Day 89. 2 Samuel 4-6

[Brother V]

2 Samuel 4-6

Today's Bible in a Year reading gives us:

• The death of Ishbosheth
• David uniting Israel
• David kills Philistines
• David gets the ark
• Michal is a bitch

2 Samuel 4

1 And when Saul's son heard that Abner was dead in Hebron, his hands were feeble, and all the Israelites were troubled.

Abner was a well respected leader. When Ishbosheth heard about his death he was probably thinking "crap, if they can kill Abner, they won't care about killing me".

4 And Jonathan, Saul's son, had a son that was lame of his feet. He was five years old when the tidings came of Saul and Jonathan out of Jezreel, and his nurse took him up, and fled: and it came to pass, as she made haste to flee, that he fell, and became lame. And his name was Mephibosheth.

So he was lame and became lamer?

5 And the sons of Rimmon the Beerothite, Rechab and Baanah, went, and came about the heat of the day to the house of Ishbosheth, who lay on a bed at noon.

Israel was a relatively lawless place after Abner was killed.

6 And they came thither into the midst of the house, as though they would have fetched wheat; and they smote him under the fifth rib: and Rechab and Baanah his brother escaped.

The fifth rib is just under the nipple. It would be a strike directly into someone heart.

7 For when they came into the house, he lay on his bed in his bedchamber, and they smote him, and slew him, and beheaded him, and took his head, and gat them away through the plain all night.

Snooze you lose. Ishy was just taking a mid-day nap, and two bandits come in, stab him in the heart, then cut off his head. Not a very dignified way to die.

8 And they brought the head of Ishbosheth unto David to Hebron, and said to the king, Behold the head of Ishbosheth the son of Saul thine enemy, which sought thy life; and the LORD hath avenged my lord the king this day of Saul, and of his seed.

So they bring Ishy's head to David in Hebron.

9 And David answered Rechab and Baanah his brother, the sons of Rimmon the Beerothite, and said unto them, As the LORD liveth, who hath redeemed my soul out of all adversity,

David asks, who killed him?

10 When one told me, saying, Behold, Saul is dead, thinking to have brought good tidings, I took hold of him, and slew him in Ziklag, who thought that I would have given him a reward for his tidings:

11 How much more, when wicked men have slain a righteous person in his own house upon his bed? shall I not therefore now require his blood of your hand, and take you away from the earth?

He continues saying, I had the Amalekite killed for killing Saul, now you guys get to die because Ishy was innocent.

12 And David commanded his young men, and they slew them, and cut off their hands and their feet, and hanged them up over the pool in Hebron. But they took the head of Ishbosheth, and buried it in the sepulchre of Abner in Hebron.

Note, David earlier said, blood on your hand, which absolved him of responsibility for killing the two men.

2 Samuel 5

1 Then came all the tribes of Israel to David unto Hebron, and spake, saying, Behold, we are thy bone and thy flesh.

2 Also in time past, when Saul was king over us, thou wast he that leddest out and broughtest in Israel: and the LORD said to thee, Thou shalt feed my people Israel, and thou shalt be a captain over Israel.

Going out and coming in is a synonym for going to war.

3 So all the elders of Israel came to the king to Hebron; and king David made a league with them in Hebron before the LORD: and they anointed David king over Israel.

Thus, David united Judah with the rest of Israel.

4 David was thirty years old when he began to reign, and he reigned forty years.

He was 30, when he took over Judah, he ruled them for 7.5 years, and then ruled the united Israel for 33 more years.

11 And Hiram king of Tyre sent messengers to David, and cedar trees, and carpenters, and masons: and they built David an house.

David had a really nice cedar house.

13 And David took him more concubines and wives out of Jerusalem, after he was come from Hebron: and there were yet sons and daughters born to David.

PRAISE JESUS!!!

17 But when the Philistines heard that they had anointed David king over Israel, all the Philistines came up to seek David; and David heard of it, and went down to the hold.

The Philistines decided they wanted to kill David.

19 And David enquired of the LORD, saying, Shall I go up to the Philistines? wilt thou deliver them into mine hand? And the LORD said unto David, Go up: for I will doubtless deliver the Philistines into thine hand.

20 And David came to Baalperazim, and David smote them there, and said, The LORD hath broken forth upon mine enemies before me, as the breach of waters. Therefore he called the name of that place Baalperazim.

David had a bunch of Philistines killed. It's like a horrible movie, where the bad guys keep trying to kill the good guy, but he beats them, one by one.

22 And the Philistines came up yet again, and spread themselves in the valley of Rephaim.

Again??? Why don't these people learn that they aren't gonna get their land back, they should go out and try to find new land that no one lives in. Perhaps Russia or something? They ain't gonna get Israel back.

23 And when David enquired of the LORD, he said, Thou shalt not go up; but fetch a compass behind them, and come upon them over against the mulberry trees.

Ah, a sneak attack from the rear.

24 And let it be, when thou hearest the sound of a going in the tops of the mulberry trees, that then thou shalt bestir thyself: for then shall the LORD go out before thee, to smite the host of the Philistines.

When God shakes the tops of the mulberry trees, then it's time to attack.

David does and kills them.

2 Samuel 6

David gathers together 30,000 men.

2 And David arose, and went with all the people that were with him from Baale of Judah, to bring up from thence the ark of God, whose name is called by the name of the LORD of hosts that dwelleth between the cherubims.

It's time to restore the ark to where the leader of Israel is.

3 And they set the ark of God upon a new cart, and brought it out of the house of Abinadab that was in Gibeah: and Uzzah and Ahio, the sons of Abinadab, drave the new cart.

Now, exactly why Saul didn't think to bring the Ark with him (probably explains why he lost in battle a lot), is beyond me. It seems as though the people forgot about the ark, just leaving it with Abinadab for 20-70 years.

5 And David and all the house of Israel played before the LORD on all manner of instruments made of fir wood, even on harps, and on psalteries, and on timbrels, and on cornets, and on cymbals.

When the ark is on the move, you just gotta sing and dance. I sure wish some of those ark songs were still around.

6 And when they came to Nachon's threshingfloor, Uzzah put forth his hand to the ark of God, and took hold of it; for the oxen shook it.

7 And the anger of the LORD was kindled against Uzzah; and God smote him there for his error; and there he died by the ark of God.

Remember, touch the ark and die.

Numbers 4:15 And when Aaron and his sons have made an end of covering the sanctuary, and all the vessels of the sanctuary, as the camp is to set forward; after that, the sons of Kohath shall come to bear it: but they shall not touch any holy thing, lest they die. These things are the burden of the sons of Kohath in the tabernacle of the congregation.

If God wants the ark to fall off a cliff, you'd better not stop him from doing it.

8 And David was displeased, because the LORD had made a breach upon Uzzah: and he called the name of the place Perezuzzah to this day.

9 And David was afraid of the LORD that day, and said, How shall the ark of the LORD come to me?

I'm sure David recalled the story of the hemorrhoids and the mice, and with the death of Uzzah, he was probably thinking that maybe he shouldn't bring the ark to where he lives. Remember, Psalm 111:10 The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom: a good understanding have all they that do his commandments: his praise endureth for ever. (Granted this hadn't been written before now, but it's appropriate).

10 So David would not remove the ark of the LORD unto him into the city of David: but David carried it aside into the house of Obededom the Gittite.

11 And the ark of the LORD continued in the house of Obededom the Gittite three months: and the LORD blessed Obededom, and all his household.

Apparently, David didn't like Obededom, so he let the ark stay with him to see if it would kill him. This must be where LIFE cereal got the idea for the commercial. If you don't know what's gonna happen, let Mikey taste it first.

12 And it was told king David, saying, The LORD hath blessed the house of Obededom, and all that pertaineth unto him, because of the ark of God. So David went and brought up the ark of God from the house of Obededom into the city of David with gladness.

David brought it to his city, happily.

14 And David danced before the LORD with all his might; and David was girded with a linen ephod.

Basically, David was dancing like Elaine from Seinfeld, and dressed only in his underwear.

16 And as the ark of the LORD came into the city of David, Michal Saul's daughter looked through a window, and saw king David leaping and dancing before the LORD; and she despised him in her heart.

Apparently things had soured between David and Michal, remember how in 1 Samuel 18, she loved him. Heck, she was the girl that the 100-200 foreskins were for. She saved his life from Saul on several occasions, but now... alas... young love has ended. Perhaps she only loved David because Jonathan loved him, and she was jealous of her older brother? Perhaps after being his first wife, she got angry because David took several more wives. Maybe he just wasn't the shepherd harp playing guy she fell in love with.

17 And they brought in the ark of the LORD, and set it in his place, in the midst of the tabernacle that David had pitched for it: and David offered burnt offerings and peace offerings before the LORD.

I love it when they offer offerings. God loves offered offerings too. Are you offering your offerings to the LORD?

19 And he dealt among all the people, even among the whole multitude of Israel, as well to the women as men, to every one a cake of bread, and a good piece of flesh, and a flagon of wine. So all the people departed every one to his house.

It was thanksgiving. David gave everyone some bread, meat and wine.

20 Then David returned to bless his household. And Michal the daughter of Saul came out to meet David, and said, How glorious was the king of Israel to day, who uncovered himself to day in the eyes of the handmaids of his servants, as one of the vain fellows shamelessly uncovereth himself!

Clearly in a sarcastic tone. She was berating David for prancing around in his underwear. David was like Tom Cruise in Risky Business, when you are that happy, you just gotta go around playing air guitar in your skivvies.

21 And David said unto Michal, It was before the LORD, which chose me before thy father, and before all his house, to appoint me ruler over the people of the LORD, over Israel: therefore will I play before the LORD.

David said, God chose me because of who I am, So, listen up bitch, I'm gonna be who I am, and there ain't a damn thing you can do about it, bitch!

22 And I will yet be more vile than thus, and will be base in mine own sight: and of the maidservants which thou hast spoken of, of them shall I be had in honour.

You think it's bad for me to dance around in my undies??? Well, I'll show you, YOU'LL WISH that dancing in my undies was the worst that I did. Oh, and now i'm gonna go have sex with your maidservants... and there ain't a damn thing you can do about it, bitch!

23 Therefore Michal the daughter of Saul had no child unto the day of her death.

Just to put extra salt into Saul's wound, David could have knocked up Michal, and since she was his first wife, that child would be first in line for being king, however, it would seem, David never "went in unto" her again.

PRAISE JESUS!!!

So what did we learn today?

1. David kills philistines, dead.
2. Ishy got his head cut off.
3. Michal became quite the bitch.

YIC
V

[Ahimaaz Smith]

Re: Day 89. 2 Samuel 4-6

The Sons of Jonathan

And Jonathan, Saul's son, had a son that was lame of his feet. He was five years old when the tidings came of Saul and Jonathan out of Jezreel, and his nurse took him up, and fled: and it came to pass, as she made haste to flee, that he fell, and became lame. And his name was Mephibosheth.. 2 Samuel 4:4

The son of Jonathan was Merib-Baal, and Merib-Baal begat Micah. 1 Chronicles 8:34, repeated in 1 Chronicles 9:40 (you know it's important if God wanted it repeated in Scripture).

Nowhere does it say that either Mephibosheth or Merib-Baal was Jonathan's only son.

No More Cripples in Jerusalem


And the king and his men went to Jerusalem unto the Jebusites, the inhabitants of the land: which spake unto David, saying, Except thou take away the blind and the lame, thou shalt not come in hither: thinking, David cannot come in hither. Nevertheless David took the strong hold of Zion: the same is the city of David. And David said on that day, Whosoever getteth up to the gutter, and smiteth the Jebusites, and the lame and the blind, that are hated of David's soul, he shall be chief and captain. Wherefore they said, The blind and the lame shall not come into the house. 2 Samuel 5:6-8

I often think that perhaps we should hold a roundup of the blind and the lame in our time, too, for the Glory of God.

David's Children Begotten in Jerusalem


... and there were yet sons and daughters born to David. And these be the names of those that were born unto him in Jerusalem; Shammua, and Shobab, and Nathan, and Solomon, Ibhar also, and Elishua, and Nepheg, and Japhia, And Elishama, and Eliada, and Eliphalet. 2 Samuel 5:13-16

And these were born unto him in Jerusalem; Shimea, and Shobab, and Nathan, and Solomon, four, of Bath–shua the daughter of Ammiel: Ibhar also, and Elishama, and Eliphelet, And Nogah, and Nepheg, and Japhia, And Elishama, and Eliada, and Eliphelet, nine. 1 Chronicles 3:5-8

Elishama and Eliphelet were so important to God that He caused each of them listed twice in 1 Chronicles 3. Nogah was, obviously, David's pet name for Elishua.

And David took more wives at Jerusalem: and David begat more sons and daughters. Now these are the names of his children which he had in Jerusalem; Shammua, and Shobab, Nathan, and Solomon, And Ibhar, and Elishua, and Elpalet, And Nogah, and Nepheg, and Japhia, And Elishama, and Beeliada, and Eliphalet. 1 Chronicles 14:3-7

Based on 1 Chronicles 14, some Bible novices mistakenly think that David had 11 children in Jerusalem. However, that was clearly not the case, since 1 Chronicles 3 teaches us that there were nine children in all. So what are we to make of the inclusion of Elpalet and Beeliada in the later verse? Quite simply, those were nicknames for two of the children. 1 Chronicles 14 tells us "these are the names of his children," whereas 1 Chronicles 3 refers to the children, not to the children's names ("these were born.... nine in all."). 2 Samuel 5, like 1 Chronicles 14, lists the "names," but gives only nine names instead of eleven. This is not a contradiction, since 2 Samuel 5 does not claim to list all of the names, proving my thesis that two of the names in 1 Chronicles 14 were nicknames.

The Resting Place of the Ark

Some skeptics have claimed a contradiction between the following:

1. And the men of Kirjathjearim came, and fetched up the ark of the LORD, and brought it into the house of Abinadab in the hill, and sanctified Eleazar his son to keep the ark of the LORD. And it came to pass, while the ark abode in Kirjathjearim, that the time was long; for it was twenty years: and all the house of Israel lamented after the LORD. 1 Samuel 7:1-2

See ye him [Saul] whom the LORD hath chosen, that there is none like him among all the people? And all the people shouted, and said, God save the king. 1 Samuel 10:24 (this took place after the events of 1 Samuel 7)

AND

2. And afterward they desired a king: and God gave unto them Saul the son of Cis, a man of the tribe of Benjamin, by the space of forty years. Acts 13:21

And David arose ... to bring up from thence the ark of God.... And they set the ark of God upon a new cart, and brought it out of the house of Abinadab that was in Gibeah.... 2 Samuel 6:2-3

The claimed contradiction is that King David could not have removed the Ark 20 years after it was given into the possetion of Eleazar, because Eleazar received the Ark before Saul was annointed king, and Saul ruled for 40 years. This supposition is easily refuted, since 1 Samuel 7 says that all the house of Israel lamented after the Lord twenty years after the Ark was moved to Kirjathjearim, not that David moved the Ark after 20 years. Israel had to lament another 20 years before their king fetched the Ark. Saul was probably too busy killing Amalekites, trying to kill David, and prophesying in the buff to worry about the location of the Ark.

The Owner of the Threshingfloor

And when they came to Nachon's threshingfloor, Uzzah put forth his hand to the ark of God, and took hold of it... 2 Samuel 6:6

And when they came unto the threshingfloor of Childon, Uzza put forth his hand to hold the ark.... 1 Chronicles 13:9

Uzzah's threshingfloor was obviously on one side of the street, and Childon's on the other. It's not as though there was only one threshingfloor in the Land of Israel.

Michal's Fecundity

Therefore Michal the daughter of Saul had no child unto the day of her death. 2 Samuel 6:23

But the king took ... the five sons of Michal the daughter of Saul, whom she brought up for Adriel the son of Barzillai the Meholathite: 2 Samuel 21:8

Easily explained--Michal had no children after she was returned to David, but she bore five sons before. No wonder David was less than enamoured of her.

[Brother Temperance]

Re: Day 89. 2 Samuel 4-6

2 Samuel 5

1 Then came all the tribes of Israel to David unto Hebron, and spake, saying, Behold, we are thy bone and thy flesh.

2 Also in time past, when Saul was king over us, thou wast he that leddest out and broughtest in Israel: and the LORD said to thee, Thou shalt feed my people Israel, and thou shalt be a captain over Israel.

Going out and coming in is a synonym for going to war.

Going out and coming in is very different to going in unto. Very different.

3 And they set the ark of God upon a new cart, and brought it out of the house of Abinadab that was in Gibeah: and Uzzah and Ahio, the sons of Abinadab, drave the new cart.

Now, exactly why Saul didn't think to bring the Ark with him (probably explains why he lost in battle a lot), is beyond me. It seems as though the people forgot about the ark, just leaving it with Abinadab for 20-70 years.

When you've forgotten about God as much as the Israelites have, forgetting about the Ark can't seem that big a deal.

20 Then David returned to bless his household. And Michal the daughter of Saul came out to meet David, and said, How glorious was the king of Israel to day, who uncovered himself to day in the eyes of the handmaids of his servants, as one of the vain fellows shamelessly uncovereth himself!

Clearly in a sarcastic tone. She was berating David for prancing around in his underwear. David was like Tom Cruise in Risky Business, when you are that happy, you just gotta go around playing air guitar in your skivvies.

21 And David said unto Michal, It was before the LORD, which chose me before thy father, and before all his house, to appoint me ruler over the people of the LORD, over Israel: therefore will I play before the LORD.

David said, God chose me because of who I am, So, listen up bitch, I'm gonna be who I am, and there ain't a damn thing you can do about it, bitch!

22 And I will yet be more vile than thus, and will be base in mine own sight: and of the maidservants which thou hast spoken of, of them shall I be had in honour.

You think it's bad for me to dance around in my undies??? Well, I'll show you, YOU'LL WISH that dancing in my undies was the worst that I did. Oh, and now i'm gonna go have sex with your maidservants... and there ain't a damn thing you can do about it, bitch!

So what did we learn today?

1. David kills philistines, dead.
2. Ishy got his head cut off.
3. Michal became quite the bitch.

YIC
V

4. If your wife nags you, sleeping with other women is a good way to get back at her.
5. If you're not sure if something is going to kill you or not, get someone else to try it first. Preferably someone you don't like much anyway.

[Pastor Billy-Reuben]

Re: Day 89. 2 Samuel 4-6

He continues saying, I had the Amalekite killed for killing Saul, now you guys get to die because Ishy was innocent.

Not so much because he was innocent, but because he was King. David was a firm believer in the divine right of kings. That is why he could kill 200 Philistines for their foreskins and feel nothing, but be stricken with remorse at having disrespected the position of king by cutting off a piece of Saul's skirt while he slept.

There's a practical consideration, too. David was king of Judah with plans to be king over all of Israel. He couldn't set a precedent that it is OK to go around killing kings. If he rewarded these two bandits and let them go, what would stop them later on from trying to kill him and trying to collect a reward from his enemies?

However, the whole kingdom did fall right into David's hands pretty quickly after this happened though, didn't it? A Machiavellian interpretation could be that these men were hired assassins working for David, and David killed them instead of paying them so that they couldn't talk.

There's no evidence of any of that, so it would just be conjecture. I don't believe any of it. It is obvious to me that God hardened the hearts of those bandits and caused them to act as they did because God, not David, was ready for David to be king over a united Israel.

Pastor Billy-Reuben