Improving Upon The 10 Commandments

[Pastor Ezekiel]

THE NEW TEN COMMANDMENTS

Updated and refined to be more acceptable and non-offensive to all.

#1. ACCEPT EVERYONES god, goddess and holy books BECAUSE ALL ROADS LEAD TO THE SAME god.

#2. PLEASE BOW, KISS, KNEEL, STOOP, FALL AND PRAY TO TREES, ANIMALS, FIRE, ICONS, IMAGES OF MARY ON A CHEESE SANDWICH OR A TORTILLA. WORSHIP EVERYTHING BECAUSE god IS EVERYWHERE AND ANYWHERE, SO BE TOLERANT OF OTHERS, EXCEPT FOR CHRISTIANITY.

#3. CALL UPON god BECAUSE SHE AWAITS YOUR FUTILE PETITIONS AND ONLY SHE WILL MAKE YOU FEEL COZY AND WARM INSIDE.

#4. EVERY DAY SHOULD BE A DAY OF REST, SO GET HIGH, DO SOME DRUGS, DRINK A FEW BEERS, PASS OUT AND SLEEP IN.

#5. WE ARE ALL CHILDREN OF MOTHER EARTH (GAIA) SO DO NOT JUDGE EACH OTHER, JUST ACCEPT EVERYONE AS THEY ARE AND BE ONE BIG HAPPY FAMILY.

#6. WE ARE BORN PRO-CHOICE, THEREFORE WE CAN MURDER OUR BABIES IF WE WANT AND LET THE TAX PAYER PICK UP THE TAB, THEN LET US UNITE AND PROTECT ALL THOSE ON DEATH ROW FOR MURDER.

#7. IF YOU DON'T JUDGE ME ABOUT MY ADULTERY, I WILL NOT JUDGE YOU FOR BEING A SODOMITE, THEN TOGETHER WE WILL NOT JUDGE OTHERS FOR PORNO, DRUNKENNESS, LYING AND CUSSING. LET US EXCEPT EVERYONE JUST AS THEY ARE・EXCEPT THOSE CHRISTIANS WHO WANT US TO REPENT.

#8. DON'T JUST STEAL, BUT BURN, PILLAGE AND RAPE THE WHOLE CITY, BECAUSE SOCIETY OWES YOU. MAKE A STATEMENT, BE A MINORITY AND REMEMBER THE BIG THREES: SHOOT, LOOT AND SCOOT.

ITS YOUR RIGHT!

#9. EVERYONE LIES SO WHY SHOULD YOU BE ANY DIFFERENT? JUST DO IT AND REMEMBER ONLY SUCKERS ARE HONEST.

#10. WHATEVER YOU SEE SHOULD BE ALL YOURS, NO NEED TO GET A JOB AND EARN IT....JUST DEMAND IT FROM THE GOVERNMENT AND USE THE COLOR OF YOUR SKIN OR YOUR SEX OR YOUR PERVERSION TO DEMAND IT!








Okay, admit it. I had you there for a minute. But isn't the garbage I posted above EXACTLY what this world full of monkey worshipers and other unsaved scum really wants? They haven't read a single solitary word of the Holy Bible, but by golly they all THINK they know ALL about Jesus, don't they?

Friends, it is time we True Christians™ got back to basics. There is too much namby-pamby, touchy-feely nonsense being passed off as God's Holy Word. Let us all make a renewed commitment to preach the ORIGINAL and ONLY 10 Commandments, as given to Moses by God Almighty, found in the Book of Exodus! See how God laid it out for us. GLORY!!

Exodus 20:1 And God spake all these words, saying,

20:2 I am the LORD thy God, which have brought thee out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage.

20:3 Thou shalt have no other gods before me.

20:4 Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth.

20:5 Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the LORD thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me;

20:6 And shewing mercy unto thousands of them that love me, and keep my commandments.

20:7 Thou shalt not take the name of the LORD thy God in vain; for the LORD will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain.

20:8 Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy.

20:9 Six days shalt thou labour, and do all thy work:

20:10 But the seventh day is the sabbath of the LORD thy God: in it thou shalt not do any work, thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, thy manservant, nor thy maidservant, nor thy cattle, nor thy stranger that is within thy gates:

20:11 For in six days the LORD made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that in them is, and rested the seventh day: wherefore the LORD blessed the sabbath day, and hallowed it.

20:12 Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.

20:13 Thou shalt not kill.

20:14 Thou shalt not commit adultery.

20:15 Thou shalt not steal.

20:16 Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour.

20:17 Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour's.

Praise God!! That's better! God explained it, and all we need to do is follow every word. No one can improve upon such perfection!

[Rev. Dr. Davidson]

Re: Improving Upon The 10 Commandments

You had me there for a minute... I thought perhaps someone had drugged you, or some LIE-beral had broken into your house and used your computer.

Pretty straight forward....

[Brother Love]

Re: Improving Upon The 10 Commandments

Amen Pastor Ezekiel !!

PRAISE THE LORD!!

[Rachael Van Helsing]

Re: Improving Upon The 10 Commandments

Obviously that was written by some xtian fundie wanting to make believers of other religions, nonbelievers, minorities and liberals look bad.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Improving Upon The 10 Commandments

Obviously that was written by some xtian fundie wanting to make believers of other religions, nonbelievers, minorities and liberals look bad.

Childsplay. Those who follow false cults, those who reject God, and those who God cursed to be inferior, ARE IN FACT bad. You feel shame don't you, heathen.

Repent now.

[SalvationSeeker]

Re: Improving Upon The 10 Commandments

Obviously that was written by some xtian fundie wanting to make believers of other religions, nonbelievers, minorities and liberals look bad.

Non-Christians are nothing BUT bad!!
You are all CORRUPT and EVERYTHING YOU DO IS AN ABOMINATION!
The fool hath said in his heart, There is no God.
They are corrupt, they have done abominable works, there is none that doeth good.
Psalm 14:1
You are all FILTHY!
The LORD looked down from heaven upon the children of men, to see if there were any that did understand, and seek God.
They are all gone aside, they are all together become filthy:
There is none that doeth good, no, not one.
Psalm 14:2-3
You are all UNEDUCATED and you are all CANNIBALS!
Have all the workers of iniquity no knowledge?
Who eat up my people as they eat bread, and call not upon the LORD.
Psalm 14:4

[TwinkBoy]

Childsplay. Those who follow false cults, those who reject God, and those who God cursed to be inferior, ARE IN FACT bad. You feel shame don't you, heathen.

Repent now.

Those who God cursed to be inferior? Come on love! Are you saying that you and your kind are superior? No egotism there is there, love? BTW you are aware that our modern word "ego" refers to what your bible calls your "sinful self" aren't you love?

Rachael is RIGHT! It was obviously wrote by some Xtian FUNDIE lost in time and LOST IN SPACE!!

Love & Light All,
Twink

You are all UNEDUCATED and you are all CANNIBALS!
Have all the workers of iniquity no knowledge?
Who eat up my people as they eat bread, and call not upon the LORD.
Psalm 14:4

Cannibals! CANNIBALS!! How DARE you accuse us of being CANNIBALS!! (Although I must confess that I and some guests, namely Brad and Janet, did chow down on Meatloaf once...snicker...snicker).

[Rachael Van Helsing]

Re: Improving Upon The 10 Commandments

Childsplay. Those who follow false cults, those who reject God, and those who God cursed to be inferior, ARE IN FACT bad. You feel shame don't you, heathen.

Repent now.

I don't feel shame at all. I feel irritated at yet more busybody xtians taking the time to whine about how hard they have it because other people dare to try and ask for equality instead of being happily pushed about by xtians, as xtians believe it should be.

Non-Christians are nothing BUT bad!!
You are all CORRUPT and EVERYTHING YOU DO IS AN ABOMINATION!
The fool hath said in his heart, There is no God.
They are corrupt, they have done abominable works, there is none that doeth good.
Psalm 14:1

Why? Is it us whose doctrine teaches to hate, to rape, to muder, to cause discontent? No, that'd be yours. (Well, some sorts of non-xtians teach that sort of thing, muslims mainly) but the types of people you're picking on, heathen-types like me (pagans, wiccans, earth/nature-based religions etc) agnostic or atheist types and liberals, most certainly do not.

You are all FILTHY!
The LORD looked down from heaven upon the children of men, to see if there were any that did understand, and seek God.
They are all gone aside, they are all together become filthy:
There is none that doeth good, no, not one.
Psalm 14:2-3

I'll have you know I take regular baths. I'm hardly filthy.

You are all UNEDUCATED and you are all CANNIBALS!
Have all the workers of iniquity no knowledge?
Who eat up my people as they eat bread, and call not upon the LORD.
Psalm 14:4

Seeing as you believe everyone descended from two people on a flat earth, I don't think you're in any position to call anyone else uneducated.
As for cannibals, I'm sorry, but no. If anything, the bible advocates not only cannibalism but vampirism.
And please don't mention cannibals, I'm still trying to get that horrid movie 'The Green Butchers', out of my head.

[WickedWitch]

Re: Improving Upon The 10 Commandments

Rachael is RIGHT! It was obviously wrote by some Xtian FUNDIE lost in time and LOST IN SPACE!!

And meaning!

[SalvationSeeker]

Re: Improving Upon The 10 Commandments

I don't feel shame at all. I feel irritated at yet more busybody xtians taking the time to whine about how hard they have it because other people dare to try and ask for equality instead of being happily pushed about by xtians, as xtians believe it should be.

Why would you deny your natural place in the great order of things?
We don't push anyone around, we only recognise their place.

Now shut your mouth as the Bible commands you slow-witted women to do.

Why? Is it us whose doctrine teaches to hate, to rape, to muder, to cause discontent? No, that'd be yours. (Well, some sorts of non-xtians teach that sort of thing, muslims mainly) but the types of people you're picking on, heathen-types like me (pagans, wiccans, earth/nature-based religions etc) agnostic or atheist types and liberals, most certainly do not.

We only do what God commands, if you have a problem, take it up with Him.
If you aren't with us, you are against HIM, and if you are against Him, then prepare to die and burn in hell!

I'll have you know I take regular baths. I'm hardly filthy.

God still thinks you are filthy and stink all the way to heaven!
This isn't the kind of dirt you can wash away with water..
It is the dirt of SIN, and it can only be washed away with the blood of Jesus!
Praise God!

Seeing as you believe everyone descended from two people on a flat earth, I don't think you're in any position to call anyone else uneducated.
As for cannibals, I'm sorry, but no. If anything, the bible advocates not only cannibalism but vampirism.
And please don't mention cannibals, I'm still trying to get that horrid movie 'The Green Butchers', out of my head.

The fact that you don't believe so just goes to prove how uneducated you are.
And vampirism?
We aren't cathylicks or pagans like you, the Bible forbids all kinds of vampirism!

Whatsoever soul it be that eateth any manner of blood, even that soul shall be cut off from his people.
Leviticus 27:7

And meaning!

You need to shut it, or I'm going to make you regret all these smart-ass comments once we're married.
You're in for a life of submission and silence, so better start now so you're atleast somewhat used to it!

[WickedWitch]

Re: Improving Upon The 10 Commandments

You need to shut it, or I'm going to make you regret all these smart-ass comments once we're married. You have obviously never seen Rocky Horror Picture Show. It's part of the song Twink was quoting! "And crawling / on the planet's face / some insects / called the human race / Lost in Time / And lost in Space / And Meaning." All I did was finish it!
You're in for a life of submission and silence, so better start now so you're atleast somewhat used to it!

And you're in for a life with a grammar freak so you're going to have to get used to the fact that "at least" is two seperate words. Sorry, darling, but I didn't create the English language, or its ridiculous rules, but we do have to speak the silly tongue, so we might as well speak it correctly, right?










This message was brought to you by:

Miss Alie's Grammar School:
Reminding you that grammar isn't just an old woman in a rocking chair.

[SalvationSeeker]

Re: Improving Upon The 10 Commandments

And you're in for a life with a grammar freak so you're going to have to get used to the fact that "at least" is two seperate words. Sorry, darling, but I didn't create the English language, or its ridiculous rules, but we do have to speak the silly tongue, so we might as well speak it correctly, right?

You are not yet sin-free so you are in no position to judge me nor my grammar.
Besides, you are a woman, so you aren't really in a position to judge at all, Saved or not..
And there will be no english spoken in any of my houses!
We will speak AMERICAN like proper God-fearing Patriotic Republicans.

Now we better stop this little discussion before you derail this thread.
If you want to whine dear, please do so to yourself somewhere, so I don't have to read it when I browse God's forums.

[eliot mayfield]

Re: Improving Upon The 10 Commandments

Don't ever do that again pastor zeke! I started crying I thought another soul has been lost to satan. Save it for April 1. next time!

[Rev. Dr. Davidson]

Re: Improving Upon The 10 Commandments

Why? Is it us whose doctrine teaches to hate, to rape, to muder, to cause discontent? No, that'd be yours. (Well, some sorts of non-xtians teach that sort of thing, muslims mainly) but the types of people you're picking on, heathen-types like me (pagans, wiccans, earth/nature-based religions etc) agnostic or atheist types and liberals, most certainly do not.

I'm usually a pretty reasonable sort. I don't get angry often, except where it comes to my family, religion, and country.

What I do see, is every other group and religion in the world persecuting Christians. They all scream inequality, and how they're the minority, etc. The truth I see is quite different from what LIE-berals scream. All of those religions you listed above have more freedoms than most. They scream that Christianity is wrong, and that only their way is right, with the exception of perhaps the Driuds(in your list by default).

Hellary Cliton, would have you believe that it takes a village to raise your children. That government should regulate parenting, as well as every other moral question. The old saying, "You can't legislate morality," comes to mind.

Instead of trying to make everyone the same, dependant on the government, how about we agree to disagree? Isolationism is a human trait. There will never be unity on this earth, unless one group completely wipes out every other group on earth. Just as you say that you can't be swayed from your path, trying to sway others is just as futile.

As for the mudslimes. I've met exactly four in my life that were reasonable. One even gave me some old books called "Conversations With God". He talked about how the Hebrews, Christians, and mudslimes were worshipping the same God. In a way, the Hebrews and mudslimes do worship one and the same god -- Satan. The Hebrews refuse Jesus (who is God), and the mudslimes decided to elevate a blood thirsty tyrant to the status of prophet.

[Rachael Van Helsing]

Re: Improving Upon The 10 Commandments

Bwhahaha!! Don't talk to me about persecution, you whiner! You xtians whine that you're persecuted when people deny you the right to force your religion on everyone else.

You wanna talk persecution? Someone I know, who has the same pagan beliefs as myself has known someone (again same beliefs) who had their beliefs used against them in court. It was maintained that 'because of their beliefs and because they are not xtians that they're baaaaaaad people'. And I have myself experienced it. I've lost a job before for merely wearing jewelry symbolic to my beliefs.

So don't you whine to me about persecution, you little troll. You xtians have the sweetest deal of anyone!! (Hopefully though, the ACLU will hammer you all down to size). You don't want equality. You want preferential treatment for yourself.