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  • #1

    I need some advice...

    Hi, my name is Bill and I am hoping you good Christian folk may be able to help me with a personal problem.

    I have been married to my wife for 18 years and we have two sons and a daughter together. We pride ourselves on being a good Christian family and we work hard to remain true to Gods word.

    The trouble is that lately I have been having inappropriate thoughts about my pastors wife. I know this is sinfull, but there is nothing I can do to stop it. I was sat close to her in Church the other day, and it was as much as I could do not to whisper in her ear wanted to do to her with chocolate syrup.

    I am scared that the Lord will damn me to Hell for being so sinfull.

    What should I do?

    Bill
    Tags: None
  • #2
    Re: I need some advice...

    You need to chill out already.

    You're not a good person, clearly, else you would not have these thoughts! Find another church to allow you distance from the women causing you these fantasies. And then, after you've done that, you need to be castrated!

    live long and prosper

    Comment

    • #3
      Re: I need some advice...

      Friend, you should stop these thoughts AT ONCE!

      Exodus 20:17
      Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour's.

      1 Corinthians 6:18
      Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.

      1 Thessalonians 4:3
      For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication:

      God is pretty clear on this one.
      Psalm 81:10:
      I am the LORD thy God, which brought thee out of the land of Egypt:
      open thy mouth wide, and I will fill it.

      Comment

      • #4
        Re: I need some advice...

        But I have been attending the same church since I was a child. My wife and I married there, our children were baptised there and we know everybody there. We live in a small country town and we really feel we are part of the community.

        How do I tell my family that we are no longer going to attend our church, and instead drive 50 miles to the next town to worship?

        Castration sounds mighty painfull, and a little unnessecary. I thought about confessing my sinfull desires to the pastor, but I am scared of what he may do to me.

        Comment

        • #5
          Re: I need some advice...

          Bill, Jesus makes it very clear that lusting in your heart is equal to adultery.

          Matthew 5:28 But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.

          Therefore, you are an adulterer. And what happens to adulterers?

          1st Corinthians 6:9 Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind,

          You cannot go to Heaven, and therefore get sent to Hell. So, what is the solution that the Bible recommends?

          Mark 9:43 And if thy hand offend thee, cut it off: it is better for thee to enter into life maimed, than having two hands to go into hell, into the fire that never shall be quenched:

          So, you need to get your thoughts in check and do some heavy praying or castration may indeed be a simple solution to save you from eternal hellfire.

          Also, why did you put your last name as "Satan" in reverse?

          Watch the #1 Televangelist Gospel Hour in the World! "Turn or Burn: Accept Christ or Go to Hell with Rev. Jim Osborne." Check your local cable listings.

          Comment

          • #6
            Re: I need some advice...

            Originally posted by Rev. Jim Osborne View Post

            Also, why did you put your last name as "Satan" in reverse?
            I was teased about my name during my school days. It is unfortunate and has caused me problems over the years. My family is originally from Serbia Montenegro, and the name Natas is fairly common in the Baltic. Literally translated into English it means "worker".

            I realise I must cleanse my mind of these terrible thoughts, but what will my wife say if she sees I have been castrated?

            Comment

            • #7
              Re: I need some advice...

              Originally posted by Bill Natas View Post
              I realise I must cleanse my mind of these terrible thoughts, but what will my wife say if she sees I have been castrated?
              She should just keep her mouth shut - she's a woman after all - bake you another pie and be glad that you just avoided hell!
              Psalm 81:10:
              I am the LORD thy God, which brought thee out of the land of Egypt:
              open thy mouth wide, and I will fill it.

              Comment

              • #8
                Re: I need some advice...

                Originally posted by Bill Natas View Post
                I was teased about my name during my school days. It is unfortunate and has caused me problems over the years. My family is originally from Serbia Montenegro, and the name Natas is fairly common in the Baltic. Literally translated into English it means "worker".

                I realise I must cleanse my mind of these terrible thoughts, but what will my wife say if she sees I have been castrated?
                Could be worse. You could be like that hockey player whose last name is Satan!

                Watch the #1 Televangelist Gospel Hour in the World! "Turn or Burn: Accept Christ or Go to Hell with Rev. Jim Osborne." Check your local cable listings.

                Comment

                • #9
                  Re: I need some advice...

                  I guess I will have to consult my doctor about this. Should I tell him why I am considering castration? He is friends with my pastor and his wife. I am scared word would get out about my sinfull thoughts. What do I dell my doctor as my reason for requiring castration?

                  My wife and I had been discussing having another child; Maybe we should work on that and i'll hold off on the castration until she is pregnant.

                  Comment

                  • #10
                    Re: I need some advice...

                    Look friend, take a step back and have another look at your situation.

                    First of all, you seem rather attached to your tallywhacker, so much that you prefer keeping it instead of doing the right thing - have it removed to save your soul.

                    Next, you need to come clean with your Pastor. You need to tell him that you coveted his wife, and if applicable, his house, his ass .... He's heard it all before, trust me. You need to repent. And then you need to get rid of that sinful organ. It is probably infested with demons!

                    Imagine this: while you are impregnating your wife, you suddenly have lustful thoughts about the Pastor's wife. This is fornication, and would technically make your baby a bastard. He and his offspring will be DOOMED for ten generations. DOOMED. Is THAT what you want?

                    Stop being so darned selfish!
                    Psalm 81:10:
                    I am the LORD thy God, which brought thee out of the land of Egypt:
                    open thy mouth wide, and I will fill it.

                    Comment

                    • #11
                      Re: I need some advice...

                      I don't think I am entirely to blame here, I think Mrs Green (my pastors wife) has been having inappropriate thoughts too. It's just the way she looks at me and speaks to me. I think she is trying to subtly lead me astray. Should I tell my pastor that too? I wouldn't want to put strain on his marriage, but at the same time he will be lost without her in the Kingdom of Heaven.

                      Comment

                      • #12
                        Re: I need some advice...

                        Her behavior doesn't matter whatsoever. So don't try to shift blame towards her. She will have to answer to God for her actions. Worry about yourself! You are hellbound and need to address your own problems before worrying about others.

                        Watch the #1 Televangelist Gospel Hour in the World! "Turn or Burn: Accept Christ or Go to Hell with Rev. Jim Osborne." Check your local cable listings.

                        Comment

                        • #13
                          Re: I need some advice...

                          Thank you, I appreciate your advice Reverend.

                          I will speak to my Pastor after Sundays service, as hard as that will be to do. I must be strong and surpress my urges when I see her.

                          Oh how I wish we could leave town together, I have even in the past considered booking a motel room and inviting her there.

                          Comment

                          • #14
                            Re: I need some advice...

                            Originally posted by Bill Natas View Post
                            I guess I will have to consult my doctor about this. Should I tell him why I am considering castration? He is friends with my pastor and his wife. I am scared word would get out about my sinfull thoughts. What do I dell my doctor as my reason for requiring castration?
                            Here's what you tell him:

                            Matthew 19:12 For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother's womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.
                            Do the right thing for Jesus, Billy!
                            Who Will Jesus Damn?

                            Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                            Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                            Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                            Comment

                            • #15
                              Re: I need some advice...

                              Billy
                              Stay far from your Pastors wife.We ladies have something called feminine wiles.Its a strong force that we cant control,I guess.The Pastors wife probably don't even know what she is doing .I have done some reading on it ,ladies got some thing called a fairymoan.I guess its the same thing as feminine wiles I ain't for sure.If I am wrong the good people here at the LBC will set me straight.

                              I have doomed my Pastor . I am ashamed to admit that I had sex with him and he is a married man ,and a man of God.Its my fault that I let him go to Hell.
                              I get on my knees every single day now and pray for him and I ask Jesus to forgive me for my slutting ways.Do what the Pastors says ,He is a real smart feller and knows what is best

                              It sure would be a shame for you to get your tallywacker cut off,but its better than Hell by a long ways.


                              I will add you to my prayer

                              Comment

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