Despicable Advertising Slogans

[Old Man Hatchet]

Jif Peanut Butter: "Choosy mothers choose Jif."



Women should never be allowed to make choices, not even in the supermarket. A woman should pray to Jesus and let Him tell her which product her husband likes best. The slogan should be: "Subservient mothers ask Jesus if He thinks their husbands want them to buy Jif."



Johnson's Baby Shampoo: "No more tears."



Children are supposed to cry while in the bathtub. I used to rub soap and/or shampoo and/or bath salt in my daughters' eyes while my wife bathed them. Sure, it made them scream at the top of their lungs and cry their eyes out, but it also made them have unpleasant associations with being naked so they didn't become whores.* That's called good parenting, folks.


Taco Bell: "Yo Quiero Taco Bell."



I don't know what this gibberish means, and that frightens me. Repeating it could summon demons, or, worse yet, Mexicans.



AT&T: "Reach out and touch someone."



Touching leads to fornication. I never even so much as tap someone on the shoulder for fear that my tallywacker will end up in a dark, dank place it doesn't belong. AT&T, fully aware of where touching leads, attempted to instigate a mass orgy with this deplorable slogan in 1979. What they failed to notice was that there already was a mass orgy going on--it was, after all, the 70s.



*Unfortunately, they did become whores. In retrospect, I should have rubbed soap/shampoo/bath salt in their eyes and made the bathwater scalding hot. Let that be a lesson to all of you new parents out there.

[Old Man Hatchet]

Re: Despicable Advertising Slogans

Skittles: "Taste the rainbow."



Blatant homosexual propaganda.

[Old Man Hatchet]

Re: Despicable Advertising Slogans

United Negro College Fund: "A mind is a terrible thing to waste."



Wrong. A strong back is a terrible thing to waste. Most Negroes simply cannot be educated, but they do make fantastic slaves. Rather than having them sit idly in ghettos collecting dust and welfare checks, let's put them to good use again. All of the money in the college fund can be used to buy whips and shackles.

[SUV]

Re: Despicable Advertising Slogans

# 1: "Subservient mothers ask Jesus if He thinks their husbands want them to buy Jif."

#2: Taco Bell: "Yo Quiero Taco Bell."

I don't know what this gibberish means, and that frightens me. Repeating it could summon demons, or, worse yet, Mexicans.

#1 Brother, do you mean to say there are "Mothers" who don't wait for JESUS to put it to them?

#2 Or worse yet, the Taco Smell chew-wow-wow

[Nobar King]

Re: Despicable Advertising Slogans

Damn Messicants and their yappy chihuahuas. What advertising agency thought THAT would be a good slogan? "Let's bring Mexico to America". Fantastic. They thought the image of a haragan taking a nap was racist?

Here's my suggestion:
Taco bell says: RELAX!

[Old Man Hatchet]

Re: Despicable Advertising Slogans

Ball Park Franks: "They plump when you cook 'em."



Does anyone not think of engorged tallywackers when hearing this slogan? Scores of women have become pecker-craving fiends because of this insidious advertising campaign's not-so-subtle message. After viewing a commercial in which the slogan was featured, my neighbor's wife became an uncontrollable harlot and tried to cook my Ball Park Frank. Fortunately, my tallywacker remained virtuous and did not succumb to advertising-induced fornication.*



Campbell's Soups: "M'm! M'm! Good!"



Campbell's has a pair of young, rosy-cheeked children as their mascots. Does the "M'm! M'm! Good!" refer to the soup or the children? Considering how many perverts and pedophiles there are in the American food industry, I'm guessing the latter. The powers-that-be at Campbell's need to keep their chicken noodles in their pants and leave God-loving, Christian children alone.



*It did become semi-plump.

[SUV]

Re: Despicable Advertising Slogans



Is this what they put in that hard-on collider?

[eliot mayfield]

Re: Despicable Advertising Slogans

"Plop, plop, fizz, fizz, oh what a relief it is."
Everybody knows that's about sitting on the toliet! How disgusting!



"I'd walk a mile for a Camel."


Terrorist Islam propaganda!



"Finger lickin' good."

I don't even need to explain that one!


"Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't."

The homer invasion of the adverstising industry is amazing!!!
Peter Paul??????

[Old Man Hatchet]

Re: Despicable Advertising Slogans

"Finger lickin' good."

I don't even need to explain that one!

Yes, in that regard it's rather like Nike's "Just do it," Wendy's "Where's the beef?" and "Timex's "It takes a licking, but it keeps on ticking." A retard could understand why they are offensive.

[SUV]

Re: Despicable Advertising Slogans

"Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't."

And sometimes a nut feels like a feel.

Oh, it's all so horribly DISGUSTING!!!

[Old Man Hatchet]

Re: Despicable Advertising Slogans

Doublemint Gum: "Double your pleasure, double your fun with Doublemint Gum."



Pleasure and fun should never be doubled. If anything, they should be halved. At least.



Charmin Toilet Tissue: "Please don't squeeze the Charmin!"



"Charmin" was a euphemism for ding-dongs in a series of commercials that featured grocer Mr. Whipple. Horny housewives couldn't keep their hands off of the Charmin, prompting Mr. Whipple to say the above slogan. Okay. I'm on board. "Ladies, don't squeeze shlongs" seems like a message that espouses wholesome, Christian values. Not so fast. These commercials would invariably end with Mr. Whipple squeezing the Charmin, his eyes glazed over in queer delight. This slogan is gay propaganda in sheep's clothing. Also, "Charmin" sounds French, adding to the gayness. And the name "Whipple" is dirty-sounding and offensive.

Of course, Charmin has always put pictures of babies on their packaging, so this slogan may be about squeezing infants to death, or possibly squeezing baby peckers. I'm not sure. Give me a little more time on this one.

[eliot mayfield]

Re: Despicable Advertising Slogans

Charmin Toilet Tissue: "Please don't squeeze the Charmin!"



"Charmin" was a euphemism for ding-dongs in a series of commercials that featured grocer Mr. Whipple. Horny housewives couldn't keep their hands off of the Charmin, prompting Mr. Whipple to say the above slogan. Okay. I'm on board. "Ladies, don't squeeze shlongs" seems like a message that espouses wholesome, Christian values. Not so fast. These commercials would invariably end with Mr. Whipple squeezing the Charmin, his eyes glazed over in queer delight. This slogan is gay propaganda in sheep's clothing. Also, "Charmin" sounds French, adding to the gayness. And the name "Whipple" is dirty-sounding and offensive.

Of course, Charmin has always put pictures of babies on their packaging, so this slogan may be about squeezing infants to death, or possibly squeezing baby peckers. I'm not sure. Give me a little more time on this one.

Remember at the end, Mr. Whipple always squeezed the Charmin!

[Old Man Hatchet]

Re: Despicable Advertising Slogans

Remember at the end, Mr. Whipple always squeezed the Charmin!

I do remember that. I also remember mentioning it in my post.

[SUV]

Re: Despicable Advertising Slogans

Last year I had a dentist named "Dr Whipple" - A "woman" no less.

I Hope she hasn't given me the AIDS by now. Maybe it's why she wore those little Plastic gloves

[Nobar King]

Re: Despicable Advertising Slogans

REESE'S PEANUT BUTTER CUPS

In the 1970s and 1980s, a series of commercials was run for Reese's Peanut Butter Cups featuring situations in which two people, one eating peanut butter and one eating chocolate, collided. One person would say, "you got peanut butter in my chocolate" and the other would reply, "you got chocolate in my peanut butter." They would then sample the mixture and remark on the great taste, tying in with the slogan "two great tastes that taste great together."

You shouldn't even be tasting that.