Better Living Through Technology - True Christian™ Prosthetics

[Professor Bessemer]

Here at Landover Baptist University, we have been working on new and cutting edge prosthetic technology. Now, unlike most secular institutions, we are not interested in assisting amputees.

These two are spitting in the Lord's Face by refusing to accept the punishment He has so righteously visited upon them.
Their use of secular prosthetic devices will surely send them both to hell for all eternity.

As True Christian™ Scientheists, we know that the loss of a limb or genitalia is a righteous punishment from the Lord. For example, losing one's arm in a wheat thresher is a merciful chastening message from the Lord that the victim has strayed from the path to salvation in some small way.

And ye have forgotten the exhortation which speaketh unto you as unto children, My son, despise not thou the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him:

For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth.

In much the same way, being born with missing or deformed limbs illustrates that the parents or other ancestors of the victim have angered God in some way.

And now, I beseech thee, let the power of my lord be great, according as thou hast spoken, saying,

The LORD is longsuffering, and of great mercy, forgiving iniquity and transgression, and by no means clearing the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation.

Here at LBU, unlike at secular universities and research hospitals, we respect the righteous judgement of God above all else. But that does not mean we cannot be at the forefront of prosthetic research. Let me show you just one example of the sort of work we have been doing in recent years.

This is the PHISTR-2500. It is the very latest in LBU arm sheath specimen delivery technology.

The entire PHISTR line of life like prosthetics exist for one reason only: To protect Godly True Christians™ from the unlawful seizure of their bodily fluids. With the newest secular junk science of DNA analysis, courts across our once free country have begun compelling people, even True Christians™, to submit to degrading and humiliating blood and urine tests. PHISTR stands for Prosthetic Hand with Integrated Specimen Transfer Reservoir. Let me explain how it works.

Each PHISTR is custom made to match the body shape and skin tone of the True Christian™ for whom it is created. It is basically a high tech arm sheath with a synthetic vascular system that is fed by an integrated blood reservoir. PHISTR models are nearly indistinguishable from real human flesh, they even have on board heating systems that keep the specimen reservoir at a cozy 98.6 degrees!

With your custom designed PHISTR-2500, you too can take a stand against the liberal courts and their draconian laws that exist solely to take away your God given freedoms! I will not show it here for decencies sake, but we also have a full line of devices for the delivery of urine or semen samples. Prosthetic Urine Delivery Systems (PUDS) are available through my office. I suggest that all True Christian™ men come in and get fit for both of these devices at your earliest convenience. You never know when the liberal court system might try to steal your blood, urine, or semen.*







* All specimens provided by LBU are 100% guaranteed to be free from disease, alcohol, illicit or performance enhancing drugs, genetic defects, or paternity.

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[Capt. Aaron Portway]

Re: Better Living Through Technology - True Christian™ Prosthetic

Cripples freak me out!

Especially ones with fake legs and arms. They look like robots or cyborgs or whatever. I just saw where they let a guy with fake legs run in a real track meet with regular people!

Guess what? He was dead last!

Angelo Taylor, two-time Olympic gold medalist in the 400 hurdles, won the 400 meters in 45.16. South Africa's Oscar Pistorius, a double amputee known as the Blade Runner, finished last in the field in 46.33.

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

Re: Better Living Through Technology - True Christian™ Prosthetic

Excellent work, Professor. Glad to see some cutting-edge, state-of-the-art tech coming out of LBU. Those snooty Ivy League elitists may laugh at us for being listed in Kaplan's "10 Worst Schools for a Science Education", but this technology is a testament to the brilliance of our creation scientists.

Needless to say, your department more than deserves the $5 million grant I promised you back in March.

[FalseScience]

Re: Better Living Through Technology - True Christian™ Prosthetic

If god is good why does he cause harm to children that have done him no wrong?

If god is willing but not able to end suffering he is not omnipotent.
If he is able and not willing then he is evil.
If he is not willing or able then why call him god.

[HTannor]

Re: Better Living Through Technology - True Christian™ Prosthetic

I will not show it here for decencies sake, but we also have a full line of devices for the delivery of urine or semen samples. Prosthetic Urine Delivery Systems (PUDS) are available through my office. I suggest that all True Christian™ men come in and get fit for both of these devices at your earliest convenience. You never know when the liberal court system might try to steal your blood, urine, or semen.*

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Brothers and Sisters, I fully agree with Professor Bessemer's decision not to show the "urine and semen delivery" device because it could cause some discomfort for our more sensitive members.

After I asked him, the good Professor was kind enough to Fed-Ex me the catalog pages showing these items. I was concerned that some of the negroidal drug addicts hauled before me would attempt to hide all those foul drugs in their systems by flopping out an artificial "hoo-hoo" and trying to pass off a clean sample.

I was greatly relieved that all the devices come only in Caucasian colors so darkie groups won't be able to haul out something that doesn't match their skin tones. Since the Professor's items don't come in spade length, coons won't be able to colorize the device. A great relief for Law Enforcement.

Much to the dismay of my law clerks, Dolly and Dotty Dingle, I did not request an actual sample. I have no idea why they were so disappointed, more so when they found the items don't come in black.

Thank you, Professor. Keep up the good work.

[Felicity]

Re: Better Living Through Technology - True Christian™ Prosthetic

If god is good why does he cause harm to children that have done him no wrong?

Of course they did something wrong. Why else would God punish them?

[FalseScience]

Re: Better Living Through Technology - True Christian™ Prosthetic

What have they done wrong. According to Prof. Bessemer they are punished for what their ancestors did. That doesn't seem fair and just. wouldn't it be better for god to punish the ancestor that sinned not the kid.

If god is willing but not able to end suffering he is not omnipotent.
If he is able and not willing then he is evil.
If he is not willing or able then why call him god.

[Professor Bessemer]

Re: Better Living Through Technology - True Christian™ Prosthetic

What have they done wrong. According to Prof. Bessemer they are punished for what their ancestors did. That doesn't seem fair and just. wouldn't it be better for god to punish the ancestor that sinned not the kid.

How dare you question the will of God! If the Lord chooses to inflict punishment on succeeding generations for the sins of a parent, then so be it! People who really care about their children and grandchildren simply should not sin.

And do not worry that sinners are going unpunished, they get what they deserve when the Lord sends them to hell. And I would not be surprised if God did not have some way of letting those damned souls know what He was doing to subsequent generations, just to let these selfish sinners know how much He is displeased by their actions.

[HTannor]

Re: Better Living Through Technology - True Christian™ Prosthetic

How dare you question the will of God! If the Lord chooses to inflict punishment on succeeding generations for the sins of a parent, then so be it! People who really care about their children and grandchildren simply should not sin.

And do not worry that sinners are going unpunished, they get what they deserve when the Lord sends them to hell. And I would not be surprised if God did not have some way of letting those damned souls know what He was doing to subsequent generations, just to let these selfish sinners know how much He is displeased by their actions.

Your analysis of this issue is flawless, Professor. Shout Glory!

Those that step forward to criticize your work are sinners - or worse, jigs, that can't find the appendages they seek in your catalog.

[MentalHaze]

Re: Better Living Through Technology - True Christian™ Prosthetic

You must not insult ones who have lost their limbs. Every day must be horroble for them, because they cant move as freely as before. They use artificial limbs to ease their lives. Also the losses of limbs are caused bu ACCIDENTS, not by divine entity.

Shame on you all

[FalseScience]

Re: Better Living Through Technology - True Christian™ Prosthetic

You must not insult ones who have lost their limbs. Every day must be horroble for them, because they cant move as freely as before. They use artificial limbs to ease their lives. Also the losses of limbs are caused bu ACCIDENTS, not by divine entity.

Shame on you all

Don't bother they are just going to say that those accidents were caused by the divine.

[HTannor]

Re: Better Living Through Technology - True Christian™ Prosthetic

Don't bother they are just going to say that those accidents were caused by the divine.

Well, yes. So what's your point?

[Professor Bessemer]

Re: Better Living Through Technology - True Christian™ Prosthetic

You must not insult ones who have lost their limbs. Every day must be horroble for them, because they cant move as freely as before. They use artificial limbs to ease their lives. Also the losses of limbs are caused bu ACCIDENTS, not by divine entity.

Shame on you all

I will not be insulted by some illiterate foreigner! I am only stating what the Lord has already made abundantly clear in the KJV 1611 Bible. If you have a problem with limbless children, you have a problem with God!

Don't bother they are just going to say that those accidents were caused by the divine.

But of course! Are you implying that the Lord is not all powerful? Not a grain of sand is moved nor a gnat falls without the Lord's blessing. To imply that the hand of God is not controlling even the most insignificant events on His earth is outright blasphemy!

[Real Man]

Re: Better Living Through Technology - True Christian™ Prosthetic

If god is good why does he cause harm to children that have done him no wrong?

Well, read the BIBLE!!!

Moses said, “Thus says the Lord: About midnight I will go out through Egypt. 5 Every firstborn in the land of Egypt shall die, from the firstborn of Pharaoh who sits on his throne to the firstborn of the female slave who is behind the handmill, and all the firstborn of the livestock. 6 Then there will be a loud cry throughout the whole land of Egypt, such as has never been or will ever be again. 7 But not a dog shall growl at any of the Israelites—not at people, not at animals—so that you may know that the Lord makes a distinction between Egypt and Israel. 8 Then all these officials of yours shall come down to me, and bow low to me, saying, ‘Leave us, you and all the people who follow you.’ After that I will leave.” And in hot anger he left Pharaoh.

At midnight the Lord struck down all the firstborn in the land of Egypt, from the firstborn of Pharaoh who sat on his throne to the firstborn of the prisoner who was in the dungeon, and all the firstborn of the livestock. 30 Pharaoh arose in the night, he and all his officials and all the Egyptians; and there was a loud cry in Egypt, for there was not a house without someone dead [lit: “a dead male something”]. 31 Then he summoned Moses and Aaron in the night, and said, “Rise up, go away from my people, both you and the Israelites! Go, worship the Lord, as you said. 32 Take your flocks and your herds, as you said, and be gone. And bring a blessing on me too!”

[Real Man]

Re: Better Living Through Technology - True Christian™ Prosthetics

It is GOD (most wise and powerful) who defines right or wrong. Not you nor me.

GOD is NEVER wrong.