Rules For Ex-Gays

[Elmer Christianson]

There are definitely some things we need to get straight with you un-gay people, so let's make a list.

1. There's no such thing as a straight Democrat, so you had best change your party affiliation to Godly Republican.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Rules For Ex-Gays

There are definitely some things we need to get straight with you un-gay people, so let's make a list.

1. There's no such thing as a straight Democrat, so you had best change your party affiliation to Godly Republican.

Excellent point Brother E!

2. You all have to stop wearing makeup and dressing like a girl.

3. Keep those wrists stiff and rigid at all times!

4. You have to give up listening to broadway musicals and other fag music. If you must listen to music, try some Godly music like Donnie Davies.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Rules For Ex-Gays

Does anyone have more rules to add?

[Professor Bessemer]

Re: Rules For Ex-Gays

Does anyone have more rules to add?

Well Pastor, as the senior Ex-Gay© professor at LBU, I am a bit of an authority on proper Ex-Gay© behavior. I will add to this thread from time to time, but for now, these will be a fine start.

Cut off any and all contact with practicing queers still in the grips of their Sodomania.


Maintain nearly constant contact with fellow Ex-Gays©. Fellowshipping and ministering with like minded individuals in a holy and supportive way helps you keep on the straight and narrow path to paradise.


Burn or otherwise destroy any possessions associated with the gay lifestyle. These include, but are not limited to, the following:

Brightly colored clothing
Pastel colored clothing
Liqueurs
Leather pants
Sunglasses with colored frames
ANYTHING purple or pink
Leather vests
Sandals
Leather hats
Books about traveling
ANYTHING cylindrical that could fit in your anus
Leather shorts
Bicycling attire
Fondue Pots
Leather chaps (unless you are involved in the cattle industry)

[James Hutchins]

Re: Rules For Ex-Gays

Do not listen to homer music
Cher
Judy Garland
Any Disco/Donna Summer like music
KD Lang for the lezbos

Instead listen to a catchy tune like 'Big Bad John' by Jimmy Dean (RIP) or something by Perry Como

[Benedict A. Davis]

Re: Rules For Ex-Gays

If an always hetrosexual man is in the company of an ex-gay and we notice them, for lack of a better phrase, backsliding which is the proper response?
1 verbally reprimand the brother
2 Ignore it, it should go away
3 physically slap some sense in him before he starts singing ABBA songs.

[Logan]

Re: Rules For Ex-Gays

-Do not buy anything with the letter "i" in front of it.
-Strait men do not give one and other "sensual" hugs: The proper greeting/good-by is a firm handshake.

[Nobar King]

Re: Rules For Ex-Gays

1. No more listening to the Backstreet Boys!
2. Stay away from San Francisco!
3. Avoid sinful fruits and vegetables like cucumbers and carrots!
4. Sell your Dodge Caliber

[Spaghetti Monster]

Re: Rules For Ex-Gays

Are there different rules for women ex-gays that I need to know?

[Nobar King]

Re: Rules For Ex-Gays

Are there different rules for women ex-gays that I need to know?

Don't get your hair cut!

[Dirk]

Re: Rules For Ex-Gays

Here is my input: Don't be gay

[Pastor Isaac Peters]

Re: Rules For Ex-Gays

Are there different rules for women ex-gays that I need to know?

• Lose weight.
• Trade in your Subaru or pickup truck for a vehicle that suggests suburban Republican motherhood, ideally an American SUV.
• Don't play softball.

[Benedict A. Davis]

Re: Rules For Ex-Gays

Are there different rules for women ex-gays that I need to know?

Loose the flannel shirts
A weight bench is not living room furniture
Wear Chanel not Brut
''Queer bashing'' is not an organized sport, stop hurting the Nancy boys. (in theory anyway)

[Pastor Isaac Peters]

Re: Rules For Ex-Gays

One more, if I may: While lesbian political correctness is almost like the religious right in certain aspects, who wants to be almost saved from eternal damnation?

[HTannor]

Re: Rules For Ex-Gays

Are there different rules for women ex-gays that I need to know?

-Get rid of the Harley.
-And the leather clothing
-Spend all your spare time in the kitchen perfecting your pie recipes.
-Always be alone while in your prayer closet.
-Look your best when the menfolk come home.