Aggressive Methods of Chick™ Tract Distribution

[Witch Hammer]

I am so sick to death of going to the post office only to see reems of Godly Chick Tracts piled up in the waste-paper bin. Needless to say, I lovingly gather them up for redistribution at a later date.

It also saddens me when some well-meaning yet insipid fool leaves Tracts at random telephone booths, only to have them carried away by airborn demons who litter the parking lot with them.

A bundle of Chick tracts in the wrong hands amounts to nothing more than a heinous waste of God's resources...but in the right hands, in the hands of a zealous and determined True Christian, they can become nothing less than an ever-flowing wellspring from whence gushes the soul-redeeming cataract that is the Blood of The Living Christ!! Glory be!!

Being aware of this, I have taken a more proactive tact when it comes to the distribution of this high-brow literature.

The key is to make sure the right tract gets to the right sinner. For example, if you decide that you want to introduce Christ to some deviant fag, don't just stick a tract about the evil joo under a random windshield wiper...go to the nearest gay strip club, have a couple drinks, find your mark and start stuffing his bulging leopard-skin thong with these babies!

If Christ urges you to take your ministry a step further, invite the hateful queer to join you in a seedy little hotel room that charges by the hour, so that you can review the tract with him in private. If he resists you, try bribing him with cash. Some victories are hard won, but are worth it in the end! Praise Jesus!

I'd be interested in hearing some more innovative methods of bringing the light to those who haven't met Christ, and don't know Jack Chick...

[Attila's Wife]

Re: Aggressive Methods of Chick™ Tract Distribution

The key is to make sure the right tract gets to the right sinner. For example, if you decide that you want to introduce Christ to some deviant fag, don't just stick a tract about the evil joo under a random windshield wiper...go to the nearest gay strip club

As a woman of advanced age, Brother, I am obviously unable to do this and have to restrict myself to putting them through under people's windshield wipers or into their letter-boxes.

The problem of them ending up flying around the car park is solved by the use of just a dab of glue in each corner of the paper. This ensures that the lucky recipient at least has time to read it, while removing it from the center of the windshield.

As to putting them through the letter box, of course we all receive so much "junk" mail that people tend to throw things away unread. They have taken to putting up these signs:



Again, a dab of glue on each of those corner screws ensures that not only does the householder read the message, but passers-by can also benefit.

This seems to me to be what Mark 16:15 is asking us to do.
And he said unto them, Go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel to every creature.

YiC
AW

[M. Mansfield, MD]

Re: Aggressive Methods of Chick™ Tract Distribution

Oh, how I LOVE Chicks.

I believe the first tract I read of theirs was one entitled "Chicken." Having at that time a huge interest in becoming a chef, I assumed it was a small booklet of recipes with an unfortunate choice of color scheme. However, when I read it, I knew that this Jesus was someone I had to learn more about.

I attach one to all prescriptions and hand them to waitresses, car wash attendants, delivery people, and anyone else that I can. I place them in my son's underwear drawer, in my neighbor's newspaper box, and send them along with Christmas cards.

My office waiting room has a complete rack of them, and I'm pleased to say that many patients read them while they wait. Sometimes, if I'm ready for a patient and I find them reading a Chick tract, I'll purposely wait until they are finished before I have the nurses call them back. I then work the tract into the conversation about their jock itch or their dislocated shoulder. Pain draws people to Jesus sometimes!

[Witch Hammer]

Re: Aggressive Methods of Chick™ Tract Distribution

Here is a great resource for those who wish to confront sinners with Chick Tracts via hyperlink.

For instance, if you see some unrepentant skank leaving snail-trails of aborted fetus chunks all over the forums, hit her with this one:

"Jesus hates sluts, slut!"

[James Ashton]

Re: Aggressive Methods of Chick™ Tract Distribution

It made me chuckle to see, at the bottom of that candid tale of Jesus' conditional love:

We don't stock this title in English

I'll wager they stock it in Spanish and Ebonics though...

[Witch Hammer]

Re: Aggressive Methods of Chick™ Tract Distribution

I'll wager they stock it in Spanish and Ebonics though...

Of course, who is in more dire need of redemption than minorities like wetbacks and spooks?

Matthew 18:12-14