[Teabagging Mom]

Re: Question about Norway

After reading more about Norway, I've decided that you are more than welcome to go. I'd like if you could do something called "advance patrol" for us. If you can scout out the land around the area where we will be staying and reduce the number of locals/animals/bear traps that would be great.

Send us a postcard when you are done (stamped in the general vicinity of our destination) and we'll know it is safe to risk our own lives there.

MR BILL, I"M SO EXCITED!!! I've never been a missionary before, but I'm always telling my Pastor at Timberline that NO ONE loves midweek service the way I do. It's because of the videos, they're as good as the ones on TV.

Now, I'll bring my Bible and new jeans. What else do you think I'll need when we're in the Norway country? Also, my little Toby can hang out with your kids, if your wife is OK with babysitting him while we service Jesus. My Toby's the cutest little scamp and is hardly ever a really huge problem.

[Larry Lee]

Re: Question about Norway

I'm not sure the Norwegians are ready for Teabagging Mom, just a hunch.

[Pure_Angel]

Re: Question about Norway

Oil? Olive oil like we have here in Spain? I never known that about Noruega!

And who is pumping the Norwedges anyway?

YIC, Mari.

Oh no Mari, he does not mean olive oil, but oil that is used to make gas!

I hope everything will be alright for you Brother Bill, and I am happy to see that you are not bringing your family... those norway-men even killed a swedish king you know, so I am not sure what they would do with a innocent Christian man!

Yours in Christ Elisabeth

[Two-Dollar Bill]

Re: Question about Norway

Does this mean I can't go, Mr. Bill?

After reading more about Norway, I've decided that you are more than welcome to go. I'd like if you could do something called "advance patrol" for us. If you can scout out the land around the area where we will be staying and reduce the number of locals/animals/bear traps that would be great.

Send us a postcard when you are done (stamped in the general vicinity of our destination) and we'll know it is safe to risk our own lives there.

[María Gálvez-Villalobos]

Re: Question about Norway

In the south they do have nice roads. They are build by american oil companies I think. Don't they pump the oil at Norway?

Oil? Olive oil like we have here in Spain? I never known that about Noruega!

And who is pumping the Norwedges anyway?

YIC, Mari.

[Two-Dollar Bill]

Re: Question about Norway

I've been doing a bit of research about Norweeden and I have to admit, I'm perplexed. That country has a lot of oil, the inhabitants are not Christians, they have virtually no military and they aren't known for being too bright. Why on earth is this not the 51st state? We could have them Norgies speaking American and playing baseball before the next Olympics.

[MisterM]

Re: Question about Norway

How can you go 200 miles per hour when all they have are gravel dirt roads between those cute towns

In the south they do have nice roads. They are build by american oil companies I think. Don't they pump the oil at Norway?

[Teabagging Mom]

Re: Question about Norway

Does this mean I can't go, Mr. Bill? Oh well, I'm really so surprised to hear you talk about the Swedish countries like they were all different. Isn't the Norway country and Finland the same place?

And Mr. Mr.M, I'm thinking I don't know anything! How can you go 200 miles per hour when all they have are gravel dirt roads between those cute towns that don't even have any names? It's like how Long Island used to be back in the, I don't know, 1930s, before you could rent a helicopter, if you're rich! to get from the city to Montauk Ha Ha ha!

[MisterM]

Re: Question about Norway

I have been in Norwayland once. I'm involved in car business and I was participating this racing event. I learned two things:

Norwaylanders drink even more than Finns. Yes, that is true even it sounds impossible. Fortunately the drunken Norwish are quite harmless opposite to Finns that will try to kill you after 10-20 beers. Norgish just seem to be quite happy between the vomiting. Of course they could be happy because they are already thinking how to kill and rape you (in that order)

The other thing I found was that you are not supposed to drive your Porsche 200km/h in 70km/h limit (125 on 45 in miles) . They put you in prison for that. What the hell is that? If you have car like that, police should let you go because you certainly are more important than them. Luckily I was tuning car that wasn't mine so I just pushed the pedal and got away. I hope the owner didn't mind when the swat team took him from his home He did send me a picture of the team attacking:

[Lost Sheep McUinnean]

Re: Question about Norway

If you see a large lumpen shape with fur boots, they're not boots. It's a female- a Whorewegian - 20 of them have got more hair on their legs than all of Belgium has on its collective head.

Don't let them talk to you. You'll get raped and then be bored to death on women's rights, existentialist pornography and its role in an egalitarian society and be brainwashed on why you should have a healthy balanced diet including the 4 basic food groups: raw blubber, fried blubber, boiled blubber and dried blubber.

Whorewegians. Bad news.

[Two-Dollar Bill]

Re: Question about Norway

Thanks everyone for your comments and advice. If I was scared before, now I'm petrified. I may seek council with the board and see if we can either cancel this trip, bring added security or at least try and get it moved to Finland or something (that would at least be somewhat safe). If would obviously do no good for us to go on a retreat if none of us came back.

[Benedict A. Davis]

Re: Question about Norway

Young Bill, I have 2 words for you,stun gun. You see these wooden tops are well versed in the use of edged weapons and clubs, also gang rapes and pillaging good Christian enclaves, it is in their blood, their viking blood. What I am trying to say is the heathens will take a modern man in a brawl so you must surprise them with modern technology. Hit the leader of the pack with 40,000 volts and the whole pack will take off. You might notice I did not mention pepper spray, it is a very windy country, especially around the coast, and nothing could be worse than you on your knees crying like a baby before the pack has even laid their hands on you. Remember the Viking as no quarter will be given.

[Alphonse Alban]

Re: Question about Norway

Norway is truly kingdom of darkness. They even name something as pure and beautiful as oil fields with demon names like Troll and Snow white. Even one platform is names as Troll A!

People are very primitive and Eskimo population is even more dense than in rest of the Scandinavia. Norvegistans are usually aggressive towards outsiders, but as they communicate mostly with different smells, you can blend in to local population by smearing yourself with lye fish. 90% of population will then think you are one of them no matter how you look or speak.

Lye fish is little like pickled herring, but even more horrible.

Whale oil will do the trick as well, but it drives female Norvegistans crazy, so I don't recommend that if you travel with your wife. She maybe get killed by jealous savages.




Average Norvegistan couple in traditional penguin hunting camouflage,
telling male from female is next to impossible for untrained eye.






YiC,


Alphonse

[Teabagging Mom]

Re: Question about Norway

Are you busy between the 14th and 21st of May? I'm sure I could pull a few strings regarding airline fees if you are willing to come to this heathen land with us. (I know the board doesn't want anything to happen to anyone and would be willing to put out for any extra expenditures.)

That sounds wonderful! I've never been to the Swedish countries. What should I pack? You can be sure I'll bring my Bible, since all of the important verses are already marked up.

[Two-Dollar Bill]

Re: Question about Norway

Bring your Bible, weapons and ammunition. Be sure one of your family is awake at all times preferebly in twos to guard the home. May God be with you and Jesus have your back.

Brother Hutchins, I get the idea that you would be a good "number two" in a situation like this. Are you busy between the 14th and 21st of May? I'm sure I could pull a few strings regarding airline fees if you are willing to come to this heathen land with us. (I know the board doesn't want anything to happen to anyone and would be willing to put out for any extra expenditures.)