"Sweatin' to the Old Testament": Christian Exercise Video

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

Rev. Jim's "Sweatin' to the Old Testament"

NEW Workout Video for True Christians™!

"Know ye not that ye are the temple of God, and that the Spirit of God dwelleth in you? If any man defile the temple of God, him shall God destroy; for the temple of God is holy, which temple ye are" (1 Corinthians 3:16-17 KJV).

"What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's" (1 Corinthians 6:19-20 KJV).

Brothers and Sisters in Christ,

Are you flabby and out of shape? Or are you in top condition and want to maintain your healthy physique? Look no further than this new DVD made especially for True Christians™, led by none other than myself, Rev. Jim Osborne!

It all started when I went to a regular check-up to Dr. Schwartz, and once he saw I was crushing the scale at 275 lbs., he said to me: "Rev. Jim, you really need to shed some weight. At this rate, you're going to be due for yet another double bypass within a year!". Well, that got me thinking. Why not lose weight and help my fellow True Christians™ while I'm at it? I also realized there is a dirth of Christian exercise videos on the market. The overwhelming majority of workout videos are sinful and offensive, led by God-mocking homosexuals doing disgusting positions and full of the Devil's music.

Stay away from such filth! Ephesians 5:11 "And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather reprove them."

"Sweatin' to the Old Testament" is a 30 minute exercise video created with True Christians™ in mind. Why should you work out to this video and not some other abomination?

• Most videos on the market star unbelievers, whether it is the flamboyant homosexual Richard Simmons, the communist Jane Fonda, or the militant shaved-head lesbian Susan Powter. This video is led by a Godly, ordained True Christian™ pastor!
• Exercise videos often contain the Devil's music - rock 'n roll or worse, hip hop. Why defile your soul with such filth when you can do calisthenics to some great upbeat Christian tunes like "Onward Christian Soldiers" or "I Got the Joy Down in my Heart"!
• Many exercise videos make the practitioner involve themselves in sinful, sexually suggestive positions. They make you bend over, spread your legs, or do squats. All the exercises in this video are family-friendly and pure of form!
• Work out your body and your soul with this video! While you exercise, you learn about the Old Testament and even the exercise moves incorporate these teachings. For example, we learn about Deuteronomy 22:23-24 where we stone to death a raped woman who did not cry out by doing repetitive arm exercises which mimic throwing stones. Perfect for toning your biceps and forearms.

So throw all your old, sinful, unGodly exercise tapes into a bonfire immediately! Put on your sweats, pop this video into your DVD player, and get workin' out with the Lord! Only $29.95 plus S+H. PM me or email me at revjimsoborne@gmail.com to order your copy today!

Yours in Christ,

Rev. Jim Osborne

[Professor Bessemer]

Re: "Sweatin' to the Old Testament": Christian Exercise Video

Reverend, as you still owe me several thousand dollars for the consulting work I did for you on that paper Young Earth Creationism, Original Sin, and it's Effect on College Age Female Perversion, I guess I'll take a few of those videos as a partial payment. I will of course keep one and use it, the others will make fine gifts over the coming holidays.

Not to be a nag about this, but you did promise to get me that check when were fellowshipping at Pastor Zeke's last Prayer Circle. I daresay I did not need a workout after that rather taxing evening of Godly ministering!

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

Re: "Sweatin' to the Old Testament": Christian Exercise Video

Look Professor, I already told you, once I get my offshore bank account transferred, I'll pay you. It's not my fault the Caymans are going so slow with the transition. Besides, this public forum is not the place to talk about finances....it wouldn't surprise me that IRS is watching. They're just waiting for me to slip up.

Of course, I won't because I'm an honest taxpayer.

[Professor Bessemer]

Re: "Sweatin' to the Old Testament": Christian Exercise Video

Sorry for bringing it up Reverend, I guess I had forgotten about what you said about your account issues. I will admit that I was distracted while I was ministering to you at Pastor Zeke's place.

If you told me about your financial issues while I was actually performing my ministry, I am certain I was more focused on doing my Godly best to help you release the spirit of Jesus into me than I was on money matters. It will not happen again!

[SUV]

Re: "Sweatin' to the Old Testament": Christian Exercise Video

Sounds great! I wouldn't mind doing a little sweating for JESUS!

[eliot mayfield]

Re: "Sweatin' to the Old Testament": Christian Exercise Video

I will take one as well! Maybe a gross for the entire camp!

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: "Sweatin' to the Old Testament": Christian Exercise Video

Stay away from such filth! Ephesians 5:11 "And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather reprove them."

Brother, that video appears inordinately fruit-full!

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

Re: "Sweatin' to the Old Testament": Christian Exercise Video

Brother, that video appears inordinately fruit-full!

I think a more appropriate Bible passage would've been this, in more ways than one...

Matthew, Chapter 7
16Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles?
17Even so every good tree bringeth forth good fruit; but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit.
18A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit.
19Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire.
20Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them.

[H. Montague Worthington]

Re: "Sweatin' to the Old Testament": Christian Exercise Video

Thank you SO much for "Sweatin' to the Old Testament," Rev. Jim!! My wife Delores and I enjoyed a steamy session this afternoon, and thanks to you I've lost 12 pounds in the past six weeks!! This wonderful and devoutly True Christian(tm) exercize program has been a God send for both me and my wife.

One question though, Rev. Jim-- the free instructional DVD that came with the program specifically said that one should weigh themselves WITHOUT their trusses and colostomy bags. Wouldn't that skew the weight loss results?

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

Re: "Sweatin' to the Old Testament": Christian Exercise Video

Ah, Brother Monty, I am glad that you and your lovely wife have enjoyed my video and even lost some weight out of it! Some people have complained about the lack of weight loss due to the so-called "half-hearted efforts of exercise on my part", but I'm not about to gyrate my body like some cheap pole-dancing whore in one of those dive strip joints on the edge of town. 12 lbs in 6 weeks is very respectable! In fact, I think it's a record (most people average 2-4 lbs. loss in 6 weeks).

To answer your question, yes you must remove all paraphenalia from your person, such as colostomy bags as the plastic and contained feces may add to your weight, skewing your proper weight. If not able to remove, it is best to tare the weight of the attached objects first, then weigh.

By the way, are we still on for the Cessna ride next weekend?

[H. Montague Worthington]

Re: "Sweatin' to the Old Testament": Christian Exercise Video

By the way, are we still on for the Cessna ride next weekend?

Absolutely!! I wouldn't miss it for the world!! How often do we get to see Freehold from the air?

P.S. Is it OK if I wear my colostomy bag and trusses for the Cessna ride?

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

Re: "Sweatin' to the Old Testament": Christian Exercise Video

Absolutely!! I wouldn't miss it for the world!! How often do we get to see Freehold from the air?

P.S. Is it OK if I wear my colostomy bag and trusses for the Cessna ride?

Does the Pope sh** in the woods?

Sorry, couldn't help myself.

[Jenni111]

Re: "Sweatin' to the Old Testament": Christian Exercise Video

1. How long is the video?
2. Is it Blue Ray, HD or just DVD?
3. When you say learning about the Old Testament, are you the one talking? If so, is it a voice over or talking while you exercise?


I'm not really interested in the workout video, but my father may be.

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

Re: "Sweatin' to the Old Testament": Christian Exercise Video

1. How long is the video?

30 minutes, just like the original post says

2. Is it Blue Ray, HD or just DVD?

Just DVD. Unless you want to see me all hot and sweaty in high definition...then I'm sure I can pull some strings and get that for you.

3. When you say learning about the Old Testament, are you the one talking? If so, is it a voice over or talking while you exercise?

Yes, it's me talking, but definitely a voice over. I admit, I was pretty much out of breath doing the arm twists and the leg lifts. I had to get my technician to edit out all the heavy breathing and wheezing actually. There's no way I could speak and exercise at the same time.

I'm not really interested in the workout video, but my father may be.

Don't you want to maintain your lithe, feminine physique, Jenni? Also remember this video has important lessons from the Old Testament and since you are far from being a True Christian™ you could most certainly benefit!

[Nobar King]

Re: "Sweatin' to the Old Testament": Christian Exercise Video

I'm still using VHS, so I hope I can get a copy on video tape.