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NEW: Jesus Christ Now Available Everywhere in Our Toilets!
Jesus has always been everywhere including the Landover Baptist Public Toilets (At Landover University, Church, City Hall, etc.). Jesus is watching us all the time.
Proverbs 15:3
The eyes of the LORD are in every place, beholding the evil and the good.
Some of this constant tireless observation is by its very nature repulsive to Jesus including our bowel movements and voiding our bladders. Still, Jesus Christ keeps His promise and ogles even our most intimate moments during the revolting but life-sustaining procedures of personal physiological waste management. Of course, we can do our best to minimize these gruesome moments for Christ by voluntary constipation but that is beside the point. To make our visits to the restrooms more bearable for Jesus, the Landover Baptist University Public Restroom Decoration and Management Committee has now completed its renovations. The guidelines that were followed were as follows:
1 Thessalonians 5:17
Pray without ceasing.
Colossians 4:2
Continue in prayer, and watch in the same with thanksgiving;
Ephesians 6:18
Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints;
Thus, constant Prayer is the key to relieve the tensions of Jesus as He watches over our defecations. How to attain this? We decided to redecorate the restrooms with reminders of our Savior to keep the minds of the staff, the visitors and the young youths in the principal task of the University and our other establishments: Jesus and Prayer!
This is the new toilet seat cover designed by our Ladies and now distributed all over the campus.
At this stage I must admit that I sometimes wash my hands after finishing my revolting business in the cubicle except when I'm going to have lunch or dinner immediately thereafter (Matthew 15:20). After being reminded by the toilet seat of our Lord and redeemer, you'll next come face-to-face with Jesus at the sink with our new updated soap dispenser cover!
With this new addition, we are every time reminded of the agony and passion of Jesus on the Cross and how the ultimate event of washing was when He conditionally washed away our sins with His Blood on that device of torture!
Revelation 1:5
And from Jesus Christ, who is the faithful witness, and the first begotten of the dead, and the prince of the kings of the earth. Unto him that loved us, and washed us from our sins in his own blood,
Now, I am asking you: Please remember some extra tithes during the next few weeks so that we can also purchase these new interior decoration elements for voiding the bladder.
In every establishment we have also a penitentiary cubicle for the youths who harbor some unnatural thoughts of extramarital sodomistic fornication. This product was designed to give them a mild preview of the intricate methods Jesus is going to torture them in Hell (Matthew 8:12) if they fail to discard their evil ways (Matthew 9:4).
Please, do not hesitate to hold back bowel movement at home and visit the new LBC restrooms instead to make each and every bowel movement Like a Prayer to glorify Jesus Christ our Savior and Lord! Remember: Jesus is watching you anyway so, please, make this disgusting part of His Vigil a bit more tolerable!
Yours in Christ,
Elmer
Proverbs 15:3
The eyes of the LORD are in every place, beholding the evil and the good.
Some of this constant tireless observation is by its very nature repulsive to Jesus including our bowel movements and voiding our bladders. Still, Jesus Christ keeps His promise and ogles even our most intimate moments during the revolting but life-sustaining procedures of personal physiological waste management. Of course, we can do our best to minimize these gruesome moments for Christ by voluntary constipation but that is beside the point. To make our visits to the restrooms more bearable for Jesus, the Landover Baptist University Public Restroom Decoration and Management Committee has now completed its renovations. The guidelines that were followed were as follows:
1 Thessalonians 5:17
Pray without ceasing.
Colossians 4:2
Continue in prayer, and watch in the same with thanksgiving;
Ephesians 6:18
Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints;
Thus, constant Prayer is the key to relieve the tensions of Jesus as He watches over our defecations. How to attain this? We decided to redecorate the restrooms with reminders of our Savior to keep the minds of the staff, the visitors and the young youths in the principal task of the University and our other establishments: Jesus and Prayer!
This is the new toilet seat cover designed by our Ladies and now distributed all over the campus.
At this stage I must admit that I sometimes wash my hands after finishing my revolting business in the cubicle except when I'm going to have lunch or dinner immediately thereafter (Matthew 15:20). After being reminded by the toilet seat of our Lord and redeemer, you'll next come face-to-face with Jesus at the sink with our new updated soap dispenser cover!
With this new addition, we are every time reminded of the agony and passion of Jesus on the Cross and how the ultimate event of washing was when He conditionally washed away our sins with His Blood on that device of torture!
Revelation 1:5
And from Jesus Christ, who is the faithful witness, and the first begotten of the dead, and the prince of the kings of the earth. Unto him that loved us, and washed us from our sins in his own blood,
Now, I am asking you: Please remember some extra tithes during the next few weeks so that we can also purchase these new interior decoration elements for voiding the bladder.
In every establishment we have also a penitentiary cubicle for the youths who harbor some unnatural thoughts of extramarital sodomistic fornication. This product was designed to give them a mild preview of the intricate methods Jesus is going to torture them in Hell (Matthew 8:12) if they fail to discard their evil ways (Matthew 9:4).
Please, do not hesitate to hold back bowel movement at home and visit the new LBC restrooms instead to make each and every bowel movement Like a Prayer to glorify Jesus Christ our Savior and Lord! Remember: Jesus is watching you anyway so, please, make this disgusting part of His Vigil a bit more tolerable!
Yours in Christ,
Elmer
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