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Psalm 91-95
Psalm 91
Psalm 91, is known as the Psalm of Protection. This psalm is normally referenced in times of hardship.
2 I will say of the LORD, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust.
Just like my money tells me to!
4 He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust: his truth shall be thy shield and buckler.
Wait a second!!! If we're made in God's image, then why does He have feathers and wings??? I want feathers and wings!
5 Thou shalt not be afraid for the terror by night; nor for the arrow that flieth by day;
Remember back when we mentioned how some really stupid people think that the psalms mirror Israel history.
They use this psalm in reference to 1991. Remember, Operation Desert Storm. Those silly joos think that the feathers and the wings was the Bald Eagle (the symbol of the U.S.) and that the Patriot Missiles were the shield and buckler. Then, Saddam launched the scuds, that were the arrows in the day and the terror by night.
But that's all crap.
6 Nor for the pestilence that walketh in darkness; nor for the destruction that wasteth at noonday.
Remember, some of the scuds may (or may not) have had chemical weapons in them.
11 For he shall give his angels charge over thee, to keep thee in all thy ways.
Ok, that actually sounds like the U.S. there.
13 Thou shalt tread upon the lion and adder: the young lion and the dragon shalt thou trample under feet.
Dragons are real!
Psalm 92
Psalm 92 is the sabbath psalm. Joos normally say it on Friday night, and twice on Saturday.
1 IT IS A GOOD THING TO GIVE THANKS UNTO THE LORD, AND TO SING PRAISES UNTO THY NAME, O MOST HIGH:
Ok, they yell the first verse. I wonder why the caps lock was on when they wrote this.
5 O LORD, how great are thy works! and thy thoughts are very deep.
The psalmist sounds like it's a college girl, listening to the barefoot guy playing the acoustic guitar in the college quad... he's so dreamy and stuff...
6 A brutish man knoweth not; neither doth a fool understand this.
Oh, how I long for the day when brutes are learned too...
9 For, lo, thine enemies, O LORD, for, lo, thine enemies shall perish; all the workers of iniquity shall be scattered.
I say, I say, I'm a rooster boy.
10 But my horn shalt thou exalt like the horn of an unicorn: I shall be anointed with fresh oil.
Psalm 91, dragons are real, Psalm 92, unicorns are real.
15 To shew that the LORD is upright: he is my rock, and there is no unrighteousness in him.
Rocks are well known for their righteousness.
Psalm 93
1 The LORD reigneth, he is clothed with majesty; the LORD is clothed with strength, wherewith he hath girded himself: the world also is stablished, that it cannot be moved.
Apparently the LORD's clothes are about the same as the emperors new clothes, it doesn't seem like he's wearing anything, but ... maybe I just can't see it.
4 The LORD on high is mightier than the noise of many waters, yea, than the mighty waves of the sea.
What if God made the waves as mighty as him, would he still be mightier?
Psalm 94
1 O Lord God, to whom vengeance belongeth; O God, to whom vengeance belongeth, shew thyself.
You know, it just doesn't strike me as a great idea to call for someone who is known for their anger. I'd be calling for the LORD who is peace and charity, not for the vengeance guy.
3 LORD, how long shall the wicked, how long shall the wicked triumph?
Oh, he's asking for help in smiting enemies, I should have known.
6 They slay the widow and the stranger, and murder the fatherless.
And we were told in Deuteronomy 24:17, to be nice to widows, fatherless, and strangers!
8 Understand, ye brutish among the people: and ye fools, when will ye be wise?
The fools will be wise, when they are no longer fools, duh!
12 Blessed is the man whom thou chastenest, O LORD, and teachest him out of thy law;
Remember, parents only spank the children they love.
22 But the LORD is my defence; and my God is the rock of my refuge.
A righteous rock at that.
Psalm 95
This one is a psalm of triumph.
1 O come, let us sing unto the LORD: let us make a joyful noise to the rock of our salvation.
That noise had better be joyful!
3 For the LORD is a great God, and a great King above all gods.
Lowercase gods.
6 O come, let us worship and bow down: let us kneel before the LORD our maker.
Like the watch needs a watchmaker, since we've been made, we need a maker!
7 For he is our God; and we are the people of his pasture, and the sheep of his hand. To day if ye will hear his voice,
Well, most people are sheep, so I guess if you are going to be a sheep, you might as well have God as your shepherd.
8 Harden not your heart, as in the provocation, and as in the day of temptation in the wilderness:
Harden not your arteries either, for that matter. Manna apparently is good for cholesterol.
10 Forty years long was I grieved with this generation, and said, It is a people that do err in their heart, and they have not known my ways:
11 Unto whom I sware in my wrath that they should not enter into my rest.
How this is a psalm of triumph, I'm not quite sure. I guess it's triumphant for the people who actually made it into the rest.
So what have we learned today?
1. Dragons and unicorns; common place during that time. Perhaps they are just extinct creatures and not mythological.
2. Rock is righteous.
3. If you are not punished by your parents, they probably don't love you.
YIC
V
Psalm 91
Psalm 91, is known as the Psalm of Protection. This psalm is normally referenced in times of hardship.
2 I will say of the LORD, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust.
Just like my money tells me to!
4 He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust: his truth shall be thy shield and buckler.
Wait a second!!! If we're made in God's image, then why does He have feathers and wings??? I want feathers and wings!
5 Thou shalt not be afraid for the terror by night; nor for the arrow that flieth by day;
Remember back when we mentioned how some really stupid people think that the psalms mirror Israel history.
They use this psalm in reference to 1991. Remember, Operation Desert Storm. Those silly joos think that the feathers and the wings was the Bald Eagle (the symbol of the U.S.) and that the Patriot Missiles were the shield and buckler. Then, Saddam launched the scuds, that were the arrows in the day and the terror by night.
But that's all crap.
6 Nor for the pestilence that walketh in darkness; nor for the destruction that wasteth at noonday.
Remember, some of the scuds may (or may not) have had chemical weapons in them.
11 For he shall give his angels charge over thee, to keep thee in all thy ways.
Ok, that actually sounds like the U.S. there.
13 Thou shalt tread upon the lion and adder: the young lion and the dragon shalt thou trample under feet.
Dragons are real!
Psalm 92
Psalm 92 is the sabbath psalm. Joos normally say it on Friday night, and twice on Saturday.
1 IT IS A GOOD THING TO GIVE THANKS UNTO THE LORD, AND TO SING PRAISES UNTO THY NAME, O MOST HIGH:
Ok, they yell the first verse. I wonder why the caps lock was on when they wrote this.
5 O LORD, how great are thy works! and thy thoughts are very deep.
The psalmist sounds like it's a college girl, listening to the barefoot guy playing the acoustic guitar in the college quad... he's so dreamy and stuff...
6 A brutish man knoweth not; neither doth a fool understand this.
Oh, how I long for the day when brutes are learned too...
9 For, lo, thine enemies, O LORD, for, lo, thine enemies shall perish; all the workers of iniquity shall be scattered.
I say, I say, I'm a rooster boy.
10 But my horn shalt thou exalt like the horn of an unicorn: I shall be anointed with fresh oil.
Psalm 91, dragons are real, Psalm 92, unicorns are real.
15 To shew that the LORD is upright: he is my rock, and there is no unrighteousness in him.
Rocks are well known for their righteousness.
Psalm 93
1 The LORD reigneth, he is clothed with majesty; the LORD is clothed with strength, wherewith he hath girded himself: the world also is stablished, that it cannot be moved.
Apparently the LORD's clothes are about the same as the emperors new clothes, it doesn't seem like he's wearing anything, but ... maybe I just can't see it.
4 The LORD on high is mightier than the noise of many waters, yea, than the mighty waves of the sea.
What if God made the waves as mighty as him, would he still be mightier?
Psalm 94
1 O Lord God, to whom vengeance belongeth; O God, to whom vengeance belongeth, shew thyself.
You know, it just doesn't strike me as a great idea to call for someone who is known for their anger. I'd be calling for the LORD who is peace and charity, not for the vengeance guy.
3 LORD, how long shall the wicked, how long shall the wicked triumph?
Oh, he's asking for help in smiting enemies, I should have known.
6 They slay the widow and the stranger, and murder the fatherless.
And we were told in Deuteronomy 24:17, to be nice to widows, fatherless, and strangers!
8 Understand, ye brutish among the people: and ye fools, when will ye be wise?
The fools will be wise, when they are no longer fools, duh!
12 Blessed is the man whom thou chastenest, O LORD, and teachest him out of thy law;
Remember, parents only spank the children they love.
22 But the LORD is my defence; and my God is the rock of my refuge.
A righteous rock at that.
Psalm 95
This one is a psalm of triumph.
1 O come, let us sing unto the LORD: let us make a joyful noise to the rock of our salvation.
That noise had better be joyful!
3 For the LORD is a great God, and a great King above all gods.
Lowercase gods.
6 O come, let us worship and bow down: let us kneel before the LORD our maker.
Like the watch needs a watchmaker, since we've been made, we need a maker!
7 For he is our God; and we are the people of his pasture, and the sheep of his hand. To day if ye will hear his voice,
Well, most people are sheep, so I guess if you are going to be a sheep, you might as well have God as your shepherd.
8 Harden not your heart, as in the provocation, and as in the day of temptation in the wilderness:
Harden not your arteries either, for that matter. Manna apparently is good for cholesterol.
10 Forty years long was I grieved with this generation, and said, It is a people that do err in their heart, and they have not known my ways:
11 Unto whom I sware in my wrath that they should not enter into my rest.
How this is a psalm of triumph, I'm not quite sure. I guess it's triumphant for the people who actually made it into the rest.
So what have we learned today?
1. Dragons and unicorns; common place during that time. Perhaps they are just extinct creatures and not mythological.
2. Rock is righteous.
3. If you are not punished by your parents, they probably don't love you.
YIC
V
if sheeple be like regular sheeps, then maybee lord God not be the bestest shepherd to have, cuz he always so mads, he lurve to yell 
, an sheeps be kinda timids, 
. i thinks lord God be the shepherd, 
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