The Landover Baptist Church
Like us or burn

Go Back   The Landover Baptist Church Forum > Church Forums > Landover Baptist Lounge

Landover Baptist Lounge Relax, Kick your shoes off. Praise Jesus!!! (Blacks and Homosexuals strictly prohibited!)

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 09-07-2010, 12:45 AM
Phebe Carlyle's Avatar
Phebe Carlyle Phebe Carlyle is offline
GALS 4 GOD Guidance Counseler
Expert at baking, sewing, and rebuking unsaved scum
True Christian™

True Christian™ Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS Mission to Australia Real American™ Best stoning bucket Cleanest Kitchen True Christian Lady True Christian Homemaker 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College Best Pie Platinum Tither The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking The Lord’s Witness Wound Christian Love One Year/1000 posts Friend of Jesus Flat Earth Most Obedient 

Join Date: May 2010
Location: At all times between Genesis and Revelation
Posts: 2,620
Phebe Carlyle is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Phebe Carlyle is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Phebe Carlyle is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Phebe Carlyle is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Phebe Carlyle is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Phebe Carlyle is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Phebe Carlyle is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Phebe Carlyle is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Phebe Carlyle is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Phebe Carlyle is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Phebe Carlyle is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.
Default Smile and Laugh With God! :D

Brothers and Sisters,

For some reason, many secular types don't think we True Christians have a sense of humor! They are obviously mistaken and I hope to put pay to all those false assumptions with this thread.

I know that sometimes our day to day lives leave us too busy to take time out for a good laugh! So I had a thought! Why not couple our bible study time with a good giggle from time to time.

As such, I have thought up these few gems.

Q: Knock Knock!

A: Who's There?

A: Jesus Of course!

Matthew 7:7

Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:



And another, sure to put a smile on the dial!

Q: Why did the pigs jump off the cliff and die?

A: Because they were possessed by demons and Jesus with His Almighty power, made it possible!

Matthew 8 31-32

So the devils besought him, saying, If thou cast us out, suffer us to go away into the herd of swine.

And he said unto them, Go. And when they were come out, they went into the herd of swine: and, behold, the whole herd of swine ran violently down a steep place into the sea, and perished in the waters.


Oh gee! Good times indeed! So, how about other Brothers and Sisters think up some hilarious situations too, but remember to add the relevant verse for the "punchline" reference!

Have fun!!

YIC

Sister Phebe
__________________




There's Jesus here,
Just see what He offers me....
Down here my sins forgiven,
Up there a home in heaven
Praise God, That's the way for me!!
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 09-07-2010, 03:08 AM
Phebe Carlyle's Avatar
Phebe Carlyle Phebe Carlyle is offline
GALS 4 GOD Guidance Counseler
Expert at baking, sewing, and rebuking unsaved scum
True Christian™

True Christian™ Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS Mission to Australia Real American™ Best stoning bucket Cleanest Kitchen True Christian Lady True Christian Homemaker 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College Best Pie Platinum Tither The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking The Lord’s Witness Wound Christian Love One Year/1000 posts Friend of Jesus Flat Earth Most Obedient 

Join Date: May 2010
Location: At all times between Genesis and Revelation
Posts: 2,620
Phebe Carlyle is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Phebe Carlyle is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Phebe Carlyle is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Phebe Carlyle is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Phebe Carlyle is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Phebe Carlyle is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Phebe Carlyle is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Phebe Carlyle is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Phebe Carlyle is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Phebe Carlyle is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Phebe Carlyle is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.
Default Re: Smile and Laugh With God! :D

Gosh! Good times indeed! Just letting you know, God just inspired me with yet another knee-slapper!

Q: Who was the best financial planner in the Bible?

A: Why Noah of course because he kept his stock afloat while the rest of the world was under "liquidation"


Genesis 7 13:17

In the selfsame day entered Noah, and Shem, and Ham, and Japheth, the sons of Noah, and Noah's wife, and the three wives of his sons with them, into the ark;

They, and every beast after his kind, and all the cattle after their kind, and every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth after his kind, and every fowl after his kind, every bird of every sort.

And they went in unto Noah into the ark, two and two of all flesh, wherein is the breath of life.

And they that went in, went in male and female of all flesh, as God had commanded him: and the LORD shut him in.

And the flood was forty days upon the earth; and the waters increased, and bare up the ark, and it was lift up above the earth


YIC

Sister Phebe.
__________________




There's Jesus here,
Just see what He offers me....
Down here my sins forgiven,
Up there a home in heaven
Praise God, That's the way for me!!
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 09-07-2010, 11:18 AM
Jo Freddie's Avatar
Jo Freddie Jo Freddie is offline
Unsaved trash
Hateful God mocking pirate
 

Hellbound Heathen Cancer on Society Full of it Caution - Poster is Crazy Nutjob Meatball Worshiper How dumb can you get? Pot Head 

Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: The Land of the Beer Volcano and Stripper Factory.
Posts: 6,378
Jo Freddie is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Jo Freddie is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Jo Freddie is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Jo Freddie is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Jo Freddie is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Jo Freddie is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Jo Freddie is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Jo Freddie is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Jo Freddie is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Jo Freddie is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Jo Freddie is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.
Default Re: Smile and Laugh With God! :D

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrs. Phebe Dewitt View Post
For some reason, many secular types don't think we True Christians have a sense of humor!
Your posts are a wonderful demonstration of why those secular types may very well be correct on that point.
__________________
Posted via Pasta

True Pastafarian™

May my Sauce be with you!
Read the TRUE Gospel The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (ISBN 978-0-00-723160-7)
Get one and get with The Flying Spaghetti Monster
The Loose Canon - HTML version
Loose Canon Fan Page
North American? Speak English? Thank a Pirate.
I have been to The Volcano!

Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 09-07-2010, 06:21 PM
Rev. M. Rodimer's Avatar
Rev. M. Rodimer Rev. M. Rodimer is offline
Honorary True Christian™
Forum Member

One Year/1000 posts Gunfest '07 True Christian™ Saved 1 Year 1st Year Bible College True Heterosexual™ Tithing Manager Long service medal, 3rd class Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS Mission to Australia Pastor of GOD Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Friend of Jesus Ex-Masturbator Ex-Masturbator 2010 Witch Hunt Award Flat Earth Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant Pro-Life Eats the Most Pork Public Awareness Medal True Republican Eats the Most Pork Batman Shooting Survivor Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Christian Love Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Truck Stop Ministry Member Kirk Cameron Fan Club Prayer Warrior 

Join Date: May 2008
Location: North Salem, Indiana
Posts: 14,062
Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Smile and Laugh With God! :D

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrs. Phebe Dewitt View Post
Gosh! Good times indeed! Just letting you know, God just inspired me with yet another knee-slapper!

Q: Who was the best financial planner in the Bible?

A: Why Noah of course because he kept his stock afloat while the rest of the world was under "liquidation"
Sister, I fear if James sees this one, there may be indeed some slapping going on. Not necessarily of knees.
__________________
Bible boring? Nonsense!
Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 09-07-2010, 06:28 PM
Felicity's Avatar
Felicity Felicity is offline
As pure and virginal as the driven snow.
True Christian™

Cleanest Kitchen Virgin True Christian™ Protected by JESUS Home Schooled Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Christian Love Real American™ Best Pie Best stoning bucket True Christian Lady One Year/1000 posts Friend of Jesus Flat Earth Public Awareness Medal True Christian Beauty Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! Prayer Warrior Touched by Jesus 

Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Freehold, Iowa
Posts: 4,841
Felicity is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Felicity is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Felicity is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Felicity is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Felicity is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Felicity is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Felicity is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Felicity is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Felicity is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Felicity is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Felicity is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.
Default Re: Smile and Laugh With God! :D

@Mrs. Phebe Dewitt Your jokes are so funny! My father says it is the atheists who have no humor!
__________________
I Jesus!
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 09-07-2010, 09:07 PM
WinnerNotSinner's Avatar
WinnerNotSinner WinnerNotSinner is offline
Friendliest Fellow in all of Freehold
True Christian™

Protected by JESUS Ready for the Rapture Real American™ Heaven Bound 1st Year Bible College Ex-Masturbator True Christian™ 2nd Year Bible College Friend of Jesus Punched the most queers True Christian Caucasian Flat Earth Tell her once The Lord’s Witness Wound Bronze Tither 3rd Year Bible College One Year/1000 posts Persecuted Porn Resistant True Republican 

Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Leviticus Landing, Freehold, Iowa.
Posts: 948
WinnerNotSinner is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.WinnerNotSinner is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.WinnerNotSinner is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.WinnerNotSinner is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.WinnerNotSinner is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.WinnerNotSinner is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.WinnerNotSinner is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.WinnerNotSinner is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.WinnerNotSinner is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.WinnerNotSinner is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.WinnerNotSinner is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.
Default Re: Smile and Laugh With God! :D

How many God's does it take to change a light bulb?

Just the one, true, Christian God

Genesis 1
3And God said, Let there be light: and there was light.


What do you get when you cross a magician with a liar?

A spell of unbelievably hot and humid conditions.

Revelation 21:8
8But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.
__________________
A woman came up to me the other day, 20/1/2012 and said:
"But Mr. Winner, if GOD loves everyone then why is there so much suffering in the world?"

Because GOD doesn't love everyone. Too many people have this absurd idea in their heads that GOD is all loving.
If he was all loving, then murderers, thieves and homosexuals would be waiting for you in Heaven.

GOD doesn't open his gate to just anyone. Being a True Christian™ is like a Queue Jump ticket at Disney, we are guaranteed a ride with JESUS.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 09-08-2010, 12:37 AM
Phebe Carlyle's Avatar
Phebe Carlyle Phebe Carlyle is offline
GALS 4 GOD Guidance Counseler
Expert at baking, sewing, and rebuking unsaved scum
True Christian™

True Christian™ Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS Mission to Australia Real American™ Best stoning bucket Cleanest Kitchen True Christian Lady True Christian Homemaker 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College Best Pie Platinum Tither The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking The Lord’s Witness Wound Christian Love One Year/1000 posts Friend of Jesus Flat Earth Most Obedient 

Join Date: May 2010
Location: At all times between Genesis and Revelation
Posts: 2,620
Phebe Carlyle is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Phebe Carlyle is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Phebe Carlyle is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Phebe Carlyle is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Phebe Carlyle is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Phebe Carlyle is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Phebe Carlyle is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Phebe Carlyle is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Phebe Carlyle is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Phebe Carlyle is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Phebe Carlyle is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.
Default Re: Smile and Laugh With God! :D

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rev. M. Rodimer View Post
Sister, I fear if James sees this one, there may be indeed some slapping going on. Not necessarily of knees.

Why ever so, Reverend Rodimer?!

It was certainly no affront to James I can assure you! What was said that was so untoward?



YIC

Sister Phebe.
__________________




There's Jesus here,
Just see what He offers me....
Down here my sins forgiven,
Up there a home in heaven
Praise God, That's the way for me!!
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 09-08-2010, 01:03 AM
Phebe Carlyle's Avatar
Phebe Carlyle Phebe Carlyle is offline
GALS 4 GOD Guidance Counseler
Expert at baking, sewing, and rebuking unsaved scum
True Christian™

True Christian™ Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS Mission to Australia Real American™ Best stoning bucket Cleanest Kitchen True Christian Lady True Christian Homemaker 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College Best Pie Platinum Tither The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking The Lord’s Witness Wound Christian Love One Year/1000 posts Friend of Jesus Flat Earth Most Obedient 

Join Date: May 2010
Location: At all times between Genesis and Revelation
Posts: 2,620
Phebe Carlyle is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Phebe Carlyle is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Phebe Carlyle is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Phebe Carlyle is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Phebe Carlyle is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Phebe Carlyle is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Phebe Carlyle is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Phebe Carlyle is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Phebe Carlyle is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Phebe Carlyle is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Phebe Carlyle is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.
Default Re: Smile and Laugh With God! :D

Here are a few more.

Q: What was Boaz before he got married?

A: Ruthless and in the dark! (no "sun"/son)

Ruth 4:13

"So Boaz took Ruth, and she was his wife: and when he went in unto her, The Lord gave her conception, and she bare a son.


Q:Who was the best comedian in the Bible?

A:Samson. He brought the house down.

Judges 16:29-30

And Samson took hold of the two middle pillars upon which the house stood, and on which it was borne up, of the one with his right hand, and of the other with his left.
And Samson said, Let me die with the Philistines. And he bowed himself with all his might; and the house fell upon the lords, and upon all the people that were therein. So the dead which he slew at his death were more than they which he slew in his life.


__________________




There's Jesus here,
Just see what He offers me....
Down here my sins forgiven,
Up there a home in heaven
Praise God, That's the way for me!!
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 09-08-2010, 01:24 AM
BelieverInGod BelieverInGod is offline
Fourm Member
Forum Member

True Christian™ Heaven Bound True Christian Caucasian True Christian Homemaker True Christian Lady Christian Love 1st Year Bible College Real American™ The Lord’s Witness Wound Heaven Bound Cleanest Kitchen Best stoning bucket Mother of 2 boys or 5 girls Bronze Tither Best Pie One Year/1000 posts Friend of Jesus Flat Earth Most Obedient 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College Mama Grizzly Persecuted The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking Pro-Life Punched the most queers True Republican 

Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: On my way to Paradise
Posts: 9,279
BelieverInGod is fearful, unbelieving, a liar, a whoremonger, and abominable. Has a place in the Lake of Fire secured.
Default Re: Smile and Laugh With God! :D

When the Ark finally came to rest, Noah opened the door and told all of the animals to "go forth and multiply". After the animals left, he was doing a last walk through and found two snakes crying in the corner.

"What's the matter? We've landed, go forth and multiply!"

The snakes looked up and between sobs said "we can't, we're adders."

Genesis 8:17 Bring forth with thee every living thing that is with thee, of all flesh, both of fowl, and of cattle, and of every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth; that they may breed abundantly in the earth, and be fruitful, and multiply upon the earth.
__________________
Drama queen
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 09-08-2010, 01:29 AM
Rev. M. Rodimer's Avatar
Rev. M. Rodimer Rev. M. Rodimer is offline
Honorary True Christian™
Forum Member

One Year/1000 posts Gunfest '07 True Christian™ Saved 1 Year 1st Year Bible College True Heterosexual™ Tithing Manager Long service medal, 3rd class Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS Mission to Australia Pastor of GOD Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Friend of Jesus Ex-Masturbator Ex-Masturbator 2010 Witch Hunt Award Flat Earth Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant Pro-Life Eats the Most Pork Public Awareness Medal True Republican Eats the Most Pork Batman Shooting Survivor Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Christian Love Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Truck Stop Ministry Member Kirk Cameron Fan Club Prayer Warrior 

Join Date: May 2008
Location: North Salem, Indiana
Posts: 14,062
Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Smile and Laugh With God! :D

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrs. Phebe Dewitt View Post
Why ever so, Reverend Rodimer?!

It was certainly no affront to James I can assure you! What was said that was so untoward?



YIC

Sister Phebe.
The extreme lack of humor, dear Sister.

Don't worry, you made up for it with those last two!
__________________
Bible boring? Nonsense!
Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 09-08-2010, 06:50 PM
Annie1's Avatar
Annie1 Annie1 is offline
Forum Member
Forum Member

Protected by JESUS 

Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Oak Ridge, TN
Posts: 132
Annie1 has got mom and a couple of family members to click the rep button.Annie1 has got mom and a couple of family members to click the rep button.Annie1 has got mom and a couple of family members to click the rep button.Annie1 has got mom and a couple of family members to click the rep button.
Default Re: Smile and Laugh With God! :D

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrs. Phebe Dewitt View Post
Brothers and Sisters,

Q: Knock Knock!

A: Who's There?

A: Jesus Of course!

Matthew 7:7

Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:


Oh my gosh that one is so funny! I am so going to tell it at my next Bible study class.
__________________
Girls for God

Ephesians 5:22

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 10-02-2010, 09:05 AM
Phebe Carlyle's Avatar
Phebe Carlyle Phebe Carlyle is offline
GALS 4 GOD Guidance Counseler
Expert at baking, sewing, and rebuking unsaved scum
True Christian™

True Christian™ Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS Mission to Australia Real American™ Best stoning bucket Cleanest Kitchen True Christian Lady True Christian Homemaker 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College Best Pie Platinum Tither The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking The Lord’s Witness Wound Christian Love One Year/1000 posts Friend of Jesus Flat Earth Most Obedient 

Join Date: May 2010
Location: At all times between Genesis and Revelation
Posts: 2,620
Phebe Carlyle is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Phebe Carlyle is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Phebe Carlyle is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Phebe Carlyle is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Phebe Carlyle is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Phebe Carlyle is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Phebe Carlyle is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Phebe Carlyle is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Phebe Carlyle is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Phebe Carlyle is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Phebe Carlyle is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.
Default Re: Smile and Laugh With God! :D

Thank you Miss Annie! I know that one is surely a hit with the younger Christian guys and gals.

Here is another.

Q: Why did the chickens cross the road?

A: To get on the Ark!

Genesis 7:14-15

They, and every beast after his kind, and all the cattle after their kind, and every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth after his kind, and every fowl after his kind, every bird of every sort.

15 And they went in unto Noah into the ark, two and two of all flesh, wherein [is] the breath of life.


**The good thing about the above joke, is you can name ANY animal, not just chickens! That will surely amount to HOURS, nay, DAYS of laughter, chortles, merriment and hilarity!
You could even make a contest of it, as to who can come up with the zaniest animal to replace chickens.

EG: Why did the ZEBU cross the road....

YIC

Sister Phebe.
__________________




There's Jesus here,
Just see what He offers me....
Down here my sins forgiven,
Up there a home in heaven
Praise God, That's the way for me!!
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 10-02-2010, 10:48 AM
Phebe Carlyle's Avatar
Phebe Carlyle Phebe Carlyle is offline
GALS 4 GOD Guidance Counseler
Expert at baking, sewing, and rebuking unsaved scum
True Christian™

True Christian™ Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS Mission to Australia Real American™ Best stoning bucket Cleanest Kitchen True Christian Lady True Christian Homemaker 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College Best Pie Platinum Tither The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking The Lord’s Witness Wound Christian Love One Year/1000 posts Friend of Jesus Flat Earth Most Obedient 

Join Date: May 2010
Location: At all times between Genesis and Revelation
Posts: 2,620
Phebe Carlyle is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Phebe Carlyle is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Phebe Carlyle is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Phebe Carlyle is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Phebe Carlyle is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Phebe Carlyle is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Phebe Carlyle is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Phebe Carlyle is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Phebe Carlyle is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Phebe Carlyle is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Phebe Carlyle is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.
Default Re: Smile and Laugh With God! :D

Q: How do we know with Jesus ALL things are possible?

A: Because He made Pigs Fly!then fall to their death in the sea

Matthew 5:13 And forthwith Jesus gave them leave. And the unclean spirits went out, and entered into the swine: and the herd ran violently down a steep place into the sea, (they were about two thousand; ) and were choked in the sea.

YIC

Mrs Phebe Dewitt.
__________________




There's Jesus here,
Just see what He offers me....
Down here my sins forgiven,
Up there a home in heaven
Praise God, That's the way for me!!
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 10-02-2010, 11:42 AM
Phebe Carlyle's Avatar
Phebe Carlyle Phebe Carlyle is offline
GALS 4 GOD Guidance Counseler
Expert at baking, sewing, and rebuking unsaved scum
True Christian™

True Christian™ Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS Mission to Australia Real American™ Best stoning bucket Cleanest Kitchen True Christian Lady True Christian Homemaker 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College Best Pie Platinum Tither The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking The Lord’s Witness Wound Christian Love One Year/1000 posts Friend of Jesus Flat Earth Most Obedient 

Join Date: May 2010
Location: At all times between Genesis and Revelation
Posts: 2,620
Phebe Carlyle is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Phebe Carlyle is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Phebe Carlyle is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Phebe Carlyle is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Phebe Carlyle is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Phebe Carlyle is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Phebe Carlyle is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Phebe Carlyle is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Phebe Carlyle is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Phebe Carlyle is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Phebe Carlyle is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.
Default Re: Smile and Laugh With God! :D

Q: Who won the first ever game of Hide and Seek?

A: Adam and Eve because God couldn't find them!

Genesis: 8

And they heard the voice of the LORD God walking in the garden in the cool of the day: and Adam and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the LORD God amongst the trees of the garden. 9 And the LORD God called unto Adam, and said unto him, Where art thou?


YIC

Mrs Phebe Dewitt.
__________________




There's Jesus here,
Just see what He offers me....
Down here my sins forgiven,
Up there a home in heaven
Praise God, That's the way for me!!
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 10-02-2010, 06:11 PM
Brother Temperance's Avatar
Brother Temperance Brother Temperance is offline
Senior Usher
True Christian™ missionary to the Unsaved Kingdom
A very nice young man
True Christian™

One Year/1000 posts Saved 1 Year True Christian™ Real American™ Long service medal, 2nd class Christian Love Saved 5 Years The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking True Heterosexual™ Ex-Christ-Killer Public Awareness Medal Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS Ex-Masturbator Ready for the Rapture Super Soaker Baptism Award True Christian Caucasian Friend of Jesus TC Bravery Flat Earth Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant Pro-Life Eats the Most Pork Ex-Brit True Republican 

Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: South Yorkshire, hotbed of sin
Posts: 15,633
Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Smile and Laugh With God! :D

Q: When does 200 x 4 equal 200?

...

A: When you're talking about 200 x "4" skins that you've taken from slaughtered Philistines, of course!

1 Samuel 18:27 Wherefore David arose and went, he and his men, and slew of the Philistines two hundred men; and David brought their foreskins, and they gave them in full tale to the king, that he might be the king's son in law. And Saul gave him Michal his daughter to wife.


EDIT: Wait, I have more! I am ON FIRE for the Lord tonight.

Q: What did the little kid say to the bald man?
A: Go up, thou bald head; go up, thou bald head.
Q: What did the bald man say to the little children?
A: He didn't say anything, he just got God to send some bears to kill them.

2 Kings 2:23 And he went up from thence unto Bethel: and as he was going up by the way, there came forth little children out of the city, and mocked him, and said unto him, Go up, thou bald head; go up, thou bald head.
24 And he turned back, and looked on them, and cursed them in the name of the LORD. And there came forth two she bears out of the wood, and tare forty and two children of them.

Q: What did Moses say to his brother when they were arguing?
A: Don't have a cow, man!

Exodus 32:19 And it came to pass, as soon as he came nigh unto the camp, that he saw the calf, and the dancing: and Moses' anger waxed hot, and he cast the tables out of his hands, and brake them beneath the mount.
20 And he took the calf which they had made, and burnt it in the fire, and ground it to powder, and strawed it upon the water, and made the children of Israel drink of it.
21 And Moses said unto Aaron, What did this people unto thee, that thou hast brought so great a sin upon them?
__________________
O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.


God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.

Last edited by Brother Temperance; 10-02-2010 at 06:24 PM. Reason: Added more hilarious jokes.
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old 10-03-2010, 03:10 PM
James Dewitt James Dewitt is offline
#63 on Forbes'...but #1 in Jesus's Heart

True Christian™ Real American™ Christian Love Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS Ex-Masturbator Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian TC Bravery True Christian Provider™ award Platinum Tither Punched the most queers The Lord’s Witness Wound Mission to Australia One Year/1000 posts Jailed for JESUS Friend of Jesus Flat Earth Tell her once Saved 1 Year Persecuted Porn Resistant Pro-Life Mission to Las Vegas 

Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Freehold, Ia
Posts: 6,259
James Dewitt is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.James Dewitt is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.James Dewitt is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.James Dewitt is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.James Dewitt is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.James Dewitt is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.James Dewitt is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.James Dewitt is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.James Dewitt is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.James Dewitt is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.James Dewitt is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.
Default Re: Smile and Laugh With God! :D

Q. How do we know that Adam was a white?

A. Have you ever tried to get a rib from a nigra.

Genesis 2:21



And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof;
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Old 10-11-2010, 12:39 AM
awesomeness awesomeness is offline
Forum Member
Forum Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 138
awesomeness has bribed people to get these reputation points.awesomeness has bribed people to get these reputation points.awesomeness has bribed people to get these reputation points.awesomeness has bribed people to get these reputation points.awesomeness has bribed people to get these reputation points.awesomeness has bribed people to get these reputation points.
Default Re: Smile and Laugh With God! :D

Quote:
Originally Posted by Felicity View Post
@Mrs. Phebe Dewitt Your jokes are so funny! My father says it is the atheists who have no humor!
Your father sounds like a wise man
Reply With Quote
  #18  
Old 11-11-2010, 04:47 PM
looking4mybrain's Avatar
looking4mybrain looking4mybrain is offline
Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured

How dumb can you get? Full of it Atheist Retard Posting Homer Caution - Poster is on Drugs 

Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: At the computer (I'm typing this, where else could I be lol)
Posts: 95
looking4mybrain is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.looking4mybrain is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.looking4mybrain is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.looking4mybrain is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.looking4mybrain is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.looking4mybrain is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.looking4mybrain is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.looking4mybrain is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.
Default Re: Smile and Laugh With God! :D

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Temperance View Post
Q: When does 200 x 4 equal 200?

...

A: When you're talking about 200 x "4" skins that you've taken from slaughtered Philistines, of course!
That is THE most disgusting thing I've ever heard.
Reply With Quote
  #19  
Old 11-11-2010, 06:38 PM
Oliver Brendan Hayve's Avatar
Oliver Brendan Hayve Oliver Brendan Hayve is offline
Unsaved trash, God-mocking gayboy
 

Homer Atheist Uppity Woman/Enabler Cancer on Society Evilution 

Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: attending a secular college to be a queer marxist
Posts: 164
Oliver Brendan Hayve is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Oliver Brendan Hayve is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Oliver Brendan Hayve is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Oliver Brendan Hayve is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Oliver Brendan Hayve is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Oliver Brendan Hayve is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Oliver Brendan Hayve is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.
Default Re: Smile and Laugh With God! :D

Quote:
Originally Posted by looking4mybrain View Post
That is THE most disgusting thing I've ever heard.
Stick around. As long as they're quoting straight out of their big book of fairy tales, which they are, they can be far more disgusting than that.
__________________
This space is reserved for posting KJV Scripture only. --ADMIN
Reply With Quote
  #20  
Old 11-11-2010, 08:07 PM
LordHaveMercy's Avatar
LordHaveMercy LordHaveMercy is offline
Forum Member
Forum Member

Protected by JESUS Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Friend of Jesus Ex-Masturbator Flat Earth 

Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Doing the elephant walk with The Lord
Posts: 170
LordHaveMercy has bribed people to get these reputation points.LordHaveMercy has bribed people to get these reputation points.LordHaveMercy has bribed people to get these reputation points.LordHaveMercy has bribed people to get these reputation points.LordHaveMercy has bribed people to get these reputation points.LordHaveMercy has bribed people to get these reputation points.LordHaveMercy has bribed people to get these reputation points.LordHaveMercy has bribed people to get these reputation points.LordHaveMercy has bribed people to get these reputation points.
Default Re: Smile and Laugh With God! :D

What's Black, and White, and red all over?





































Wait for it.....



































The Bible!


John 1:7
But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanseth us from all sin.

Ephesians 2:13
But now in Christ Jesus ye who sometimes were far off are made nigh by the blood of Christ.

Hebrews 13:20
Now the God of peace, that brought again from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great shepherd of the sheep, through the blood of the everlasting covenant,
__________________
He is the tower of salvation for his king: and sheweth mercy to his anointed, unto David, and to his seed for evermore. 2 Samuel 22:51
God, Guns and BBQ make AMERICA great!
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Find Additional Forums Here

The information presented here is Biblically accurate. Opinions concerning the technical difficulties, fitness requirements, safety, and ratings of self-crucifixion, flagellation, stoning, destroying enemies of GOD utterly, without mercy, and other activities inherent in Christianity are subjective and may differ from yours or others' opinions; therefore be warned that you must exercise your own judgment as to the difficulty and your ability to safely protect yourself from the inherent risks and dangers. Do not use the information provided on this site unless you are a True Christian ™ who understands and accepts the risks of participating in these activities. Landover Baptist Church makes reasonable efforts to include accurate and up to date information on this website, errors or omissions sometimes occur, therefore the information contained on here is provided "as is" and without warranties of any kind either expressed or implied. Viewing, reading, or any other use of the information contained within this web site is purely the voluntary will of the viewer or user. You, 'the viewer' or 'user' shall not hold the publisher, owner, authors or other contributors of The Jesus Experience responsible for any incidents related directly or indirectly to the Experience. Landover Baptist Church, et. al., assumes no liability or responsibility for your actions.


All times are GMT. The time now is 07:20 AM.


Powered by Jesus - vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Content Landover Baptist Forums © 1999, 2014 all rights reserved