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1 Kings 1-3
Today we get:
1 Kings 1
1 Now king David was old and stricken in years; and they covered him with clothes, but he gat no heat.
When your body stops producing heat, you are probably gonna die soon.
2 Wherefore his servants said unto him, Let there be sought for my lord the king a young virgin: and let her stand before the king, and let her cherish him, and let her lie in thy bosom, that my lord the king may get heat.
What better way to heat up an old man, than to have a young virgin lay on top of him, transferring her body heat to him.
After searching throughout the kingdom, they finally found a virgin, Abishag.
Abbey Shag!
4 And the damsel was very fair, and cherished the king, and ministered to him: but the king knew her not.
So she really liked the king, and she had his ear, but the king wasn't able to really DO anything to her, so she remained a virgin.
5 Then Adonijah the son of Haggith exalted himself, saying, I will be king: and he prepared him chariots and horsemen, and fifty men to run before him.
Adonijah, one of David's sons, declares himself king.
7 And he conferred with Joab the son of Zeruiah, and with Abiathar the priest: and they following Adonijah helped him.
Joab leaves David's service and follows Adonijah, also Abiathar goes with him. So Adonijah has a general and a high priest. He has the backing of both the army, and the church. He's sure to be accepted as king.
8 But Zadok the priest, and Benaiah the son of Jehoiada, and Nathan the prophet, and Shimei, and Rei, and the mighty men which belonged to David, were not with Adonijah.
Well, Adonijah had half the priesthood, and half the army, but he didn't have Nathan; and that's important.
Adonijah threw himself a coronation banquet, where he invited most everyone, except for Nathan, Benaiah and Solomon. This frightened Nathan, so he devised a plan; well, not really HE devised the plan, as the prophet, any plan devised by him, would be a plan devised by the LORD.
11 Wherefore Nathan spake unto Bathsheba the mother of Solomon, saying, Hast thou not heard that Adonijah the son of Haggith doth reign, and David our lord knoweth it not?
He tells her to go tell David that he once promised the throne would go to Solomon, and that Adonijah had already proclaimed himself king. He tells her that while she is telling the story, he will go in and corroborate the story.
15 And Bathsheba went in unto the king into the chamber: and the king was very old; and Abishag the Shunammite ministered unto the king.
Bathsheba tells the story, Nathan agrees with her (even though there's no evidence of David saying that Adonijah was not to be king).
29 And the king sware, and said, As the LORD liveth, that hath redeemed my soul out of all distress,
30 Even as I sware unto thee by the LORD God of Israel, saying, Assuredly Solomon thy son shall reign after me, and he shall sit upon my throne in my stead; even so will I certainly do this day.
David proclaims Solomon the king.
He then instructs Nathan and Zadok and Benaiah to take Solomon to Gihon, and anoint him, blow the trumpet and pronounce him king.
Zadok was another high priest and Benaiah would be Solomon's general of the army.
38 So Zadok the priest, and Nathan the prophet, and Benaiah the son of Jehoiada, and the Cherethites, and the Pelethites, went down, and caused Solomon to ride upon king David's mule, and brought him to Gihon.
Riding the king's mule is a sign that the king has passed the rule on.
39 And Zadok the priest took an horn of oil out of the tabernacle, and anointed Solomon. And they blew the trumpet; and all the people said, God save king Solomon.
40 And all the people came up after him, and the people piped with pipes, and rejoiced with great joy, so that the earth rent with the sound of them.
Happy people, yay!!! PRAISE JESUS. It's always best to pipe with pipes and to rejoice with joy.
41 And Adonijah and all the guests that were with him heard it as they had made an end of eating. And when Joab heard the sound of the trumpet, he said, Wherefore is this noise of the city being in an uproar?
They wonder, what's going on?
Jonathan the son of Abiathar the priest comes in and tells the group that David has set Solomon as king.
49 And all the guests that were with Adonijah were afraid, and rose up, and went every man his way.
Of course they were afraid, they knew that they had picked the wrong replacement, and were just hoping that they could distance themselves from their (not necessarily) bad decision.
50 And Adonijah feared because of Solomon, and arose, and went, and caught hold on the horns of the altar.
Apparently holding onto the horns of the altar is like playing hide and seek, and the altar horns are home base.
51 And it was told Solomon, saying, Behold, Adonijah feareth king Solomon: for, lo, he hath caught hold on the horns of the altar, saying, Let king Solomon swear unto me today that he will not slay his servant with the sword.
Solomon says that if he's a good person, he won't have him killed.
1 Kings 2
David is getting ready to die, so he talks to Solomon, saying stay true to the LORD and keep his statutes and commandments.
4 That the LORD may continue his word which he spake concerning me, saying, If thy children take heed to their way, to walk before me in truth with all their heart and with all their soul, there shall not fail thee (said he) a man on the throne of Israel.
Follow the LORD and He'll take care of you, and your children.
Then David makes a list...
5 Moreover thou knowest also what Joab the son of Zeruiah did to me, and what he did to the two captains of the hosts of Israel, unto Abner the son of Ner, and unto Amasa the son of Jether, whom he slew, and shed the blood of war in peace, and put the blood of war upon his girdle that was about his loins, and in his shoes that were on his feet.
6 Do therefore according to thy wisdom, and let not his hoar head go down to the grave in peace.
The first person on the Revenge for David Hit List; is Joab. Because he killed Abner, and Amasa (and Absalom) among others.
8 And, behold, thou hast with thee Shimei the son of Gera, a Benjamite of Bahurim, which cursed me with a grievous curse in the day when I went to Mahanaim: but he came down to meet me at Jordan, and I sware to him by the LORD, saying, I will not put thee to death with the sword.
9 Now therefore hold him not guiltless: for thou art a wise man, and knowest what thou oughtest to do unto him; but his hoar head bring thou down to the grave with blood.
Then next person on the RfDHL is Shimei, the guy who threw rocks and cursed at David.
Then David died.
Adonijah then goes to Bathsheba and asks her to ask Solomon for something.
17 And he said, Speak, I pray thee, unto Solomon the king, (for he will not say thee nay,) that he give me Abishag the Shunammite to wife.
Abishag, the virgin who kept David warm. Adonijah wants her.
So Bathsheba goes and asks Solomon.
21 And she said, Let Abishag the Shunammite be given to Adonijah thy brother to wife.
Solomon is like WTF?
22 And king Solomon answered and said unto his mother, And why dost thou ask Abishag the Shunammite for Adonijah? ask for him the kingdom also; for he is mine elder brother; even for him, and for Abiathar the priest, and for Joab the son of Zeruiah.
Remember, sleeping with one of the kings concubines is a sign of being the new king. That's one of the first things Absalom did when he went back into Jerusalem.
Solomon realized this, but apparently Bathsheba didn't.
24 Now therefore, as the LORD liveth, which hath established me, and set me on the throne of David my father, and who hath made me an house, as he promised, Adonijah shall be put to death this day.
So Solomon has Adonijah put to death.
25 And king Solomon sent by the hand of Benaiah the son of Jehoiada; and he fell upon him that he died.
Benaiah death toll; 1, Adonijah.
Solomon then expels Abiathar.
28 Then tidings came to Joab: for Joab had turned after Adonijah, though he turned not after Absalom. And Joab fled unto the tabernacle of the LORD, and caught hold on the horns of the altar.
David sends Benaiah to go talk to Joab (who was "home free").
Benaiah tells Joab that Solomon wants to kill him away from the altar. Joab says that he's not gonna leave. Benaiah tells Solomon that, and he sends Benaiah back.
34 So Benaiah the son of Jehoiada went up, and fell upon him, and slew him: and he was buried in his own house in the wilderness.
Benaiah death toll 2; Joab.
35 And the king put Benaiah the son of Jehoiada in his room over the host: and Zadok the priest did the king put in the room of Abiathar.
Solomon installed Benaiah as general and Zadok as high priest.
36 And the king sent and called for Shimei, and said unto him, Build thee an house in Jerusalem, and dwell there, and go not forth thence any whither.
If Shimei leaves the house, he will be killed.
Things go well for Shimei for 3 years until some of his servants (slaves) run away, and Shimei chases after them. Solomon hears of this and calls for Shimei.
42 And the king sent and called for Shimei, and said unto him, Did I not make thee to swear by the LORD, and protested unto thee, saying, Know for a certain, on the day thou goest out, and walkest abroad any whither, that thou shalt surely die? and thou saidst unto me, The word that I have heard is good.
Solomon tells him, it's his own fault and that his throne will be exalted.
46 So the king commanded Benaiah the son of Jehoiada; which went out, and fell upon him, that he died. And the kingdom was established in the hand of Solomon.
Benaiah death toll 3; Shimei.
1 Kings 3
1 And Solomon made affinity with Pharaoh king of Egypt, and took Pharaoh's daughter, and brought her into the city of David, until he had made an end of building his own house, and the house of the LORD, and the wall of Jerusalem round about.
Solomon marries one of the Pharaoh's daughters, builds a temple and a wall around Jerusalem.
5 In Gibeon the LORD appeared to Solomon in a dream by night: and God said, Ask what I shall give thee.
Solomon asks for wisdom.
9 Give therefore thy servant an understanding heart to judge thy people, that I may discern between good and bad: for who is able to judge this thy so great a people?
Solomon claims he is young and doesn't have much wisdom, he also claims to not be a fighter.
7 And now, O LORD my God, thou hast made thy servant king instead of David my father: and I am but a little child: I know not how to go out or come in.
Go out or come in; means go to war.
10 And the speech pleased the LORD, that Solomon had asked this thing.
So, because Solomon asked for wisdom, and not riches, long life, or for his enemies to be killed, God decides he will give him wisdom, long life and for his enemies to be killed.
16 Then came there two women, that were harlots, unto the king, and stood before him.
Harlots, they were neither wives, nor concubines, just women who had sex outside of marriage and concubinage.
Well, these two women both had children, within 3 days of each other, one of the women accidentally slept on top of her child and killed it. The other didn't.
The one who smushed her kid then swapped the babies, and claimed that the other was the one who did.
The mother of the living child realized that the dead baby wasn't hers, and she didn't take matters into her own hands, she took her to court.
Well, Solomon decides that they both want the child, so he calls for a sword.
25 And the king said, Divide the living child in two, and give half to the one, and half to the other.
The REAL mother of the child says to not do it, to just let the other lady have the child, while the other harlot says, yeah, cut the kid up.
Solomon realizes that the mother who wants the other to have it is the real mother, and gives the baby to her.
27 Then the king answered and said, Give her the living child, and in no wise slay it: she is the mother thereof.
This is an example of Solomon's wisdom.
28 And all Israel heard of the judgment which the king had judged; and they feared the king: for they saw that the wisdom of God was in him, to do judgment.
I'm not sure what Absalom would have done in such a case. I'd bet Adonijah would have set some kind of law that would prevent harlots from giving birth. Moses would have probably stoned the women for being harlots, and cursed the child for being a bastard, and not allowed him into the temple.
So what have we learned today?
1. If the king says you will live as long as he does, you should probably flee the country when he dies.
2. If God offers you one wish, take wisdom, with that, you can get everything else.
3. If your brother asks you for your fathers concubines, you should probably kill him; then take the concubine for yourself.
YIC
V
Today we get:
- David is old
- Adonijah takes control
- Solomon takes control
- David has Solomon take care of some "loose ends"
- Solomon has a dream
- The two harlots
1 Kings 1
1 Now king David was old and stricken in years; and they covered him with clothes, but he gat no heat.
When your body stops producing heat, you are probably gonna die soon.
2 Wherefore his servants said unto him, Let there be sought for my lord the king a young virgin: and let her stand before the king, and let her cherish him, and let her lie in thy bosom, that my lord the king may get heat.
What better way to heat up an old man, than to have a young virgin lay on top of him, transferring her body heat to him.
After searching throughout the kingdom, they finally found a virgin, Abishag.
Abbey Shag!
4 And the damsel was very fair, and cherished the king, and ministered to him: but the king knew her not.
So she really liked the king, and she had his ear, but the king wasn't able to really DO anything to her, so she remained a virgin.
5 Then Adonijah the son of Haggith exalted himself, saying, I will be king: and he prepared him chariots and horsemen, and fifty men to run before him.
Adonijah, one of David's sons, declares himself king.
7 And he conferred with Joab the son of Zeruiah, and with Abiathar the priest: and they following Adonijah helped him.
Joab leaves David's service and follows Adonijah, also Abiathar goes with him. So Adonijah has a general and a high priest. He has the backing of both the army, and the church. He's sure to be accepted as king.
8 But Zadok the priest, and Benaiah the son of Jehoiada, and Nathan the prophet, and Shimei, and Rei, and the mighty men which belonged to David, were not with Adonijah.
Well, Adonijah had half the priesthood, and half the army, but he didn't have Nathan; and that's important.
Adonijah threw himself a coronation banquet, where he invited most everyone, except for Nathan, Benaiah and Solomon. This frightened Nathan, so he devised a plan; well, not really HE devised the plan, as the prophet, any plan devised by him, would be a plan devised by the LORD.
11 Wherefore Nathan spake unto Bathsheba the mother of Solomon, saying, Hast thou not heard that Adonijah the son of Haggith doth reign, and David our lord knoweth it not?
He tells her to go tell David that he once promised the throne would go to Solomon, and that Adonijah had already proclaimed himself king. He tells her that while she is telling the story, he will go in and corroborate the story.
15 And Bathsheba went in unto the king into the chamber: and the king was very old; and Abishag the Shunammite ministered unto the king.
Bathsheba tells the story, Nathan agrees with her (even though there's no evidence of David saying that Adonijah was not to be king).
29 And the king sware, and said, As the LORD liveth, that hath redeemed my soul out of all distress,
30 Even as I sware unto thee by the LORD God of Israel, saying, Assuredly Solomon thy son shall reign after me, and he shall sit upon my throne in my stead; even so will I certainly do this day.
David proclaims Solomon the king.
He then instructs Nathan and Zadok and Benaiah to take Solomon to Gihon, and anoint him, blow the trumpet and pronounce him king.
Zadok was another high priest and Benaiah would be Solomon's general of the army.
38 So Zadok the priest, and Nathan the prophet, and Benaiah the son of Jehoiada, and the Cherethites, and the Pelethites, went down, and caused Solomon to ride upon king David's mule, and brought him to Gihon.
Riding the king's mule is a sign that the king has passed the rule on.
39 And Zadok the priest took an horn of oil out of the tabernacle, and anointed Solomon. And they blew the trumpet; and all the people said, God save king Solomon.
40 And all the people came up after him, and the people piped with pipes, and rejoiced with great joy, so that the earth rent with the sound of them.
Happy people, yay!!! PRAISE JESUS. It's always best to pipe with pipes and to rejoice with joy.
41 And Adonijah and all the guests that were with him heard it as they had made an end of eating. And when Joab heard the sound of the trumpet, he said, Wherefore is this noise of the city being in an uproar?
They wonder, what's going on?
Jonathan the son of Abiathar the priest comes in and tells the group that David has set Solomon as king.
49 And all the guests that were with Adonijah were afraid, and rose up, and went every man his way.
Of course they were afraid, they knew that they had picked the wrong replacement, and were just hoping that they could distance themselves from their (not necessarily) bad decision.
50 And Adonijah feared because of Solomon, and arose, and went, and caught hold on the horns of the altar.
Apparently holding onto the horns of the altar is like playing hide and seek, and the altar horns are home base.
51 And it was told Solomon, saying, Behold, Adonijah feareth king Solomon: for, lo, he hath caught hold on the horns of the altar, saying, Let king Solomon swear unto me today that he will not slay his servant with the sword.
Solomon says that if he's a good person, he won't have him killed.
1 Kings 2
David is getting ready to die, so he talks to Solomon, saying stay true to the LORD and keep his statutes and commandments.
4 That the LORD may continue his word which he spake concerning me, saying, If thy children take heed to their way, to walk before me in truth with all their heart and with all their soul, there shall not fail thee (said he) a man on the throne of Israel.
Follow the LORD and He'll take care of you, and your children.
Then David makes a list...
5 Moreover thou knowest also what Joab the son of Zeruiah did to me, and what he did to the two captains of the hosts of Israel, unto Abner the son of Ner, and unto Amasa the son of Jether, whom he slew, and shed the blood of war in peace, and put the blood of war upon his girdle that was about his loins, and in his shoes that were on his feet.
6 Do therefore according to thy wisdom, and let not his hoar head go down to the grave in peace.
The first person on the Revenge for David Hit List; is Joab. Because he killed Abner, and Amasa (and Absalom) among others.
8 And, behold, thou hast with thee Shimei the son of Gera, a Benjamite of Bahurim, which cursed me with a grievous curse in the day when I went to Mahanaim: but he came down to meet me at Jordan, and I sware to him by the LORD, saying, I will not put thee to death with the sword.
9 Now therefore hold him not guiltless: for thou art a wise man, and knowest what thou oughtest to do unto him; but his hoar head bring thou down to the grave with blood.
Then next person on the RfDHL is Shimei, the guy who threw rocks and cursed at David.
Then David died.
Adonijah then goes to Bathsheba and asks her to ask Solomon for something.
17 And he said, Speak, I pray thee, unto Solomon the king, (for he will not say thee nay,) that he give me Abishag the Shunammite to wife.
Abishag, the virgin who kept David warm. Adonijah wants her.
So Bathsheba goes and asks Solomon.
21 And she said, Let Abishag the Shunammite be given to Adonijah thy brother to wife.
Solomon is like WTF?
22 And king Solomon answered and said unto his mother, And why dost thou ask Abishag the Shunammite for Adonijah? ask for him the kingdom also; for he is mine elder brother; even for him, and for Abiathar the priest, and for Joab the son of Zeruiah.
Remember, sleeping with one of the kings concubines is a sign of being the new king. That's one of the first things Absalom did when he went back into Jerusalem.
Solomon realized this, but apparently Bathsheba didn't.
24 Now therefore, as the LORD liveth, which hath established me, and set me on the throne of David my father, and who hath made me an house, as he promised, Adonijah shall be put to death this day.
So Solomon has Adonijah put to death.
25 And king Solomon sent by the hand of Benaiah the son of Jehoiada; and he fell upon him that he died.
Benaiah death toll; 1, Adonijah.
Solomon then expels Abiathar.
28 Then tidings came to Joab: for Joab had turned after Adonijah, though he turned not after Absalom. And Joab fled unto the tabernacle of the LORD, and caught hold on the horns of the altar.
David sends Benaiah to go talk to Joab (who was "home free").
Benaiah tells Joab that Solomon wants to kill him away from the altar. Joab says that he's not gonna leave. Benaiah tells Solomon that, and he sends Benaiah back.
34 So Benaiah the son of Jehoiada went up, and fell upon him, and slew him: and he was buried in his own house in the wilderness.
Benaiah death toll 2; Joab.
35 And the king put Benaiah the son of Jehoiada in his room over the host: and Zadok the priest did the king put in the room of Abiathar.
Solomon installed Benaiah as general and Zadok as high priest.
36 And the king sent and called for Shimei, and said unto him, Build thee an house in Jerusalem, and dwell there, and go not forth thence any whither.
If Shimei leaves the house, he will be killed.
Things go well for Shimei for 3 years until some of his servants (slaves) run away, and Shimei chases after them. Solomon hears of this and calls for Shimei.
42 And the king sent and called for Shimei, and said unto him, Did I not make thee to swear by the LORD, and protested unto thee, saying, Know for a certain, on the day thou goest out, and walkest abroad any whither, that thou shalt surely die? and thou saidst unto me, The word that I have heard is good.
Solomon tells him, it's his own fault and that his throne will be exalted.
46 So the king commanded Benaiah the son of Jehoiada; which went out, and fell upon him, that he died. And the kingdom was established in the hand of Solomon.
Benaiah death toll 3; Shimei.
1 Kings 3
1 And Solomon made affinity with Pharaoh king of Egypt, and took Pharaoh's daughter, and brought her into the city of David, until he had made an end of building his own house, and the house of the LORD, and the wall of Jerusalem round about.
Solomon marries one of the Pharaoh's daughters, builds a temple and a wall around Jerusalem.
5 In Gibeon the LORD appeared to Solomon in a dream by night: and God said, Ask what I shall give thee.
Solomon asks for wisdom.
9 Give therefore thy servant an understanding heart to judge thy people, that I may discern between good and bad: for who is able to judge this thy so great a people?
Solomon claims he is young and doesn't have much wisdom, he also claims to not be a fighter.
7 And now, O LORD my God, thou hast made thy servant king instead of David my father: and I am but a little child: I know not how to go out or come in.
Go out or come in; means go to war.
10 And the speech pleased the LORD, that Solomon had asked this thing.
So, because Solomon asked for wisdom, and not riches, long life, or for his enemies to be killed, God decides he will give him wisdom, long life and for his enemies to be killed.
16 Then came there two women, that were harlots, unto the king, and stood before him.
Harlots, they were neither wives, nor concubines, just women who had sex outside of marriage and concubinage.
Well, these two women both had children, within 3 days of each other, one of the women accidentally slept on top of her child and killed it. The other didn't.
The one who smushed her kid then swapped the babies, and claimed that the other was the one who did.
The mother of the living child realized that the dead baby wasn't hers, and she didn't take matters into her own hands, she took her to court.
Well, Solomon decides that they both want the child, so he calls for a sword.
25 And the king said, Divide the living child in two, and give half to the one, and half to the other.
The REAL mother of the child says to not do it, to just let the other lady have the child, while the other harlot says, yeah, cut the kid up.
Solomon realizes that the mother who wants the other to have it is the real mother, and gives the baby to her.
27 Then the king answered and said, Give her the living child, and in no wise slay it: she is the mother thereof.
This is an example of Solomon's wisdom.
28 And all Israel heard of the judgment which the king had judged; and they feared the king: for they saw that the wisdom of God was in him, to do judgment.
I'm not sure what Absalom would have done in such a case. I'd bet Adonijah would have set some kind of law that would prevent harlots from giving birth. Moses would have probably stoned the women for being harlots, and cursed the child for being a bastard, and not allowed him into the temple.
So what have we learned today?
1. If the king says you will live as long as he does, you should probably flee the country when he dies.
2. If God offers you one wish, take wisdom, with that, you can get everything else.
3. If your brother asks you for your fathers concubines, you should probably kill him; then take the concubine for yourself.
YIC
V
Trump / Arpaio 2016 -- The Government We Deserve
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