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  • Pastor Ezekiel
    Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
     
    • Sep 2006
    • 78556

    #1

    Vatican Porn Collection to go Online!

    Brothers in Christ, shield your children's eyes and hide your women. The Whore of Babylon is about to release 1500 years worth of pornography that they've been hoarding all this time. And worse yet, they're going to charge money to look at it!

    Vatican "Porn" Collection to go Online

    Fans of antique erotica, rejoice. The world's largest collection of pornography is about to be published on the web. Just make sure you have a credit card handy.

    The Vatican Secret Archives announced yesterday plans to digitise a previously unacknowledged collection of prohibited materials.

    Kept hidden by an act of pontifical secrecy, the items, once decreed obscene, are being unveiled as part of a new papal directive on transparency.

    The collection includes tens of thousands of drawings, frescoes, engravings, artifacts, and ephemera dating from the Reniassance back to classical antiquity.

    Included in the materials available for a free but censored preview are an illuminated manuscript depicting the Song of Solomon and several illustrations of Mary Magdalene.

    Profits to Defray Bankrupt Dioceses

    Costs and pricing for full access to the online collection have not been finalized. Income generated from paying subscribers will be set aside in a special account administered by the Catholic Church.

    The account will be used to reimburse losses by churches that have decalred bankruptcy to eliminate their obligation to pay court judgements in sexual abuse cases.

    Government, Industry Experts to Oversee Project

    Funding for the collection's digitisation has been procured via an executive order from Italian PM Silvio Berlusconi, who has expressed a strong interest in "protecting our priceless cultural heritage." Berlusconi has appointed a confidential liaison to oversee the process.

    Age verification, credit card processing, and acount maintenance will be run by adult entertainment magnate Larry Flynt.
    Who Will Jesus Damn?

    Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

    Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

    Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
  • Rev. M. Rodimer
    Honorary True Christian™
    Forum Member
    • May 2008
    • 13996

    #2
    Re: Vatican Porn Collection to go Online!

    Costs and pricing for full access to the online collection have not been finalized. Income generated from paying subscribers will be set aside in a special account administered by the Catholic Church.

    The account will be used to reimburse losses by churches that have decalred bankruptcy to eliminate their obligation to pay court judgements in sexual abuse cases.
    To be sure I understand . . . The Catholic Cult is going to sell access to pornography to pay off sex-abuse settlements?
    Bible boring? Nonsense!
    Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
    You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!

    Comment

    • Pastor Ezekiel
      Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
       
      • Sep 2006
      • 78556

      #3
      Re: Vatican Porn Collection to go Online!

      Originally posted by Rev. M. Rodimer View Post
      To be sure I understand . . . The Catholic Cult is going to sell access to pornography to pay off sex-abuse settlements?
      And have Larry Flynt handling the payments.

      This is not an "April Fools" joke.
      Who Will Jesus Damn?

      Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

      Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

      Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

      Comment

      • Zechariah Smyth
        Walking in all the commandments and ordinances of the Lord blameless.
        True Christian™
        • Feb 2011
        • 15251

        #4
        Re: Vatican Porn Collection to go Online!

        Looks like an elaborate scheme to further their smears on Mary Magdalene.



        Yours in Christ,

        Z. Smyth
        sigpic

        Comment

        • Jack O'fagan
          With faith as immovable as the Earth
          True Christian™
          • Feb 2011
          • 4836

          #5
          Re: Vatican Porn Collection to go Online!

          It will just be collection of Huggies adverts.
          Genesis 22:2 And he said, Take now thy son, thine only son Isaac, whom thou lovest, and get thee into the land of Moriah; and offer him there for a burnt offering upon one of the mountains which I will tell thee of.

          sigpic

          I know God wouldn't let me believe in Him if He didn't exist.

          Comment

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