when heathens come to our door?

[nikilds]

What will you be doing when you receive Trick or Treaters at your doorstep?

I thank God I live in the woods, miles and miles away from any other persons and from worldly contact.
So I doubt I'll be seeing any trick or treaters this season.

Fall always gives me the heebie jeebies.
And I blame Helloween.


Well, to answer my own question.
One year in '87 I received a little munchkin covering up his body with a sheet - I suppose he was a ghost or something, but I could tell his mother was on drugs since they looked "crackish" (anyways Im digressing), but I explicitly told them "Shoo". And I received a sneer.

The next morning I had egg yolk in my screen door.
I wonder if the crack-woman had used her child's hand to do Satan's work?

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

Re: when heathens come to our door?

You have to be pre-emptive. Fight them of their doorstep so you don't have to fight them on your own doorstep. Are your local media reporting the usual warnings about razor blades in apples and poisoned lollipops and tetnus-gummybears and anthrax bubblegum? If not, call them. Say a friend of a friend's kid was hurt last halloween. That's usually all the proof a journalist needs.

[Deaner]

Re: when heathens come to our door?

I dress up as Satan and jump out of a tree right in front of the little bastards. I then start chasing them around telling them I'm going to take them to Hell and eat them unless they turn their will and their lives over to Jesus Christ as soon as they get home. When they start crying and running away I chase them to the end of the driveway revving my chainsaw.

[Marshall]

Re: when heathens come to our door?

The Compound sits on top of an essentially a bald hill at the end of a 1/4 mile dirt drive and is only accessible through a gate and a security fence. I have yet to have a filthy little Hell urchin begging for candy on Satans birthday.
I'm usually too busy scaring off hippies and fornicators in my woods to notice if I did.

[Glendora Christianson]

Re: when heathens come to our door?

What will you be doing when you receive Trick or Treaters at your doorstep?

I'm so glad you asked that question. About the only thing worse than Jehosafat Witlesses is Trick or Treaters, but they have more in common than you think (and rocks seem to have the same effect).

1. Ask the Trick or Treater if they are familiar with Exodus 22:18.

2. Explain that when you finish the verse, the stones will be in the air.

3. Upon finishing Exodus 22:18, volley a bushel of fist sized river rocks upon the intruders.

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

Re: when heathens come to our door?

If any show up at my door, there are going to be questions that need to be answered. This is a gated community! There's a reason we live here! If we wanted to live somewhere that allowed little criminals to extort from us, we'd move to Lost Angeles or Joo York!

[lord warrior]

Re: when heathens come to our door?

I shall use this as a opportunity to minister to the poor urchins of our hollar. I shall whip the little boys with the holy belt, a real belt with the 10 commandments inscribed on them. They will remember them if they carry the welts of God on there skin's.

The poor girls though shalt be taken to the special room in the house for the conversion of poor virgin girls. YES, it can be traumatic for them to learn what can happen if they grow up to be little whores, but in the end, JESUS WINS.

[Rachael Van Helsing]

Re: when heathens come to our door?

I'll be celebrating Samhain, of course. But I can always find time to give out candy to polite kids who aren't bratty.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: when heathens come to our door?

I'll be celebrating Samhain, of course. But I can always find time to give out candy to polite kids who aren't bratty.

What is that, some kind of joo holiday?

Don't blaspheme in here, harlot.

[General Mudkip]

Re: when heathens come to our door?

I shall use this as a opportunity to minister to the poor urchins of our hollar. I shall whip the little boys with the holy belt, a real belt with the 10 commandments inscribed on them. They will remember them if they carry the welts of God on there skin's.

The poor girls though shalt be taken to the special room in the house for the conversion of poor virgin girls. YES, it can be traumatic for them to learn what can happen if they grow up to be little whores, but in the end, JESUS WINS.

......
I lol'd

Jesus said to do it for the lulz

EDIT: Jesus finds far from cool, He finds you boring and witless. Bye bye! BJ Tabor.

[eliot mayfield]

Re: when heathens come to our door?

What you need is this; get someloud speakers and blast them at a frequency above 16kHz, because adults can't here but it's torture to children and teenagers.

[Buford T Scoggins]

Re: when heathens come to our door?

Since I live in a cardboard box in Wacko City Park, I guess it won't be a big problem. But if any of the little demons dare to show up at my "door," I'll give them a roaring good sermon on my bullhorn at 100 decibels.

If that doesn't drive them away, then they are truly ready to accept Jesus as their personal savior. Or else they're deaf.

YIC,
Buford

[The Widow Anna]

Re: when heathens come to our door?

Personally, I have a stash of pocket-sized bibles, just for Halloween. I dust them off each year and hand one out to all the children who come to beg at my doorstep. These little bibles are so quaint, just the perfect size for popping into trick-or-treat bags or slipping into a batch of fresh-made cookies when I take the opportunity to greet my new neighbours and assess their suitability.

[Buford T Scoggins]

Re: when heathens come to our door?

Personally, I have a stash of pocket-sized bibles, just for Halloween. I dust them off each year and hand one out to all the children who come to beg at my doorstep. These little bibles are so quaint, just the perfect size for popping into trick-or-treat bags or slipping into a batch of fresh-made cookies when I take the opportunity to greet my new neighbours and assess their suitability.

Gosh, Sister Anna, you've given me a great idea. How about baking fortune cookies, but instead of heathen fortunes on the inside, the little slips of paper would have Bible quotations?

YIC,
Buford

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: when heathens come to our door?

Gosh, Sister Anna, you've given me a great idea. How about baking fortune cookies, but instead of heathen fortunes on the inside, the little slips of paper would have Bible quotations?

YIC,
Buford

Here are a few Godly choices that you might consider. Though I still like the widow Anna's idea best.