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Ephesians 5:22-24 (King James Version)
22Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
23For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. 24Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
Many of you will recall the story I told about waterboarding my wife Ethel, who sometimes has trouble knowing her place in my household, which is in the kitchen, or on her knees. We live deep in the woods, and I regret that I have not made full use of our seperation from secular society to exercise my duties as a husband, namely, disciplining my wife and seeing to it that she remains humbled and eager to serve me in her wifely capacity.
The problem is, Ethel has been watching TV when I am not around, and not only that but watching channels that I have specifically forbidden her to watch: liberal propagandists like CNN and CSPAN. I have told Ethel before that she is only to watch Fox News, and that, only when I am at home and she has my permission.
I came home early from a hunting trip, because I had spent all my ammunition shooting at a street sign on the highway and needed some more. I went down to the basement, where Ethel is supposed to have ammunition ready and packed for me.
But there was none.
I went back upstairs, tiptoeing as I do when she knows she is in trouble and is probably hiding from me. She knows better than to leave the ammunition for me to prepare.
But Ethel wasn't hiding from me at all. No, she had forgotten about her chores completely, and was masturbating in front of the television watching footage of Obama!
Immediately, I locked her in the prayer closet while I thought of what my response should be. A True Christian™ always acts with a cool head.
I could hear her begging me not to discipline her, but, as much as it hurts me, I had to do my Christian Duty™.
I tied Ethel down to the bed face up and went back down into the basement to fetch some rats. I laid a clay bowl upside down over Ethel's stomach with the rats inside and put hot coals on top of it.
Now, brothers and sisters, I can't tell you how much it hurts me to listen to my wife Ethel scream, so I made sure I gagged her before the rats started gnawing away at her abdomen.
Of course, since I only did this to teach her a lesson, I let the rats free after a few minutes and sent Ethel to go kill them. She was unconscious so I had to do it myself. There's not much you can teach a woman when she's unconscious.
22Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
23For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. 24Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
Many of you will recall the story I told about waterboarding my wife Ethel, who sometimes has trouble knowing her place in my household, which is in the kitchen, or on her knees. We live deep in the woods, and I regret that I have not made full use of our seperation from secular society to exercise my duties as a husband, namely, disciplining my wife and seeing to it that she remains humbled and eager to serve me in her wifely capacity.
The problem is, Ethel has been watching TV when I am not around, and not only that but watching channels that I have specifically forbidden her to watch: liberal propagandists like CNN and CSPAN. I have told Ethel before that she is only to watch Fox News, and that, only when I am at home and she has my permission.
I came home early from a hunting trip, because I had spent all my ammunition shooting at a street sign on the highway and needed some more. I went down to the basement, where Ethel is supposed to have ammunition ready and packed for me.
But there was none.
I went back upstairs, tiptoeing as I do when she knows she is in trouble and is probably hiding from me. She knows better than to leave the ammunition for me to prepare.
But Ethel wasn't hiding from me at all. No, she had forgotten about her chores completely, and was masturbating in front of the television watching footage of Obama!
Immediately, I locked her in the prayer closet while I thought of what my response should be. A True Christian™ always acts with a cool head.
I could hear her begging me not to discipline her, but, as much as it hurts me, I had to do my Christian Duty™.
I tied Ethel down to the bed face up and went back down into the basement to fetch some rats. I laid a clay bowl upside down over Ethel's stomach with the rats inside and put hot coals on top of it.
Now, brothers and sisters, I can't tell you how much it hurts me to listen to my wife Ethel scream, so I made sure I gagged her before the rats started gnawing away at her abdomen.
Of course, since I only did this to teach her a lesson, I let the rats free after a few minutes and sent Ethel to go kill them. She was unconscious so I had to do it myself. There's not much you can teach a woman when she's unconscious.
Genesis 1:1 In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth
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