More Dead Sea Scrolls Found; The Beginning of Landover Baptist Church

[Johny Joe Hold]

Representatives from Landover Baptist University were summoned to the Middle East recently to look at the most recently discovered scrolls. Archaeologists read them first and recognized the perfect match between the scrolls and Landover's theology.

The surviving scrolls give license to husbands to check on wives to determine faithfulness. They point to the importance of faithful wives to a marriage.

There was also input from the very early Landover scholars and scribes. Some early Christian in name only wrote wives should have authority to investigate and meter our punishment to wayward husbands. This was wisely omitted in later copies reflecting Landover's clear understanding of God's intentions regarding the superior status of men.

Lost Bible Fragment Recovered Among Dead Sea Scrolls | Lost Bible Fragment Recovered Among Dead Sea Scrolls (patheos.com)

[Dr. Anthony J. Toole]

Re: More Dead Sea Scrolls Found; The Beginning of Landover Baptist Church

Brother Mayor, I'm suspicious of this new scroll. Firstly, of course, it's not in the KJV so, obviously, it's not the word of God. Then at the end the article says:

Starting Feb. 14, 2022, we’ll launch another 12-week session of Square 1, an online course and thriving community of people [just like you] who are going through spiritual Deconstruction.
Register today for 75% off. Limited seats available.

A-ha! So there is a financial motive at play. I would hate any potential future Christians to limit their tithing capacity by spending dollars on just some stuff someone wrote.

[Didymus Much]

Re: More Dead Sea Scrolls Found; The Beginning of Landover Baptist Church

...people [just like you] who are going through spiritual Deconstruction...

I got your spiritual deconstruction right here:





Dunno about 75% off tho. If you hear of a deal, lemme know.

[Dr. Anthony J. Toole]

Re: More Dead Sea Scrolls Found; The Beginning of Landover Baptist Church

Numbers 6:3
He shall separate himself from wine and strong drink, and shall drink no vinegar of wine, or vinegar of strong drink, neither shall he drink any liquor of grapes, nor eat moist grapes, or dried.

Sigh. Some days I doubt the atheist even knows what the Holy Spirit really is. I suppose he also recommends Sleep Time 5mg THC capsules such as here or psilocybin capsules similar to these.

[Didymus Much]

Re: More Dead Sea Scrolls Found; The Beginning of Landover Baptist Church

Numbers 6:3
He shall separate himself from wine and strong drink,

Erm, context?

Numbers 6:2 Speak unto the children of Israel, and say unto them, When either man or woman shall separate themselves to vow a vow of a Nazarite, to separate themselves unto the Lord:

Or have you also stopped cutting your hair, as verse 5 directs those who are doing the Nazarite thing?

Counter 1 Timothy 5:23 "Drink no longer water, but use a little wine for thy stomach's sake and thine often infirmities."

...Sigh. Some days I doubt the atheist even knows what the Holy Spirit really is. I suppose he also recommends...

Any drugs from the internet? Oh, he** no.

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Re: More Dead Sea Scrolls Found; The Beginning of Landover Baptist Church

Numbers 6:3
He shall separate himself from wine and strong drink, and shall drink no vinegar of wine, or vinegar of strong drink

My husband has always taken this to mean that one should drink only high quality wines and spirits. In our house, any bottle that tastes of vinegar is considered fit only to clear the drains.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: More Dead Sea Scrolls Found; The Beginning of Landover Baptist Church

We are having so many wonderful Christian archaeological discoveries. It's fun to speculate of what might be come along any day now. I would like to see written records that destroy today's sinners.

Wouldn't it be great to find a scroll that told of Jesus using his famous bull whip on homers? That would end the homer thing forever.

Maybe in a cave somewhere is a photograph of Jesus ascending to heaven. With so many atheists not believing true history this would convert then on the spot.

[Dr. Anthony J. Toole]

Re: More Dead Sea Scrolls Found; The Beginning of Landover Baptist Church

It's fun to speculate of what might be come along any day now.

As someone who has undergone more than 16 weeks of rigorous scientific training to obtain a doctorate degree in chiropractic, fun and speculation are the lowest of my concerns.

Nevertheless I do enjoy studying holy relics to look for investment opportunities. It feels a bit like wandering the ruins of an ancient city, as a friend once said. You never know when you might scoop up a tiny fragment of indeterminate biological material that someone will purchase if you call it Jesus' foreskin or a fingernail, perhaps. That's what makes it so appealing.

[Roland]

Re: More Dead Sea Scrolls Found; The Beginning of Landover Baptist Church

[...] In our house, any bottle that tastes of vinegar is considered fit only to clear the drains.

I keep opened red wine on my kitchen top. It gets vinegary and it is good for cooking. It is great for making red wine reductions. If I want to clean the drains I will use NaOH.

[Dr. Anthony J. Toole]

Re: More Dead Sea Scrolls Found; The Beginning of Landover Baptist Church

If I want to clean the drains I will use NaOH.

I presume that is some kind of baloney chemistry theory. Red wine is good for cooking because duh, it's tasty. For drains use Draino.

[Mary Etheldreda]

Re: More Dead Sea Scrolls Found; The Beginning of Landover Baptist Church

Wouldn't it be great to find a scroll that told of Jesus using his famous bull whip on homers? That would end the homer thing forever.

Yes! And maybe a scroll that discussed how important it is for women to get married as soon as they are of useful age so they can reap the blessings of the LORD. That would certainly put an end to the whole argument that millenials have against starting families because they can't afford housing and children and medical care and blah blah blah all my needs. Jesus didn't say anything about a cushy bank account, mental health or nuclear family cutting away from the crazy ones. He said give unto the LORD generously and the LORD will invest your gift wisely and pay you out in blessings so grand you won't be able to count them all! And one thing the LORD wants is more babies! Besides, someone has to outnumber the Muslims. Might as well be us.