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Default Day 103. 2 Kings 1-3 - 12-29-2007, 12:27 AM

2 Kings 1-3

Today we get:
  • Ahaziah's mystery illness
  • Elijah leaves
  • Elisha takes over
  • War with Moab

2 Kings 1

1 Then Moab rebelled against Israel after the death of Ahab.

Thanks for the info.

2 And Ahaziah fell down through a lattice in his upper chamber that was in Samaria, and was sick: and he sent messengers, and said unto them, Go, enquire of Baalzebub the god of Ekron whether I shall recover of this disease.

Ahaziah must've been working on the roof cleaning the gutters, like Max McGee. Just like Max, he was injured and couldn't go back to work, unfortunately, AFLAC wasn't around, so it hurt when Ahaziah missed work. AFLAC!!

An angel came to Elijah and told him that Ahaziah would die on his bed.

So Elijah went and met the messengers and told them, and they went back to the king.

6 And they said unto him, There came a man up to meet us, and said unto us, Go, turn again unto the king that sent you, and say unto him, Thus saith the LORD, Is it not because there is not a God in Israel, that thou sendest to enquire of Baalzebub the god of Ekron? therefore thou shalt not come down from that bed on which thou art gone up, but shalt surely die.

This angered Ahaziah, so he sent a captain of 50 men (with his 50 men) to go capture Elijah.

10 And Elijah answered and said to the captain of fifty, If I be a man of God, then let fire come down from heaven, and consume thee and thy fifty. And there came down fire from heaven, and consumed him and his fifty.

Elijah 51, Ahaziah 0.

So Ahaziah sends another captain with his 50 to go get Elijah.

12 And Elijah answered and said unto them, If I be a man of God, let fire come down from heaven, and consume thee and thy fifty. And the fire of God came down from heaven, and consumed him and his fifty.

Elijah 102, Ahaziah 0.

So Ahaziah sends ANOTHER captain with his 50 to go get Elijah. I wouldn't mess with Elijah, he is the master of calling down fire from heaven, remember he did it to light the altar and have the 400-some prophets of Baal killed.

This third captain gets there and begs for his life (before saying come down) well, this plea worked, and and angel tells Elijah it's ok to go with the captain. So Elijah goes.

16 And he said unto him, Thus saith the LORD, Forasmuch as thou hast sent messengers to enquire of Baalzebub the god of Ekron, is it not because there is no God in Israel to enquire of his word? therefore thou shalt not come down off that bed on which thou art gone up, but shalt surely die.

Then Ahaziah died.

Jehoram ruled after him.

2 Kings 2

1 And it came to pass, when the LORD would take up Elijah into heaven by a whirlwind, that Elijah went with Elisha from Gilgal.

Apparently, it was well known that Elijah would go up to heaven in a whirlwind.

2 And Elijah said unto Elisha, Tarry here, I pray thee; for the LORD hath sent me to Bethel. And Elisha said unto him, As the LORD liveth, and as thy soul liveth, I will not leave thee. So they went down to Bethel.

Elisha really liked to hang around with Elijah.

3 And the sons of the prophets that were at Bethel came forth to Elisha, and said unto him, Knowest thou that the LORD will take away thy master from thy head to day? And he said, Yea, I know it; hold ye your peace.

See, the prophets in Bethel knew that Elijah would be leaving. Elisha says "Yeah, so, what's your point?"

Then Elijah (on his final tour) decides to go to Jericho. He asks Elisha to not go, but again, Elisha says he's going.

5 And the sons of the prophets that were at Jericho came to Elisha, and said unto him, Knowest thou that the LORD will take away thy master from thy head to day? And he answered, Yea, I know it; hold ye your peace.

"Yeah, so, what's your point?"

Then Elijah decides the final stop on his farewell tour would be Jordan. Again, he asks Elisha not to go, and again Elisha says he's going.

8 And Elijah took his mantle, and wrapped it together, and smote the waters, and they were divided hither and thither, so that they two went over on dry ground.

Elijah's mantle is an effective damming apparatus.

9 And it came to pass, when they were gone over, that Elijah said unto Elisha, Ask what I shall do for thee, before I be taken away from thee. And Elisha said, I pray thee, let a double portion of thy spirit be upon me.

Elisha says, "you are good, but I want to be better... you know... for God."

10 And he said, Thou hast asked a hard thing: nevertheless, if thou see me when I am taken from thee, it shall be so unto thee; but if not, it shall not be so.

Elijah's like "geez, you don't ask for much."

11 And it came to pass, as they still went on, and talked, that, behold, there appeared a chariot of fire, and horses of fire, and parted them both asunder; and Elijah went up by a whirlwind into heaven.

God's tractor beam!

12 And Elisha saw it, and he cried, My father, my father, the chariot of Israel, and the horsemen thereof. And he saw him no more: and he took hold of his own clothes, and rent them in two pieces.

So Elisha is standing there with his clothes ripped off. I guess it's true, that sad people take their clothes off. Remember, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is crying.

14 And he took the mantle of Elijah that fell from him, and smote the waters, and said, Where is the LORD God of Elijah? and when he also had smitten the waters, they parted hither and thither: and Elisha went over.

If Moses had Elijah's mantle, the parting of the red sea would have been easier. Is this the third time that people have crossed the Jordan without getting their feet wet?

15 And when the sons of the prophets which were to view at Jericho saw him, they said, The spirit of Elijah doth rest on Elisha. And they came to meet him, and bowed themselves to the ground before him.

Elijah is now the head prophet. He's the guy who can summon the fire from the sky; he's the guy who can tell kings that they will die; he's the guy who can...

Meanwhile, those guys really wanted to look to see if Elisha had fallen out of the sky, so they badgered Elisha until he said, yeah, go ahead and look. Well after 3 days.

18 And when they came again to him, (for he tarried at Jericho,) he said unto them, Did I not say unto you, Go not?


Does the mantle confer a modicum of smart ass-ness?

Apparently there was bad water in the town, and they asked Elisha to fix it, so he threw some salt in the river and everything came out good.

23 And he went up from thence unto Bethel: and as he was going up by the way, there came forth little children out of the city, and mocked him, and said unto him, Go up, thou bald head; go up, thou bald head.

Elisha was bald, Elijah was hairy; to tell them apart, remember, Elisha=shaved; Elijah=jes, he had hair.

Remember the power that Elijah had to call fire from the sky. Elisha's super hero power is:

24 And he turned back, and looked on them, and cursed them in the name of the LORD. And there came forth two she bears out of the wood, and tare forty and two children of them.

Elisha 42, little kids 0.

Elisha is able to summon bears to kill children! Elisha KICKS ASS!!! Although calling fire out of heaven is a pretty cool super power to have.

2 Kings 3

Jehoram was king, and he was bad, not as bad as his parents, because he put away the Baal idols, but he was still bad, none-the-less.

5 But it came to pass, when Ahab was dead, that the king of Moab rebelled against the king of Israel.

Yeah, you told us that in 2 Kings 1:1.

Well, the rebellion of the Moabites really ticked off Jehoram, so he goes to Jehoshaphat (king of Judah) and says, lets go kick his ass! Jehoshaphat jumps at the chance.

They decide to go to Moab through Edom, and on the way, they pick up a third army of Edomites.

9 So the king of Israel went, and the king of Judah, and the king of Edom: and they fetched a compass of seven days' journey: and there was no water for the host, and for the cattle that followed them.

That's what you get for not taking the roads, but going through the country.

10 And the king of Israel said, Alas! that the LORD hath called these three kings together, to deliver them into the hand of Moab!

These 3 kings were bearing gifts, not gold, frankincense and myrrh, but swords, arrows and slings.

11 But Jehoshaphat said, Is there not here a prophet of the LORD, that we may enquire of the LORD by him? And one of the king of Israel's servants answered and said, Here is Elisha the son of Shaphat, which poured water on the hands of Elijah.


Apparently Elisha was traveling with them.

13 And Elisha said unto the king of Israel, What have I to do with thee? get thee to the prophets of thy father, and to the prophets of thy mother. And the king of Israel said unto him, Nay: for the LORD hath called these three kings together, to deliver them into the hand of Moab.

Elisha still bears Elijah's grudge against royalty.

14 And Elisha said, As the LORD of hosts liveth, before whom I stand, surely, were it not that I regard the presence of Jehoshaphat the king of Judah, I would not look toward thee, nor see thee.

Elisha decides that because Jehoshaphat is there, that he'll divine water.

He says that the ditches in the valley will fill with water (without rain), and that the LORD will also give the Moabites to them.

21 And when all the Moabites heard that the kings were come up to fight against them, they gathered all that were able to put on armour, and upward, and stood in the border.

I'd be worried if a horde of Joos was clamoring to come kill me, because (that's right) I stopped paying them.

24 And when they came to the camp of Israel, the Israelites rose up and smote the Moabites, so that they fled before them: but they went forward smiting the Moabites, even in their country.

They chased the Moabites back into their own Moabitish lands.

25 And they beat down the cities, and on every good piece of land cast every man his stone, and filled it; and they stopped all the wells of water, and felled all the good trees: only in Kirharaseth left they the stones thereof; howbeit the slingers went about it, and smote it.

Slingers, just like David was when he killed Goliath.

26 And when the king of Moab saw that the battle was too sore for him, he took with him seven hundred men that drew swords, to break through even unto the king of Edom: but they could not.

He must've known that the weakest fighters were the Edomites. Even still, him and his 700 men couldn't get to the king of Edom.

27 Then he took his eldest son that should have reigned in his stead, and offered him for a burnt offering upon the wall. And there was great indignation against Israel: and they departed from him, and returned to their own land.

I bet that son REALLY wished there was someone to piss on the wall when he was being burned on it.

So what have we learned today?

1. Don't clean your gutters.
2. Elijah added 102 people to his body count in today's reading, that leaves Elisha 60 behind him, in these 3 chapters.
3. Having bears kill children is a godly way to have your enemies smited. I'm not sure if there was a prophet in San Francisco who was taunted for being bald, or if it was just the tiger that was taunted.

YIC
V


Judges 9:21 And Jotham ran away, and fled, and went to Beer, and dwelt there, for fear of Abimelech his brother.
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Default Re: Day 103. 2 Kings 1-3 - 12-31-2007, 11:50 PM

Glory! Another Book of the Word begun.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother V View Post
I guess it's true, that sad people take their clothes off. Remember, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is crying.
Now, now, Brother V, I'm sure nobody reading this has any idea what you're talking about. Anyway, they should be crying, because if they don't change their whorish ways, they are doomed to an eternity in the lake of fire.

2 Kings 1 tells the amusing story of the dumbest king ever to rule a kingdom. Not only was Ahaziah so stupid that he inquired of the demon Baalzebub rather than of the Lord, but all he had to do to save his life was to get out of the damned bed. Instead of asking his troops to simply get him out of bed (assuming he couldn't do that under his own power), he sent them off on forlorn hopes to arrest Elijah. Again, and again, and again.

Of course, God knew that Ahaziah would stay in bed and, therefore, surely die. What more could prove the omniscience of God than the fact that he told Ahaziah that he would not get out of bed, a simple thing for Ahaziah to do to render God's prophecy moot, and yet it came to pass? Ahaziah must have been a total Nimrod.

Who Hath Ascended Up To Heaven?

And Elijah went up by a whirlwind into heaven. 2 Kings 2:11

No man [except Jesus] hath ascended up to heaven. John 3:13

These passages create no end of confusion among the unsaved. It is plain from the language that Elijah didn't ascend into heaven under his own power, but rather was pulled up there by God. Jesus, on the other hand, did it all by his lonesome.

I Cannot Tell A Lie, I Chopped Down That Tree

When thou shalt besiege a city a long time, in making war against it to take it, thou shalt not destroy the trees thereof by forcing an axe against them: for thou mayest eat of them, and thou shalt not cut them down (for the tree of the field is man's life) to employ them in the siege. Deuteronomy 20:19

And ye shall smite every fenced city, and every choice city, and shall fell every good tree, and stop all wells of water, and mar every good piece of land with stones. 2 Kings 3:19

Are we to fell the trees or not in times of war? The answer is pretty simple. If you are beseiging a city, then you do not fell the trees. However, if the enemy attacks you in your camp and you defeat them (like the Moabites did in 2 Kings 3), as you are marauding through their undefended cities, you fell the trees.

This is why, for example, there are virtually no trees in Iraq--our Godly soldiers and marines accomplished their mission so quickly that they didn't besiege any cities a long time, and therefore removed all of the trees that they found in accordance with God's wishes, leaving the country practically a desert.



Pour out thy fury upon the heathen that know thee not, and upon the families that call not on thy name.... Jeremiah 10:25
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