Redemption to us, via the violent and horrifying sacrifice of His Only Son, can we really say "no" to such a request? It would be the utmost in hubris to accept and benefit from His Perfect Wisdom, but then decide we don't agree with this little detail or that one.

You eat pork and shellfish, right?

[Back against wall]

Re: 2015 Witch Hunt!

You eat pork and shellfish, right?

Let me guess, you eat arse right?
I swear before God if you disrespect Ms Etheldreda I shall seek out the car you live in and with the strength of ten men that God blessed me with I will split you in two.

[Paul Tarzan]

Re: 2015 Witch Hunt!

Let me guess, you eat arse right?
I swear before God if you disrespect Ms Etheldreda I shall seek out the car you live in and with the strength of ten men that God blessed me with I will split you in two.

So God doesn't care about "the saved" threatening others' lives...and you know why I specifically mentioned pork and shellfish, right?

[Mary Etheldreda]

Re: 2015 Witch Hunt!

Let me guess, you eat arse right?
I swear before God if you disrespect Ms Etheldreda I shall seek out the car you live in and with the strength of ten men that God blessed me with I will split you in two.

Just make sure to preserve his jaw bone in tact. Just in case, you know. Sampson slayed a thousand men with the jaw bone of one ass (Judges 15:16). I wonder how many witches you might slay with the jaw bone of this ass!

[Mary Etheldreda]

Re: 2015 Witch Hunt!

So God doesn't care about "the saved" threatening others' lives...and you know why I specifically mentioned pork and shellfish, right?

Don't be silly. If God cared about everyone, why do you think He created Hell for most souls to endure for all eternity?

[Back against wall]

Re: 2015 Witch Hunt!

So God doesn't care about "the saved" threatening others' lives...and you know why I specifically mentioned pork and shellfish, right?

I am committed to Him, my God who gave me this strength. If I am to be judged let it be by God. Until then, I know my calling.

Job 27:6 My righteousness I hold fast, and will not let it go: my heart shall not reproach me so long as I live.
Job 27:7 Let mine enemy be as the wicked, and he that riseth up against me as the unrighteous.
Job 27:11 I will teach you by the hand of God: that which is with the Almighty will I not conceal.
Exodus 15:6 Thy right hand, O LORD, is become glorious in power: thy right hand, O LORD, hath dashed in pieces the enemy.

Just make sure to preserve his jaw bone in tact. Just in case, you know. Sampson slayed a thousand men with the jaw bone of one ass (Judges 15:16). I wonder how many witches you might slay with the jaw bone of this ass!

There are very few I relate to as I can with Sampson.

I will let these witches pick their vile teeth with the jaw of this ass, before I shoot them with my Water Soaker and watch them melt.

[Paul Tarzan]

Re: 2015 Witch Hunt!

Don't be silly. If God cared about everyone, why do you think He created Hell for most souls to endure for all eternity?

THAT'S A LIE!

God does not wish to see ANYONE eternally damned (see Ezekiel 18:23 and Ezekiel 33:11)...that is why He sent His Son Jesus into the world, to pave a way for salvation through faith in Him.

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: 2015 Witch Hunt!

I fully intend to win this year. I bought a brand new grenade launcher at the Landover Baptist Gun Store to make it happen. To prevent the debate of last year about whether or not the fingers I brought in were all from different witches, I will collect left hands this year. They are the most evil part of those witches anyway. There have been suggestions about bringing in heads, but the way I kill these evil witches, there usually isn't much left of their heads.

On a related note; since my annoying ex-neighbor Mrs. Johnson is clearly a witch, I will donate all my winnings to the Landover Baptist Church in name of the person who kills Mrs. Johnson.

PRO TIP: Determining if a woman is a witch is surprisingly simple. If a woman is outside during the witch hunt, she has to be a witch. No decent True Christian™ woman would ever be outside during the witch hunt.