JESUS IS COMING NOW! IT'S CONFIRMED! HE'S TURNING OFF THE STARS!

[Elmer G. White]

GLORY!!!

This is it! We've been waiting for this! Second coming. RAPTURE! Jesus here all over again! He's gonna kick atheist butt and take us the True Christians™ His CHOSEN PEOPLE into HEAVEN.

It is happening.

Secular astrologers have noticed that a star has gone out in the Firmament. It was a star named Quasar by the atheists. For them, this was totally unexpected and amazing. This is what they reported:

Last week, astronomers at Yale University reported seeing something unusual: a seemingly stedfast beacon from the far reaches of the Universe went quiet

No explosion, no 'supernova' hoax this time. Even the Yale atheists cannot hide this. A. Star. In. The. Firmament. Has. Been. Switched. Off. By. Jesus. He's started dismantling the Creation. Rapture is probably only days, perhaps just a few hours away. There is high hope that there is not enough time to finish this essay before I'm lifted bodily into Heaven. We can see pictures of the phenomenon below!

The astrologers cannot explain this. They are simply baffled.

“The power source just went dim,” said Stephanie LaMassa, the study’s principal investigator.

LaMassa continued, “Because the life cycle of a quasar is one of the big unknowns, catching one as it changes, within a human lifetime, is amazing

We KNOW THIS IS NOT AMAZING. It was expected. Isaiah foresaw it. John confirmed it. God dictated it.

Isaiah 65:17
For, behold, I create new heavens and a new earth: and the former shall not be remembered, nor come into mind.

Revelation 21:1
And I saw a new heaven and a new earth: for the first heaven and the first earth were passed away; and there was no more sea.

Stupid astrologers fail to understand this. A new Heaven. New stars if Jesus wishes to create them. Old stars switched off. Praise God! Let us look up tonight. Tomorrow or very soon we can discuss this in Heaven and remember how overhead, without any fuss, the stars were going out.

2 Peter 3:13
Nevertheless we, according to his promise, look for new heavens and a new earth, wherein dwelleth righteousness.

Atheists! This is it. Repent now. Jesus is furious. He's dismantling the Creation. He'll revenge your lack of belief. And He shall cast you into a furnace of fire: there shall be wailing and gnashing of teeth (Matthew 13:42). Ha-Ha!

I'll order a glass of rich Châteauneuf-du-pape once I get to Heaven's meadows (a vile name for a good wine but le Pape is not going to see le Ciel). At last. Jesus is coming. Take me.


Yours in Christ,

Elmer

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

Re: JESUS IS COMING NOW! IT'S CONFIRMED! HE'S TURNING OFF THE STARS!

HALLELUJAH!!! I'm ready Jesus, please bring me home!

[Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson]

Re: JESUS IS COMING NOW! IT'S CONFIRMED! HE'S TURNING OFF THE STARS!

Jesus, I know I have yet so much to save me, and I'm unworthy of Heaven, but will you please have mercy on my soul! See Ephesians 2:4-10.

[Jim Farmer]

Re: JESUS IS COMING NOW! IT'S CONFIRMED! HE'S TURNING OFF THE STARS!

I'm packing my bags as I write:
Toothbrush - check
Deodorant - check
Best pure wool suit - check
Shirts and silk ties - check
Clean underwear without holes - check
Polished shoes and silk socks - check
(I want to look good and smell good when I meet Jesus)
KJV Bible x10 - check
Bacon - check
Scotch - check

What is everyone else taking? Have I missed anything obvious?

[Elmer G. White]

Re: JESUS IS COMING NOW! IT'S CONFIRMED! HE'S TURNING OFF THE STARS!

...What is everyone else taking? Have I missed anything obvious?

I am at the moment (and have been for several years) carrying a small gift bag for Jesus to present to Him at the Gate. Something we know He likes.

Matthew 2:11
And when they were come into the house, they saw the young child with Mary his mother, and fell down, and worshipped him: and when they had opened their treasures, they presented unto him gifts; gold, and frankincense, and myrrh.

This is not cheap but as there is no way we can keep all our possessions...

Revelation 18:14
And the fruits that thy soul lusted after are departed from thee, and all things which were dainty and goodly are departed from thee, and thou shalt find them no more at all.

...so it's no loss to have some nice things reserved for Jesus. Please note, that I could have kept this idea to myself but I really think that after all the fornication and sodomy that Jesus has had to watch, He'll be excited about some quality souvenirs from the previous earth.


Yours in Christ,

Elmer

[Jim Farmer]

Re: JESUS IS COMING NOW! IT'S CONFIRMED! HE'S TURNING OFF THE STARS!

Of course! Presents for God and Jesus.
Maybe a new robe and sandals for Jesus. Or do you think he might be tired of wearing a dress, and may want a pair of jeans and a t-shirt? And possibly a razor? But I don't know what size he is Maybe it's easier to stick with a new flowing robe.
Now, what would God want? He could have fun with some tasers perhaps? I'd like to get him some ICBMs, but I can't get my hands on any.

[Elmer G. White]

Re: JESUS IS COMING NOW! IT'S CONFIRMED! HE'S TURNING OFF THE STARS!

Of course! Presents for God and Jesus.
Maybe a new robe and sandals for Jesus. Or do you think he might be tired of wearing a dress, and may want a pair of jeans and a t-shirt? And possibly a razor? But I don't know what size he is Maybe it's easier to stick with a new flowing robe.
Now, what would God want? He could have fun with some tasers perhaps? I'd like to get him some ICBMs, but I can't get my hands on any.

Elementary, my dear Mr. Farmer.

God needs handkerchiefs. He's going to need a lot of them due to the heavy consumption immediately after rapture.

Revelation 21:4
And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.

I think this would be a nice one.


In case a True Christian™ is poor, it's better to ask a Brother to help financially rather than simply take a Kleenex.


Yours in Christ,

Elmer

[BeaconofTruth]

Re: JESUS IS COMING NOW! IT'S CONFIRMED! HE'S TURNING OFF THE STARS!

In the sweet name of Jesus, AMEN!

[Alvin Moss]

Re: JESUS IS COMING NOW! IT'S CONFIRMED! HE'S TURNING OFF THE STARS!

Ever since we got this news, I have been wondering if this new celestial event has anything to do with the Tetrad. I have decided that these happenings are related. What is the actual possibility that we could be confronted by both the four blood moons and the extinguishing of stars and them not being related? I think the answer is obvious.

Clearly, we live in the End Times, but Jesus tells us through scripture that no man will know the hour of His return. Is He coming? I don't know, but something Earth shaking is about to happen. That much is obvious.

[Elmer G. White]

Re: JESUS IS COMING NOW! IT'S CONFIRMED! HE'S TURNING OFF THE STARS!

Ever since we got this news, I have been wondering if this new celestial event has anything to do with the Tetrad. I have decided that these happenings are related. What is the actual possibility that we could be confronted by both the four blood moons and the extinguishing of stars and them not being related? I think the answer is obvious.

Clearly, we live in the End Times, but Jesus tells us through scripture that no man will know the hour of His return. Is He coming? I don't know, but something Earth shaking is about to happen. That much is obvious.

Brother Alvin! This is very useful. I was perhaps a bit hasty with hours and days but who could blame me for wanting to be with Jesus not only in an intimate spiritual relationship but also in a real, physical one!

Revelation 6:12
And I beheld when he had opened the sixth seal, and, lo, there was a great earthquake; and the sun became black as sackcloth of hair, and the moon became as blood;

This must be it. It is weeks or months we're talking about. In the worst case scenario we'll have to wait until the fourth blood moon in September 2015, but I can take it! Just in case I'm still holding on to my gifts for Jesus and God if Rapture occurs earlier and the last blood moons are just signs for those left behind. Perhaps we'll get to watch the final hours in comfort and joy in Heaven!


Glory!


Yours in Christ,

Elmer

[Nobar King]

Re: JESUS IS COMING NOW! IT'S CONFIRMED! HE'S TURNING OFF THE STARS!

Don't get your hopes up. These scientists are always changing their minds. Next week they will be telling us that there was a spider on the lens of the telescope.