Question about Norway

[Two-Dollar Bill]

Hi all,

So, it looks like I have to go to Norway. Not my choice, but what can you do. In all my years here in Northern Europe I have never once stepped foot in the Norge, thankfully. I've hither to been limited to what I like to refer to as "the normal countries of Scandinavia".

Anyways, apparently one of the board members decided it would be a good idea if a bunch of us missionaries met up and went camping in a fjord and what have you to discuss tactic. (Once again, not my idea.) I guess they think it would be good for moral - since it gets pretty tough living in these parts.

The trip is planned for May (when the snow is gone) and everything is already booked so I can't get out of it. Heck, they've already sent me a parcel of camping gear and some new boots. I guess we are going to be doing some hiking around some pagan area known as the "Troll Steps" and they don't want anyone falling to their death.

So, to get to my question.

I know most of you have travelled extensively throughout the world – which means many of you have probably been to the Norge and can help me out. Now, the only thing I know about Norway is that it is stupid expensive (imagine the whole country being a hotel lobby in Switzerland), that the people aren't too bright (even the Swedes make fun of them), and that there is little to no respect for laws and Christian ethics. Throw in the fact that it is mostly wild countryside with an abundance of wild animals and you can see where I am going with this. Point is: Do I need to bring a weapon?

I am going by train so getting it through security won't be an issue. I'm also talking about, say, a large knife or dagger nothing really serious. (I don't actually own a gun here...sort of a law thing they have.) The last thing I want is to get stuck-up in some small village by some farmer looking to score some blue jeans for one of his daughters. Or, even worse, attacked by a gang of drunk fishermen while trying to get some sleep. The wild animals I could probably handle - but a combination of animals and locals would probably do me in.

Is it this bad? Is it worse? Or have I been misinformed? Any and all advice is indeed welcome.

Better safe than sorry,
Two-Dollar Bill

[Teabagging Mom]

Re: Question about Norway

Point is: Do I need to bring a weapon?

I am going by train so getting it through security won't be an issue. I'm also talking about, say, a large knife or dagger nothing really serious. (I don't actually own a gun here...sort of a law thing they have.) The last thing I want is to get stuck-up in some small village by some farmer looking to score some blue jeans for one of his daughters. Or, even worse, attacked by a gang of drunk fishermen while trying to get some sleep. The wild animals I could probably handle - but a combination of animals and locals would probably do me in.

Is it this bad? Is it worse? Or have I been misinformed? Any and all advice is indeed welcome.

Better safe than sorry,
Two-Dollar Bill

Well Mr. Bill, I've only been in Long Island and Colorado, but even I know that the best way to scare off a Norwegian is to be "friendly like an American" with them. THEY HATE IT!! Just have the kind of conversation Americans always have with complete strangers. Talk about your bowel problems or your wife's yeast infection. Those Norwegians will run away from you to the nearest stave church and cower in the corner like a little girl. Promise.

[Two-Dollar Bill]

Re: Question about Norway

Well Mr. Bill, I've only been in Long Island and Colorado, but even I know that the best way to scare off a Norwegian is to be "friendly like an American" with them. THEY HATE IT!! Just have the kind of conversation Americans always have with complete strangers. Talk about your bowel problems or your wife's yeast infection. Those Norwegians will run away from you to the nearest stave church and cower in the corner like a little girl. Promise.

Thank you...I think. Just to be clear I am hoping to avoid the indigenous population as much as possible on this trip. This is something of a retreat and a chance for us to take a break from the stressful task of trying to convert heathens. (Don't get me wrong, it's rewarding, it can just be a bit trying a times.) Granted going somewhere with a bit more respect for God would have been nice, but I've heard the scenery in the Norge is pretty amazing – and I always admire the work of the Lord.

To put it bluntly, I don't want to offer my hand only to end up with a dislocated shoulder and an empty wallet. If they want to listen to what we have to say they can do it at a distance. The last thing I want them to do is notify their brethren that a crew of Americans are in town. Who knows what would happen if word got out. I have three young boys that I'd like to see grow up.

[Felicity]

Re: Question about Norway

In Norway they have no prisons so criminals are everywhere!

[Two-Dollar Bill]

Re: Question about Norway

In Norway they have no prisons so criminals are everywhere!

Well, that is one vote for bring a weapon. I am now getting scared of going to Norway. They probably roam the countryside in packs hoping to hear a bit of American for the sake of making a quick buck. Maybe I should stop looking at this as a retreat and more of a test of faith.

[Teabagging Mom]

Re: Question about Norway

Oh don't take your boys to the Swedish countries, Mr. Bill. They have Laplanders there who come down from the north and steal your children. Then, like a couple ofyears later, the stolen children turn up at the slave trade in Murmansk, where you'll NEVER see them again. That's what I've heard -- I'm sure it's true.

I'll babysit for your boys if you want, while you're away. I'd be super happy to do it. They can play with my Toby!

[Two-Dollar Bill]

Re: Question about Norway

Oh don't take your boys to the Swedish countries, Mr. Bill. They have Laplanders there who come down from the north and steal your children. Then, like a couple ofyears later, the stolen children turn up at the slave trade in Murmansk, where you'll NEVER see them again. That's what I've heard -- I'm sure it's true.

I'll babysit for your boys if you want, while you're away. I'd be super happy to do it. They can play with my Toby!

Oh, fear not. The boys aren't coming on this trip. I'm a good Christian first - but a good father as well.

Thank you for your kind offer about babysitting but my wife will be home with the boys.

[Pure_Angel]

Re: Question about Norway

I live in a town that get infested by Norway-men and Germans every summer.
Norway-men are stupid, and therefore friendly. They like to buy tobacco and alcohol in Sweden because it's cheaper. They like to smile and are really scary. They sound and act like they have been taking to much medication or something, jumping around.
The males are usually fat, and the women are very tall. They normally don't have dog, but rather cats. They like to live in caravans and dislike boats.
They eat alot of fish, so I would assume that they have a bad breath. Some of them likes to skii, and during summers they have rollerblades, so always look behind you, they can come at anytime!
But in May they celebrate a Norway day, when they dance on the streets and sing about how they love Norway, so don't go there anywhere way the 18th of May, they are crazy then.

I hope I helped you, if only a little!

Yours in Christ
Elisabeth

[Two-Dollar Bill]

Re: Question about Norway

I live in a town that get infested by Norway-men and Germans every summer.
Norway-men are stupid, and therefore friendly. They like to buy tobacco and alcohol in Sweden because it's cheaper. They like to smile and are really scary. They sound and act like they have been taking to much medication or something, jumping around.
The males are usually fat, and the women are very tall. They normally don't have dog, but rather cats. They like to live in caravans and dislike boats.
They eat alot of fish, so I would assume that they have a bad breath. Some of them likes to skii, and during summers they have rollerblades, so always look behind you, they can come at anytime!
But in May they celebrate a Norway day, when they dance on the streets and sing about how they love Norway, so don't go there anywhere way the 18th of May, they are crazy then.

I hope I helped you, if only a little!

Yours in Christ
Elisabeth

Tack Elisabeth!

This is good information to know about the Sinwegians. The more I know about them the better. Unfortunately I will be there over the course of their holiday on the 18th of May - just to add more danger to our trip. I understand this to be the big "drink and fight as much as you can" night of the year in their country. Hopefully we will be as far away from civilization as possible on that day. (Probably not too hard in Norway!...civilization...Norway...)

I, once again, thank you for your insights as one of the few good Christian Swedes out there.

[Pure_Angel]

Re: Question about Norway

Tack Elisabeth!

This is good information to know about the Sinwegians. The more I know about them the better. Unfortunately I will be there over the course of their holiday on the 18th of May - just to add more danger to our trip. I understand this to be the big "drink and fight as much as you can" night of the year in their country. Hopefully we will be as far away from civilization as possible on that day. (Probably not too hard in Norway!...civilization...Norway...)

I, once again, thank you for your insights as one of the few good Christian Swedes out there.

Varsågod!

I am happy that I could help you, and I am sad that you have to be there during the 18th May. But I am sure you will be fine, as a Christian man Jesus will protect you!
I am happy that you find me a good christian Brother Bill! I think that your work in Scandinavia is admireble!
I will pray for you and your family.

Yours in Christ
Elisabeth

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: Question about Norway

Good luck and may GOD be with you as your tour that horrible GOD forsaken Country.

I went on a Soul Saving mission to Norway last summer.

Beware! There are a lot of beautiful blond hair, blue eyed people but they are really DEMONS or trolls in disguise, and by trolls I mean REAL trolls. If you see one REBUKE them in the name of JESUS and they will disappear into thin air.

They also speak a trance inducing demonic, sing-song language that sounds like this:

Donga dinga hooten glooten.

If you go on the Troll Highway you will encounter busloads of Jap tourist (maybe not as many know seeing how GOD has smote them for worshipping Buddha).


Be sure and bring your Bible with you. These demonic trolls are virtually everywhere you go. I was scared out of my mind the entire time I was there.







Blessings,

Sister Thumper

[Schibbolet]

Re: Question about Norway

The 18th of May is when the nation of Norway have a huge hangover after drinking and partying the day before holding their puny nation above God forsaking to praise him.

Judges 10:10
Judges 16:24

[James Hutchins]

Re: Question about Norway

Bring your Bible, weapons and ammunition. Be sure one of your family is awake at all times preferebly in twos to guard the home. May God be with you and Jesus have your back.

[Two-Dollar Bill]

Re: Question about Norway

Bring your Bible, weapons and ammunition. Be sure one of your family is awake at all times preferebly in twos to guard the home. May God be with you and Jesus have your back.

Brother Hutchins, I get the idea that you would be a good "number two" in a situation like this. Are you busy between the 14th and 21st of May? I'm sure I could pull a few strings regarding airline fees if you are willing to come to this heathen land with us. (I know the board doesn't want anything to happen to anyone and would be willing to put out for any extra expenditures.)

[Teabagging Mom]

Re: Question about Norway

Are you busy between the 14th and 21st of May? I'm sure I could pull a few strings regarding airline fees if you are willing to come to this heathen land with us. (I know the board doesn't want anything to happen to anyone and would be willing to put out for any extra expenditures.)

That sounds wonderful! I've never been to the Swedish countries. What should I pack? You can be sure I'll bring my Bible, since all of the important verses are already marked up.