Brother Professor Dr. Elmer?

[BrotherLarry]

In the University handbook, it says: "All faculty will timely grade student work so as to relieve the stress endured by our doctoral cohort. Exceptions to this policy will be granted by the Dean with appropriate explanation on the part of the faculty member."


I completed my final paper three weeks ago and you still haven't posted the grade; we're only a week away from the next semester. What will be my next course? I can't enroll until last semester is posted! I'm all in a tizzy here!


(I do hope you liked the way I incorporated the "hounds of heaven" into the section regarding post-glorious appearing animal husbandry.)

[Elmer G. White]

Re: Brother Professor Dr. Elmer?

Brother Larry,

Where should I begin? Well, first, the paper could be OK despite its somewhat unorthodox ratio of secular:Biblical references at the staggeringly high 1:5. Usually papers can only be accepted if the ratio is 1:10 or lower. Obviously, there could be other merits, but it is not usually necessary to read the actual text if the references are in order. So, in this case we had to consult a Higher Authority.

Thus, in this case I've been praying for Jesus to announce a suitable grade for you.



Proverbs 3:5
Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.

Finally, we're going to give it a C+. Of course, usually some substantial tithing to Jesus improves one's grades rapidly and reliably.


Yours in Christ,

Elmer

[BrotherLarry]

Re: Brother Professor Dr. Elmer?

I just sent $10.000 from my trust fund to the church, Brother Elmer. This is not a bribe, mind you. Just tithing cheerfully.

[Elmer G. White]

Re: Brother Professor Dr. Elmer?

Urgent Update: With no regard to your post above I've spent some more time praying and as it turns out, I don't have to read your paper, as Jesus (who knows His letters; Revelation 22:13) feels it is an Alpha-.



Proverbs 19:20
Hear counsel, and receive instruction, that thou mayest be wise in thy latter end.


Yours in Christ,

Elmer

[BrotherLarry]

Re: Brother Professor Dr. Elmer?

Urgent Update: With no regard to your post above I've spent some more time praying and as it turns out, I don't have to read your paper, as Jesus (who knows His letters; Revelation 22:13) feels it is an Alpha-.



Proverbs 19:20
Hear counsel, and receive instruction, that thou mayest be wise in thy latter end.


Yours in Christ,

Elmer

Professor, I just received the email with my spring 2017 schedule. Is there a mistake? FOUR courses at a time - in a PhD program? Isn't that a bit much? Here is what you assigned me:


1. Baraminology 102
2. Creation Science 105: The Lies of Evolution
3. Foundation Paper 02
4. Advanced Quantitative Biblical Analysis 1


Each class seems to require a ton of research! I'm not whining, Sir. Just wondering if this is a correct schedule.


Your devoted student,
Larry

[Elmer G. White]

Re: Brother Professor Dr. Elmer?

Professor, I just received the email with my spring 2017 schedule. Is there a mistake? FOUR courses at a time - in a PhD program? Isn't that a bit much? Here is what you assigned me:

1. Baraminology 102
2. Creation Science 105: The Lies of Evolution
3. Foundation Paper 02
4. Advanced Quantitative Biblical Analysis 1

Each class seems to require a ton of research! I'm not whining, Sir. Just wondering if this is a correct schedule.

Your devoted student,
Larry

Brother Larry,

Please read further in the course description and you will find that they all share the same required literature: The King James Bible!



While it is recommended that you also browse the other works by Ken Ham, Dr. Hovind and, of course, the classics by Henry M. Morris, most students have received top grades by simply memorizing the relevant passages of the Good Book by heart!

Acts 17:11
These were more noble than those in Thessalonica, in that they received the word with all readiness of mind, and searched the scriptures daily, whether those things were so.



Yours in Christ,

Elmer

[BrotherLarry]

Re: Brother Professor Dr. Elmer?

I do see that the Bible is the primary text - for ALL the courses in this program. It's just that - well - oh, never mind. I am sure I can do the 20 page papers in each class each week with the help of my Lord and, of course, with your mentoring. You'll be pleased to know that I am currently reading your treatise on how Christ himself used qualitative analysis with His apostles before choosing them and how that is related to the quantitative analysis of why 12 was a good number instead of 11 or 13. I'm already halfway through the 2nd paragraph.


Studiously,
BrotherLarry