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Folks, I know there have been some rumors floating around about how my name has been thrown around in the recent court case involving Atalanta Falcons Quarterback Michael Vick and his underground dog fighting cartel. Before my reputation can be blemished I would like to make several things clear regarding the case: I was in no way involved in any illegal dog fighting, gambling or kanoodling with negroids. I will now direct your attention to the following interview conducted by several members of a Georgia investigations committee and my well-paid and crack team of lawyers and PR men with some consultation from me on what actually happened on the night in question.
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Q: Please state your name for the record.
WH: Wash O'Hanley
Q: I have here the client el list for the "BadNews" dog fighting ring, can you please identify the highlighted name on the list.
WH: Uh, Wash O'Hanley
Q: Is the Wash O'Hanley on this list you?
WH: Yes
Q: Next to your name are the 10 dates that you visited Mr. Vick's property as well as the amount of money exchanged between you and the Bookie on those evenings. Can you please describe for me the events that occurred on those evenings?
(seven minute pause, whispering can be heard between Mr. O'Hanley and his lawyers)
WH: Are you familiar with the show "To Catch a Predator" with Chris Hanson? (brief pause) ...You know, that show where Chris Hanson pretends he's a little kid on the internet and then films pedophiles as they come to his house?
Q: Yes, I am familiar with that show.
(sound of Wash O'Hanley's legal team high-fiving each other in the background can be heard)
WH: Well... Chris Hanson... and that WHOLE "to catch a..." fad has been kicking my ass in the ratings and frankly, Ole' Wash needed a piece of that pie.
Q: So you are saying that you were on Mr. Vick's property to observe the dog fighting from a journalistic perspective?
WH: Yes sir.
Q: For a period that lasted over a year and a half?
WH: ...It was an ongoing segment
Q: Do you have any tangible evidence that you were there for journalistic purposes? Scripts? Video footage? Audio footage?
WH: No
Q: No you don't have any with you or no you never had any?
WH: No I never had any.
Q: So you're a journalist, covering a story WITHOUT any means of actually documenting what was occurring?
WH: Well I... (interrupted)
Lawyer #1: Mr. O'Hanley's visits to Mr. Vick's property were purely for scouting purposes, establishing a reputation among the members of the club. Once all of this was accomplished it was planned for Mr. O'Hanley and his associates to break the story on a local Iowa news program.
Q: And your name is?
Lawyer #1: (name omitted)
Q: You are aware, Mr. ______ ,that your name is also on this list, as is most of Mr. O'Hanley's legal team?
Lawyer #1: Myself, as well as the rest of "Mr. Poppageorgio's Law Firm and Olive Oil Company", have in no way been involved in any gambling or dog fighting.
Q: You are aware, Mr. ______, that the rest of Mr. Hanley's legal team are currently playing dice in the back of the room?
(sound of dice being rolled and cheering can be heard)
Lawyer #1: That's... legal... stuff that they're doing.
Q: Yes... so I am to understand that Mr. O'Hanley visited Michael Vick's property 10 times in a period of over a year and a half, during which it has been established that there was dog fighting and gambling taking place on the premises for the purposes of creating a reputation with the group as a means to produce a television segment on the underground dog fighting ring?
WH: That is correct
Q: Do you have any evidence... at all... that any of what you have said is true?
WH: Give me a week or so.
*****
So as you can see based on the testimonial that I made as recounted by me legal team regarding my involvement in this case that this is simply a "wrong place at the wrong time" incident. I was on Mr. Vick's property with the knowledge that dog fighting was occurring and was documenting it for journalistic purposes in a manner that would expose the illegalities. My plan involved documenting the incidents and then showing them to the proper authorities in an expedient manner and then use those materials to alert the public. Unfortunately during my year and a half preparation period for starting the piece the police DID find out about the dog fighting which is why my name has come up. I hope this puts to rest any of the mysteries surrounding my name in this case, as I have come forward and been as truthful as possible.
*******
Q: Please state your name for the record.
WH: Wash O'Hanley
Q: I have here the client el list for the "BadNews" dog fighting ring, can you please identify the highlighted name on the list.
WH: Uh, Wash O'Hanley
Q: Is the Wash O'Hanley on this list you?
WH: Yes
Q: Next to your name are the 10 dates that you visited Mr. Vick's property as well as the amount of money exchanged between you and the Bookie on those evenings. Can you please describe for me the events that occurred on those evenings?
(seven minute pause, whispering can be heard between Mr. O'Hanley and his lawyers)
WH: Are you familiar with the show "To Catch a Predator" with Chris Hanson? (brief pause) ...You know, that show where Chris Hanson pretends he's a little kid on the internet and then films pedophiles as they come to his house?
Q: Yes, I am familiar with that show.
(sound of Wash O'Hanley's legal team high-fiving each other in the background can be heard)
WH: Well... Chris Hanson... and that WHOLE "to catch a..." fad has been kicking my ass in the ratings and frankly, Ole' Wash needed a piece of that pie.
Q: So you are saying that you were on Mr. Vick's property to observe the dog fighting from a journalistic perspective?
WH: Yes sir.
Q: For a period that lasted over a year and a half?
WH: ...It was an ongoing segment
Q: Do you have any tangible evidence that you were there for journalistic purposes? Scripts? Video footage? Audio footage?
WH: No
Q: No you don't have any with you or no you never had any?
WH: No I never had any.
Q: So you're a journalist, covering a story WITHOUT any means of actually documenting what was occurring?
WH: Well I... (interrupted)
Lawyer #1: Mr. O'Hanley's visits to Mr. Vick's property were purely for scouting purposes, establishing a reputation among the members of the club. Once all of this was accomplished it was planned for Mr. O'Hanley and his associates to break the story on a local Iowa news program.
Q: And your name is?
Lawyer #1: (name omitted)
Q: You are aware, Mr. ______ ,that your name is also on this list, as is most of Mr. O'Hanley's legal team?
Lawyer #1: Myself, as well as the rest of "Mr. Poppageorgio's Law Firm and Olive Oil Company", have in no way been involved in any gambling or dog fighting.
Q: You are aware, Mr. ______, that the rest of Mr. Hanley's legal team are currently playing dice in the back of the room?
(sound of dice being rolled and cheering can be heard)
Lawyer #1: That's... legal... stuff that they're doing.
Q: Yes... so I am to understand that Mr. O'Hanley visited Michael Vick's property 10 times in a period of over a year and a half, during which it has been established that there was dog fighting and gambling taking place on the premises for the purposes of creating a reputation with the group as a means to produce a television segment on the underground dog fighting ring?
WH: That is correct
Q: Do you have any evidence... at all... that any of what you have said is true?
WH: Give me a week or so.
*****
So as you can see based on the testimonial that I made as recounted by me legal team regarding my involvement in this case that this is simply a "wrong place at the wrong time" incident. I was on Mr. Vick's property with the knowledge that dog fighting was occurring and was documenting it for journalistic purposes in a manner that would expose the illegalities. My plan involved documenting the incidents and then showing them to the proper authorities in an expedient manner and then use those materials to alert the public. Unfortunately during my year and a half preparation period for starting the piece the police DID find out about the dog fighting which is why my name has come up. I hope this puts to rest any of the mysteries surrounding my name in this case, as I have come forward and been as truthful as possible.
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