Ethel is Now a Double Amputee

[Billy Bob Jenkins]

Thanks to one of our True Christian Brother's fine guidelines for Biblically prescribed amputations, I was able to square my wife Ethel with the Lord this morning.

Many of you will recall that I have been having trouble with the matter of Ethel's discipline. Repeatedly I have taken punitive measures in response to Ethel's backtalk, masturbation, and attempting to contact the authorities. Now I have taken away her means.

I had already seared the bottoms of her feet with hot irons when she tried to run away from home. This immobilized her, thus enabling her to better perform her wifely duties against her own warped will.

Having read about the importance of amputating offending limbs for the Lord, I decided that it would be appropriate for me to take her tongue and one of her hands. After all, she will be able to perform her chores at least as well in this condition. There is nothing worthwhile that Ethel does with her tongue, except jibber-jabber and sass me.

I had my eldest son of eight, who is strong from chopping wood with his father, hold Ethel's mouth open while I attached a set of locking pliers to her tongue. Then I took it off with my utility scissors and stuck a red hot fire poker in her mouth to carterize it.

I selected Ethel's right hand at random, because I honestly can't remember which one I caught her masturbating with, and I know that's the one I used to use when I was a teenager. I can't trust Ethel's word because she is only going to tell me which hand she favors the least. So I flipped a coin. I took the clothes iron to her stump.

After all this I made sure the wounds on her feet were fresh so that she would not try to run away.

I also made sure she was fully awake for each operation, for it is the Lord's will that woman's suffering be multiplied, as His Word makes clear:

Genesis 3:16 (King James Version)

16Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.

Anyway, now Ethel has a clean slate. She is so blessed to have a second chance with her husband and with the Lord!

[Nobar King]

Re: Ethel is Now a Double Amputee

And, no more back-sassing! I'm sure it's blessed quiet in the Jenkins household.

[Billy Bob Jenkins]

Re: Ethel is Now a Double Amputee

And, no more back-sassing! I'm sure it's blessed quiet in the Jenkins household.

Boy is it!

[Benedict A. Davis]

Re: Ethel is Now a Double Amputee

It is good to involve your oldest too. Many fathers find it difficult to show True Love around his kids. This will be an episode your boy will carry well into adulthood and help to shape him into a good, True Christian man.
He will have learned the sacrifices a man must endure for his family and his faith.

[Brother Barnabus]

Re: Ethel is Now a Double Amputee

Thanks to one of our True Christian Brother's fine guidelines for Biblically prescribed amputations, I was able to square my wife Ethel with the Lord this morning.

Many of you will recall that I have been having trouble with the matter of Ethel's discipline. Repeatedly I have taken punitive measures in response to Ethel's backtalk, masturbation, and attempting to contact the authorities. Now I have taken away her means.

I had already seared the bottoms of her feet with hot irons when she tried to run away from home. This immobilized her, thus enabling her to better perform her wifely duties against her own warped will.

Having read about the importance of amputating offending limbs for the Lord, I decided that it would be appropriate for me to take her tongue and one of her hands. After all, she will be able to perform her chores at least as well in this condition. There is nothing worthwhile that Ethel does with her tongue, except jibber-jabber and sass me.

I had my eldest son of eight, who is strong from chopping wood with his father, hold Ethel's mouth open while I attached a set of locking pliers to her tongue. Then I took it off with my utility scissors and stuck a red hot fire poker in her mouth to carterize it.

I selected Ethel's right hand at random, because I honestly can't remember which one I caught her masturbating with, and I know that's the one I used to use when I was a teenager. I can't trust Ethel's word because she is only going to tell me which hand she favors the least. So I flipped a coin. I took the clothes iron to her stump.

After all this I made sure the wounds on her feet were fresh so that she would not try to run away.

I also made sure she was fully awake for each operation, for it is the Lord's will that woman's suffering be multiplied, as His Word makes clear:

Genesis 3:16 (King James Version)

16Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.

Anyway, now Ethel has a clean slate. She is so blessed to have a second chance with her husband and with the Lord!

Maybe she could play second base on the Ladies Softball Team?

[Mrs. Rogers]

Re: Ethel is Now a Double Amputee

I selected Ethel's right hand at random, because I honestly can't remember which one I caught her masturbating with, and I know that's the one I used to use when I was a teenager. I can't trust Ethel's word because she is only going to tell me which hand she favors the least. So I flipped a coin. I took the clothes iron to her stump.

When I read this, I was concerned that perhaps you have created more work for yourself, particularly housework. How will she be able to dry the dishes with only one hand? Will you or your sons have to perform this chore for her? Of course not! Ethel can bundle her stump with dish towels, securing the towels at the elbow with duct tape. No doubt she will be relieved to still be able to serve her family!

[Billy Bob Jenkins]

Re: Ethel is Now a Double Amputee

When I read this, I was concerned that perhaps you have created more work for yourself, particularly housework. How will she be able to dry the dishes with only one hand? Will you or your sons have to perform this chore for her? Of course not! Ethel can bundle her stump with dish towels, securing the towels at the elbow with duct tape. No doubt she will be relieved to still be able to serve her family!

I figure any detainment she suffers as a result of not having her right hand, will be more than compensated for by not having a tongue to distract her either. She was getting far too much use out of that thing, and it was sometimes preventing her from being able to do the dishes or anything at all.

[Benedict A. Davis]

Re: Ethel is Now a Double Amputee

here is a couple of handy hints to get her back up to speed.

[Billy Bob Jenkins]

Re: Ethel is Now a Double Amputee

I can already tell the amputations haven't helped her attitude one bit. I've been trying to get her to start dinner for about four hours and she just sort of makes whimpering sounds and wanders around in the kitchen on the end of her chain. Sheesh! I've tried everything. One of these days I'm going to lose my patience with her.

[BelieverInGod]

Re: Ethel is Now a Double Amputee

When I read this, I was concerned that perhaps you have created more work for yourself, particularly housework. How will she be able to dry the dishes with only one hand? Will you or your sons have to perform this chore for her? Of course not! Ethel can bundle her stump with dish towels, securing the towels at the elbow with duct tape. No doubt she will be relieved to still be able to serve her family!

That was my concern as well. When Seth I broke my arm by falling down I ended up breaking numerous dishes while trying to wash them, especially bowls. I tried to wedge them against the side of the sink while scrubbing with the other hand and it just didn't work.

I can already tell the amputations haven't helped her attitude one bit. I've been trying to get her to start dinner for about four hours and she just sort of makes whimpering sounds and wanders around in the kitchen on the end of her chain. Sheesh! I've tried everything. One of these days I'm going to lose my patience with her.

I really have to ask, have you taken her to the pastors and had her checked for Demon possession? I really don't understand how a woman can keep pushing to the extent she is without demon interference. By this point in your relationship it shouldn't take more than a raised eyebrow in order to put her in her place.

[the true]

Re: Ethel is Now a Double Amputee

Thanks to one of our True Christian Brother's fine guidelines for Biblically prescribed amputations, I was able to square my wife Ethel with the Lord this morning.

Many of you will recall that I have been having trouble with the matter of Ethel's discipline. Repeatedly I have taken punitive measures in response to Ethel's backtalk, masturbation, and attempting to contact the authorities. Now I have taken away her means.

I had already seared the bottoms of her feet with hot irons when she tried to run away from home. This immobilized her, thus enabling her to better perform her wifely duties against her own warped will.

Having read about the importance of amputating offending limbs for the Lord, I decided that it would be appropriate for me to take her tongue and one of her hands. After all, she will be able to perform her chores at least as well in this condition. There is nothing worthwhile that Ethel does with her tongue, except jibber-jabber and sass me.

I had my eldest son of eight, who is strong from chopping wood with his father, hold Ethel's mouth open while I attached a set of locking pliers to her tongue. Then I took it off with my utility scissors and stuck a red hot fire poker in her mouth to carterize it.

I selected Ethel's right hand at random, because I honestly can't remember which one I caught her masturbating with, and I know that's the one I used to use when I was a teenager. I can't trust Ethel's word because she is only going to tell me which hand she favors the least. So I flipped a coin. I took the clothes iron to her stump.

After all this I made sure the wounds on her feet were fresh so that she would not try to run away.

I also made sure she was fully awake for each operation, for it is the Lord's will that woman's suffering be multiplied, as His Word makes clear:

Genesis 3:16 (King James Version)

16Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.

Anyway, now Ethel has a clean slate. She is so blessed to have a second chance with her husband and with the Lord!

you are going to sooooooo much hell

[Archangel-Lucifer]

Re: Ethel is Now a Double Amputee

I agree, I welcome you though, I like new souls to torture

[Lisa H]

Re: Ethel is Now a Double Amputee

I agree, I welcome you though, I like new souls to torture

Another unsupervised atheist child using the internet. Try reading the King James Bible instead of wasting True Christians time.

[Archangel-Lucifer]

Re: Ethel is Now a Double Amputee

Ah lisa, the silly bible is nothing more than a book to reassure the souls who have lost their way. dont worry, I'll have a special spot for you in my domain.

[Lisa H]

Re: Ethel is Now a Double Amputee

Ah lisa, the silly bible is nothing more than a book to reassure the souls who have lost their way. dont worry, I'll have a special spot for you in my domain.

blah blah blah

No little boy, turn of your computer and go read the King James Bible.

If you had any brains you would know better than to post off topic comments.