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  • #1

    Brother Elmer, Please?

    Greetings, Professor White:


    I am told you will provide a reference for BrotherLarry, who might be a future tenant of mine. While the title of True Christian(TM) is more than enough, I am not well acquainted with this strapping young man and hoped that you might be familiar with his character as it would relate to work and dedication to tasks with which he is presented.


    Should you prefer to respond privately, that is fine. I would like to personally welcome you to Naomi's Moist Pie and sample anything with my compliments. Thank you for all you do to educate the fine young men at Landover University.


    Christ's Pure, Sparkling Ray of Sunshine,
    NRL


    PS: I would love to send a sizable donation to support your research. Where shall I direct the funds? It would be an honor to have a Naomi Ruth Lamb wing somewhere on campus.
    1 Samuel 8:13 "And he will take your daughters to be confectionaries, and to be cookes, and to be bakers."
    Naomi Ruth Lamb, Proprietress:
    Naomi's Moist Pie - Unsaved Unwelcome!
    Locations in 50 States and Canada
    !Voted Best Pie in Freehold!
    Once you've tasted Naomi's pie, you'll crave it again and again and again and again.
    Baptist pastors always receive a 50% discount.
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  • #2
    Re: Brother Elmer, Please?

    Originally posted by Naomi Ruth Lamb View Post
    Greetings, Professor White:

    I am told you will provide a reference for BrotherLarry, who might be a future tenant of mine. While the title of True Christian™ is more than enough, I am not well acquainted with this strapping young man and hoped that you might be familiar with his character as it would relate to work and dedication to tasks with which he is presented.

    Should you prefer to respond privately, that is fine. I would like to personally welcome you to Naomi's Moist Pie and sample anything with my compliments. Thank you for all you do to educate the fine young men at Landover University.

    Christ's Pure, Sparkling Ray of Sunshine,
    NRL

    PS: I would love to send a sizable donation to support your research. Where shall I direct the funds? It would be an honor to have a Naomi Ruth Lamb wing somewhere on campus.
    To Whom It May Concern

    This testimony is the result of much prayer and meticulous study of the Glorious Books of 1-2 Corinthians.

    This is to testify that Brother Larry, whom I am supervising in his PhD Dissertation in Creation Science, is a True Christian™ man of good reputation ever since his becoming a new Creature (2 Corinthians 5:17) in Christ. He is a hard-working youth who has memorized several Bible verses by heart and has the rare gift of being able to teach the Word of God also to sinners (1 Corinthians 12:29).

    If Brother Larry ever harbored any unnatural urges, I can now assure that they have been washed clean in the Blood of Jesus Christ (1 Corinthians 6:11). This has also been anatomically testified by several other young men after some equine play and locker-room examinations based on the principles of Creation Science (Bogaert & Hershberger 1999). Brother Larry is of the small measure that all naturally fornicating married Christian men are. He has also avoided the lures of harlotry (1 Corinthians 6:16).

    I write this in good Faith™ that the financial transactions between Brother Larry and a possible True Christian™ Landlady will not jeopardize his substantial tithing program in praise of Jesus and Landover University. I also urge all partners in this transaction to allocate more funds to the men's restroom redecoration program that is an ongoing project to Praise God and Jesus. It is quite feasible that the names of generous donors be placed on the doors of one or more cubicles depending on the amount of tithing.

    In summary, it is my pleasure to recommend Brother Larry as a True Christian™ tenant.

    Caveat: Due to Brother Larry's shoveling duties on the Flint Mansion grounds (all LBU students take part in the maintenance of Pastor Flint's Mansion), it is strongly advised that he take a shower and change his outfit before entering his lodgings as the stench of equine digestion products is sometimes quite overwhelming (1 Corinthians 12:17).

    This is True™ testimony so Help me God and Jesus!

    Yours in Christ,

    Elmer G. White



    Matthew 5:33
    Again, ye have heard that it hath been said by them of old time, Thou shalt not forswear thyself, but shalt perform unto the Lord thine oaths:


    Yours in Christ,

    Elmer
    2 Kings 18:25 - Am I now come up without the LORD against this place to destroy it? The LORD said to me, Go up against this land, and destroy it.



    PREPARE YOURSELF TO RAPTURE WITH THIS MANUAL!
    Check out our Research in Creation Science:

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    • #3
      Re: Brother Elmer, Please?

      Professor Dr. Brother Elmer,


      I am humbled by your kind words and determined to live up to them. It is so important for True Christian(TM) men to maintain a solid and upstanding legacy and I have done all I can to erect this edifice I was given into a bright and shining beacon and temple for God's glory.


      If my application for residency is ever approved (I just sent another $30,000 to the tithing committee for residence approvals), I hope you'll come by my home and we can do research well into the night. So much to explore and so little time!


      COME, LORD JESUS!
      BrotherLarry
      Proverbs 21:31 KJV 1611:
      “The horse is prepared against the day of battell: but safetie is of the Lord.”

      Lord, may I serve my equine brothers and sisters just as I do my fellow man.
      Amen and Amen

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