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Psalm 71-75
Psalm 71
1 In thee, O LORD, do I put my trust: let me never be put to confusion.
Remember folks, when the doubt of atheism enters your mind, then there is no more rules, no more reason for law, you might as well just go kill yourself.
2 Deliver me in thy righteousness, and cause me to escape: incline thine ear unto me, and save me.
It happens all the time, godless atheists just go out on killing sprees, please God, save me from their lawlessness.
4 Deliver me, O my God, out of the hand of the wicked, out of the hand of the unrighteous and cruel man.
That's what I just said.
9 Cast me not off in the time of old age; forsake me not when my strength faileth.
Remember, God doesn't get rid of old people, and then just like the new ones... except when he does, you know like when none of the original people who left Egypt got to go into the promised land except for 2. But other than then, God doesn't just leave his chosen ones.
13 Let them be confounded and consumed that are adversaries to my soul; let them be covered with reproach and dishonour that seek my hurt.
Aren't all of mine enemies stupid anyway?
18 Now also when I am old and greyheaded, O God, forsake me not; until I have shewed thy strength unto this generation, and thy power to every one that is to come.
It seems David is getting old and is rather afraid to die.
Psalm 72
1 Give the king thy judgments, O God, and thy righteousness unto the king's son.
David isn't exactly sure which of his son's will succeed him at this point, he's probably still hoping for a reconciliation with Absalom.
4 He shall judge the poor of the people, he shall save the children of the needy, and shall break in pieces the oppressor.
Didn't Absalom set up his own judicial system, while he was waiting for David to croak? If so, then David's probably not talking about him.
6 He shall come down like rain upon the mown grass: as showers that water the earth.
Did they have John Deere back then? I wasn't aware that 1. they mowed grass, 2. they had enough grass for mowing.
20 The prayers of David the son of Jesse are ended.
Well, this one definitely was David.
Psalm 73
1 Truly God is good to Israel, even to such as are of a clean heart.
I'm sensing a but...
2 But as for me, my feet were almost gone; my steps had well nigh slipped.
Psalm 73 doesn't disappoint.
7 Their eyes stand out with fatness: they have more than heart could wish.
Why does it seem that the wicked have so much, and the good don't? Why is she with him? He's not that good looking? I'm better than him! He's a dirtbag and treats her like crap.
12 Behold, these are the ungodly, who prosper in the world; they increase in riches.
I'd be nice to her, and give her everything she wants, and take care of her, and she'll love me, and everything will be great.
18 Surely thou didst set them in slippery places: thou castedst them down into destruction.
Oh, she's not gonna stay hot, and she's gonna cheat on him, so I'm glad it happens to him and not me.
28 But it is good for me to draw near to God: I have put my trust in the Lord GOD, that I may declare all thy works.
But, I'll be safe with my LORD.
Psalm 74
1 O God, why hast thou cast us off for ever? why doth thine anger smoke against the sheep of thy pasture?
For ever is sort of emo and overboard, don't you think. It's probably David again. The end of Psalm 72, was just like those losers who come here, and say "that's it! I'm never coming here again" and then they don't log off for 5 hours, and post for the next several months.
4 Thine enemies roar in the midst of thy congregations; they set up their ensigns for signs.
Yeah, them.
10 O God, how long shall the adversary reproach? shall the enemy blaspheme thy name for ever?
How much longer till the rapture?
18 Remember this, that the enemy hath reproached, O LORD, and that the foolish people have blasphemed thy name.
God should come back because people like Dawkins are ruining his good name.
Psalm 75
1 Unto thee, O God, do we give thanks, unto thee do we give thanks: for that thy name is near thy wondrous works declare.
Apparently he came back, so that whole "for ever" thing in the last chapter was sort of... um... exaggerated.
4 I said unto the fools, Deal not foolishly: and to the wicked, Lift not up the horn:
"lift up the horn" means to act proudly. Additionally, a horn would be used to hold an alcoholic beverage, but not wine.
8 For in the hand of the LORD there is a cup, and the wine is red; it is full of mixture; and he poureth out of the same: but the dregs thereof, all the wicked of the earth shall wring them out, and drink them.
Wine is served in cups, beer in glasses, and liquor in horns.
10 All the horns of the wicked also will I cut off; but the horns of the righteous shall be exalted.
The righteous will be horny, the wicked will be emasculated.
So what have we learned today?
1. David's leaving.
2. No he's not.
3. God left forever.
4. Horray, he's back.
Psalm 71
1 In thee, O LORD, do I put my trust: let me never be put to confusion.
Remember folks, when the doubt of atheism enters your mind, then there is no more rules, no more reason for law, you might as well just go kill yourself.
2 Deliver me in thy righteousness, and cause me to escape: incline thine ear unto me, and save me.
It happens all the time, godless atheists just go out on killing sprees, please God, save me from their lawlessness.
4 Deliver me, O my God, out of the hand of the wicked, out of the hand of the unrighteous and cruel man.
That's what I just said.
9 Cast me not off in the time of old age; forsake me not when my strength faileth.
Remember, God doesn't get rid of old people, and then just like the new ones... except when he does, you know like when none of the original people who left Egypt got to go into the promised land except for 2. But other than then, God doesn't just leave his chosen ones.
13 Let them be confounded and consumed that are adversaries to my soul; let them be covered with reproach and dishonour that seek my hurt.
Aren't all of mine enemies stupid anyway?
18 Now also when I am old and greyheaded, O God, forsake me not; until I have shewed thy strength unto this generation, and thy power to every one that is to come.
It seems David is getting old and is rather afraid to die.
Psalm 72
1 Give the king thy judgments, O God, and thy righteousness unto the king's son.
David isn't exactly sure which of his son's will succeed him at this point, he's probably still hoping for a reconciliation with Absalom.
4 He shall judge the poor of the people, he shall save the children of the needy, and shall break in pieces the oppressor.
Didn't Absalom set up his own judicial system, while he was waiting for David to croak? If so, then David's probably not talking about him.
6 He shall come down like rain upon the mown grass: as showers that water the earth.
Did they have John Deere back then? I wasn't aware that 1. they mowed grass, 2. they had enough grass for mowing.
20 The prayers of David the son of Jesse are ended.
Well, this one definitely was David.
Psalm 73
1 Truly God is good to Israel, even to such as are of a clean heart.
I'm sensing a but...
2 But as for me, my feet were almost gone; my steps had well nigh slipped.
Psalm 73 doesn't disappoint.
7 Their eyes stand out with fatness: they have more than heart could wish.
Why does it seem that the wicked have so much, and the good don't? Why is she with him? He's not that good looking? I'm better than him! He's a dirtbag and treats her like crap.
12 Behold, these are the ungodly, who prosper in the world; they increase in riches.
I'd be nice to her, and give her everything she wants, and take care of her, and she'll love me, and everything will be great.
18 Surely thou didst set them in slippery places: thou castedst them down into destruction.
Oh, she's not gonna stay hot, and she's gonna cheat on him, so I'm glad it happens to him and not me.
28 But it is good for me to draw near to God: I have put my trust in the Lord GOD, that I may declare all thy works.
But, I'll be safe with my LORD.
Psalm 74
1 O God, why hast thou cast us off for ever? why doth thine anger smoke against the sheep of thy pasture?
For ever is sort of emo and overboard, don't you think. It's probably David again. The end of Psalm 72, was just like those losers who come here, and say "that's it! I'm never coming here again" and then they don't log off for 5 hours, and post for the next several months.
4 Thine enemies roar in the midst of thy congregations; they set up their ensigns for signs.
Yeah, them.
10 O God, how long shall the adversary reproach? shall the enemy blaspheme thy name for ever?
How much longer till the rapture?
18 Remember this, that the enemy hath reproached, O LORD, and that the foolish people have blasphemed thy name.
God should come back because people like Dawkins are ruining his good name.
Psalm 75
1 Unto thee, O God, do we give thanks, unto thee do we give thanks: for that thy name is near thy wondrous works declare.
Apparently he came back, so that whole "for ever" thing in the last chapter was sort of... um... exaggerated.
4 I said unto the fools, Deal not foolishly: and to the wicked, Lift not up the horn:
"lift up the horn" means to act proudly. Additionally, a horn would be used to hold an alcoholic beverage, but not wine.
8 For in the hand of the LORD there is a cup, and the wine is red; it is full of mixture; and he poureth out of the same: but the dregs thereof, all the wicked of the earth shall wring them out, and drink them.
Wine is served in cups, beer in glasses, and liquor in horns.
10 All the horns of the wicked also will I cut off; but the horns of the righteous shall be exalted.
The righteous will be horny, the wicked will be emasculated.
So what have we learned today?
1. David's leaving.
2. No he's not.
3. God left forever.
4. Horray, he's back.
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